[Closed] Aspergers as an adult

Welcome to geek club.

Never diagnosed but I'd fully admit to showing some behaviours. The best thing I ever did was to stop caring whether the rest of world GAS. Sorry if that's a bit simplistic.

Roll with it, it's you.

If there's problems with your nearest and dearest accepting you being you, that's another issue. And possibly more their issue than yours, although life's rarely that simple.

I've never looked in to it before (even after my ex, who's a nurse said she thought I was on the scale!) but when you look at the behaviours and see how many you show start to mount up it can't be a coincidence

Edit

My behaviours (whether Aspergers or not) were the main reason why my ex and I split, I wasn't aware of how I was affecting us

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere.

Yeah have heard that before, I'm just finding it interesting

*COUGAR TO THE FORUM, STAT*

Cougar's an aspie. It's not wrong, it's just different, as the saying goes

I've read that there's very little diagnosis of ASD in adults because it serves little purpose.

By the time we grow up we're all a collection of behaviours and coping strategies. Hanging a label on someone doesn't really aid 'treatment'. This doesn't mean you can't alter your behaviour in response to knowing how you are aroudn other people and the effect it might have on them. But knowing you're ASD is not necessary to achieve that.

I always come out as fairly well on the spectrum on tests but it's not somethign I've had a formal diagnosis of. I just try and make extra effort to understand what other people expect from me in a given situation (sometimes I succeed).

mrs rkk01 works with youngsters with ASD, incl Aspergers - she was of the opinion that many of my colleagues (me included 😉 ) showed some signs of being on the "spectrum"...

It would be easy to dismiss her for ribbing our science / engineering staff base (and the stereotypical personalities involved), but she does have a point - many teens / adults manage those (otherwise negative) aspects of their personality by using them as strengths: obsession with data, detail, quality, order, routines, less bothered about social norms etc are traits that can be seen.

My wife suggests an over-representation of such traits - the question is, do people with those attributes seek out science / engineering, or does the profession emphasise those behaviours???

From my own experience, I'd suspect a bit of both...

Back to the OP though - whatever the truth of my ramblings ^^^^, being in an environment that's comfortable / suits your outlook (whatever the cause) could well be a big part of "management"

I wasn't aware of how I was affecting us

That's a real shame (splitting I mean)

But I feel your pain about being unaware of how you affect other people.

It would be easy to dismiss her for ribbing our science / engineering staff base

We're all detail oriented red dwarf fans with obsessive hobbies. Let her rib.

She broached the subject of Aspergers and highlighted that I do show quite a few typical behaviours of it.

Is posting on STW one of them?

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere.

+1

Its only a label and makes no difference to anything very much IMO. I too am borderline for ASD ( autistic spectrum disorder - aspergers is no longer used professionally)

Having got this far in life you obviously have coping strategies as I have.

ASD

Arguing spectrum disorder?

Sorry - I should stop being flippant on a serious thread.

I agree with TJ though - it's not really a disorder as such, just how people are. Some people have their traits that can make life difficult, we just hopefully figure out how to cope.

My daughter for instance is wilful, critical and independent. Makes life difficult for her and us sometimes but that's accepted as a positive due to how society views these things. Other societies in the past might not have done so - at least not for a girl.

The tone of your post seems to indicate that your therapist and possibly you view it as a 'disorder', and that your ex did too. I don't think it's helpful. Don't blame yourself for making her leave - relationships break down when people are incompatible, and that can happen for all sorts of reasons.

In other words, the concept of 'normal' is bullshit, throw off its shackles. We're all who we are, and when it comes to relationships we just need to find someone who loves us for it.

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere

Speak for yourself, I don't think these sorts of bland statements help really though

Running and hiding (in to the highlands) when things get too much TJ? :0)

I've no preconceived thoughts about it, I came here first before firing up Dr Google

nickc - thats the generally accepted usage these days. Hence "spectrum disorder" ie there is a range of things associated with ASD and we all fit on this spectrum which ranges from neurotypical to full blown autism

Cougar's an aspie. It's not wrong, it's just different, as the saying goes

Hello!

I should fess up that I don't actually have an official on-record diagnosis, though my OH does. She went through the process officially, filled in loads of questionnaires and the like, and at the the end of the interview the assessor said to her that yes, she is Aspie, then turned to me and said "and you probably are as well." I've little doubt that a formal diagnosis would confirm that though, it's pretty obvious when you start looking for it.

