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Prompted by the arrival in the post box this morning of a package addressed to Mrs Stoner from "The Sock Company" and the looming feeling of the need for a new patio on boxing day....
...what's the crappest present you've ever received?
My mum once got me an A-Level Physical Geography Course book, because "You like that kind of outdoors thing". I was 24.
This.
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Beat that.
Pants.
Get some every year. Use them as bike cloths.
A lampshade.
Thanks love.
I got a stapler and paper punch set once.
[in-joke alert]
I got a stapler and paper punch set once.
Mrs CFH has a new log in?
[/in-joke alert]
my mum bought me an empty Ostrich egg last year.
Raliegh Marauder when I had spent a 1.5 years saving up for an Offroad Sport and the cost of the Marauder would have been the balance....
I was so sad. I had to wait another 2 years before I got a real MTB
Can't think of a present I've been unhappy to receive. Worst present I've given was a packet of modeling balloons to an asthmatic, never realised how vein-poppingly difficult they were to blow up.
An electric toothbrush 'because you clean your teeth too much'.
Some travel dominoes 'because you like metal things'
A battered old metal Coca Cola patio chair 'because we saw and thought that's really you'
A toiletries set - for women 'because it's excellent quality'
TheI love my parents dearly, but sweet lord they choose terrible presents.
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Can't think of a present I've been unhappy to receive.
You've never been given a trouser press then.
An electronic toothbrush off th ex, as a kid the old man did the old orange nuts and some coins and made me wait a couple of hours before presenting a new MX bike the git ....
A box of York-Fruits.
They went down but they were just one of them "WTF" type pressies.
Bottles of wine, I'm bi-polar & don't drink. Re-gift the lot.
yamyamblade - Member
An electronic toothbrush off th ex, as a kid the old man did the old orange nuts and some coins and made me wait a couple of hours before presenting a new MX bike the git ....
Now that I like 😈
I once wrapped my 3 year old some nappies and some wipes - then asked her to get me something from the dining room where the battery operated trike was waiting for her... 🙂
A copy of the book 'Hairy Hunks'
Why? 'Because I wanted you to feel better about being hairy and hunky'
Do I have a problem with being hairy then? 'oh. um. I suppose not'
No.
My Man Utd supporting colleague just got a Man City mug and kit bag in our secret Santa. Ho Ho Ho
I once got a gold knitted tie. Oh, and a rusty penknife.
You've never been given a trouser press then.
You've clearly never used yours for making cheese toasties 🙂
bottle of next aftershave.
it smelt like diesel !. Made the fire roar though.
old spice
I got £13 of M&S [u]CREDIT[/u] vouchers for my birthday once. 😐
Harry the Spider +1
Except to make mine even shitter, i was at University at the time. And to make it appear that I wasn't an ungrateful shit to my parents, I then had to take it up to uni with me rather than leave it at home.
On the rare chance that a female ever accompanied me back to my room 'for coffee' the trouser press usually unsealed that deal pretty quickly.
A bar of Soap with the words "You Stink" on it.
I was mentally wounded for 11 years after that.
I now wash with Bleach.
An alarmingly large thing to hang off a key ring with two buttons on it and a two foot long list of instructions of how to program it. It was for letting you know when your parking ticket would expire!
I was pretty speechless at that, what with owning a watch, being able to tell the time and have a rudimentary grasp of memory.
That really was a solution looking for a problem!
An Aunt on my wife's side buys brandy filled chocolates from the pound shop to give to people...I get them every year.
They're like little chocolate barrels filled with petrol.
A bath brush in the shape of a Giraffe when I was about 8.
Things like that scar you for ever.
They're like little chocolate barrels filled with petrol.
Do you have a video camera and a match? Sounds like a youtube winner!
Driving gloves.
My Auntie Betty bought me a car cleaning kit in a leather pouch when I was about 12. Thanks.
Best present as a kid..
Came down the stairs into the living room and there on the mat, on it's stand, was a Grifter. That mental image will always be with me. Utter childhood joy.
Easy....riverdance tickets in Nottingham from my sister when I was 25 and living in Colchester and into hardcore/punk/Indie. a 4 hour round trip to watch a 2nd rate Flately....I just asked whether I had my mums present by mistake and when she said no I politely informed her I would not be going to that and gave them straight back.
Nothing I've really loathed, but plenty of pointless stuff like aftershave (makes me cough and wheeze).
TBH even with the really nice things, my guilt sense goes into overdrive and I can never really enjoy them for feeling that I don't deserve such kindness.
