[Closed] Your top tips for looking like a bell-end?

Tricky, was just about to put that up myself. Done to death but always worth a watch!

[...] I keep asking them who told them the 'homeless bum' look is in...

Mugatu's "Derelicte"?

wearing camo gear if you are not in the army

badly shaped wooly hats worn indoors.
hats indoors.
truckers caps with that stupid gold label left on.
truckers caps/baseball caps if you don't drive a truck or partake in a sport/pastime that necessitates shading your eyes.
suits and sports glasses
suits and sports glasses worn at a wedding with a jazzy looking waistcoat you hired.
camo because it was cheap.

truckers caps with that stupid gold label left on.

Not truckers caps old man they are New era 😉

Budgie smugglers
Ronhill tracksters unless fell running
pants under lycra on bike
walking along holding your phonein front of you whilst talking
holding your phone in front of you listening to some distorted gangasta rap when you actualy are from Godalming

You've all missed it.

Driving a (insert new premium brand car, often a 4x4) while having your elbow on the door edge and holding you finger to your lips, as if you were deep in thought but you're actually just contemplating your own brilliance and how freaking attractive you are in your (insert premium brand of car).

Never seen a woman doing it!

Anyone who uses the word "trendy" on mountain bike forums shouldn't really be allowed to comment.

You probably know who you are.

Slip on footwear
Slacks
Skinny jeans
Bow ties, unless in formal dress
'Comedy' ties. Especially when in formal dress
Jacket and jeans
Pantalons de Nimes in general
Hipsters. All of them

Not truckers caps old man they are New era

they are definitely old hat.

I wear camo stuff all the time

&

I do refuse to wear DPM

DOES NOT COMPUTE!

And you do look a tit wearing it.

Correct..

Girls who, irrespective of whether they're a size 8 or a size 26, insist on wearing trousers / skirts / bras a size too small so that the rest of their body bubbles out of the edge like a muffin.

[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

a friend of mines son came home and was talking all street innit blud and wearing one of those cretin caps.
so he asked his son why he was talking like that when he lived in Fulham and went to a very good school?
he then whipped the precious gold sticker off his cap.
son went ballistic. 😆
this was a couple of years ago, he's now grown up and doesn't wear cretin hats or show off his underwear in public anymore. 🙄

Short sleeve shirts. They always look awful unless they're fitted really well.

Sun glasses pushed up into the hair. Wear the bloody things or don't.

Sun glasses pushed up into the hair. Wear the bloody things or don't.

So if I want to go into a dark shop on a sunny day, do I need to take my sunglasses home first ?

Or do I wear my sunnies in the dark shop and stumble around knocking into stuff.

Can ladies actually technically resemble bell-ends?

Sticky-up hair and stupid pointy shoes. Usually combined with a cocky strut and the job title "trainee estate agent".

Or do I wear my sunnies in the dark shop and stumble around knocking into stuff.

I think (according to the bell-ends' rulez of not looking like a bell-end anyway), that you may then breach the wearing-sunglasses-indoors rule, in which case, it might be an idea to carry your case around with you into which you can insert your sunnies if you're headed indoors.

The case must not make an unsightly bulge in your front pocket though.

[s]Can ladies actually technically resemble bell-ends?

Sticky-up hair and stupid pointy shoes. Usually combined with a cocky strut and the job title "trainee [/s]estate agent"

FTFY

Edit: Aw, I feel bad now, they've got to earn a living I guess. It's probably just the bell-ends in the industry, and the mobile phone industry, and vets that pretend they give a crap about tiddles but don't (you can actually see them counting insurance claims in their head), and NEW car salesmen. In fact give anyone a job that involves controlling something important to other people, and there's a disproportionately large amount of bell-ends.

I've never met a patronising librarian.

he then whipped the precious gold sticker off his cap.

I would have loved to have seen that, the biggest new era no no alongside bending the peak.
Mine are all sticker less and with bent peaks. I love my cretin caps.

Short sleeve shirts. They always look awful unless they're fitted really well.