Why get diagnosed? Depends on severity I suppose, but it opens doors for support and the like. A friend got an official diagnosis after I suggested it, and he's now in a better place than he's been in years (after a history of various things like depression).

If you'd asked me when I was at school my answer would likely have been different, but I wouldn't change it for the world now. It's core to who I am.

Neurotypical being "normal" and Aspie being different is really one of numbers. If Aspie folk were a large majority, society would probably treat NT as a disability and run support groups for them. Not that I'm claiming any sort of superiority, rather that whilst different aspects manifest differently between individuals it's not necessarily something that's any better or worse than being NT, it's just being different.

Welcome to geek club.

I work in Engineering, joked that the office is less of a spectrum and more the complete f*****g rainbow.

Fairly sure I'm on the spectrum somewhere; always the one in the group that never quite fits in and tend to make friends one at a time rather than with a group.

Good with numbers and procedures though, I can actually read math textbooks and legislation for fun! I can solve engineering problems by looking at them (this really irritates some people when I tell them something won't work after a few minutes looking at the drawings). And I quite happily tear bits of my car's apart to fix them without a second thought, if I can see how it works, I can take it to bits.

When it comes to hobbies I obsess, my bikes are maintained immaculately, spreadsheets are drawn up, upgrades take weeks of procrastination, my boat has a mirror smooth finish to the hull and all the controls are on continuous ropes, fittings are all lockwired etc, I can barely run 5k yet have top of the range trainers and custom insoles, that level of geekery.

[edit]
What cougar said too.

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere

Speak for yourself, I don't think these sorts of bland statements help really though

You're obviously just at the neurotypical end. Still on the spectrum though.

You're probably right about it not really helping though, other than to normalise it a bit I suppose.

I found out when I was 33 and it pretty much explained my life up to that point, and why I'd always felt like life was in a room and I was stuck outside peering in through the window. Check out the Simon Baron Cohen book, it's really good.

Not formally but my neighbour happens to be a child psychologist/speech therapist ,she diagnosed me last year.
My missus had suspected some time before apparently. (Since she watched "the Bridge",ha.)
Since I "found out" it's like a key part of the plot of my life has been revealed .
I haven't mentioned it to many,and those that I have ,on the whole,have acted with complete disinterest or look at me as though I'm a freak. So I keep it on the low down.

as above, not formally but some marker show up wildly - having a son that is definitely on the spectrum has made me evaluate things with more insight possibly. Likewise I would say, similarly, my father exhibited some symptoms (but, m crucially, not all of the very common ones).

I think the bit about coping strategies and realisation is key.

Funnily enough I work in IT, and very happy with that. If I thought (looking back) I was on the spectrum, some of my colleagues - well, case closed (not the one(s) on here, I add).

It's fashionable to say that people are "on the spectrum". You should be sceptical about your counsellor's unofficial and unqualified diagnosis.

Lots of people have some behavioural traits that are typical of autistic people, but that's a correlation, not a causation.

The other thing is, autistic people are individuals (I'm a teacher so I've known several over the years) just as much as you or I. Some are introverted, some are extroverted. Some are mean, some are kind. Some are obsessed with computers or tractors or Father Ted (yes, really), some have no obsessions. Some have several close friends, some don't appear to want or need friends. Some are bright and successful students, some struggle with school full stop.

As I say, be sceptical until you have a formal diagnosis.

And good luck, by the way, with your journey of self-discovery! Hope you're making progress towards getting well and feeling better.

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere.

I agree; if not that particular spectrum a different one.

Nothing worse than seeing kids at school being so obviously either on that spectrum or, more often, autistic yet getting no support as they have not been formally diagnosed. There are kids I teach that are blatantly autistic but parents have refused investigation/diagnosis.

As I say, be sceptical until you have a formal diagnosis.

I don't think I'd live to see a day where someone told me to be sceptical. (-:

I take your point and totally agree, but for me it was no shock, it (unofficially) confirmed something I'd suspected for years. (Bit of a surprise to hear it from someone else beyond me / my OH though).

Formally diagnosed earlier this year, but have 'known' for a couple of years (understanding more about the disorder having both daughters diagnosed in their teens)

As they keep saying, you meet one, autistic... you've met one autistic.

