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Is it this guy? Gold extraction a speciality.
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Gold in sewage?
I'm guessing the ex might be gold mining....
Unbalanced friendship boundaries never go well. Firsthand experience of that.
Apparently its not possible for a guy to have a friend who is female - let alone a best friend.
Oh - Rachel you bought a BMW! šÆ
A proper reaction would've been a Kawasaki - take note for next time š
I think they've both been guilty of urine extraction...
So the OP has been with this girl for 15 yrs, more than some people are married.
For one side of the equation to loose interest it is very rarely just their fault, in fact it is never just 1 persons fault. OP have you really looked at yourself to see where you have failed in the relationship?
To me it doesn't sound like OP wants to stay with gf any how, he certainly doesn't want to fight for it.
What film did she go and see?
Did she have any thoughts on whether Lenardo deserved the Oscar? Or whether it was as though they felt an obligation to finally give him one? So to speak
Frankenstein, you said:-
Claims that she doesn't need anyone but me but now she said she doesn't need me anymore.
And:-
She won't contact me as she's stubborn and I don't think she cares anymore TBH but sent me a text saying I was looking for a way out and trapping her. I'm in no way controlling, ironically it was her who decided who my friends are.
It sounds to me like she is the one looking for a way out without having the guts to be honest with you but is using this guy as leverage.
Whatever way I think you have done the right thing. Personally I wouldn't stand for my GF having the level of intimate contact that she is having with this other guy which can only go one way I think. He's obviously like a dog on heat that she is paying him any sort of attention and will be 'in like Flynn' given half a chance.
If you need any more grist for the mill imagine the long telephone conversations she is now having with chummy complaining about how her boyfriend doesn't understand her.
You're well off out of it. Be strong and move on.
A proper reaction would've been a Kawasaki - take note for next time
Well, I am looking to upgrade it to another BMW, but one with 160bhp š
Rachel
Apparently its not possible for a guy to have a friend who is female - let alone a best friend.
Sadly a lot of people of both sexes think this is true.
I have a similar number of male and female friends. I mostly know the husband's or partners of my female friends, sometime we'll all meet up sometimes it can just be two of us which never seems like a problem for anyone. I never realised that this might be unusual behaviour until the advent of social media and the glimpses that it allows into other peoples lives.
For me the reason to end the relationship wouldn't be just the fact she went to the cinema with another bloke, rather the simple reason that if she cares so little for the OP's feelings that she expects him to put up with that behaviour then she doesn't really deserve his attention in the first place.
Well he bought her chocolates yesterday.
This is what I find most shocking. That any man in this day and age would think the way to a woman's heart is to buy her chocolates? In fact it so ludicrous that it probably proves the innocence of his intentions. TBH if Mrs Daz was given chocolates by a male friend I reckon I'd just take the p*ss out of her rather than chuck her out.
PS. Good luck by the way. I hope it all ends for the best.
What chocolates were they?
A proper reaction would've been a Kawasaki - take note for next time
Well, I am looking to upgrade it to another BMW, but one with 160bhp ?Rachel
R or XR ?
I bought an XR recently š
What chocolates were they?
The OP did state that the gentleman in question was 'older' and worked in Gold extraction so this seems the natural choice:
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bazzer - XR š
All Gold's - my granny used to eat them.
All Gold's - my granny used to eat them.
Probably a present from her "neighbour" š
All Gold's - my granny used to eat them.
Funnily enough my mum's neighbour gets her a box of all gold every christmas. Wonder if I need to get used to the idea of calling him dad?
allthegear - Have you ridden one yet ?
An ex did the "no female friends" thing to me. Didn't say it outright but got very annoyed and accused me of cheating at pretty much any contact. I remember when a girl I'd been friends with since infant school offered me a lift to her boyfriends house (all in the same friendship group, going round there for his 21st birthday drinks/party, his parents, relatives and other friends were all there) as she was driving past my front door to get there. I ended up in trouble because we were obviously going to get up to no good during the 5 minute drive.
It was probably all projection as she'd worked her way through pretty much all of her male colleagues by the time we broke up, while acting like I was the one doing something wrong. She probably assumed I was doing the same things she was (I wasn't).
It may very well have not got that far, or all be completely innocent on her part in this case but it's still unreasonable for her to set one lot of rules for you that she doesn't follow herself.
The liquiour one was always nice.
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I think it was this?
bazzer - Member
allthegear - Have you ridden one yet ?
Plenty apparently š
Its a BMW though Rachel šÆ a BMW....
CharlieMungus - Member
Gold in sewage?
