[Closed] Anyone else not want kids??????????

But the good lady and I like our current life, biking, wakeboarding, holidays, partys, a few quid left at the end of the month etc etc.

Will you just BOG OFF! 👿

(father of 3)

Case closed...............

In the interests of full disclosure, we've got one, hoping for a second. However, good friends of ours are now mid forties, they knew from way back that kids weren't for them and lead happy, fulfilled lives. Each of them is a godparent and they enjoy those ties, but yeah, basically are enjoying the life they want.

I sometimes think its not that they 'didn't want' kids (a negative 'do not want' kind of thing), but rather that they didn't 'want' kids (more that the desire for them was never there, so why do it... ). Accept that this sentence badly written and astoundingly unclear and therefore prob meaningless. Will try to ponder and rewrite, but bath time is approaching and play dough doesn't get itself out of carpet...

[i]But the good lady and I like our current life, biking, wakeboarding, holidays, partys, a few quid left at the end of the month etc etc.[/i]

Enjoy. Although it sounds like you're trying really hard to justify something that you don't really have to.

when i get home kimbers jr (18mths)will be waiting for his hug before he goes to sleep

I miss my partying, late nights, cinema and chillaxing, and mtbing and snowboarding is less frequent for sure

but in the end hugs ftw!

They should get a carbon footprint rebate. Only fair.

Me, mid forties now, never felt any desire to breed, don't regret not having any dependants, and enjoy the freedoms that all my friends have given up, happy days...

Xterramac, me and the wife are the same. No think you very much. As for a hug when you get home, we've got a dog. He's not going to throw a tantrum years down the line saying he hates us and wishes he'd never been born.

you sound like me, even down to the wakeboarding.

We had our first just over a year ago, and to be honest having kids is not better than not having kids, and not having kids is not better than having kids. They're just two different things.

I think you can lead just as happy and fulfilled life without kids and you can with, so if you think you dont want them, then dont have them.

BTW - I still go wakeboarding...

we've got a dog. He's not going to throw a tantrum years down the line saying he hates us and wishes he'd never been born.

No. For that you need a cat.

[i]He's not going to throw a tantrum years down the line saying he hates us and wishes he'd never been born.[/i]

He'll eat your feet when you've died alone too. 😉

Me,[s]mid forties[/s] late thirties now, never felt any desire to breed, don't regret not having any dependants, and enjoy the freedoms that all my friends have given up, happy days...

I now have a nephew (18 months) who I feel moderately (surprisingly) fond of, but I can still only manage about 20 minutes in his prescence without remembering exactly why I never have wanted, and never want to, have kids. Fortunately the missus feels exactly the same.

We should get a carbon footprint rebate. Only fair.

Yup!

Ok... so I had never really wanted kids, nothing at all against them, was just going through my life like you, enjoying biking, snowboarding, kayaking. Loved the fact that I could buy the toys I wanted. Was due to have the mortaguage paid off before I was 50...

...then I met a guy with two kids!

Now I have to admit that I am wondering. Its not that I have had a sudden change of heart, just that it looks like my future has changed to a future that will revolve around kids anyway, so I may as well add my own to the mix. If I'm honest (really, really honest) I think that if my partner didn't have kids, then I would be happy to carry on without 😕 but being around his two I can also see what they can bring to life.

For what its worth I think it is great that you have a partner who feels the same way as you do, as above - enjoy it!!

EDIT: LOL @ donald

Some people I know have managed to maintain having a life when they have kids but most don't seem to do it very well (some kids seem very demanding and others are pretty chilled and easy to look after). Of course most say that your life becomes your kids and are very happy with that.

The elephant in the room is that I bet quite a few people think 'I love my kids but on balance I wish I hadn't had them' - but would never say it as it would sound pretty hurtful to the kids and is a hard thing to admit to yourself.

Some friends of mine have admitted as much to me, but I doubt they are the only ones.

