Your dating rules

Being honest is generally right in most situations. Applies here too🤷‍♂️

Yeah now I've tapped it out makes perfect sense, there's occasion when I'm blind sided by something in this area so wanted to grab a few opinions

I met someone nice, one of the very first things I said to her was "the last thing I want right now is a serious relationship" for not dissimilar reasons to yourself. A couple of years later we were buying a house together.

Just be upfront, that way no-one gets hurt.

I remember you saying that on a previous thread Cougar, it had stuck in my head.

I've checked with MrsMC, and my dating rule is "Don't!". 🤷‍♂️

Be nice, be honest and be faithful.

No one from work.

Someone who likes cycling, but more importantly someone who cycles at the same pace as you!

Ignore age gaps. 10 years is nowt.

If you like your own space, make sure they know that from the off.

Avoid narcissists & emotional leeches.

No Tories.

Work out what your boundaries are as well.
I've just split up with someone really nice because she's decided she wants another kid.
Wouldn't entertain it with her ex. Because he's a bit of a dick.
But she now wants another kid, with me, because (apparently) I'm not a dick. But one of my hard boundaries is no more kids, I've already got two, and I'm nearly 50.

So I've done what would appear to be a dick move and split up with her as she's really quite keen.

Can't win either way.

No Louise

Solid rules RB!

Yeah, luckily a kit if the apps now allow you to tag 'have kids dont want more' which is useful to know from the off.

I totally missed the Louise thread at the time, is it still knocking about?

What’s the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right? 

I've just got back into dating this last year. I'd agree with most of that, especially rule 1 and being open and honest. Not quite about leaving it to them if it feels right. If things are feeling right for you communicate this. Holding back to long can end up with you missing the boat. Life's to short (at my age anyway 😂) to waste time being coy.

I quite like this as general rules, but there is a key relationship rule at the end

The six rules of life.
1. Don't like something just because you think other people will like it, because they won't.
2. What you think is important isnt. What you think is unimportant is.
3. Lean into it.
4. Don't shit where you eat.
5. Most doors are closed so if you want them to open you need a cool knock.
6. Don't sleep with people who have more problems than you do.

RustySpanner
Full Member

Be nice, be honest and be faithful.

No one from work.

Someone who likes cycling, but more importantly someone who cycles at the same pace as you!

Ignore age gaps. 10 years is nowt.

If you like your own space, make sure they know that from the off.

Avoid narcissists & emotional leeches.

No Tories.

100% I have this. Been together now for 24 years and married since 2006, kids (heavy going twin boys with neurodiverse needs). Still head over heels, as a family and separate we do lots of activities and fun stuff.

We are a real team with chores and kids. She has gone for bigger jobs and I have taken time out to look after my boys when needs be.

I am super tidy and organised, and she is happy to be organised by me.

I jokingly always say ‘always knew she would outstrip my earnings’ but it was and us true. I am not massively career motivated but with her support I have come good. I wouldn’t be as successful if it wasn’t for my wife.

I make us spend money, she hesitates. She would rather spend cash on bikes rather than new wardrobes - true story

Not religious but think god likes me sometimes.

Oh she is faster than me on a bike. We met rowing, and she loves all things bikes.

I've been back dating for around 18months, clearly not been successful so far 😀

At first it was good for validation after being left after a long relationship, I'd juggle multiple dates to make sure I had something to do other than being at home alone.  But i found thats not sustainable, well for me at least.

So I'm trying to not match with multiple people, two at most, and once it gets to a successful second date then I need to make a decision.

To be honest, I've had lots a good first dates, but not had the energy to take it further, which suggests the spark isn't there...

Main thing is being honest with people even if it is hard to let someone down, it's better than ghosting them.

I'm having a break from dating, 1month date free so far 😀, suspect I'll weaken at some point this week when the kids go to their mum.  But have a new bike so may be able to resist swiping right.

I guess it is fairly simple, stick to rule 1, be open and don't sweat it!

