[Closed] My brothers an alcoholic and its hurting the whole family

Sorry, got nothing useful to say, but you have my sympathy. Sounds completely heartbreakingly awful.

Very tough times. He needs professional support as in my opinion do your parents and probably yourself. I am not certain this is a blue print for every situation but friends had their two daughters committed to a drug rehab clinic and refused to accept them back home until they where confirmed clean. Your parents cannot fix this, no amount of love alone is going to do it. I have had a few friends and colleagues who are alcoholics, its not something an untrained person can deal with imo and family ties make it even tougher to deal with.

Yes, he is your brother.

We are in exactly the same situation with my wife's brother (although add kids in from 2 different women, a history of DV and drug use, also three tomes through rehab, a couple of suicide attempts and a father that is all that and worse)

One thing I have learned, never stop supporting and never stop trying...however tough it gets. He is ill and at some point, will embrace your help.

We will die trying. Good luck.

I have a similar situation with a family member. I have also looked into the same sort of rehab.
The overwhelming advice so far has been, there is nothing you can do until they want to do it.
They are the only person who can beat this, they can have help, but they need to be on board first.
Intervention, I have been told, never works.
It is tough but they need to hit the bottom, wherever This may be.

At the moment, our situation is stable, but I'm sure it will return to unstable, one day as the issues have not been resolved.

IANAE, alcoholics anon are and were very happy to talk and offer an understanding ear. Help is available for people affected by alcoholism

Not sure that I can offer any helpful comments but you have my sympathy. When I was a kid my brother came out of the army with more issues than he could cope with he lost himself in alcohol for a couple of years but then recovered. He did get massively into religion for a bit but that was easier to deal with. His life is no bed of roses this year but he appears not to be drinking to excess or for the wrong reasons.
If your brother can acknowledge a problem when sober there is room for hope and that will be the time to act and support . Have you tried AA they may run or refer to groups for friends and families who could help.

Thanks.

He went to see a local drug/alcohol abuse centre and has a 'handler'. He also saw the doctor yesterday and very clearly explained to him how he had a problem and needed help. However, 1 1/2 hours after that meeting, he was paralytic again. He is mentally weak and although he wants to (i think), he doesnt have the mental strength to do it - although like i said above, i dont trust what he says and i dont know whether he is just saying what we want to hear.

The marriage breakup is still there and i think he just doesn't know how to/is scared of starting a new life

@crank very glad your brother is better than he was, sounds here like religion helped him rather than being something else which needed fixing as you imply ?

Rehab just won't work until he decides and wants to change.

Be there for him but don't protect him from the consequences of his actions. Tell him you love him but that he is hurting you and your parents. Be there for him but don't spend your house deposit on him unless he has really really changed

And in the UK you cannot forcibly commit your kids to a drug rehab unit so one poster above is wrong.

There is support for you and your parents out there even if he won't accept it. Al anon etc...

You can love him and support him without enabling him. Alcoholics can be very very selfish. Don't get dragged down.

Good luck.

@teenrat, I am not sure I would put it down to mental weakness at this stage (it may have been to start with). Your brother is now physically addicted.

Not seeing anything to suggest religion helped him.

And in the UK you cannot forcibly commit your kids to a drug rehab unit so one poster above is wrong.

Not seeing anything to suggest religion helped him.

OP sorry for diverting your thread, I'll stop. Good luck.

@jambalaya - i know he is physically addicted and i think that one of the main problems is that he has always been active and needs stimulation. He was bored where he lived with his wife, lost his job, and this triggered the whole thing off. My parents have tried to keep him away from temptation but the 'cabin fever' then makes him drink as he is not active and marriage thoughts enter his head - its a vicious circle to some degree. He rode the Dyfi enduro in May, despite having a heavy dependance, and finished it easily. If i could take him away to the highlands of Scotland for a couple of weeks of biking, i think it would do him the world of good and help him tp see his situation more clearly, but i'm not in position where i can dedicate all my time to him.