If you haven't got kids then you just won't understand the feelings they generate in you as a parent. Yes you lose sleep, money, hair when you have them, but those are really not essentials are they. Mine are all grown up and away from home now but whenever we meet up together I just thank god that I was blessed with them. You will never have such great riding buddies.

But if you don't want them, fair enough, good luck to you!

I wonder how many people actually [i]wanted[/i] kids when they found out they were going to have their first?

Love biking, holidays, partying, weekends away,snowboarding and many more things, love doing all these with my mates and my wife..oh and also my 3 kids ages 8,14 and 18, what I'm trying to say is all that can carry on ,its just getting the balancing act right , and I've now got three kids to choose which home I may end up in!!!! All I will say from my experience ,those who go the childless route end up spending more time alone doing things just as a couple as they drift away from their friends with children, you do have less in common as more have children.whatever choice you make i am sure it will be the correct one for you.

I'm 39 and I never used to think about getting serious with someone and having kids. Now I do.

Approaching 40 and no kids. In a relationship for the last 3 years with two of hers under 8.

Great, great kids, love them to bits, but I have to say, the incessant trips to the blummin park to have footballs kicked at my face and wrenching my body into spasms trying to get maximum speed on the ziplines are something I only half miss now that we have recently split up.

My personal freedom took a massive nosedive when they came into my life, and although many times were magic, I think eventually the pressure from her to do the 'family thing' and turning my back on my kayaking and biking and adventurous past led to a lot of unhappiness for me.

I see some families together and I envy their sense of unity and closeness, but I also see some parents at the end of their tether, looking knackered and old before their time and basically having to more or less completely forget themselves for the foreseeable.

I'd imagine that its when you get real old that kids would be a blessing. I'll have to pay someone to wipe my bum now...

[troll]
If you don't have kids it's only fair you should pay double tax or forgo your national pension and any nhs or social services after 60.

Onion population and all that.
[/troll]

Sometimes I look at people I know who have no kids and I get a bit jealous; they have more time, more freedom, more disposable income than me.

Sometimes though, I look at them and think is that all you've got?

I've done enough stuff on my bike to write a book about, raced here and in Europe, still racing now, do a lot of what I want, mostly when I want to, and have 3 kids who are all growing into new people.

If you've not got kids, what's your excuse?

Have complete respect for my friends who have decided not to have kids because they really do not feel the desire to have them.

Less so for those who really don't but feel obliged/pressurised from whatever direction and then seem to spend their lives taking it out on the kids.

I have 2 boys 13 & 15 and they have been, and still are, the best thing I have ever done (assuming Mrs Cat is telling the truth!). Maybe we got lucky but they are really good lads. And it has been brilliant fun.

Perhaps if more people were as honest as the OP then there may be fewer unwanted kids about (used in the most general sense).

i often wonder if the people who go on and on about how "having children is the best thing you can do blah blah" are just unwilling to admit that their life is crap now, because you cant undo having kids can you?

no kids for me thanks, too many people on the planet already if you ask me

I turned 40 this year and I've no desire to reproduce. Never have.

I've heard all the clichés, "ooh it's different when they're yours" and "you will when you're older" and all that. But I think, fundamentally, whatever gene or instinct or whatever that makes people feel paternal, I simply don't have. I've got friends who've spent thousands trying to conceive and whilst I feel for them I think that, on reflection, personally I'd rather have a motorbike, or go on a relaxing holiday, or go to Download.

There's occasions where I think it might be kinda cool, y'know, usually when I'm trying to justify buying Lego for myself or something. It's a bit like, I think having an elephant would be kinda cool too, but I don't really [i]want[/i] one.

We've gone down the electing not to have kids route. Essentially neither of us ever felt very paternal - enjoy having niece/nephews but no more.

The problem with this topic (not unlike religious conversations between believers and non-belivers) is that discussion always gets very tribal between the haves and haves not. Friends can't just accept our decision and "want to persuade us we are wrong" and I can hear myself becoming increasingly vitriolic in response. Just live and let live and realise we are all different and have different priorities and feelings.