And definitely agree with No Tories, careful, some folk change their political leanings from tory to moderate, I presume when the realise they are not getting many matches!

Don’t put your fingers any where you wouldn’t put the old man.
Apologies that’s power tools. I’m still married by some fluke.

As someone who decide to pull my finger out after being a widowed over 3 years ago, I have been thrust into the new to me world of internet dating.

I made sure my profile was honest, the pictures were bang up to date and any chats in the dating site system were honest and open. It was a really life affirming thing that I was almost overwhelmed with offers!

Went on 10 initial dates (neutral place at my age for me was garden centre cafe's or slightly posh cafe') and then if either felt a further date was on then perhaps a pub meal or a not to flash restaurant.

I made sure all those I was seeing knew I was  talking/meeting up with others just to understand how I felt about how the whole situation.

Very quickly I had 2 that really were keen on me and I on one of them. So now myself and the lady in question are very much an item and planning lots of fun stuff for next year. We both know its early days but have connected in so many ways it’s like we have known each other or should have known each other for decades.

As for rules:

1. Honesty
2. No dick/fanny pictures
3. Honesty
4. Be open
5. Honesty
6. Listen
7. Honesty
8. Don't bring sex up too early (Tinder excepted I'm led to believe)
9. Honesty
10. Make each other laugh
11. Honesty
12. Take it steady
13. Honesty
14. Have fun
15. Honesty

I could type more but I’ve got a wonderful woman on WhatsApp who deserves more attention than you lot 😉

“No-one from work” is a strangely modern thing isn’t it? Back before apps, nights out or flirting at work were the best ways to meet the opposite sex! Can’t imagine how you’d chat someone up at work now, without being dragged to HR.

Online and apps are bloody horrible in comparison.
Guess my main rule is, if they are rubbish at chatting online (ie, short answers, no questions in reply) ditch em.
Also, in late 50s, physical attraction isn’t everything… you usually have to work at getting to know someone.
I do have one more - advice from other people is pointless. When it comes to dating relationships everyone is different! 😂

Ta Mr Overshoot.  gives me hope!

I'm terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61

depends on how old you are, I got back into dating when i was 39, found most of the dates had no time for pussy footing around and, well ahem, at the time I was quite into that myself after being with the same person before for 20 years. if you're younger i'd say your dates will be much more receptive to taking things slower

And 39 is VERY different from 59!

And 39 is VERY different from 59!

Well, 55 now and it's not that different, but then I'm now in a great relationship which is usually when you get the most attention weirdly.

I got quite addicted to adrenalin rush of first dates, I had the chat down so well I came across as very confident so got lots of offers for 2nd dates but I'd already moved on!

I can see now that was Not pleasant for the dates but I wasn't in a good place myself at the time. Took me 2 years to get that "kid in a sweet shop" mentality out of my system.

So I'd say don't do what I did and taking it slow is the best policy for everyone. You will find some if your dates will also have that sweet shop mentality too though.

I’m terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61

No rush, I was widowed at 60, took me 2 years to even think about it. You'll know when your ready.

tjagain

Ta Mr Overshoot. gives me hope!

I’m terrified by the whole concept being newly single at 61

Just send us a PM and I can give you a bit more advice that I'm not posting up on here! But don't rush anything.

Well, 55 now and it’s not that different

Ok, for [i]me[/i] it's VERY different. As I said earlier, no 2 people are the same when it comes to relationships, so no point arguing, or even discussing it tbh.

I've had about 4 dates in 12 years (give or take) so my dating rules are:

Don't use your real name
Pay in cash

😉

I agree with Rocketdog. At 57 I don't think my basic want's for life have changed since I was 37?

Also, in late 50s, physical attraction isn’t everything… you usually have to work at getting to know someone.