My autism spectrum quotient (80% of people with ASD score over 32, 26 cut off - [b]47[/b]
My Cambridge behaviour scale - (80% of people with ASD score below 30) - [b]6[/b]
My social communication score (15 or more is suggestive of ASD) - [b]16[/b] (sort of ok at this bit)

As people have said above, its not so much the disorder thats a problem, but how it affects daily life -

forget eye contact, thats a real red herring

things like always having to be in place early for a meeting, and setting out to places with a huge time contingency, or driving somewhere really early to avoid rush hour, lack of social reciprocity, avoiding unstructured social events, real problems with anxiety over how you have come across, getting humour wrong, being told you have upset/offended someone and not knowing what you've done wrong

I found this comment:

it's like a key part of the plot of my life has been revealed .

difficulties as a team leader, relationship and family problems, all sorts sort of fall into place, with a 'oh, yeah' consciousness.

Jim Jeffries (aussie comedian) latest vid has a great section in about his diagnosis

mrs rkk01 works with youngsters with ASD, incl Aspergers - she was of the opinion that many of my colleagues (me included ) showed some signs of being on the "spectrum"...

The problem with Psychologists, is that most of them are women - so every man that comes through their door ends up being labeled on the "spectrum" - because if you're not a touchy feely cuddly person and have an interest in inanimate objects it must be because you're autistic.

I've had one try to tell me that I'm a bit on the spectrum yet I score in the top 1 percentile in the Baron-Cohen eye test.

Psychologists are all ****ing quacks, learn you're own mind - don't let other people pidgeonhole you.

Controversial.

My wife works for the National Autistic Society, we've both been caring for Autistic people (adults and children) right across the spectrum for most of our adult lives. Also, most of her family are somewhere on the moderate/high functioning part of the spectrum.
Be wary of medical professionals, who often treat autism as a problem to be solved, it goes without saying that this is not the case.
If your ex couldn't get on with you because you are Autistic you obviously weren't meant to be, it certainly isn't your fault. Yes, Autistic people can be frustrating for us Neurotypicals, but I'll bet we're a whole lot more frustrating for Autistic people.
You are who you are, embrace it, surround yourself with others who embrace it and ignore anyone who suggests you need to change who you are to fit their imposed models of "typical" behaviour.
See the Autistic part of yourself as a strength, use it to its fullest and **** anyone who would have you believe it is a weakness.

The problem with Psychologists, is that most of them are women - so every man that comes through there door ends up being labeled on the "spectrum" - because if you're not a touchy feely cuddly person and have an interest in inanimate objects it must be because you're autistic.

Way off the mark... Sorry 😉

The problem with Psychologists, is that most of them are women - so every man that comes through there door ends up being labeled on the "spectrum" - because if you're not a touchy feely cuddly person and have an interest in inanimate objects it must be because you're autistic

I was going to disagree with you, but then I remembered going on a CBT course and the woman running it held me up as a shining example of being "comfortable with my sexuality" as I was wearing a pink shirt. I missed the next half hour of whatever she was saying worrying if I was comfortable being a heterosexual in a pink shirt, or was I over compensating, or just over thinking....

I'm resisting the urge to Google an online test for where I would sit on the spectrum, it may explain some of my many "moments" over the years. 😳

Controversial

That's considerably milder than I was going with.

I never got, being a football supporter & the whole "we" thing.

Its not WE since they ain't gonna bring you on at half-time

Am I on the spectrum 🙂 ?

I might add Cougar, the only thing worse than fluffy cuddly female psychologists are male psychiatrists.

My opinions are those, opinions - I am utterly biased in regards to the Psychology and Psychiatry professions, I don't see them as being as evidence and patient based as they like to think that they are. An old close friend of mine had an awful time in the mental health system after being made worse by a diagnosis of BPD - and only got better after she listened to my suggestion that she had PTSD and demanded a second opinion - guess what? She was diagnosed with PTSD and low and behold she got better because she stopped thinking that she was a horribly manipulative arsehole that the BPD diagnosis often causes those suffering from a low-self esteem and poor identity to feel.

Funny how she got better after not being labelled as having a disordered personality.

Any words of wisdom and advice for me?

Which order would you like them in 😆 Thoughtful through to suicidal.