The only thing I would say - my friends with kids are busy people being great parents - as a childless couple be just as busy filling the time with meaningful stuff you choose to do and don't slowly slide into being a lazy arse. And don't eat all the disposable income and become a fat childless couple!

Smiththemainman that's where I disagree you can't carry on the way it was, it has to change. you can't both go MTBing together, go on scuba diving holidays together. That isn't possible it takes a huge shift/change in lifestyle.

why do you need an excuse to not have kids? It's everyone's individual choice. i'm sick of people saying "ooo you should be having kids at your age", no I shouldn't. What I do in my life is not dictated by what society "says" I should be doing at this age. The majority of people I know who have children, constantly moan about lack of money, always saying they are jealous about my holidays, look constantly knackered. I'm financially secure, love my holidays, bike when I want, and do what the heck I like! I'm happy without kids, good luck to those who have them as I wouldn't want to spend my time doing that shizzle 😆

Just to add - for us , life after kids isnt vastly different to life before kids. We do the same things pretty much (biking, snowboarding, wakeboarding, holidays etc), the main change is that we cant go out in the evenings like we used to, everything else we still do.

However some people I know have completely changed, and no longer do any of the things they used to do.

WHo knows why its so different for them, I guess they dont want to do the things they used to do any more.

And I definately disagree with the oft quoted phrase that 'having kids is the best thing you can do', as it kind of tries to belittle anyone thta hasnt had kids. Do whatever you think will make you happy, if thats not having kids then cool.

I've recently broken up with my long term girlfriend over this. I just don't have the desire to have kids. Certainly not going to make such a life changing commitment because it's expected, all my friends are, the next step, normal, etc, etc. Maybe things will change, maybe not, happy with the status quo.

Well done to those that do. Well done to those that don't.

One thing though..... It would be nice to sit in the pub and feel like I was don't have to defend this point of view. I wouldn't dream of suggesting you might be happier if you didn't have your kids, so leave out the "you don't know what you're missing/you'll change your mind once you have them" self validation weirdness!

It's a choice.

It's for some people and not for others. I find it odd that some people are so insistant that you should have kids. Why? I'm pretty sure it would make me fing miserable and what kind of a basis is that for bringing another life into the world?

Its odd that having kids should be seen as the default setting. The world would be a better place if many people committed a bit more thought to the decision.

Some great posts and honest feeling coming out, thanks its all really greatly recived.

We've both done heaps of stuff with our lives already and still there so much more we are doing and want to do..
If we had kids and waited to do it "when they leave home" (as so many of our mates say they will)we would be too bloody old..
Also a few people tell use how they "just give the kids to the folks for the weekend if theres something they really want to do" which strikes me as abit odd, why did you have them if you dont want them full time?

As with most things i guess its horses for courses and everyones different, but one thing does strike me from all this, we are not alone, so thankyou singletrackers.

I'm now just about an 'empty nester' and it's awful!! 😯

Best thing I ever did was stop working 80+ hours a week.

Having a child is a doddle and filled with free time compared with that.

It suits some people, some people are really paternal and feel the need to breed. Personally I don't, and I'm lucky to have found a lady to spend my life with who agrees that it's not for her either. We were both pretty clear on this from the early part of our relationship so it's not like one forced it on the other. She has 2 sisters who both have daughters and while she loves them, she has no interest in creating our own little version of us.

It's a life choice that seriously upsets my Mum, as I'm an only child. But I'm not going to have kids just keep her happy.

Families can be the greatest most rewarding things for some and a source of pain and anguish for others, why feel compelled into doing it if you don't really want to? By the same token, if you love it then fair play to you.

i turned 44 about a month ago. never wanted to be a breeder either.
my gf's 5 years younger and feels exactly the same. lots of our friends are getting married/having kids these days. good for them, that's what they want but it's not for us and that's fine. there's nothing necessarily wrong with either way.

