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I have a few...
On seeing someone overly happy - "Whats's up with you - get a shot on the swings this morning? "
It's a hard life if you don't weaken"
She had a face that would turn a funeral up a side street!
Jobs a good un
Mad as a box of frogs
Play the cards you're dealt
No Ted
(Clowns pocket ? It's a Wizard's sleeve, shirley ?)
When referring to a female's poor figure or odd face (from a Geordie work colleague): You couldn't bend WIRE that shape!
It's interesting that all the "sayings" on this thread that refer to people who are "ugly", are all directed at women.
I wonder why that is.
I wonder why that is.
Because males of the species are generally rated on things other than aesthetics. Or in other words, men are generally intrinsically ugly/hairy/smelly.
Because males of the species are generally rated on things other than aesthetics
Really? By whom?
You coud'nt punch clay uglier than him/her.
You started out as a w&nk, 'til your mammy walked in!
You snooze you loose.
Really? By whom?
Women, thankfully. (Otherwise many more men would be virgins)
Greyman - clowns pocket? Wizards sleeve? I thought it was a welly top!
Another of my favourites is 'she will be dripping like a broken fridge' to.explain an excited lady
I regularly use...
"as salty as Lott's wife's arse"
&
"life is hard , and then you die."
Really? By whom?
Usually women, in my experience.
Why, who did you think?
"You are so mercifully free of the ravages on intelligence"
ahhh and normally bellowed at full volume as I launch myself off a precipice:
"MING COMING!"
another rarely used favorite;
"You are so ugly even the tide wouldn't take you out"
He was shaking like a sh1tt1ng dog!
Also. "hows your belly for spots?!"
Meaning how's tricks.
I am not as green as I am cabbage looking.
A favorite from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy was...
The difference between something that might go wrong and something that cannot possibly go wrong is that when the thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it will be impossible to get at or fix.
Or words to that effect.
"like a dick in a shirt sleeve" when referring to something particularly loose or ill fitting.
"as much use as a handbrake on a canoe" when referring to my downhill talent/skills
"You don't pay road tax!" Always gets me laughing.
I am SOOOO glad I don't know anyone who says these things!!
One of my new favourite sayings came courtesy of the OH at the weekend.
On spotting a particularly, er, well, lets say distinctive looking young lady:
"******* hell, you could get an STD just by looking at her!"