To a degree I would say yes but it still counts for something even this Big Bear

Hearty congrats Mr O. 🙂

I assume you're going to be busy this year, but please let us know if you fancy meeting up with Sue and I this year (nothing dodgy, we'll be in the Burnley Chateu, no pressure).

On the apps you see a lot of 'I want a guy who knows what they want' and thinking about it I get this, I think for a large number of fellers it's almost hardwired in to sleep with as many people as possible (due to any number of reasons at any given time in their life) and continuing with massive generalisations a small percentage of women are looking for some short term fun, but the numbers are maybe 60% on one side compared to 5-10% on the other?? Making the whole experience a right muddle as even if you're getting on great on those first dates it takes a huge amount of confidence to set your stall out from the get go.

There's a couple of people I've met lately and internally your thinking this could be fun to see where it goes, but on the other side you know full well deep down that it's definitely not long term, so I think the safest bet is again abide by rule 1 and either have that convo and be completely open from the start, or leave it at date 1/2 and move on, anything in between is being a dick.

It is really tricky though as that thing about not dating people at work* goes, those feelings can take months to fully develop and show which fits work to a tee, do that in a none work/scenario and it's back to endless will they/wont they effort.

*Other less troublesome long-term social groups may be available.

But thanks for the advice, I think I'm on the right track.

If anyone is looking to use apps in the new year, make sure you take decent good quality pics of yourself, I spent years matching with a handful of people, new pics uploaded this year have really shown what works and what does not, just a crisp image in nice scenary ain't a bad start.

Don't date anyone more than an hours drive away.

RustySpanner

Hearty congrats Mr O. 🙂

I assume you’re going to be busy this year, but please let us know if you fancy meeting up with Sue and I this year (nothing dodgy, we’ll be in the Burnley Chateu, no pressure).

Anytime Pete as at the moment until Mr Taxman takes a break I'm a man of no real plans, well apart from the lovely Debbie that is 🙂

jekkyl

Don’t date anyone more than an hours drive away.

Possibly or less than 10 minutes away?

Not rules but mine is 50 lives 20 works. this is the same person BTW 🙂

1st question:
So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last week…
Also useful in job interviews, by either side.

I love it when STW goes dating. My rules

1. don't date people who make lists.
2. don't date people who have v specific requirements, must be male, must be over 180cm, must be single, that sort of stuff. ergh, total turn off
3. Go on dates, say yes to everything
4. If your not shagging by date 3, what are doing? dump them, immediately
5. don't accept puppies/kittens etc as gifts
6. DO NOT be honest. EVER. No one needs that shit in their lives
7. If it's not happening after date 1. Ghost them
8. Do not take dating advice from people in long term relationships, they suck.

Noted Emsz, that's the kick up the arse I needed 😀

What is rule 1?

What is rule 1?

We don't talk about the first rule....

But if this is your first night, you must, date...

Not been on a date for 20years. So very possibly not the person to ask. But I would avoid anyone whose spelling is atrocious. Fries my brain when people either don't know or care about writing something down that's chock full of spelling and grammar errors.

emsz

love it when STW goes dating. My rules

1. don’t date people who make lists.
2. don’t date people who have v specific requirements, must be male, must be over 180cm, must be single, that sort of stuff. ergh, total turn off
3. Go on dates, say yes to everything
4. If your not shagging by date 3, what are doing? dump them, immediately
5. don’t accept puppies/kittens etc as gifts
6. DO NOT be honest. EVER. No one needs that shit in their lives
7. If it’s not happening after date 1. Ghost them
8. Do not take dating advice from people in long term relationships, they suck.

So how long have you been in your relationship Emsz 😉

The six rules of life.
1. Don’t like something just because you think other people will like it, because they won’t.
2. What you think is important isnt. What you think is unimportant is.
3. Lean into it.
4. Don’t shit where you eat.
5. Most doors are closed so if you want them to open you need a cool knock.
6. Don’t sleep with people who have more problems than you do.