Best thing I ever did was stop working 80+ hours a week.

Having a child is a doddle and filled with free time compared with that.

Ha ha, a man I can relate to 😆

I used to cringe when people would say to me how much effort a kid requires, and they have to get up at 5am every morning.

Being in the office for 5am every morning looking after a petulant fortune 500 child until midnight is no easy task either. Now that I'm working in house and keeping steady office hours for the moment (rarely over 50 per week unless something is on), I genuinely wonder what people who work 9-5 fill the rest of their day with....but then i realised...kids! 🙂

On the up side, now I'm leading a more normal life, kids are actually an option.

39 this year and never had any strong urges to father a child. Quite the opposite, truth be told. That said, Mrs Removed is now four months gone, and I'm quite excited. Really would never have bothered if she hadn't been insistent!

We had a good few barnies about it, during which I was completely candid about my (lack of) feelings about kids, but we were already married, so needless to say I just did what I was told 😀

Anyone gone past the point of no return and still enjoying life or anyone else out there in our boat and not into the whole kid thing

Pretty much - me and Mrs TJ are now 51 no kids and one now really would be a bit of a suprise / disaster

I really never wanted one - Julie was not bothered at all. We did get it clear and out in the open when we got back together after splitting up

Many of the things I like do do simply would not be possible if we had kids - and I like my life

So do what is right for you - but think it thru carefully cos its a fairly irrevocable decision. I know quite a few childless folk my age

I'm finding this thread to be remarkably sane and sensible.

What's gone wrong?

The people posting aren't all tired and irritable because they have kids.

(Is that better Spin?!)

The elephant in the room is that I bet quite a few people think 'I love my kids but on balance I wish I hadn't had them'

I bet they don't, honestly.

I think it's good that these days people don't feel under pressure, not like in the old days. 😉 It's not right for everyone.

Your life does change and it will change you as a person.

Going off at a slight tangent, I have absolutely no desire to be a grandparent. So ... if my adult kids are reading this ... if you want any you'll have look after 'em yerself cos I'll be too busy riding my bike!

I don't want kids...and I have three. 😥

For me I need to pass my gene to the next generation because that is my tradition or responsibility. The problem is that no female, so far, is willing to be impregnated by me in order to combine my genes with hers to produce the next generation. In other words, someone to look after you when you're old.

To OP if you're a man of science then your consideration does not compute with your rationality. i.e. you're happy and your calculation of your present happiness/life does not require you to change so why bother to pass on your DNA?

If you're are a man of god then what is your purpose of playing god? i.e. creating another being knowing that you will bring suffering to him/her if you're not up to the task to provide him/her a good living.

I bet they don't, honestly.

What are you basing that on? I'm basing it on what my friends said and some interviews I've read - and I bet many people would feel uncomfortable admitting to it.

Here's some though if you don't believe me:

http://www.secret-confessions.com/hate/hate-being-a-mom
http://childfreedom.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/i-regret-having-kids.html

I'm not saying having kids is wrong, I'm just saying the general view is slightly skewed because people are unwilling to say certain things.

For me I need to pass my gene to the next generation because that is my tradition or responsibility. The problem is that no female, so far, is willing to be impregnated by me in order to combine my genes with hers to produce the next generation.

Wow!

For me I need to pass my gene to the next generation because that is my tradition or responsibility. The problem is that no female, so far, is willing to be impregnated by me in order to combine my genes with hers to produce the next generation

Have you tried telling your lady friends this?

Spin - Member

Have you tried telling your lady friends this?

So far no because I haven't met any yet ... 🙄

Oh ya ... Tradition can also be referred to good family life with the children looking after you in your old age. A security of some sort rather than relying on the state. ... and to pass down inheritance ... 😆

I have two kids, love them to bits and absolutely the right decision for us. I have found it really hard for the last few years to keep up mtbing and social life generally - some seem to manage it, we have struggled a bit. Getting easier now ( youngest is 1, oldest 2) - but I'd be lying if I said I never looks at some of my mates' lives and envy their freedom. I'd suggest that many folk who have them go through some strong feelings, and there are times when I have found it really hard - I suspect many folk go through feelings of regret, but I'd also suspect that most get through that and are happy with their decision in the long run.