It's not wrong, it's just different, as the saying goes

This is what I keep telling the GF, albeit in relation to anal sex.

Psychologists are all **** quacks, learn you're own mind - don't let other people pidgeonhole you.

+1....

I had to visit one recently. She tried telling me that I had a problem with drugs. No you stupid women....it's the police who have a problem with drugs. I've a problem without drugs....

She also wanted to diagnose me as having ADHD, but I couldn't concentrate and kept fidgeting.

I have to admit that I've found this thread interesting. Being a fairly typical IT geek I've always assumed I'm somewhere "on the spectrum", but nowhere near full bore. Yet reading comments about traits I have to admit to wondering if I'm actually a lot further towards one end of the scale than I've always assumed. Or maybe I've just spent too much time recently trying to work out why I'm failing so badly with my life.

Or maybe I've just spent too much time recently trying to work out why I'm failing so badly with my life.

This - self reporting is incredibly biased.

+1....

I had to visit one recently. She tried telling me that I had a problem with drugs. No you stupid women....it's the police who have a problem with drugs. I've a problem without drugs....

She also wanted to diagnose me as having ADHD, but I couldn't concentrate and kept fidgeting.

If I spoke my mind to a shrink they'd slap me with the Oppositional Defiant Disorder label, but balls to them - what's normal in a world where two thirds of humanity are so desperate to please authority that they would electrocute someone to death because an authority figure said they should. (See the Milgram experiment).

Mental health is too often defined by social constructs - not your own well being.

I have been having a further ponder about this. Interestingly several traits others have picked up on traits I recognise in myself.

I have not bothered going to get a formal diagnosis although I am fairly sure from the various on line testing that I do sit on the spectrum. However as someone on this thread said self reporting gives false positive diagnosis.
Getting a label would do me no good at all. i function reasonably well and have learn't ccoping mechanisims - the two I most use are I always tell the truth as I see it because "white lies" just don't work for me. I don't know what the other person wants to hear and my other is I always do my best to make sure I unsderstand what others want repeatedly asking them. I also laugh at my social awkwardness / anxiety about events.

Houns - I really don't think a formal diagnosis would make much difference to you nor do I think from what I know of you that you are really affected by this in any significant way. Like others on here t5ho I have come to understanding myself better knowing I have these traits shared with people with ASD - It was like something clicked when I realised.

Finally ASD is the current trendy diagnosis so lots of folk are being diagnosed with it who in other eras would not be.

embrace your otherness. its what makes you you.

We have a family member showing signs of being on the spectrum but as far as we know has never been diagnosed. He is actually incredibly clever, think Rainman, but cannot hold a conversation, well with us anyway. He could probably talk all day to a similar academic.

In fact I have seen the same behaviour in a lot of academics, I suppose the brain has to make allowances somewhere. Strangely enough the same clever gene appeared in a cousin.

I always tell the truth as I see it because "white lies" just don't work for me. I don't know what the other person wants to hear and my other is I always do my best to make sure I unsderstand what others want repeatedly asking them. I also laugh at my social awkwardness / anxiety about events.

The 1st comes with age, you just cant be arsed with beating around the bush. There's nothing "wrong" with being shy.
These things sound a lot like me, but I don't regard myself as having any sort of condition. People are different.

I am not shy btw - but I still find social situations bewildering at times

I used to, then I realised most people don't have anything in common with me, so I stopped trying too hard. Now I just go out with people who like me. There's not many of them and they don't live nearby, so I don't get out much 🙂

Morning all

I've been reading the posts last night and today, thanks for all of your replies. I won't go in to details explaining the traits I show that are compatible with Aspergers, but there are quite a few.

I did one of those online tests last night (I know they're not a good indication of things) and my AQ came out at 46 which is high on that scale.

I'm just finding it all quite interesting. I'm not looking for excuses, or using any potential diagnosis to shift blame, but it would be nice to get a bit of clarity to explain my choices and decisions in life, to use to develop and understand myself better.

My counsellor is a mental health nurse who has worked a lot with people with Autism. She said she has been subtly asking me probing questions over the last couple of sessions to find out more as she did have a feeling that I may have Aspergers.

Any diagnosis will hopefully get me the right treatment and understanding of it which will hopefully help with the depressive side of me

a bit of clarity to explain my choices and decisions in life

Aspergers or not - you're still you, and that still needs to be come to terms with.