Can't disagree with points 1-5, but by the very nature of the problem and it taking 2 to tango, one party is by very definition going to have more problems than the other... 🤷🏻‍♂️

That said... Always try to make sure it's you that has the most problems, and if it's them, don't not sleep with them (sex with mentally unstable people is usually incredible in my experience!), just remove any emotion from it so you don't get drawn in for a repeat performance or expect too much... This is where I went wrong for a decade or more...

@emsz... 😂 Class! 👍🏻

1st question:
So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last week…

You want to have worked that shit out before you turn up for a 1st date, messages or whatsapp... Don't disagree with the sentiment though, but I'd be furious with myself for not doing the prep that allowed me to turn up to a date with someone with such a fundamental flaw in their character in the first place!

I met someone nice, one of the very first things I said to her was “the last thing I want right now is a serious relationship” for not dissimilar reasons to yourself. A couple of years later we were buying a house together.

11 months mate... I know this isn't a game of Top Trumps, but beat that! 😂 Seriously though... We were both in a situation where we needed more stable accommodation, we both knew what we wanted, we had fallen head over heels in love for each other and we were ready for the next step... The pisser was that 2 weeks after putting the offer in on the house, she got diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer and would need a hysterectomy pronto... So spent the next few months nursing her back to health (blessing in disguise that it took 3 1/2 months to complete on the house to be honest, she was on her feet and helping out again by that time) and generally just being there for her. 4 years later, she's returned the favour nursing me through Bowel Cancer, so we have quite a bond now!

I would avoid anyone whose spelling is atrocious. Fries my brain when people either don’t know or care about writing something down that’s chock full of spelling and grammar errors.

Your opinion on this will change for the right person... Mine has! My first serious GF was an Oxford English Literature graduate, I'm not ashamed to say her grasp of the English language was a massive turn on. Subsequent GF's were all very smart, English graduates for the mostpart again, other languages thrown in too. My current GF should have been picked up as dyslexic at school, but never was. Her spelling is patchy, her grammar often pretty atrocious! You know what though... She's the nicest, most lovely person I have ever met, and I wouldn't be without her. She's not thick, not by a long stretch, just struggles with English language a bit, and though she frustrates me at times I know she is trying and I understand that her redeeming qualities far outweigh my my prior prejudices to people that can speak the Queen's (King's?!?!) English perfectly...

I’ve had about 4 dates in 12 years (give or take) so my dating rules are:

Don’t use your real name
Pay in cash

And pretend you don't speak English when her pimp turns up yeah...? 🤔😉

What’s the etiquette to maintain rule 1 here? Just be open and honest and say your taking things slowly, not looking to rush things or annoy anyone and leave it to them if it feels right? That was going to be my approach anyway

I don't think that's a bad approach... Being up front and honest about your intentions will serve you well in the longer run. No point saying you're looking for something serious when you're not, you'll get found out in no time. Also you would attract the wrong types!

I'll be honest here, I have had some dating disasters in the past and I've also met some amazing women in my time too. Some of those relationships have worked out, some haven't. But they have helped shape me into the person I am today too... But if there had to be one rule I could apply it would be thus...

-No living under the same roof as their ex.

Honestly, you'd be surprised how often this is still the case. Sometimes because of an honest breakup and they haven't had the chance to sell the house yet, but often far more involved. I was seeing this one girl for a while many years ago, she still lived with her ex, fobbed me off that it was over and she was moving on etc... Turned out she was just a bit of a player, and in my experience, women tend to be more proactively promiscuous in relationships than men are (men are often more honest when they are doing it)... My current relationship? Well, after 3 dates and it being clear I really liked her, I found out something horrendous... Her (soon to be) ex-husband was pleading poverty and dossing at her house having followed her half way across the country, pulling at her kids' heart strings not to kick him out. Turns out he was crashing there for months!

I had to give her an ultimatum to state where I stood for my own sanity... Fortunately I am glad to say, she kicked him out for good within the week, and 5 and a bit years later I am sat next to her on the sofa typing this right now... But had I not made that ultimatum for my own sanity (and about the only time I would ever do so), I worry that things might have been quite different!