Can I present you with a non-fitted short-sleeved shirt tucked into chinos?

[IMG] [/IMG]

What a bell-end! (Although I know what you mean 🙂 )

nealglover - Member

Sun glasses pushed up into the hair. Wear the bloody things or don't.

So if I want to go into a dark shop on a sunny day, do I need to take my sunglasses home first ?

Or do I wear my sunnies in the dark shop and stumble around knocking into stuff.

Oh, it's acceptable for a short period, for practical reasons. Maybe for checking a map, or perhaps while adjusting one's cravat in a mirror for example. What I object to is wearing them like that for a longer periods when it's not necessary. Especially if they are prominently branded by Jaguar, Armani etc.

Jaguar make sunglasses?

Would you like me to close the thread there?

Someone trying to speak "hip hop" with American accent ... problem is they are in GeordieLand 😆 They were so loud I thought they were going to start some sort of race riot ... 😆

Jaguar make sunglasses?

[url= http://www.jaguarcollection.com/gb/jaguar_eyewear/10491_0c.html ]Yours for a hundred quid.[/url]
I doubt very much they make them themselves though!

The whole of the West End of Glasgow's organic loving, coffee drinking in a bar on a Saturday night, spreading the Guardian across the whole ****ing bar, suit jacket and jean wearing, silly adopted accents, body warmer to Waitrose, walking around Byres road aimlessly with a baguette, christmas tree lights round their mirrors in the middle of summer **** faces.

(technically, i live in the west end, but no one who lives in my area would ever accept that. We are an island in the middle of a sea of wannabe Scottish Sloane Rangers).

Has no one suggested look at my ...jolly...red trousers yet?

I'd link but it's a bit sweary.

Oh blimey. I went into a pub at lunchtime ... on my own but with my bike. Some females were gawping at me, they stopped talking so can only assume they were admiring my 5:10's. 😆

Not forgetting the funny shorts or the knee-length socks. 😳 😆

I'm not really able to contribute a sartorial observation as such, which is rather surprising when you consider how gut wrenchingly cool I am..

I guess that we all live in glass houses on that front, without exception..

Pointy shoes aka clown shoes

Private number plate

'Sport socks' when riding a road bike

Top shirt button done up

Top two shirt buttons undone

Knee length stripey socks

Met ff lids

tri bars

A thread about fashion on STW, fail.

The forum here is excellent and the quality of advice always great but no way will I be taking any fashion tips from here 😆

Reading this thread makes me think you all wear "blue harbour" from M&S.

Dear God.

bikebouy - Member

Reading this thread makes me think you all wear "blue harbour" from M&S.

Dear God.

pleased I'm not the only one!

[i]Pointy shoes aka clown shoes[/i]

Thank the lord it's not just me who realises how stupid those things look. Ooh, I must be in fashion in my office, so what is everyone wearing? Oh, shoes with big long pointy toes that look 3 sizes too big. Great. Must pop down to Jones's and get a pair of those babies. 😥

Attractive women who wear baggy jeans.

WooHoo!......I've finally achieved the lofty height of aspirational "bell-end" fashionista of STW - can i get a certificate or something?.

Age 41, pretty much only wear 3/4's such as Endura MT500's, Sugoi etc, i don't own any trousers but i do own a few pairs of Replay/Howies jeans....and a few pairs of Combats including a pair of the Bear Grylls craghopper trousers.
I only own trainers and a couple of pairs of hiking boots - never owned any shoes.
I wear Hoodies quite a lot, some of them are branded with such terms as "Milwaukee Bicycle Co" - i've never been to Milwaukee but i have bought plenty of bike stuff from BensCycles so i get away with wearing a Hoodie promoting the shop.
I have a few Gilets, one is a Rab Neutrino with half a dozen bits of small black duct tape attached in various places as i've ripped the pertex shell a few times and scattered fine down everywhere, also got an old Rohan down Gilet that i use up the garage in the wintertime as it's ****in cold up there and i've recently bought a cheap Quicksilver premium Gilet with primaloft insulation.
I like wearing my Endura Cuttle sunglasses whenever i'm out as the orange persimmon lens makes the world look rosy and warm on dull days.
I own a nice merino scarf that i use in the winter, with my Gilet, sometimes i may decide a merino buff is more suitable whilst wearing a long sleeved merino top, for the lower half i may favour combats or even my 3/4's and trainers, i have even wore a merino beanie and had my Endura glasses on at the same time - do i get extra "bell-end" points for this very fashionable ensemble?.