Thanks for all the replies. Its comforting to know that others have conquered this and there have been happy endings

Jam I don't want to divert someone else's thread but I'll reply quickly to your post . I think being part of and active in our Church gave my brother a wider community and sense of purpose it also kept him busy . All of this was very positive and I don't begrudge that at all .

Our neighbor and good friend of many years took her alcoholic son in, thinking she could change him. All the same tricks of hiding bottles, taking the dog out etc etc were there, just as you are experiencing. We supported her, going down at 3am as he had fallen out of bed, broken his arm, cut himself and bled all over the place...... And more.

It got to a point where she put a bolt on the outside of his room door to keep him in, and one on the inside of hers to keep him out....

It was really scary going to help her, knowing the guy had a knife in his room to open wine cases.....

It all came to a head when he attacked his 80 yr old mum and working with the family, social services removed him.he almost died over a weekend but kept drinking......

Family support is important but it's not the cure especially if he can't see the need to change.... It's a job for professionals and for family to look after each other and re establish normality if possible.....

Having seen the fallout from this addiction in an intelligent man with two masters degrees, I feel for you and hope you get the external support you need for everyone's health and wellbeing.

[i]Rehab just won't work until he decides and wants to change.[/i]

Sadly it's this.

Until he decides he doesn't want to drink any more no one will be able to make him (not even himself).

Beyond that I don't really have any advice from experience, just sympathy for your situation and the thought that if it were my brother and my mum and dad I'd be suggesting they change the locks and leave a suitcase on the doorstep - you can't help someone who won't be helped.

Hi. I have a sister-in-law who is an alcoholic. My wife's family have supported her financially and have tried various intervention techniques including paying for her to fly to Vancouver to stop with another sister for a spell to give her space to work things through. Over years we have forked out a serious amount of cash, all wasted in my opinion. Do NOT spend your house deposit. No good will come of it.

I have another friend who is an alcoholic. Whilst he was married (still is) he didn't have the strong family network to support him and hit his personal rock bottom. He acknowledged the problem, went to AA and is now several years sober. If you asked him (I have) he would reinforce that intervention is pointless at this stage. Your brother needs to acknowledge that he has a problem. Not just pay lip service when sober but real acknowledgment. [b][u]HE[/b][/u] then needs to address that ideally through AA. Again, don't waste money on him. By all means be there emotionally but this is his problem and he needs to deal with it.

The above may seem harsh but in my experience it is the only way.

Alcohol is a horrible, horrible drug. My father is an alcoholic, and I spent most of December on the phone to either his wife, threatening to kill herself, my father, wracked with remorse or drunk and angry, or their daughter, who is understandbly having an incredibly hard time. Calmed down a bit now Christmas is over - temporarily I'm sure.

I have to agree with Coyote don't spend your house deposit on him.
I had a very good friend who was an alcoholic so know a bit about it. It's a very selfish illness and the sufferer won't care at all if they drag you down with them.
Unless they themselves take the steps to help themselves there's no point in you intervening.
My friend eventually saw the light and sorted himself out after all his friends stopped ringing him and paid him no attention. Only then did he acknowledge his problem and sort himself out.

I worked with a fantastic guy, ultra professional, loved his job, wife and kids, great life.
He started drinking after a family death and after 10 years ended up with , no wife, kids didn't see him,
All his friends tried and tried to get him off the drink to no avail.
He ended up living with another alcoholic in a council flat , and died after setting the flat on fire.
A totally wasted life, and no amount of help would change his ways.
When I saw him dishevelled on the streets in a drunken state it used to bring a tear to my eye .
My father in law was also alcoholic , and as said above its a very selfish addiction, was a great bloke when sober, but when drunk was a total nightmare.he ended up living alone after he had betrayed all our trust and help time after time.

I've had a close family member who was an addict/alcoholic and a neighbour was also an alcoholic.

Given that experience I completely agree with Coyote.

This may sound harsh, but by providing a safe environment with no responsibility, your parents are basically enabling him to continue with his lifestyle- which in the long run is not doing him (or them) any favours.
As others have said, he needs to hit rock bottom, and decide for himself that enough is enough. Let him contact the local authority for emergency housing if he needs somewhere to stay.
I would suggest kicking him out of your parents house, and letting him fend for himself. Distance yourselves from him.
Rehab at this stage, when he always has a safety net, would just be a waste of time and money.
Tough love.