If they look nothing like their profile pic make your excuses and leave.

If they won't buy their round - see above.

Be honest with yourself about what you want, and communicate this clearly.

Work out what your red flags are, and don't let lust make you overlook them.

Say at the end of the first date if you do/don't want a second date (everybody works out sooner or later that it's a numbers game, being upfront saves everyone time).

Good luck 🙂

6. Don’t sleep with people who have more problems than you do.

I did. And now she isn’t here anymore, I miss her more than it’s possible to express. Her problems weren’t insurmountable, and a treatment has recently become available on a trial run by the NHS, so everything looked positive. Not sure if I could find anyone who was such a sweet and unassuming person, and not sure if I really want to.

On the back of a few comments from those of later years, I'd add:

Consider what you're looking for. Do you want a new lifetime partner; do you want to just make sure everything downstairs still works; do you want someone for the occasional coffee over a round of Mario Kart?

All of these are valid options. You're not going to be starting a new family at 60, I'd recommend a hamster.

Rule #1.... Don't get caught.

"be honest" negates that.

Dating, I vaguely remember that, it was before the world wide web and the Minitel rose was the nearest thing to a dating app. Rules: an explicit "yes" if an offer/request hadn't already been made by them, a question about contraception and above all, liking them as people.

So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last week…

The Christmas Special was very disappointing.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..or so I read 😀
I'm amazed there's an audience for it tbh

, a question about contraception

This is not enough, if you don't want any more kids have the snip.

All of these are valid options. You’re not going to be starting a new family at 60, I’d recommend a hamster.

I know a couple of guys who thought that.....

from those of later years, I’d add:

Thanks.  "later years" indeed!

I want someone to share adventures with!  A shag would not go amiss either 😉   I ain't ready yet tho and I'm scared of meeting Louise

This is not enough, if you don’t want any more kids have the snip.

Or be old enough your dates are post menaupausal

emsz
Free Member

I love it when STW goes dating. My rules

I suspect you're not fully serious (?), but that was a pretty sound list anyway IMO.

My view is rules are made to be broken, so think of them more as guidelines and just follow your instincts.

Be prepared to learn from mistakes, and steel yourself because it's gonna be emotionally brutal - however stable and well balanced you feel now.

If you're using dating apps, also be prepared to have to put in the hours of chatting and expect a high attrition rate.

Five matches might = one date.
Five first dates might = one second date.
etc. etc.

Don't always judge people on textual chemistry either, if it's great then it's unlikely to be replicated IRL. If it's crap, there can still be a spark when you meet.

Good luck.

-No living under the same roof as their ex.

I had to give her an ultimatum to state where I stood for my own sanity… Fortunately I am glad to say, she kicked him out for good within the week, and 5 and a bit years later I am sat next to her on the sofa typing this right now… But had I not made that ultimatum for my own sanity (and about the only time I would ever do so), I worry that things might have been quite different!

TBH, i don't know if you've realised, but in the last 5 and a half years the cost of living has risen, significantly.
Lot's more people on zero hours contracts. House prices (and rentals) have gone insane in some parts of the country.

There are a good chunk of perfectly dateable and honest women (and, obviously, men) still living with partners that they simply cannot afford to move away from. Us 40-50-60 year old individuals with professional careers and LTV of less than 50% with a mortgage that we took out 15 years ago are lucky, even though it might not seem like it.
Cost me a lot of cash (nearly 6 figures) to buy my ex out of the house. The financial hit hurt me, but i still have a good enough LTV to get a good mortgage rate and an affordable mortgage. And a house big enough to have space for me and the kids.
I've been out with several women who still share a roof with an ex since then, it's *never* been that has been the deal breaker.

Never date a cat owner, they are all batshit mental.

This is not enough, if you don’t want any more kids have the snip.