Tomorrow i shall try my hardest to dress to impress..........I'm surprised the girls aren't beating my door down....I've not even had a knock at it?.

I saw an old bloke wearing one of these

[img] [/img]

The only words to sum him up were "Bell End!"

My pet hate are the cyclist who have zip ties on there helmets in Oz to stop magpie attacks. I alway ask if they can get the world service on them.

see below

http://www.theweeklycycle.com/2012/10/magpie-swooping-season.html

Loling @ essay response

Whether the first impression of someone is either positive or negative depending upon their attire, when they start to speak with a rising inflection, they are most certainly a complete dickhead.

Has no one suggested look at my ...jolly...red trousers yet?

I'd link but it's a bit sweary.

[url= http://lookatmy****ingredtrousers.blogspot.co.uk/ ]Jolly red trousers [/url]

can i get a certificate or something?.

Yes. It will carry the words '[b]My mum still buys my clothes and dresses me (and she thinks I'm still 12 years old)[/b]'

Cool, cheers TooTall. Can I have it in a comic sans typeface?, Oooo! and laminated please as I can then use it as a wipe down placemat for when im allowed my playdough.......I'm only allowed a 15 min session per day with playdough though as I like to eat it, yum-yum!.

There's a young guy often seen on my commute who's resurrected the 1980s gay fashion trend of wearing different coloured bandanas in your back pockets to advertise your sexual proclivities.

I *cough* [i]understand[/i] that the different colours correspond to particular activities, while the pocket in which it's worn indicates whether you prefer to participate, errr...actively or passively.

Now, I can see the practical utility of this kind of visual shorthand in a club, but on a commuter train at 8 am?

I don't care less what anyone, apart from my wife whose opinion I really rate, thinks about what I'm wearing. I still wear my cream baggy cargo trousers and skate shoes (none of this 661 malarkey) as that's what I used to wear BMXing. I can't stand wearing long sleeve shirts, tie or not. I don't think I actually own one. You'll never see me wearing what's in fashion because everyone looks the same.
I'll wear a (fitted) baseball cap until the day I die because I like them and have been wearing them since I was 12. I'll never have a fancy watch or a collection of cuff links or fancy English hand made shoes or fitted shirts or jeans. I'll be wearing surf and skate brands forever.

Thanks for making me happy about what I wear, I'm just glad I don't fit into your "cool" niche, thank you very much.

Sunglasses on the tube. You're underground, you don't need them.

In fact give anyone a job that involves controlling something important to other people, and there's a disproportionately large amount of bell-ends.

I've never met a patronising librarian.

Off topic maybe, but the most insightful post in this thread.

[quote because everyone looks the same.

What? Beige action slacks, hoody and baseball cap?

Folk dripping in North Face & using walking poles when strutting about browsing the high street shops in Keswick / Windermere etc.

Reminds me of the scene on Dumb & Dumber when Harry & Lloyd get kitted out in Aspen after borrowing the money out of the briefcase !

Wear red spectacle frames.

Get a tattoo.

Have a pierced eybrow.

Big thick frame hipster glasses

But I won't be able to see properly if I take them off... 🙁

I saw one of those stupid new squashed Range Rovers on the M69 the other week, with a vanity plate, tinted windows, all done up with an "urban camo" paint job. I can only assume that the owner walked into the shop and asked for "something to make me look like a complete **** bellend."

Always carry a coffee cup to show how important and busy you are that you can't sit down and enjoy it.

Write sneery judgmental posts as if you are some kind of arbiter of style, on an Internet mountain bike forum?