Gold in sewage: http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE50T56120090130
What chocolates were they?
Starfish?
OP, my 2 cents. The other guy is definiteoy trying it on and you ex GF should be aware enough to realise that. As such she's playing her part in the deception. Its time for a break and if she ready to come back with a proper apology and a better explanation than its your fault then perhaps you can think of a reconsiliation. As for wasting 10 years better to find out now than in another 10.
Good luck.
Now, now Hammy!
Mind you. I do fancy getting my leg over an Italian in the near future, just to try a bit of the other sideā¦
Rachel
Now, now Hammy!Mind you. I do fancy getting my leg over an Italian in the near future, just to try a bit of the other sideā¦
Rachel
Haha I have a Tuono APRC too, if I had to give one the boot the German would be out the door š
Sadly a lot of people of both sexes think this is true.I have a similar number of male and female friends. I mostly know the husband's or partners of my female friends, sometime we'll all meet up sometimes it can just be two of us which never seems like a problem for anyone.
I never used to worry about this at all and had never even heard of an emotional affair until recently, but now I don't know what to think - feel a bit weird about having good female friends sometimes now but then I tend to overthink everything!
The physical boundaries are pretty obvious with a friend of the opposite sex (or whatever sex(es) you happen to be into i suppose) but emotional/conversational stuff can be more of a grey area IMO. If you're quite comfortable around someone and quite good mates you can potentially get into talking about stuff that might not be appropriate or sensible or might be seen as having a bit of a subtext, even if not deliberately. I'm generally quite an open person with my emotions etc with men or women I feel comfortable around but I think that has to have its limits.
I have no doubt that the relationship was doomed. Just as well for all involved it is over. But the question was whether or not kicking her out was unreasonable. I think it would have been reasonable to discuss things with her. Explain your dissatisfaction and agree to separate or let her know you could no longer continue the relationship. Split up? Yes reasonable. Kick her out? No, not reasonable
Think yourselves lucky - an ex gf of mine was convinced I was flirting with people of both sexes and a few in between. Gets very difficult to talk to anyone under those circumstances!
Rachel
Was it this guy?
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Bet he is Toight like a Toiger. š
On a serious note OP, if what you say is true, she sounds like an insecure fruitloop. Playing games, different rules, manipulative behavior, attention seeking and insecurity are massive red flags in any women. You'll be glad you got out whilst you did.
On a serious note OP, if what you say is true, she sounds like an insecure fruitloop. Playing games, different rules, manipulative behavior, attention seeking and insecurity are massive red flags in any[b]one[/b]. You'll be glad you got out whilst you did.
FTFY
Rachel x
another perspective?
10 year old relationship going a bit stale.. gold merchant rocks up and offers a finger of fudge..
Gift horse?
konabunny - Member
What chocolates were they?
Starfish?
How rude!
š
Maybe she "lightened up".....
maltesers?
Think
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But lower...
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Should have gone with salty liquorice FTW.
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[img] http://img2.thejournal.ie/inline/1186144/original/?width=437&version=1186144 [/img]
She sounds like the sort who manipulates you into being the one in the wrong. Imagine you had a kid together and she twisted events in a break up.
I'm a born cynic
If she's eaten out, long conversations etc he's test ridden the goods already.
I am not normally one for smut but do you wish to rephrase that Hora?
If she's eaten out
šÆ
Oof
8)
If she's eaten out, long conversations etc he's test ridden the goods already.
I've eaten out with two attractive and intelligent women in the last month without wanting to "ride the goods". They've both been friends for several years and as usual were fun, interesting and all round good company. We covered a range of topics which for one of them included her current relationship.
[Sheldon Cooper voice] There was no coitus [/Sheldon Cooper voice]
It is possible.
MW you are one of those harmless testoreone-free male friends. š
Every sexually active male checks and grades every woman subconsciously..
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We covered a range of topics which for one of them included her current relationship.
Verging into the territory of potential inappropriateness - IMO. And I do mean potential.
I've eaten out with two attractive and intelligent women in the last month without wanting to "ride the goods". They've both been friends for several years and as usual were fun, interesting and all round good company.
So you find them attractive and engaging etc - is there not a tiny part of you that wonders if you are not getting some kind of attention/pleasure from them that is not just purely about being friends?
MW you are one of those harmless testoreone-free male friends.
Maybe. I've never broached the subject, but then i wouldn't ask a male friend why do you like me, it would be pretty weird either way around.
Verging into the territory of potential inappropriateness - IMO. And I do mean potential.
