[Closed] Stupid Work Stress

Make it your boss's problem would be my advice.

Don't get stressed about internal procedures tell your boss what the issue is and that you expect him/her to identify who needs to be involved and what needs to be done to resolve it.

Adding more stress to you at the moment is not going to help anyone and, without wishing to sound rude, if you could see your way out of where you are now unaided you wouldn't be trying to ask for help. It's very difficult to say 'I can't cope' and your boss ought to be human enough to recognise that leaving you to deal with the situation alone is not in anyone's interests.

I hope you get the support you need and deserve.

Sounds like you only really have one course of action, in reality. In my experience (and I do have some recent personal experience of this) you need to remove yourself from the situation that is causing you a level of stress that is damaging your health

Its all about priorities. At the end of the day; your health , both physical and mental, is more important. The job is just a job. I'd concentrate on getting yourself another one over the next two weeks. Or not. Do it when you're ready. And don't look at it as just two weeks. If you're ill, you're ill. You need longer. Take some time out, then when you're ready, look for something else less stressful

Good luck!

I had very similar issues, and eventually quit the job, due almost entirely to this;

" everything HR-related on my side is now self-service & off-shored to some cheap procedural-lookup artists in Bratislava so we have no actual named point of contact. Everything on the self-service site says - "Why not talk to the EAP" who, again, are outsourced to some (actually quite helpful) people in Bangalore, but they don't know internal procedures or policies."

This kind of a thing is just a 'tick in the box' in looking after the employee, it's cheap, ineffective, but it's there, which is all that matters to the employer.

Two weeks away won't remove the issues, but it allows space to get rest and get things into perspective. That's what I found. I went back with an entirely different outlook and attitude, not that far removed from 'not giving a fig'. For me personally that was learning to say no, and speak up when things are going awry.
I set some boundaries, which kept my head above water until a new job was found.

Stress should be taken very seriously, it's your mind/body trying to tell you something 🙂
Good luck, best wishes.

Pretty much what Binners said. There's a reason I stepped away from the path my life was taking. Best choice I've ever made. Wouldn't be here otherwise.

Get out on that there bicycle young man and don't worry about it for at least 10 days. No wife & kids? get a few nights away somewhere while bicycling every day. Got cash? go somewhere hot and bicycle every day 😀 your first job is to make yourself feel better shirley.

Mental Health is so hidden in society, you might notice somebody with a broken leg but its harder to see the likes of depression and stress. Get some rest and get some treatment, in this case counselling. Don't be afraid to talk to somebody about it.

On a practical level its day one and too soon to be thinking about a new role and looking, don't put that pressure on yourself, take your time, make sure your boss takes on the HR/company responsibility for you and that should let you relax a little. Then as others have said, take time out, riding a bike is great for mental health.

FWIW I masturbate at work. Not every day, but regularly.

Keeps the stress levels way down.

at your desk ygh? 😈

FWIW I masturbate at work. Not every day, but regularly.

Keeps the stress levels way down.

Do you put it in your Outlook calendar?

Preferred place is in the disabled loos.

I ended up off work for almost 6 months, year before last... Workplace rather than work related but it amounts to the same. I've been in some pretty grim offices and working situations and always just battered through so it was a double shock to find myself just breaking down one morning while getting ready to leave the house.

So, that's part one of the post- ie, happens to the best of us, and it doesn't have to make sense when it does or doesn't.

Part two of the post... The most important thing for me, was after a couple of months on working on getting back in the game, realising I didn't want to. Those 2 months weren't so good, it took over my life a bit. The day I realised I wasn't going back was pretty amazing though. Up til then I felt [i]defeated[/i], then I realised I was just fighting the wrong fight. So I would say, it's not running away if you don't want to stay where you are, it's just sense. We spend so much time fighting to keep things we don't want, just because it feels like we should want them, or someone else wants to take them away. It doesn't seem like you're there, but maybe later, maybe not.

So yeah, moved jobs (which was easier for me than for some, to be fair, I shouldn't gloss over that), back on feet, learned a lot and pressing on.

Do you have access to face-to-face counselling services through the EAP? I found this a real help when I was in a similar situation recently.

Automation of office jobs can't come soon enough IMO. I know I'd end up having a nervous breakdown if I had to do one for years on end.

Anyhow, check out Escape the City - when you are feeling better that is, as it sounds like you just need a rest, but it lists lots of great opportunities to get your soul back from toxic office environments.

here's a question, hypothetical of course. If you get signed off work for a chun of time, does that go down as a blot on your record?

[i]everything HR-related on my side is now self-service & off-shored to some cheap procedural-lookup artists in Bratislava [/i]

If this is the reality, then it should tell you everything you need to know about what your employer actually thinks about your well being and welfare.

The "Have you thought about running away" sounds like sensible advice.

I found myself only a short while back working for a pair of actual imbeciles, and there comes a point at which one has to say "enough's enough" and for the sake of one's own health deal with it by walking away.

jimmy - Member

here's a question, hypothetical of course. If you get signed off work for a chun of time, does that go down as a blot on your record?