I've made loads of stupid decisions in my life, with long reaching implications for me and my family. But that's just me. I'm flawed, like most people. Maybe one day there'll be a syndrome for it, maybe not.

We know people who've also made and continue to make bad decisions - evading reality, not listening to good advice, all sorts. Do they need treatment? Hard to say.

I'd place you somewhere on the human spectrum I think.

That's not to dismiss 'treatment' but maybe it should be considered a more intensive form of advice instead?

[quote=molgrips ]I used to, then I realised most people don't have anything in common with me, so I stopped trying too hard. Now I just go out with people who like me. There's not many of them and they don't live nearby, so I don't get out much

You are me and I claim my £5

In terms of Autism (which I must add is absolutely not a mental health issue) diagnosis is more for everyone else than it is for the Autistic person. With children, it moves the conversation away from a child being " naughty" or "quiet" and starts to focus people on how the environments the child is in might be driving behaviours. Also, being Autistic comes under the umbrella of [i]protected characteristics[/i] in the Equality Act (2010), meaning that, not only are you protected by law from discrimination on the grounds of being Autistic, but that public sector bodies [i]have a duty[/i] to account for your needs when planning services.
People who are "odd" are afforded little protection by the Act.

[quote=Tom_W1987 ]

I've had one try to tell me that I'm a bit on the spectrum yet I score in the top 1 percentile in the Baron-Cohen eye test.

That's interesting, I'd consider my self a bit of a social unitard, but I scored 32/36 on an online version of that test. Apparently the average is 26.

I wonder if maybe I just pick up more readily on people being bored/faking an interest in my conversations more than most people do. 😆

Edit: or my conversations are just more boring than most peoples, seems more likely in hindsight

based on this thread, i did an AQ test online and came out at 38.

People have always said that I was hovering on the spectrum somewhere, but this was something that only reared it's head for me in the last few years, or more importantly, I only started caring about it in the last few years.

After seeing my friends daughter, who has been diagnosed autistic, I care a lot less about myself now

That's interesting, I'd consider my self a bit of a social unitard, but I scored 32/36 on an online version of that test. Apparently the average is 26.

There's a theory (created by me and published in my head and now on STW for the first time) that if it doesn't come naturally to you you have to think more carefully about it which might ultimately lead to better understanding.

So you are good at it when concentrating, but occasionally if you're tired/caught out/etc you revert to type.

In terms of Autism (which I must add is absolutely not a mental health issue) diagnosis is more for everyone else than it is for the Autistic person.

Ah yes of course, excellent point.

With children, it moves the conversation away from a child being " naughty" or "quiet" and starts to focus people on how the environments the child is in might be driving behaviours.

Quite right, but remember that is also important for ALL kids. For those who are 'naughty' or 'acting up' or even just in the 'terrible twos' the same process is important, imo.

In other words - make an effort to what people are really thinking and feeling. That goes for everyone.

Which order would you like them in Thoughtful through to suicidal.

Alphabetically

There's a theory (created by me and published in my head and now on STW for the first time) that if it doesn't come naturally to you you have to think more carefully about it which might ultimately lead to better understanding.

So you are good at it when concentrating, but occasionally if you're tired/caught out/etc you revert to type.

Might as well share some of this so as to try and help others - so heres a clinician comment along those lines:

[IMG] [/IMG]

and to remind everyone that its not just 'seeing traits' its about how it affects your everyday life - TJ's comments about coping mechanisms being very relevant here

[IMG] [/IMG]

I have to admit I identify a bit with Kieran in the first image but not the second until the last sentence which is like me. Usually if I see someone I know that I haven't seen for a while I hide - there are few exceptions to this.

My friends are the ones who aren't put off by my being a little weird when I get over-excited.

I don't think it's the professional diagnosis that's important, more so it's awareness of your own traits and understanding yourself, knowing that you are not just chronically shy, learning how to blend in with NT people in social situations and communicate in personal/private relationships can help massively with your state of mind and mental health. I spent more than half my life as a very depressed self medicating hermit wondering why I was such a ****-up, but since becoming aware my life has changed for the better imeasurably. Having a label I can blame things on does not help and can become a hindrance, "sorry, I'm behaving like a **** because I'm aspie". Be careful not to go down that road.