Just bought a fancy new Range Rover have we grum? 😉

In white with blacked out windows and a personalised number plate, yup!

Well, whatever floats yer boat...

Can't quite believe Ohno's writing something that is valid.

Get a tattoo

End the thread right there

Clothes can be changed, skin can't

mintimperial - Member
Well, whatever floats yer boat...

I intend to drive round in it (badly) wearing camo trousers, pointy shoes and a north face body warmer, with sunglasses perched on top of my baseball cap, pumping out loud gangsta rap with the windows down - just to try and annoy as many people as possible. 🙂

That's the spirit! Get some big red Timmy Mallet glasses to complete the look.

Those Barbour Aston Martin jackets - 'hey there how you doing can you guess what car I drive?'

Trousers that are elasticated at the bottom of each leg, normally worn with some canvas shoe. Why oh why

My son has them trousers, I call them poo catchers!

Can understand tattoo's just not when you see people coveted in them - neck, hands etc

Oh and plugs

+1 tramp beards

+1 full on walking gear in completely unsuitable scenarios.

The middle-aged Barbour/belstaff crowd. Few years ago I could count the number of pubs/cafes on one hand that would let you in if you were wearing said 'brands'. Now you can't move an inch anywhere in cheshire without finding at least one family wearing sponsored by them

The rolled up immaculate jeans poncey shoes not wearing socks crowd.

Girls in carhart hats too!

My son has them trousers, I call them poo catchers!

In our household, hareem pants are known as shit-catchers.

Either way, both of these trousers are crimes against humanity. The jogging pant remodelling of late is a travesty making all those cool-kids look like they're off down the petrol station at 5am to buy a pint of milk.

[img] [/img]

Oh and ugh boots. Own a pair. Instant slow death sentence.

shave your head, then rub your face vigorously for as long as poss, should look a little like a bell end, a double chin would add to the effect....

Anyone who dresses as though they are in a different social class from me (in either direction).

There, thread summarised.

Anyone who dresses as though they are in a different social class from me (in either direction).

There, thread summarised.

any one who worries about how they look........

Is that ^ an advert for some poncy aspirational "lifestyle" clothing company or a piss-take? - Hmmm...I'm unsure whether to laugh or shake my head in pity. The "henry" wi the dog looks mighty chuffed with himself, i hope he's carrying poo bags in his tailored wool coat, i expect his poo bags are a cut above my pocketfull of cheap black bags.

The irony of fashion advice from STW is genius.

Have a look round the average bike shop or trail centre car park and tell me we're in any position to comment.

I'm sure there are a lot of people who would consider riding a push bike around some woods as deeply uncool and something we should have grown out of a lot earlier.

Take up cycling, surely...... 😉

Common option 1: MAMIL
Alternative option: MAM in pre-pubescent/urban attire

Both options overpriced, but designed to satisfy OP. Why do we do it? Do we have no shame? 😉

[edit, sorry X-post with tinman. Same point really]

A few people seem to have mistaken this thread to be about [i]fashion[/i].

It is not, it's about [u][i]bellendery[/i].[/u]

Gettit?

i hope he's carrying poo bags in his tailored wool coat, i expect his poo bags are a cut above my pocketfull of cheap black bags.

You don't need a pooh bag when walking on land that been in your family for generations.

Barbour do a re-usable dog shit bag, in wax cotton, although i hear Burberry are launching a range of poodle pouches....

Somafunk enjoy

[img] [/img]

http://www.amadoloves.com/2013/01/11/groom-style-country-gent/

There's a chap (I was going to say "bloke", but nah, he's a chap) who brings his kid to our rugby club, dresses just like that pic (chocolate lab instead of a pointer).
He's not a bell end though. Just really really posh. And a bit thick.

He's not a bell end though. Just really really posh. And a bit thick.

inbred ?

I don't doubt it.

I'll wear a (fitted) baseball cap until the day I die because I like them and have been wearing them since I was 12.

And how old are you now ?