My ex wife was alcoholic.

It needs the alcoholic to do something about it. No amount of external input can solve it.

Save yourselves first, then help them if you can.

Save yourselves first though.

I want to ask a couple of questions before drawing any conclusions as there could be any number of individual factors which could be quite important..

How old is your brother?
How long has he been drinking like this?
Was he reliant on alcohol or a regular drinker before this behaviour started?
What are your parents attitudes to alcohol?
What's his social circle?
Are there children involved in the breakdown of his marriage?

I've hit the booze and nearly drunk myself to death before on a couple of occasions..

From experience - what Coyote said

@Yunki.

he is 33
We dont know as he has been living in sweden.
He liked a drink but not to this level
My parents do drink but not to excess
He has lots of friends but not a circle as such. He didnt have any friends where he was living , had little job prospects due to to the towns geography, was in a foreign country, struggled with the language, his wife had her family around her but my brother had no one apart from his wife. When they had a daughter, he was pushed aside and had no say over anything - he was below the in laws when it came to having a say. He wanted to leave but his wife didn't want to, so he was stuck. This is when it started, but rather than getting support from the people around him for the early problems, it was used against him. This has led to the marriage break up and has compounded the problem. His wife and daughter are still in Sweden, he is now in the UK

Response from Mrs Daz, a drug and alcohol worker with 15 years experience....

Sorry to hear what you and your family are going through, but a couple of things...

[b]Please make sure that everyone in the family knows that it is dangerous for a physically dependent drinker to suddenly stop drinking, particularly with a history of seizures. Hopefully you will already know this. It can be fatal. Cutting down is fine but to detox requires professional help.[/b]

Your brother has been to the GP - s/he will refer on to the alcohol service. They can arrange a detox. You do not need to pay for it. I agree with Coyote. The ONLY way that your brother will stop is when he is motivated to do so himself. Detoxing is the start of a long road to recovery, but repeated detoxes take their toll on a person's body and do more harm than good. Timing is crucial - again, engagement with the alcohol service will address this.

Finally, it's fab that your family are so keen to support your brother, and that support will mean everything if/when he starts to sort himself out, but in the meantime it's really easy and understandable to get caught up in the drama and chaos of everything centring around the drinker. I've seen too many families burn out dealing with the chaos, and you then have no energy left for when they need it, which is after they stop drinking. What you and your parents need to be doing is actually looking after yourselves. The support groups mentioned earlier would help, as well as helplines. Your local drug/alcohol team may be able to point you to local groups. You using STW is a good start!!

Ultimately, and this is tough, your brother is the only one who can help himself. He needs to access the professional support.

It's bloody tough for families, really hope he manages to get it sorted...

Good luck.

What Coyote said.
What Beefheart said.

It is the only way. Sorry.

Hope it works out, in the end.

Is he drinking alone or with friends? Is his furtive behaviour a result of family pressure?
Is he in work or have anything else going on in his life?
What is at the root of his drinking, what's causing him distress? Heartbreak? Loss of his daughter? Feelings of failure?

Is he drinking to hide the pain?
How long since he got home?

I know it's a lot of questions, but I drank to help with emotional pain, and emotional pain does ease over time..
Clearly drinking is not the right answer, due to long-term health problems, and the impact on day to day life, but it seems like he has made the choice to use alcohol as a crutch for now..

It would be useful to know if his problem is chronic or acute as in long or short term, and also whether he sees any light at the end of the tunnel.. whether he has a plan of any sort..

Would he consider seeing his GP?
Is there any underlying anxiety or depression that could be treated?

You've described to a T my sister, but add an infant to the mix.

It's a terrible thing, and not something you can do much about.

My thoughts are with you and your parents, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

I don't have any personal or professional experience of this sort of thing - but it sounds absolutely terrible. Wishing the OP all the best - and good on the STW contributors who have given advice.

Thanks for all the responses, it just feels good to talk about the situation.