I sound like Keiran.

Mental health is too often defined by social constructs - not your own well being.

Mental health is too often destroyed by social constructs - not your own well being.

sounds better to me.

Being an aspie, geeky, social retard, or whatever the hell others want to label you as is all good and well, but leads to the 'everyone is on the spectrum' type quotes, which, if they're talking about the spectrum of autistic disorders ( y'know, autistic spectrum disorder, after all..), it at best shit, and at worst devalues the extra effort required to function 'normally' which can lead to an overall sense that you're making it all up and everyone else copes just fine, why cant you? The persistent implications of this can lead to depression.

It's often only when you're close to someone with ASD, that you see the impact it has on them as an individual and the impact it has on others close.

It's very difficult to explain, but it's more the inconsitency of behaviour that often destroys previous social efforts. The harder you try to maintain these relationships, the more effort is required, the more exhausted you get and the more your baseline traits show through.

It's not all doom and gloom though....

Interesting comments , I particularly agree with the the one stating it isn't a mental health issue. I think it's how we're wired up.
I am Kieran too btw.

On a lighter note, try to imagine a STW Spectrum pootle? 😀

Houns has ridden with most of mlehworld......

On a lighter note, try to imagine a STW Spectrum pootle?

With no-one to prevent the group constantly stopping to try and get the saddle the exact right height? Could be a slow ride.

I have the image of shy cyclists ,30 minutes early, in all corners of a car park...With one or two boisterous ones doing wheelies. 😀

*s****s*

[quote=tjagain ]*s****s*

<quietly in a corner where nobody else can see him>

can you put a story to the video to explain what the triangles are doing?

If you can't, you're most likely on the Autistic spectrum. If you find it easy, you're not.
All the other stereotypes are irrelevant really.

The triangle videos are tests for children, not adults.

It's important to remember that the AQ test is relatively old and was designed as a screening tool for professional use. There are critics of Simon Baron Cohens hypothesis of a "Theory of Mind" deficit in Autistics.

If anyone needs help with their problematic AS traits, I suggest anything by Tony Attwood as a good place to start. He also has plenty of videos on Youtube.

NHS diagnosis IME for adults are based largely on the impact ASD is having on day to day living. The ones who have reached 35+ who haven't suffered from debilitating depression or topped themselves have probably developed coping skills to manage the condition. If you want to know if you have an autistic disorder, go private.

Schools and GP's just weren't geared up for it in the 80's. If you weren't dribbling into a cup or tripping up over your tongue then you were fine and just acting up, or a bit shy and needed to be put in front of a crowd of people to bring you out of your shell.

Having a diagnosis though isn't important to you as an individual. knowing that you have an ASD is enough, you can let yourself off a bit for being a bit of a mess and not getting what everyone around you appears to understand. However, like what's been said above, it's not an excuse for being a dick. For example, I have to work hard to figure out if I'm coming across as arrogant and condescending in conversation, where I'm merely using words sparingly and without emotion.

You are still who you've always knows you are, but also knowing you have ASD you have enough give in your mind to step away from the confusion that's causing anxiety, give it an internal rationale and move on without the concern of being 'not normal' stressing you out further. You can concentate more on managing your methods better, so they work better and allow you to lead a relatively normal external life, if that's what you want.

However, a diagnosis does offer those close, who may be confused and hurt by your inconsistent behaviour a better basic understanding that it's not personal, it may still hurt, but it's not personal or intentional, and if they feel like it, help provide a safe friendship where social obligations aren't necesarrily rigidly managed.

or, hang about in goth clubs, where everyone is a bit odd and it makes you look like the most normally functioning socially able person there.
😉

Houns has ridden with most of mlehworld......

Poor, poor man 😉

So...

What [b]are[/b] the symptoms??

Some people with Asperger syndrome say the world feels overwhelming and this can cause them considerable anxiety.

In particular, understanding and relating to other people, and taking part in everyday family, school, work and social life, can be harder. Other people appear to know, intuitively, how to communicate and interact with each other, yet can also struggle to build rapport with people with Asperger syndrome. People with Asperger syndrome may wonder why they are 'different' and feel their social differences mean people don’t understand them.