For the OP, all I'd say is that unless you feel compelled to have kids I wouldn't recommend it - no-one will know how you'll feel in 10 years about your decision, but your guess will be bett than ours!

43 this year and still no desire to be a parent whatsoever!

Having kids truly transformed my materialistic side. I used to enjoy throwing money at all sorts of activities but now I'm skint I really appreciate the simpler things and am happier and healthier for it.
If you don't want kids, crack on, no skin off my nose.

Sounds like 'Dave' really appreciates his kids, forgot one of them and left them at the pub when he left to go home!!! If that was a single parent on Income Support the papers would be baying for his blood, but as it's good old DC they take a lighthearted view. 😯

It would be good if the 'make the choice' gene would pass on to the next generation more often.

Plenty of feral kids around here.

Must be a bit stressful to be an only child of an only child (you get the idea) and not want kids.

'Are you willing to be impregnated by me in order to combine my genes with yours to produce the next generation' usually works a treat for me. Esp when I tell her I need to pass my gene to the next generation because that is my tradition.

I have loads of money and can do whatever I like, whenever I like. My life is great. I wish I had children though, I would swap it all for the chance to be a good father.

those who have no desire to be parents, did you have a difficult childhood? do you get on with your parents? are they separated? would be interested to know if there's a correlation.

I've been a father now for four weeks, I can see how it will be difficult to have the life I had before, but it's about making time. unfortunately society puts a lot of pressure on parents to make their child the centre of their universe and if they don't do certain things or give their child particular things then they're bad parents... guilt is a challenge.
not having kids would be the easy option... but the bond you feel with your child and the way that their every breath, every movement excites you brings new meaning to your life. once you've grown up and become an adult, found a career, found a home, having a child gives your life purpose and direction. some people need that, some people don't.

would be interested to know if theirs a correlation

Do you expect there to be?

I doubt it's that simple.

Most of you lot would be rubbish parents anyway so good job really 😉

Edit: coming from a bitter and twisted father of two boys.

I don't want kids. And got sterilised to make sure it never happens 'by accident'

Why? Not because I'm too selfish to give up my lifestyle....although that is a bonus of the situation, for sure. More because I'd be a crap mother and think it is far better that the gene pool stops right here.

I'd never want to subject a child to having me as a mother.

EDIT - as pointed out by rewski!

brakes - Member

those who have no desire to be parents, did you have a difficult childhood?

do you get on with your parents?

are they separated?

that goes for both of us.

Just do not have that desire to procreate. Its just not there in my psyche. In an earlier era I would have had children no doubt and made a decent job of it - but my generation got a meaningful choice with effective contraception available

I enjoy being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it, I do not wish to have anyone dependent on me, I believe the world is overpopulated and having children is irresponsible and the most un green thing you can do just about.

too much of what I do in my life would be impossible if I had kids

not having kids would be the easy option.

Not so - especially for women - you come under pressure all the time to have kids. Having kids is the easy decision to take - to decide not to have them is a hard decision that you often get challenged on

Do you expect there to be?

not really, but it might be one explanation.

those who have no desire to be parents, did you have a difficult childhood? do you get on with your parents? are they separated?

A very positive No,Yes,No. Curiously my male friends for whom having a family of their own is most important would answer yes,no,yes.

not having kids would be the easy option...

Father of two aged 10 & 16.

Have they limited what we could do? Yes.
Have they given us other things to do? Yes.
I've taught both to ride bikes. The 10yr old was helping build trails at the weekend. We ski together, laugh together and have fun together, and I hope that's always the way.

Have my wife and I grown apart a bit through this process? Yes 🙁
Do I regret the kids at all? Not for a moment.
Would I criticise those who haven't got them? No, and there really is no need to justify your decision

ok, the decision might not be easier, but not having children is.