"Blot" isn't the right word but it will be on your record and no doubt people will take it into account even if they're not allowed to or not supposed to. It's never caused me any bother, because I work for a good organisation but back in the bank I knew people that it hung over like a cloud. Pretty shit tbh.

I appreciate that's not a comforting thought but I think it is realistic- some people will know about it and some of those people will be dicks about it.

OTOH, when I called in sick on the first day I said I had a headache, and nobody ever changed it so officially I had a 6 month headache. Which was true and her name was <redacted>

Again - pretty much what binners said. Fair play to your Doctor as well, mine was utterly utterly useless when I arrived at their door.

Been there many years ago, hateful woman boss,big row, with her, went to gp next day, he signed me off for a month, sent in sick note and phoned up and told her same day, later on that day recorded leter tewlling me i had ben sacked for grsoo misconduct , all made up on her part, i never went back and bnever missed the sad woman or the shit hole place.

Walk out and dont return, best for all.

A few of us at work do not even dare to open/read our work email nowadays. One of my colleague was so stress at one point he did not read his email for 2 months ... no news is good news.

I've suffered work induced stress. In my experience there are two possible courses of action. Suck it up and carry on while trying to make small adjustments. Or, find a new job.

What generally doesn't happen is that you raise the issue and life gets better as a result of your bosses response.

Two weeks off work will feel nice today, maybe tomorrow as well but at some point you'll start dreading the return to work and picturing all the work building up.

Most of the time, even proper hr departments are little or no help. They are employed by the company for the benefit of the company.

It sucks and you have my sympathy. Just remember, work isn't everything and if you're not happy, there is a better job out there for you somewhere. I'm glad I left but it really wasn't easy.

Firstly time off. Get yourself straight, you could do the job before so no reason to assume you can't continue to do it. However other options may be better.you'll find them up some steep climbs somewhere I suspect.

You need time to let yourself unwind and make a plan. Can't be hurried, probably best to enjoy it then 🙂

OP you are not on your own - many of us have been there before and I most certainly have. Some great advice on this thread which means I have nothing more to add except take care and the best of luck!

J

Been in a similar situation and it wasn't good ended up walking out of job due to small issues and then ended up speaking to the Doc.
A couple of years ago I felt the same so left my job it was such a relief, the funny thing is the new job I started had my old company as a customer which proved interesting especially in meetings.

This, may or may not be of any use to both the OP and others on here.

After a horrific year and a bit (lost my Dad very suddenly in Oct 2013) and my then girlfriend kindly broke up with me 6 months later, stress, anxiety and a general feeling of genuinely not really caring for much began to set in.

I have since been introduced to mindfullness meditation - and yes, I was skeptical at first, but the general idea is about being in the moment and setting some time away for yourself where you do NOTHING (no internet, no TV, no nothing...). I hope this can possibly help you and maybe some others in the long run.

Best of luck on the job front btw.

^ start this 5 mins in...

First thing with the 2 weeks off is make sure you get out the house.
Make sure you make contact with other human beings and talk to them.

Quit. In a period of hyper-managerialism and weak unions, resignation is the only effective way of avoiding such alienating experiences. Your wellbeing is much more important than that job and those people. Use time off work to chase other opportunities and then see if you can get a negotiated reference.
I've just helped a mate escape a ridiculously demanding job in education into a consultative role in the assessment system and he is a transformed person. What was that tired old cliche? If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. Get out.

Thanks for all the advice - some good stuff out there. Its sad to see that so many people have been or are in similar situations. I'm actually a bit overawed by the well-wishers. It really makes a difference.

I got out on the Alpine for a sneaky ride last night, then the wife sent me off to Kielder with the FatBike for the day today. Getting away into the outdoors was fantastic.

EAP are providing me with some counseling over the coming weeks. Not sure how good that will be. My doctor said I need to look at doing something else, or at least being employed by somebody else, as do the majority of posts above. Deep down I know I have to change my position. Somehow.

The problem I have is this: my current employer pay exceptionally well; jobs up here are few and far between; well-paid WFH jobs are also rare (how do you find these - I fell into my current one?); Mrs_fiat was made redundant by the Identical Blue Men in August last year and hasn't even looked at working again as it made economic sense that she stayed at home to look after our 17 month-old; we have our second due in June; we have two mortgages - one on our house, and one on a flat. Both of which are unsuitable to bringing up small beings, both of which have steadfastly refused to sell over the last two years.

I think the main issue this all results in is that I'm trapped. In a well paid job that should in theory be ideal (and was, for many years), but thanks to the greed of some ivy-league business bull$hit-spouting Texan halfwit who won't give up selling crap PCs out of his garage, has been transformed into a steaming pile of crap.

Can you list the things thats causing the stress response to be activated - the things you view as a threat? Even if not here can you bring them up with your boss?

Learning to say no helped me a lot (politely of course, saying why - usually too much other work). When I have a lot of work on now and they try and offload more onto me i just say i cant do it now where before i tried to please and just took it all on to the detriment to my health.

Feeling loss of control (trapped) would be another stressor - mayby you can change this somehow or go through it with someone who can help/advise.