@Yunki - he is drinking alone to ease emotional pain that he can't cope with. He has lost all confidence and self esteem and has gone from the hugely responsible job of guiding/ensuring the safety of oil workers in the middle east (we are not sure if trauma from this dangerous job has influenced things)to having no job at the moment and as he sees it, no propects and no light at the end of the tunnel. He has now been at my parents since the 20th December.

Basically his life is empty at the moment, as i said previously, he has nothing to concentrate on apart from the unhappy thoughts

I think if he could see a light at the end of the tunnel and that he can have a happy life after his marriage breakup then this would really help - but as the divorce etc is happening as we speak, he can't escape from that part of his life that has caused the problems.

I know he has gone with my parents to see the GP for assessment today and there has also been a meeting with the local alchohol help team, so i'm really hoping that there is some positive news later on.

i really appreciate the input from STW's, so thankyou.

Another +1 for him not changing until he's ready. I have a family member who was an alcoholic for most of my childhood. Every single day she drank at LEAST one bottle of vodka, usually knocking a half bottle down a time. The only way to stop her drinking in the house at Xmas was either to put the booze in the loft or have it in my room (she had enough pride not to sneak in). The family was generally supportive in trying to get her to want to be well and my grandparents put their hand in their pockets a lot and without this I'm sure she'd never have got better. When the prospect of becoming a grandmother surfaced, she stopped drinking and is lovely (although she always was, sober).

From what the family says, she was a functioning alcoholic followed by barely functioning alcoholic for over 20 years until SHE wanted to give it up.

If he has willingly gone to the GP about his drinking then hopefully he is starting to realise how out of control it has become.
If he contacted AA he would be able to talk to someone who has been through what he is going through, but have managed to come out the other side. They are free and will have groups near to where he is living.

Agree that the GP is a positive step.. The doc will usually be the first port of call for referral to alcohol services anyway so it's the right decision..

I hope things work out swiftly for all of you..
I was trying to get across in my questions that this really can be just a blip in the greater scheme of things despite people's fears and horror stories, and that everyone is different..

Your brother is fairly young and is going through a tough time, he may still be a very long way from life changing alcoholism.. It's just as likely that he'll pull through when his emotions are a bit more settled, especially if he can access the right help and support..

Try maybe not to be too judgemental, look for humour in the situation and don't get bogged down by your fears..
It was a supportive set of non-judgemental friends (many of them drinkers themselves) that helped me get through and out the other side of my problems

As roper says, talking to people who have been through it themselves will help

Best of luck 🙂

Well he went to see the GP and asked my parents if he could stay in town for a bit. My parents were trying to give him a bit of freedom. However, the agreement for him to get the 3 0'clock bus back has been and gone and now there is no sign of him. The signs of a sober night are not good and another night of worry for my parents.

My parents are taking him to the council to get him into a hostel tomorrow (if he turns up). Enough is enough and he will be out on his own. He has no friends to help him through. I have to admit, my positivity is severely waining and i really am now gearing myself up for the worst.

I know just how bad its is, I really feel for you
also along with AA there are other people out there to help, try
smart recovery, a non religious recovery way of doing things, AA despite what they say are religious

also don't know to much about it so you will have to do your research, but look up
the Sinclair method, from what I have read it seems to have a high success rate, but you will need to check it out for your self, also look for jon sleeper on the net has a lot of stuff to listen to,
or ask the doc about CBT recovery, there is a lot out there, but like other people have said, I has to start with the individual
best of luck
craig

I had a similar issue with a family member and ended up parting with a lot of cash to put them through a private rehab programme. That appears to have worked well (several years and counting) however the key factor was that the person wanted to get help. Without that it'd have been a waste of money.

Have you thought about asking him if he wants to go out for a drink?
It may seem counter-intuitive, but it might also give you an insight into the extent of the problem..

Maybe he enjoys the company of the pub but can't handle your zero tolerance policy?
Maybe he'll find it easier to open up and discuss solutions to his problems?
Maybe he would moderate his drinking if he had good company while he's doing it?