I was in your position at 37.

3 weeks before our wedding my wife dropped the bombshell that she had changed her mind, she now wanted a baby!

I felt betrayed, as like you I was SURE I didn't want to lose my life or money. After a hellish 12 months I took myself for counselling to try and get over my feelings (I can only describe these as the blackest of moods 🙁 )

Fast forward to now and I am 41 with a beautiful 18 month old boy.

And as everybody who has a child knows, I WAS WRONG!! It truly is the best thing you will ever do in your life.

It has also knocked nearly all the selfishness out of me.

But you are also right. What you haven't had you won't miss....

oxytocin is a marvellous thing -without the human race would have died out long ago as everyone killed their screaming brats off 🙂

..

Mugboo - your post sums up how I think most couples seem to work - the woman of the house chooses if it will be childless or not and the man eventually falls in line 🙂 I'm quite convinced us men are preprogrammed to be happy enough with our lot and would describe it as the right decision no matter which way it went!

You did also get a tiny bit preachy there - it's the best thing YOU have done in YOUR life- please don't try to pass judgement on how others feel/might feel.

I've got 2 kids one nearly four and an 18 month old. It's bloody hard work but great. I/we wanted it though. If you and your missus don't want it don't do it. But make that your choice and live with it. I'm not saying you'll regret it, I don't want to preach, but if you think about it in later life you could start to regret. So make your decision and live by it.

Enjoy your non blood shot eyed life!!

I think you decide early on in life if having kids is for you. I knew when i hit my late teens i wanted to have kids and looked forward to being called Dad one day, glad i waited though, because...........

I never met Claire until i was 28, i soon realised she would one day be my wife, we both wanted kids and when we got married on 28.11.09, we wasted no time practising 😉

Inevitably she fell pregnant and on 06.11.10 she gave birth to a healthy baby boy! - Jamie 🙂

We love him to bits, would'nt change him for the world.

The flip side is:

[u][b]I love biking! [/b][/u]

Not just the adrenaline rushes of pelting downhill, but the escape from reality, time to unwind and forget about the stresses of general day to day life. Plus the bonus of the banter with good mates en-route and during - makes it all the better.

The mates and i used to go regular and it is harder to go now at the drop of a hat.

Hoping that the arrival of No. 2 in mid November does'nt mean my trusty Nomad will gather dust at the back of the shed!

To be continued.................................

I'd like to echo the 'surprised at a remarkably sensible thread so far' sentiment. Well done STW (unless someone posted something toxic while I was typing this, in which case, 'typical bloody STW atttude, blah blah etc.') 😉

It irritates me every time someone evangelises having children as some eudaimonia, swiftly followed by the implication (or explicit accusation) that you are some kind of dysfunctional being if you are childless.

Up until three years ago, I was firmly in the 'happy with my life and kids would disrupt this too much' camp. I'd emigrated to the USA and the world was my lobster, lots of hobbies, travel, money and stuff to do.

Things changed, I got divorced at 35, met a new woman and got married again. I am happier than I've ever been (my wife rocks). The marriage gave me three wonderful stepchildren - two boys and a girl. Our boys are now 12 and 17, our girl is 15. Obviously it was a bit of a game changer with respect to freedom to travel etc. but it changed my perspective on kids completely.

I'd previously been very happy looking after friends' children, but happier still to give them back at the end of the day once they'd been stroppy/demanding/etc. Actually living with my own new kids let me push through that barrier and build a relationship with them so that even though they still do annoying things and play up from time to time, I experience it and react to it differently.

I think I'm one of those who has the parenting gene and definitely had a switch flipped once I'd spent a little time building our new family. I'm in full-on nurturing mode and take every opportunity to help the kids grow and learn in whatever they are doing.

My stepchildren inspired me so much that the missus and I decided to have a brand spanking new one of our own 8) I'm 38, she's 43 and we were trying for 18 months before she got pregnant.