I'd prefer not to receive gifts.
An aged 12 jumper.. I'm 34
A sickly purple colour t shirt with C3-P0 on it.
Got my outlaws some comet vouchers this year
Actually, thinking back quite some time....... a present to our family from an aunty. A set of paper cut out battleships that you're meant to float in the toilet and sink them by shitting on them.
A set of paper cut out battleships that you're meant to float in the toilet and sink them by shitting on them.
I think I need some of those!
I'm often accused of being tight by my family, but I'm a firm believer that shit presents are worse than no presents! Last year my sister got me a wind up hamster in a clear plastic ball. WTF? Apparently it wasn't even meant as a toy for the cats? I'd really rather she just made me a cup of tea or something!
Except to make mine even shitter, i was at University at the time. And to make it appear that I wasn't an ungrateful shit to my parents, I then had to take it up to uni with me rather than leave it at home.
Is this you?
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A jumper from my aunt, complete with fleas.
A plastic reproduction two-sided station clock, for the garden shed I do not have.
A selection of episodes of Danger Mouse and Quackula taped off the telly.
I'm sure I can think of many many others ...
My mum bought me a denim shirt one year (not in the 70s mind). gawd it was awful. We had fun for a few years wrapping it up and giving it to another brother (from the same mother) and subsequent Christmases.
Best though was a house number sign my Dad-in-law [i]made[/i]. I lived in a road with a bird's name and he tried to make the bird out of wood on the sign. It was bad. I can't describe how funny it was though.
My mate was actually crippled with laughter when he saw it.
Never made it on to the front of our house.
Came down the stairs into the living room and there on the mat, on it's stand, was a Grifter. That mental image will always be with me. Utter childhood joy.
Funny how timing is everything - I got a grifter too one Christmas, but it was the year that everyone (and I really do mean everyone) was getting a BMX. My mum knew what I wanted but decided she knew best and went for the grifter because the saddle looked more comfortable. I can't claim it was the worst gift I ever got, but I still feel the pain today.
A selection of episodes of Danger Mouse and Quackula [b]taped off the telly.[/b]
😆
Almost the winner... DM was quite good.
Oh yes, a pair of indian mocashin-style house slippers. Not the coolest at age 15. Best bit though, was one was a size 8, the other a size 9.
A garden spade with woodworm.
A plastic wasp catcher - a joint present to me & MrsD
But high on the list is the ceramic Green Man for the garden; when my wife came back that summer so, so excited that she'd found the 'perfect Xmas pressie for you; you'll love it" a small knot formed in my stomach. She'd been at a garden craft show with a friend.
A lovely friend, except for her taste.
I'm also shockingly s-h-one-t at hiding my initial reaction to presents. Mrs D was blubbing at how she could have got it sooo wrong
"I thought I knew you..." For the sake of our marriage I had to blame the friend.
a Petronas F1 Team golf umbrella from my brother-in-law
I don't F1 or Golf! Perhaps he was trying to tell me something ....
[i]I'm often accused of being tight by my family, but I'm a firm believer that shit presents are worse than no presents[/i]
A-men brother.
Double post
Kitchen scales, so shoddily made they don't balance ...
Bean bag, minus the beans ... (I am NOT kidding, I should really have terminated the relationship there, but she had huge breasts, what can I say?)
You guys are making me feel bad for getting an electric toothbrush for my little brother. He's just got braces so i thought it might help.
I don't have a problem with anything i get given, other than socks/scarves/etc.
I politely informed her I would not be going to that and gave them straight back.
I've had some truly shockingly awful presents from various nearest and dearest over the years and without exception I've been extremely grateful anyway. The thought of someone going to the effort of buying me something, however misguidedly, and me throwing it back in their face just because I didn't like it doesn't compute for me. It really is the thought that counts, as far as I'm concerned.
£4.38
I gave my brother a present which cost about £5....so he deducted the 62p I had borrowed off him a couple of weeks previous (which I had forgotton about)and gave me what was left over in coppers.
Jeebus I've got my mum an electric toothbrush for xmas! Shittest present for me os whenever my wife buys me a book that I've already read. It's happened 3 times now including this year for my birthday-she bought me the book that I was reading at the time!
[i] It really is the thought that counts, as far as I'm concerned.[/i]
When my sister bought me the Outkast CD for my 30th, the only thought that had gone through her mind was "sh1t, I'm in a motorway service station on my way to see my brother for his 30th birthday and I haven't bought a present".
She got the CD back.