He's 30 odd years old, a curfew is gonna do nothing for his self esteem or trust

I'd be hiding my drinking if I felt I was gonna get a whole world of shit for doing it

From what I read of your previous posts, it's clear he is suffering from severe depression after the breakup of his marriage. He might be trying to self-medicate with booze to ward off a nervous breakdown. If that's the case then he probably needs to go on medication as part of reducing the drinking.
He's clearly in a bad state, and it is at least one positive that he's seen his GP.
The problem with taking him to the pub for a drink is he won't be able to stop drinking in his current condition.

possibly badnewz, but seeing as he's getting pissed right up regardless, what's the harm?

better the devil you know than the devil you don't

Been through this with my Brother. Your parents are just enabling him. He will only stop when he has reached his rock bottom. Having a nice comfy home, loving environment is all well and good, but these things will just allow him to keep drinking. Your parents need to protect themselves and sadly that will probably mean making him move out.

Until he reaches his rock bottom, he will lie, steal, cheat and deceive all to allow him to continue drinking.

I finally realized this when I held our kids hand as he drew his last. He never found his rock bottom.

Terrible terrible condition.

To be honest he's a single guy going out o. The piss, its not that particularly unusual tbh. You just need to get him back in to work and routine and I'd reckon the drinking will start taking care of itself. If not fair enough he may have a real problem. But then Again he might not.

I think the idea of going out on the piss with him is a good idea. It'll give you a better sense of him. You may just be over reacting.

I've no idea tbh I don't have personal knowledge of your brother.

I think there are some less than helpful inputs here based on experience of a single person. Yunki I'm looking at you.

Please stop trying to project your own experiences, which are interesting but not necessarily relevant, on to someone else. There's some really good advice above. There's a crisis situation here, a family tearing its hair out, and about to piss money up a wall, and someone who appears not to be ready to change.

Hi

Tragically my brother was found dead a few months ago surrounded by empty bottles of wine he was 35 years old. We did everything we could as a family to try and help him and get him to stop drinking but I've realised that until the person with the problem is ready to accept it is a problem and want help then there is nothing you can do. My brother too had to be bought back home from London as he'd had a seizure. He had been through professional detox twice but as soon as he came home he found an excuse to 'walk the dog' and always came back staggering! Like your brother he was always apologetic once he'd sobered up and would buy my mum flowers. I would swing between anger for what he was doing to my parents and the rest of my family and pity for him. He too lived with my parents as he'd lost his job, home and relationship due to alcoholism. At a time in their lives when they should be enjoying them selves he put them through so much and this continues even more so now he's gone.

I really feel for your situation and pray that your brother realises that he has a problem and gets the help he needs. In the meantime all you can do is be there for him but yet don't be too soft with him, he needs to be aware of the consequences of his behaviour.

As said until he wants help there isn't much you can do other than being there if/when he needs support.
Mine came in a safeways around 5pm on a June Friday in 1998, unfortunately the damage to friendships, and my career prospects had already been done by this time. I occasionally drink now maybe 4 or 5 times a year but only a couple and never if I'm upset, also I don't drink spirits anymore. I was lucky and got sorted relatively quickly that's to family and some good mates, well those I hadn't driven away.

To replace the drinking I started to gamble this proved more difficult to stop. I can't stand near a fruit machine for too long.

Stoatsbrother - Member
I think there are some less than helpful inputs here based on experience of a single person. Yunki I'm looking at you.

Please stop trying to project your own experiences, which are interesting but not necessarily relevant, on to someone else. There's some really good advice above

you what mate?

I'm just offering an opinion, and asking some questions.. same as everyone else.. only I'm not buying into the hysterical doom and gloom mongering that everyone else is so keen on..
There's some melodrama in most of the 'good' advice being offered and lots of worse case scenario advice at that

None of us know the bloke, or his family.. It might be better to ask questions and try to be positive rather than dishing out horror stories..