That won't stop you catching Galloping Knobrot.

If you're going to be paddling in strange water, wear your wellies.

Never date a cat owner, they are all batshit mental.

You got that dead right. My BIL is with one, she’s Harpic. (Clean round the bend)
Nuts. Weird. & turns out she’s not nice either.

“later years” indeed!

I want someone to share adventures with! A shag would not go amiss either 😉

At your age I thought you'd want to have a lie down whilst someone else had one.

At your age I thought you’d want to have a lie down whilst someone else had one.

Bring a younger man and a set of jump leads....

That won’t stop you catching Galloping Knobrot

At least you have the choice to get rid of that with a quick visit to the doctor. You may not get much of a choice about the other "condition".

At least you have the choice to get rid of that with a quick visit to the doctor.

They're not all curable!

I’ve been out with several women who still share a roof with an ex since then, it’s *never* been that has been the deal breaker.

My last girlfriend still shared a house with her husband and all I seemed to hear about was how he didn't pull his weight around the house. It felt like I was dating him as well as her and it dragged me down to a point I had to walk away. There were options, they could have lived more separate lives, but looking back I don't think either of them were really over their relationship. I won't do that again.

1) must not smell (is it asking too much?)
2) must not talk with a funny voice (unless Jo Guest)
3) must be mentally sane. (bipolar okay, but trying to run me over, not!)

, but looking back I don’t think either of them were really over their relationship.

Yes, that's the problem in that scenario, not the sharing a roof.

) must be mentally sane. (bipolar okay, but trying to run me over, not!)

There's detail I want to hear behind this!

I’m not ashamed to say her grasp of the English language was a massive turn on.

Ah yep nothing beats conjugating verbs for foreplay 🙂

At your age I thought you’d want to have a lie down whilst someone else had one.

TBH with the ambulance situation may be worth having a nice hot cup of tea instead, unless your dating a medical person.

Piece of cake. Dating can be brutal for the weak and emotionally fragile, but with the right attitude it can also be a right laugh!

Keep it fun - it's dating
Meet loads of different people - you'll be surprised as to where things can go
Keep your mind open
Don't spend any money on them - you're dating - not in a relationship
Make them pay their own way
Play the field even after a few dates with the same person
If it goes t1ts up, forget about it, there will always be others
Never be too keen, assertive and confident - yes - but never chase!

Enjoy the ride!

Don't have any. The idea of dating someone doesn't sound fun at all. I'm also married so of no help at all.

This is definitely worth keeping going.

my rules....

no tattoos
no weird piercings
no day of the week hair colour changes
no "bunny ears" snapchat photos
no-one of the aforementioned L name
no-one still married or living with their ex
no-one with sole hobbies of pubs/festvals/going out

still single mind so it's served me well!!!!

no tattoos

Rather limits your options these days!

Try rejecting all those who list "Travel" as one of their interests.. you'd be left with ... 0 ! 😀

If you find someone who breaks all three of your first criteria, chuck 'em this way would you?

If I followed the "no tattoos" rule I'd have missed out on some exceptional sexytime.

Do you screen them at the chat stage? I didn't even find out about most women's tatts until things had become heated TBH.

I should maybe expand on "no tattoos" in that I don't find a full sleeve particularly attractive...

Fair enough, I'm ambivalent about tattoos as a hobby/identity, but I'm also intrigued by the association with sexual adventurousness, so...

My criteria

1. A pulse
2. Understands and obeys rule no 1.

My criteria

1. A pulse
2. Understands and obeys rule no 1.

Well, hello handsome!

And if a bird shits on your car.....

IGMC

Oh and a friend of my mrs (honest guv) who does this sort of thing meets them for the first time for a lunchtime coffee, it gives you a reasonable excuse to leg it.

And if a bird shits on your car…..

I had a woman make a disparaging comment about my van, does that count?

Well, hello handsome!

Get your coat, you've pulled.

😎😘