A wine bottle stop. I've never even had a glass of wine in my entire life.
Use it as a butt plug.
This was hardly my parents' fault...but my 9th birthday coincided with a flu epidemic. For a week before and after my birthday, the local bike shop was closed because both the old boys who ran it were ill. My new bike was inside. Every day I would peer through the window into the darkened shop, imagining I could see my new bike among the line-up of front wheels.
Meanwhile, on my actual birthday, all I got was a bar of Bournville chocolate.
My mates mum and dad got him a loo seat one year. 'Err cheers'
Oh yes, a pair of indian mocashin-style house slippers
In a pub I used to drink in there was a 'retired hells angel' we used to chat too from time to time. One Christmas, all of us who knew him got little parcels through the door containing hand knitted moccasins, made from stripes of different colour left over wool. With pompoms on the toes. They were from his mum, thanking us for looking after his boy. I loved them!
When I was 15 my dad and step mum gave me a stack of books from their own bookshelves that had been there for years. I think I had read most of them. Disappointed doesn't come close. I think I pinched £20 out of dads wallet and spent it on hash the next day.
Christmas - As a kid my grandmother gave my pyjamas she'd made. For my cousins. Who were 5 years older. And they'd refused to have them.
Birthdays - 20th birthday was my grandfather's funeral. 21st my (supposed) best mate tried to steal my girlfriend. Sort of gave up after that.
My Grandad lent my Dad a small amount of money for his birthday, and as it was his 18th the interest rate was almost reasonable. 😆
What a bastard.
Actually that might be true but that's another story.
In Joke LOLZ
Surely the worst ever is that my (ex)wife bought me a Celine Dion cd.
Never have i looked that shocked since!
i got back into golf the tail end of last year, first present the wife gave me were some golf balls...
fine you say...
but they were secondhand off ebay, to add insult she didnt even wrap them and they were still int the fekin courier plastic bag!!
i was too young to remember but there is the legendary tail of dad giving mum a food mixer one year, she kicked off and sulked all day.
I am a twin and as children we usually ended up with the same presents. We had both asked for tents one year and when my brother unwrapped a tent I knew I would have the same. There must have been a packing error in the factory though because inside my tent box was a Wendy house. It got swapped a few days later but I cam still remember being gutted.
18th birthday present. From my parents. One of these:
"you like motorbikes don't you"
Birthday: My Girlfriend of 6 years decided that my 30th birthday was the ideal day to tell me she was leaving me for another women. She did promise me she she'd make my birthday memorable, and from that point of view, it was the gift that keeps on giving.
Christmas: An expired (as it turned out when I gave it away) iTunes voucher off my brother. I've never used iTunes and don't own anything apple related.
She did promise me she she'd make my birthday memorable
Other woman joined in?
all of us who knew him got little parcels through the door containing hand knitted moccasins, made from stripes of different colour left over wool
That's actually pretty sweet.. a mother's love is indelible isn't it?
When I was 8 or so, I wanted this:
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Got this:
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You must have been very xANzquGRYk!
A box of SugarPuffs.... He was an A••ehole.... Still is I believe....
This year me and the Mrs have been given a Yankee candle by her brother, my wife peeked in the bag.
I fekin hate candle sh!t
I've got a German step mother. Never really "got" her sense of humour.
At universtiy she sent me an advent calender (well box of 24 presents) Number 24 was a block of cheese. At no point did she instruct me to put any of the present in the fridge!
Last year I got a fire blanket as she set fire to some takeaway pizzas she put in the over to keep warm. I've never had a kitchen fire, I wasn't there at the time, I don't buy takeaway pizzas, I'm not stupid enough to put cardboard in a hot oven.
Hey ho.
Tim
I once received a battery operated flying pig for a birthday, trouble is it was my 28th!! it came from my mum and she simply said she thought i'd find it funny and i would've 27 years prior.
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That flying pig's pretty cool. My mum bought my dad an RC helicopter for his birthday last week, that was an eye-opener for my wife when she realised there's no hope of me "growing up" either 😀
Can't think of any particularly bad presents, although I hate getting clothes. My sister bought me some expensive trainers from the Ferrari store in Rome, don't much like Ferraris and like their branded goods even less.
every year, without fail, I get boxer shorts that are too big for me
every year, without fail, I get boxer shorts that are too big for me
Maybe your wife is hoping you'll grow into them.
My dads step mums mum used to buy me the most random presents .... A book of manchester uniteds greatest players.
The fa cup annual for 1995 - for christmas 1996