Sorry for the people that have had harrowing experiences and yes some people's lives are devastated by alcoholism, but many many more people's lives [i]don't[/i] necessarily fall apart simply because they experience a period of alcohol abuse

EDITED

There has been no improvement. He can't get any help from the council as he has been living in Sweden and has assets in Sweden. He would have to sign on and he may get a hostel place in 3 months. He cannot stay with my parents for that time as it would really be detrimental to them. We are left with 2 choices ( as he doeesn't appear to want help).The choices are kick him out onto the street or buy him a plane ticket back to Sweden where he is 'part of the system'. When my parents told him ( in a sober state) this morning that they were going to the council he just said i dont want to live here anyway - thats appreciation for you!

Its really odd though as i was riding this evening and he phoned my GF up. She said he was normal, not slurring, asking about jobs, our house move etc. That was at 7 o'clock. I then spoke to my dad at 7:45 and my brother was fast asleep. My dad said my brother went out for a cigarette, but he went up the lane. Less than 15 minutes later he comes back completly out of it. How is that possible in that time!! My mum has spoken to a mental health charity but they wont look at him unless he is sober and wants to go. He still maintains he has not been drinking.

He said to my GF that he thinks he had been blacking out - hence the cuts and bruises i spoke about in my previous posts- but he will not go to the hospital.

His next of kin is in Sweden, he is part of the system there and it seems that this our only choice now-although we would be sending him back to situation that started all this in the first place. In the last month he has been over here, things have got worse and is clearly not helping. Maybe him seeing his daughter would help?

I am trying to distance myself from this now and am trying to have the mindset that it is not my problem, we have done as much as we can and whatever happens happens rather me trying to convince myself that that is how i feel.

@lowey and tirider - really sorry to hear how things turned out for you both

No experience of this, but my dark secret is occasional hanging out on mumsnet (the shame) where I hear [url= http://www.al-anon.org/ ]Al-Anon[/url] mentioned a lot. It's support for the families of alcoholics.

Good luck.

[b]yunki[/b] nice ninja edit. 😉 Read the OP. Look at the pain. There is a deep selfishness in many alcoholics behaviour. The family have clearly listened and supported and tried. It has to be a two way street. The bloke drinking has to want to change.

For whats it worth .....

Encourage him to contact a [url= http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk ]local AA group [/url], just for a chat, he'll find there are a lot of folk who have been "there " so to speak,
but
In the end only he can decide to enter recovery,

In the meantime most ( if not all ) AA groups will be able to give you and your family details of [url= http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk ]Al-Anon [/url] support groups who can help you cope

Ok, this is pretty hard to write as i have just lost my dad to alcoholism, it is such a hard thing to give up i feel for your brother. it's funny as my dad has drank himself to death...literally, but i have not really stopped my intake since he died 13 days ago..
I drink a bottle or 2 of red wine a night plus a 4 pack of beers, it is not big, it is not clever but it is hard to get out of the "routine".
Do i wake up thinking about having a drink...no, but when i have finished work and driving home, the first thing i think about is alcohol and having a drink.
My dad was told 12 months ago he would only live another 2 years if he carried on drinking, he gave up for a bit, but he was back on it.
He was admitted to hospital the 21st Dec, i picked him up Christmas eve and brought him home and he was admitted again boxing day and the rest is too heartbreaking to write.
I have lost the greatest person i have ever known and ever will know because of alcohol.
From experience, if they don't want help or think they need help it is an up hill struggle.
I really hope your brother will get better and sort himself out before it is too late.

@astormatt
I don't know you. Maybe that puts me in a better position to advise you than those that you know and love. Stop drinking unless you can control your consumption.
Your current levels are out of control therefore you are out of control.
If you can have a glass of red every now and then you are in control. Drinking every night means that the alcohol is control.
The loss of your father can be a catalyst for positive change. Only you can make that decision.

Teenrat.... Looking at my neighbour and helping them deal with the fallout over many years, having the family as a safety net was a way of the alcoholic son constantly pushing the edge, recovering full of remorse, then going at it again...

Being hospitalized whilst paralytic with doctors warning this was his last weekend wasn't any good, out of hospital and back on it....

I really think that helping him in a supportive way, to the bottom of the pile with a bit of an emiphany moment on his part may just help turning the corner.... Tough love, call it what you will.... Getting him out of the house may take that safety net away and force the issue....