Autistic people, including those with Asperger syndrome, often do not 'look' disabled. Some parents of autistic children say that other people simply think their child is naughty, while adults find that they are misunderstood.

from [url= http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asperger.aspx ]http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asperger.aspx[/url]

though that doesn't really make it clear.

you know that teenage feeling that no one understands you? well, that doesn't go away, it gets worse.

that's only a small part though, or a large part, depending on who you are..:-s

you know that teenage feeling that no one understands you? well, that doesn't go away, it gets worse.

No-one actually does understand me though. Do you?

are you a special snowflake Molly?

😆

Yes, I am. Very special.

[quote=lovewookie ]from http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asperger.aspx
though that doesn't really make it clear.
you know that teenage feeling that no one understands you? well, that doesn't go away, it gets worse.
that's only a small part though, or a large part, depending on who you are..:-s

It's exactly that description, and previous similar comments on this thread which has lead me to realise that is me - when I'd always assumed before that it required much greater difficulty interacting with other people. I can just about manage small talk, I don't think I even have as much trouble as others on this thread like molly (I don't feel the need to hide from everybody). It's just the huge feelings of anxiety I often get about it.

I haven't done any of the self tests, and I'm not about to as it doesn't seem useful, but it is a relief in a way to understand it is partly due to how I'm wired.

My other half is a "strong" Aspie.
Was a steep learning curve and it can be difficult at times. She suffers from extreme anxiety and I've had to adjust to accommodate.
I'm a massive piss taker and wind-up merchant, but I know she'll take things at face value so I have to reign it in.
She has quite strict routines which cause great stress and anxiety if not adhered to, even down to little things like always walking the same route, crossing the road at exactly the same place.
I love spontaneity and trying new things, but appreciate it is very much a "one step at a time" process to avoid overwhelming her.

I've also had to learn that she doesn't show affection like a "normal" person. This was initially very difficult but I now know that she does things in her own time and in her own way.

It's just nice that she feels safe and comfortable with me, and has started to get out the house more now, although I have to admit it was Pokemon that did that initially (one of her obsessive behaviours).

And with the mention of Pokemon, I have shared too much.
🙂

Some people with Asperger syndrome say the world feels overwhelming and this can cause them considerable anxiety.

My only input for you is in the way of a bit of help in the understanding of such a diagnosis.
Seems to be in stages

Stage 1. Answers to a whole host of questions that have likely plagued you throughout your life.
The down side there is while it may answer many questions, it unfortunately poses a lot more.

Stage 2. Telling other people of your diagnosis and the 'help' they offer by telling you that you dont have it, or implying such that many of the traits and behaviours you feel are normal for everyone.

Stage 3. Excuses. Excuses excuses excuses.
You'll start blaming everything on Aspergers. Then as a crutch to get out of doing things you might find difficult, or at least a bit.

Stage 4. Depression. No two ways about it youre as flawed as flawed gets. You share nothing with the general population. And youve got it all in writing so cannot deny you have Aspergers, though you will, and at great length.

Stage 5 More depression. Family, friends CANNOT understand.
Stage 6. Delusions of grandeur. 😉 You might start looking at some of the traits as a bonus, and abilities, the vast population of the great unwashed do not posses.
Stage 7. Acceptance. Sort of.

Slight upside, that can actually be a downside and a rather steep one at that - Having autism means youre completely exempt from everything work wise. Benefits will be in the region of £20G including housing and other exemptions.(what would be income tax/ council tax, prescriptions and other medical benefits. etc)
Oooh Thats a lot, I hear concerned voices mutter. But it can be the case that the person with autism that they've employed might do something that could lead to the injury of others.

It is imperative you stay in employment.

But it can be the case that the person with autism that they've employed might do something that could lead to the injury of others.

It is imperative you stay in employment.

Eh?

The problem with Psychologists, is that most of them are women - so every man that comes through their door ends up being labeled on the "spectrum" - because if you're not a touchy feely cuddly person and have an interest in inanimate objects it must be because you're autistic.

Not so much controversial as misogynistic.

Psychologists are all **** quacks

Probably not.

Note my comment on male psychiatrists, BPD being a wonderfully mysoginistic diagnosis formed by males.

https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2015/10/27/government-study-autism/20907/

To add, I think casually labelling someone as being a "bit on the spectrum" is a wonderfully dismisive way of shunning other peoples behavior in interacting with the world.