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Can be lighthearted or serious and philisophical.
Give us your universal truths or argue the validity of other's suggestions.
Here's 2 to get started.
.Everything is in decay
.Time never stops.
You can't lick your own elbow
Youth is wasted on the young.
Love should happen naturally like a fart, if you have to force it you'll end up in the s**t
From a recent episode of The Boys:
With great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right c**".
The Universal truths that all religions are based on:
We are right
everyone else is wrong
We are better than you
“Life is wasted on the living”. (Slartibartfast)
A big dashed line on the OS map does not necessarily indicate a cycleable trail.
No good deed ever goes unpunished
Never drink in a flat roof pub.
Life is often unfair. Sometimes you can just be happier by accepting it rather than trying to change it - knowing which injustices are worth your efforts is the key to survival.
5 laws of stupidity
1. Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
2. The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
3. A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
4. Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.
5. A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.
Never trust a Tory.
"Man who go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with brown fingers."
(slightly more light hearted)
Never
Fight
A Man
With a Perm
Above these clouds the sun shines.
“Life is wasted on the living”. (Slartibartfast)
Actually, that was Zaphood Beeblebrox the fourth, Zaphod Beeblebrox's great grandfather (there was a mix up with a contraceptive and a time machine)
Any cafe called ‘The Coffee Pot’ will be run by someone who has very little interest in selling coffee.
Rich blokes always want to get married.
northernmatt
Free Member
You can’t lick your own elbow
You need to be specific. If you have 1 or 2 fully complete elbows, one can lick their own elbow-pit. However one cannot lick their own elbow-cap.
Rich blokes always want to get married
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
LMFTFY 😉
Never attribute to malice what can be better explained as stupidity
"At fifty everyone has the face he deserves."
- George Orwell
Bad shit happens to good people
Companies get the unions they deserve
You can’t polish a turd.
The Sir! Keir! Starmer! thread will continue and outlive humanity, points of principle being argued over by AI ad infinitum.
You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best tent and won’t need to buy another.
You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best tent and won’t need to buy another.
Yep!
My tents have finally outnumbered my bikes, and is only outnumbered by my backpacks and bags
You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best tent and won’t need to buy another.
You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best bike and won’t need to buy another. FTFY
You will never be fully satisfied that you have the best (insert any item) and won’t need to buy another.
LMFT
Edit- sort of beaten to it!
Eventually engaging neutral and applying the handbrake always makes the lights change.
Damm it, beaten too it!
Shall be uttered by all forumites at least once in their own existence having procrastinated over their initial response
I've just been informed by my work colleague smart a**e that honey doesn't decay. So my universal truth opener is not technically correct. Will a jar of honey outlive the human race??
Apparently because of the make up of honey it doesn't allow bacteria to flourish, there so now you know a thing.
Nobody useful to society ever got out of a Range Rover.
Actually, that was Zaphood Beeblebrox the fourth, Zaphod Beeblebrox’s great grandfather (there was a mix up with a contraceptive and a time machine)
I was that young or naive when I read HHGTTG that I asked my mother what a contraceptive was. As parent of teenagers, I can now imagine her horror, embarrassment, astonishment... And before anyone suggests it, I wasn't 32 when I read it! 😀
Nobody useful to society ever got out of a Range Rover.
I beg to differ...the SAS did during a siege...no, wait, hang on...was that a film? I struggle to tell reality from fiction these days
Surely the SAS would use Land Rovers? Can't get too comfortable, or they'll go soft.
Also:
1 halfwit working with a sensible person will have the overall effect of one halfwit...
2 halfwits working together will have the overall effect of one quarterwit...
3+ halfwits working together? Run. Just run away, quite fast...
I have witnessed this phenomenon many, many times...
A favourite from Still Game:
He who hingeth aboot geteth heehaw
Above these clouds the sun shines.
I like that. 🙂
Remove jacket, it shall rain.
Early rising is good for the wealth but early drinking is good for the health. (Rabelais)
People's opinion on the vast majority of topics is not based on facts/statistics/research/practical knowledge but on the basic principle of 'Pick a side & be a dick about it'
....its given me a lot of clarity knowing this when involved in discussions both online and off
Almost 50% of the population are below average intelligence.
Moaning about something after it has happened does no good whatsoever.
and related.
Giving someone advice about something they've already done does no good whatsoever and may actually make them feel worse.
It took me about 40 years to work these out. Totally pointless.
Indeed. No point crying over spilt milk. Get a cat.
No STW thread gets to the 3rd page without turning into a binary, attack and counter attack argument, even ones when STW seems to have a collective agreed stance.
If you spend your life thinking you'll be happy once you get the next 'thing' on your list, you'll never be happy.
Every Married Man has at one time or other, but usually multiple times - blamed their Wife for not being 'allowed' to do something they don't want to do.
No one likes the taste of Coffee, in the same way no one likes smoking tobacco. You've grown to enjoy the feeling of easing your cravings.
Alcohol Free Beer only exists so brewers can circumvent advertising restrictions.
When you get old, your kids will spend as much time thinking about the value of your possessions as much they do your health and wellbeing.
I see plenty of thinly veiled attempts to start an argument there P-Jay!
I'm sure always means I'm not sure
No one likes the taste of Coffee, in the same way no one likes smoking tobacco. You’ve grown to enjoy the feeling of easing your cravings.
This one is utter bollocks, coffee tastes delicious. Tea, on the other hand, is described by my son as 'stinky fish water' and I think he has a point.
You can’t polish a turd.
But you can roll it in glitter
A man who never made a mistake never made anything
Nothing is permanent.
We all die one day.
Man with hole in pocket feels cocky all day.
You can’t polish a turd.
Turns out that actually you can.
Nobody useful to society ever got out of a Range Rover.
Quite!
Indeed. No point crying over spilt milk. Get a cat.
True - you can milk anything with nipples.
"It is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job." Douglas Adams
This too will pass.
If you think things can't get any worse. wait.
Never drink in a flat roof pub.
I was intrigued by one close to my caravan site when working near Newport, South Wales, so went in - having an English accent added another edge (North Wales and I may have been pushing it too far).
There were some very strange goings on and I definitely got checked out, not being a local to the estate, but everyone I interacted with were really friendly
It's always in the last place you look.
You can’t polish a turd
Not true 😂
'never ever bloody anything ever'
No one reads the posts above and you will always get the same video posted twice!
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
There is no point saying, 'Things can't get any worse' because a universal truth is that things can always get worse. Until you die. Then things can't get any worse.
- Told to me one lunch break by my Russian colleague.
Luck isn’t the same as a wheelbarrow- it works better if you don’t push it.
A fool and his money are easily parted (See over there 😀 ) >>
Never attribute to malice what can be better explained as stupidity
That's "Hanlon's Razor."
That’s “Hanlon’s Razor.”
Yes it is! 🙂
P-Jay
Free Member
No STW thread gets to the 3rd page without turning into a binary, attack and counter attack argument, even ones when STW seems to have a collective agreed stance
No it doesn't
You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
“No good news ever arrives by helicopter”.
“If you can see the explosion, the explosion can see you”:
'Mmmmm, doughnuts!'
Opinions are like arseholes, everyone's got one. (And you probably shouldn't show yours to the whole world)
The vast majority of people have more than the average number of legs for a human.
Second one is that some STWer will be along soon to ask me if I meant 'mean' rather than average.
Put a man alone in a room with a tea cosy and he will put it on his head. Any man. The only variable is how long it will take.