Do you have access to someone like a life coach / councellor who you can talk things through with, even if you have to pay for it?

I suspect the two weeks off my GP gave me in 2006 after I had a near-breakdown at work was deliberately enough time to let me get me a sense of perspective on the situation and to help me think more rationally.

I resigned shortly afterwards to go freelancing and things got a lot better after that.

One thing I learnt OP was that the stress was more about my own response to an unpleasant situation than the situation itself - and that my response was 100% under my control.

Take the time off, think through how you can change your own response/improve the situation and see how it goes. Mindfulness, yoga and the obvious riding of your bike likely to help too. Personally over the last couple of years I've found riding into work through the short, dark days of winter has really helped boost my response to work pressures at this time of year...

Good luck...

There's some useful suggestions above, but my counsel would be this: don't rush.

You have several things going on (mental health, work processes, work itself, your boss, etc). You need time to work through each of them without being hasty.

This isn't to advocate inertia, but what you need right now is headspace to work through the various component parts. I'd avoid compartmentalising things where you can and just focus on unpacking each of them separately before viewing them all together.

The "running away" question is IME a pretty standard depression screening question. And it's ok to answer "yes" to it.

Good luck.

Maybe you should consider moving. Could help you find work and a more suitable house. If you leave your job neither you or your wife are tied to the area.
Or at least selling the second flat. If it was an investment then maybe time to cash in?

I've never had issues at work, but recently I went through a tough patch (thankfully January is quiet so can have a breather)
But anyway seriously what worried me was being unable to tell if I had stress or wasn't up the task? How do you tell.
I am talking to people at work as I'm certain the same will happen again over 2015.

Though strangely if I wasn't getting pressure in person I was happy to work 16 plus hours a day to get my work done, but I recognise this isn't right.

Any ideas?

yes, change is the only option IME. Something has to give. What changes is partly up to you. These are some of your options:

Change the job content, by sharing it out to others, your boss being first port of call. Let him deal with the bits you cant deal with.

outsource or Sub contract stuff? (I used to post my receipts and a memory stick to a secretarial service to do my receipts for me when I was too busy, told the boss thats they way they're getting done or they arent getting done, he sucked it up)

Delegate?

Change jobs entirely, get a less stressful job

Carry on as best you can and eventually go mad with stress and allow yourself to get very very ill.

Thanks to the OP for starting this thread, it is striking a lot of chords with me at the moment.

I talked myself into going for a promotion in November. Allowed myself to think it was for the best etc. The powers that be pissed about for a month or so before confirming I had got it. We are doing a bit of moving around internally to make it all fit, the upshot being that I am the one with the vacancy (for my old role).

So, the hiatus before Xmas leaves me with a new starter arriving in a month. Until then, I am trying to learn and do my new role, as well as my old role (which I had to really strive to get done 9-5). I am looking down the barrel of at least six months stress and I am only a week and a half in!

Mindfulness is what is keeping me on track (but only just). I can't shake the anxiety, so I am not sleeping properly, feeling shaky all the time (especially at work) and consequently I don't think the handover I am getting is sinking in properly. My wife is putting up with my wildly swinging moods, and the kids still love me whatever, but I cannot give myself a break.

My only positive thought is that this could be a short term thing. If my new starter gets up to speed quickly, it might only be horrendous for six months. But this is six months of my life, a life I want to enjoy.

Get a new job? Maybe, but the change management issue won't go away.

Revert? Too late, already recruited a replacement.

Total career change? I'd love to, but I've no idea what I could do and even less idea on how I could make it pay.

Slight thread hijack by me, so the only thing I can offer the OP is that you are not alone!

I went through stress at work a couple of years ago, you're definitely not alone, weird, failing or anything else you might be feeling at the moment. I found that it took reaching breaking point to realise how bad things had got, the change is small and gradual and I didn't realise how from me I'd gone until the very end as day by day or week by week the decline was very small.

Don't feel that this has to be 2 weeks off and then you go back to work - if you need more time take it, better to take more time now to recover properly than rush back and end up in the same situation again.

You need to try and relax for this time - don't feel bad about going riding or whatever and do as much as you can that will help your feel a like the old you.

Get well soon and don't worry about work right now, worry about you.

Thanks again for all the advice. Bit of an update here. I went through counseling with our EAP people. Their advice was to "Find a new employer, they sound like a real pile of nastiness", which I thought was [i]constructive[/i], to the point and reaffirmed what everyone else is saying. Nice to know that I'm not mental, yet.

I've had a couple of letters from HR and spoken to a real person, in the UK. They are ushering me in the direction of the work health insurance scheme, which offers more in-depth help and a structured program for returning to work. I'm happy to give it a go - I do like what I do and the people I work with, just my pot of courage for dealing with a stupendous workload and unrealistic deadlines dependent on the diminishing good will of our services guys, had run dry.

In the meantime I've been applying for other positions, riding my bikes as much as possible and spent a week in Austria with my family.

If anyone has a need for a reasonably clued up IT solution architect, my pm's in my profile. 😀