I agree it could be iffy. I've known her for around 20 years and although we'll email each other more often we probably only meet in person once or twice a year so there is inevitably a bit of "what you up to?", "What's your new fella like?" type stuff. She is a good friend that seems to go from one dead end relationship to another and the conversation was more in hope that she'd found someone that might last this time.
Rule of thumb:
1. If you are not married or have children after being together for more than 3 years the relationship is doomed.
2. Going out alone with an opposite sex as friend is bound to complicate matters.
3. If I have a one to one (a bit like a date I suppose) with opposite sex, while being respectful during conversation, my mind is constantly stripping her naked and going through all the Karma Sutra positions. My mind is focusing on "banging" ... š
4. If your partner is seeing someone very rich then someone might be a "prostitute".
5. Complaining about being bored while in a relationship is a sign of potential problems ahead or incompatibility coz you still don't understand each other.
6. If you are still not having children by the time you reach 40 year old with your partner then your chances of a happy family slowly diminishes. (even when both decide not to have children)
šÆ
best thing you can do is become mates with the guy, it would be a double kick in her teeth and box
On the upside, these threads are always useful for outing the Neanderthals and halfwits.
... they do tend to go downhill fast if the OP leaves them unattended for more than 5 seconds š
Cougar - Moderator
On the upside, these threads are always useful for outing the Neanderthals and halfwits.
Ya, plenty of them about innit!
I call them ZM! š
Didn't know they were your initials Chewkw.
So you find them attractive and engaging etc - is there not a tiny part of you that wonders if you are not getting some kind of attention/pleasure from them that is not just purely about being friends?
I certainly find them engaging otherwise i wouldn't want to spend time with them at all, I find my male friends engaging too, without that you're just two bored people sharing the same space. I added the comment about them being attractive in my post to preemptively counter the seemingly accepted belief that you can't be friends with someone you think is attractive.
Whether i gain any satisfaction purely from the idea that they want to by in my company as some kind of personal flattery or a 'power up' for my ego is an interesting idea. It's not something that i'd really thought about until you posed the question and It's probably not something i could answer off the cuff as it would need a fair bit of thought to reach any sort of honest conclusion, but I guess it's is possible on some level even if it's not a conscious one.
hammyuk - Member
Didn't know they were your initials Chewkw.
That's me trademark! š
It's copyright! 
I've missed this thread earlier.
I was out the other evening at the theatre with my best friends wife.
Had a great evening, nothing going whatsoever.
PePPeR - Member
I was out the other evening at the theatre with my best friends wife.Had a great evening, nothing going whatsoever.
Oh dear ... šÆ
(must monitor ... coz "I told you so" ...)
Cougar behave ! Once the OP has had the answer (numerous posters agreeing) a topic can then turn to fun.
Cougar - Moderator
You do know that is Arnold Rimmer don't you?
You do know what the crew members think of Rimmer don't you? š
hora - Member
Cougar behave ! Once the OP has had the answer (numerous posters agreeing) a topic can then turn to fun.
S/he does not get it ... š
S/he does not know when it is serious and when it is fun time.
Speaking in "1011011011011100000111 ..." can be confusing ... š
Cougar behave ! Once the OP has had the answer (numerous posters agreeing) a topic can then turn to fun.
I'm having fun already, dunno what you and your 1970s attitude to women are doing.
(-:
You do know what the crew members think of Rimmer don't you?
He's a total SMMEEEEEEEE....
70's? It's 60's maaaan 8)
Cougar - Moderator
Cougar behave ! Once the OP has had the answer (numerous posters agreeing) a topic can then turn to fun.
I'm having fun already, dunno what you and your 1970s attitude to women are doing.(-:
I thought 60s has more fun? No? šÆ
S/he does not get it ...
"He," FYI.
Cougar - Moderator
S/he does not get it ...
"He," FYI.
D'oh! š
Someones having fun
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We've been had!
I only look at these threads to see what hora and chewkw's views are........... entertaining that's what they are š
Hi,
This is a serious post.
Update: She told me that she banned me from having female friends as she didn't want to lose me and that she would not want to ruin our relationship by going to the movies and dinner if she knew it would come to this.
Also blamed me for telling her to make friends and she is not interested in him.
Ball is in my court now. Maybe I need to cool down and arrange a relationship councillor if I want to save it. Thing is I am sure I want to go through all this again.
Thanks for the serious advice.
And no thanks for the stalkers.
I'm really confused.
Hi,This is a serious post.
Care to explain the posting history you have of breakup's and multi-dates a day?
Ah, we've been had š³
Although this quote on the OP does sum things up nicely for me courtesy of iDave...
are you 12?