Don't burn through the house deposit, look after yourself and the family too as well as keeping an eye on him....
It's an incideous addiction... Maybe someone like mrs desb earlier in the thread, can offer a perspective of what to do as a family member....

Sorry for the people that have had harrowing experiences and yes some people's lives are devastated by alcoholism, but many many more people's lives don't necessarily fall apart simply because they experience a period of alcohol abuse

Yunki makes a good point. We can catastrophise a situation when someone is using alcohol to self-medicate through a nervous breakdown, as could be happening in this case. That is not the same thing as long-term alcoholism, although obviously there is the possibility for reactive heavy drinking to lead to it.

@astormatt, very sorry to hear about your dad. You could go see your GP, maybe get some counselling, there is lots of non-judgemental help out there.

I drink a bottle or 2 of red wine a night plus a 4 pack of beers, it is not big, it is not clever but it is hard to get out of the "routine".
Do i wake up thinking about having a drink...no, but when i have finished work and driving home, the first thing i think about is alcohol and having a drink.

I'm sorry for your loss, but Matt nails it. You have an alcohol problem. I don't know if a chorus of people telling you you need to address it will help, but hopefully you will read a few more messages like this and decide to take the first steps in the right direction.

Astormatt, I can't see that overdosing on the drug that caused you the pain you're currently suffering is a solution to how you're feeling.

Alcohol is a depressant and probably the last thing you need. I hope you find another way to deal with your grief.

[on a practical note after that much alcohol consumption each night you're likely to still be over the limit driving to work the following morning]

There's some very good advise in some of the posts above and some opinions that are probably well meaning but maybe, not so relevant to the OP's situation.

I recently spent some time with AA to gain an insight in how they help and what they do. I was truly amazed at how much support is out there and the way they work. AA are happy for family & friends to get involved and to ask questions and I would recommend that Teenrat & family speak to them. They know their stuff because they have been there and done it. I wish your brother, you and your family all the best and hope you have a positive outcome.

Teenrat, if your brother does go back to Sweden he can speak to someone from AA there. This is their website
[url=] http://www.aa.se/ [/url]
and main details
A.A. Servicekontor
Magnus Ladulasgatan 32 D
Stockholm, S-11866,
Sweden
Phone 46-8-6422609

They will probably have English language groups too, depending where he goes.

some opinions that are probably well meaning but [b]maybe[/b], not so relevant to the OP's situation.

And this is exactly my point here.. I'll endeavour to make it again, succinctly so that I don't have to come back to it, and I'll try not to hurt anybody's feelings either..

We don't [i]know[/i] the OPs situation, we just have his account..

There's some controlling behaviour being exhibited by the understandably [b]very[/b] concerned family members, which would lead easily to the guy hiding his boozing IMO..
I just want to make sure that the family aren't pushing the guy further away with their anxieties

How many of us love to sit at home in the evening occasionally with a whisky or 4, or a bottle of wine?
How many of us maybe take an extra couple of drinks if we've had a stressful day?
How many of us would take kindly to our parents insisting that we not drink, not leave the house and started checking our breath, especially if we're going through a tough time?

IMO it's just as likely that the fella has picked up a taste for booze while abroad, and on returning home under the circumstances that he has, his families reaction has understandably been fearful, which has led him to want to protect them by lying and hiding..

I'm not denying that the guy could have a serious problem either, the signs are there if the OP is interpreting them correctly, but we simply don't know nearly enough to be bombarding teenrat with worst case scenarios leading to more fear, more ammunition to alienate his vulnerable grieving brother..

At first glance the signs look pretty bad, furtive behaviour, lying, unwillingness to take other's feelings into account and ingratitude but reading between the lines I think it's actually quite hard to tell clearly whether the guy has a drink problem, a family problem or whether it's a mixture of both and the two problems are compounding each other..

A bit of temperance in every sense of the word here probably wouldn't go amiss

That's my twopenceworth..
I hope it's clear and that I haven't upset anyone by stating it the way I see it

Best of luck, I hope it isn't as serious as it sounds

I'm with yunki on this, I reckon there are underlying factors to the drinking and they need to be resolved. What stands out particularly is loneliness.