A bouncing baby boy is due around 4th July and we are all well chuffed and can't wait.

My best mate and his wife are resolutely 'no kids' and I respect them for it completely. They are perfect 'aunt and uncle but not a real aunt and uncle' material and they are looking forward to coming over for dinner, winding our new kid up just before bedtime and leaving us to deal with a hyper kid and a pile of dishes as they leave smiling, off to light candles and shag all over their house (or go wakeboarding or whatever people without kids do). Just what I used to do to my mates. Happy days.

Wow, I carried on a bit. Soz for the long post. OP, go with the flow and don't worry about it. Nobody can tell you how you should feel about this - carry on having fun, live life and see what the wind brings.

Not for me .
I hated being a child and wouldnt want to put anyone else through that.
No one would want to have children with me anyway .
Will I regret it? Don't know , doubt it though .
Enjoy the freedom and lifestyle I have now.
If I could find a lady who doesnt want kids and who would put up with me that would be even better . but thats not going to happen either.

I've never felt the desire to have kids at all. Mind you, it's just as well as I can't anyway!

Rachel

[b]singletrackmind[/b] - Apt username 😉

I've never felt the desire to have kids at all. Mind you, it's just as well as I can't anyway!

Rachel

Did a Rachel Mess you up too?
They can be mena those Rachels.

Yeah - those Rachels are well known for people messing up the [ quote ] tags??

grr - well if people will insist on editing their typos!

I'm 34 and have no desire as yet to have kids. I'm fairly sure that I never will (but you never know). For one thing I don't like the idea of pregnancy and childbirth at all. And I struggle to fit everything in as it is. I can't imaging having kids and doing my current job so it would need a big change in my life to make everything work. And I'm just not maternal, I'm barely even domesticated! Being stuck in the house with a baby would be my worst nightmare.

I love my nephews to bits but I'm always glad to hand them back and have no responsibility going beyond the fun bits.

I think my family wouldn't be surprised, but OH's family have started making noises (he's an only child). I haven't discussed it with him directly, although if he's missed the hints then he doesn't know me as well as he thinks! To be honest it's been hard enough convincing myself that I can enjoy being in a relationship without feeling trapped, and so far I've not let him move in because I need space so I think he knows that children aren't on the agenda at the moment!

deffo NOT a breeder

LOL

brakes - Member

those who have no desire to be parents, did you have a difficult childhood? do you get on with your parents? are they separated?

no, yes, no.

same answers for my gf too.

peterfile - Member
I wonder how many people actually wanted kids when they found out they were going to have their first?

With my first wife, we had the discussion early on and decided we'd not be having children. One thing and another, we split up.

With my second wife, we decided we [i]would[/i] have children. We tried for a few years and then gave up hope when it just wasn't happening. I guess neither of us were that bothered, so we didn't consider treatment/assistance. Lo and behold, Mrs druidh is suddenly pregnant. I was devastated and went into a real depression over how my life was going to have to change and was ruined.

Fast forward a bit and I'm actually getting excited about the whole thing, but still reticent. I recall going to one of these pre-natal session with other dads-to-be and we had to chat about how we felt. I was the only one coming up with negatives! Once my daughter was born though, that was it. Any doubts I had were put to the back of my mind and I fell into that into of love you get when you are first infatuated with someone.

Did my life change? Of course it did! However, I can't say I've been much less active as a parent than I was previously - [b]PLUS[/b] I have a wonderful daughter!!

We've three teenagers (one starting GCSE's, one in an apprenticeship and the eldest at college), and if nothing else happy we had them when we were younger - unlike friends who are only having their first, in their 40's...

Can't think really of anything they stopped us doing, we'd having only spent the cash on more expensive holidays/cars etc.

Mine all ride, and all are quicker downhill them me - but I'm still quicker up 🙂

Funny thread - lots of middle aged people justifying why they missed the boat.

Such a shame.