[Closed] Young men dating your daughter.

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Our sons had the words "Statutory Rape" impressed upon them from the age of 12 onwards...

ahh, 'we can't anyway, she's not old enough..' was something that has been said.

my raised eyebrows told him there's more to it than just that.

That's easily fixed. Start having noisy sex yourself. You'll never hear them again.

That threat had been made.

however my wife was in the room at the time and asked who I'd be having sex with.

I can't even begin to follow the logic in that. I get 'waiting till you're ready' which isn't necessarily some arbitrary speed age limit set by the state; but if that moment has passed what's to be gained from a "not under my roof" policy? Better there than in the back of a Corsa or paralytic at a party, surely?

Not sure either - I guess part of it was dissapointment.

It wasn't like it happened in the first few weeks either. We did wait until we both felt like it was the right time.

My family were always pretty relaxed as long as people were careful and fall into the category of better at home safe than somewhere dodgy. The same applied to my sister too.

Yeah didn't go with the not under our roof policy... went for the 'treat with respect' and 'wait until you're both ready' but would prefer they were in a safe, good environment once it was legal.

llama - Member

No, no boyfriend until she is 18 or 21 ...
No, no makeup until she is 18 or 21 ...

meanwhile, in the real world .....

Or meanwhile in other cultures ... except yours ... 😮

I can assure you that 16 is young unless you are in the culture where you have child marriages ... 🙄

what exactly is the issue here?

poah - Member
what exactly is the issue here?

Encouraging loose living in a different culture. 😛

Or meanwhile in other cultures ... except yours ...

I can assure you that 16 is young unless you are in the culture where you have child marriages ...

I think Canadians can at 14, but that might just be with fur seals.

Mrs THM was more surprised/concerned that son's (earlier) girlfriend's mother was extremely relaxed about sleeping (cough) arrangements...much more relaxed than she was!! An interesting period!

Quirrel - Member

Or meanwhile in other cultures ... except yours ...
I can assure you that 16 is young unless you are in the culture where you have child marriages ...

I think Canadians can at 14, but that might just be with fur seals.

During my grandmother's time she was a child bride and went to live with my grandpa family at a very young age. I think under 10.

teamhurtmore - Member

Mrs THM was more surprised/concerned that son's (earlier) girlfriend's mother was extremely relaxed about sleeping (cough) arrangements...much more relaxed than she was!! An interesting period!

Same attitude should be applied to son as 16 is too young.

I can assure you that 16 is young unless you are in the culture where you have child marriages ...

16 is young - jeez mine are 18-21 and I regularly question their maturity. However, short of locking them up, you won't put them off boyfriends. If you think that then you either don't have kids, or they are fooling you and doing it anyway.

And talking of child marriages - 16 is legally old enough in this country with parental consent (consent is not needed in Scotland).

The problem is, you can't make blanket statements like "too young" and it's nothing to do with culture (legality aside). If you're talking about physical maturity then sure, girls hit puberty at broadly the same age and boys also albeit slightly later and that's relatively easy to measure.

But emotional maturity is a different animal. Young men and women don't magically turn into different people on their sixteenth birthday, and whilst having sex with someone who's 15 years and 364 days old is illegal yet if you wait two days it's perfectly acceptable, it make precisely zero practical difference. Different cultures have different ideas about what age is legal, is acceptable; that doesn't imply that those cultures mature faster or more slowly, but rather that different cultural standards are being applied. In our country you can have sex at sixteen but have to wait two more years before you can legally watch someone else do it; does no-one else find that weird?

Fact is, there will be plenty of fifteen year olds who are perfectly equipped emotionally to start their sex lives. There will be plenty of eighteen year olds who still aren't. Which makes the OP's question impossible to answer; a relatively mature nearly-15 year old and an immature 16 year old could well be a perfect match, roles reversed and it's almost predatorial.

llama - Member

I can assure you that 16 is young unless you are in the culture where you have child marriages ...

16 is young - jeez mine are 18-21 and I regularly question their maturity. However, short of locking them up, you won't put them off boyfriends. If you think that then you either don't have kids, or they are fooling you and doing it anyway.

18 - 21 is much better than 16.

I ain't asking you to lock your daughters up but just saying 16 is too young.

And talking of child marriages - 16 is legally old enough in this country with parental consent (consent is not needed in Scotland).

Yes, 16 is probably old enough to marry or to bear child too but that does not mean you have to.

Yes, 16 is probably old enough to marry or to bear child too but that does not mean you have to.

Yes, 16 is probably old enough to marry or to bear child too but that does not mean you have to.

I'm reasonably sure it's not mandatory.

...unless you're a Scouser.

I remember the cumbrian newspaper about the grandmother who I seem to recall was under 30....

you think you've got problems!

one of my daughters just announced she was getting married to a lad I barely know...

to be fair she is only 7 and I'm not even aware he knows! ;o)

Cougar - Moderator
Fact is, there will be plenty of fifteen year olds who are perfectly equipped emotionally to start their sex lives.

If at this age you cannot cultivate constraint and discipline then after few generations your might as well let the children dictate your way of life. You might as well lower voting age to 12 coz physically they are old enough as well ...

There will be plenty of eighteen year olds who still aren't. Which makes the OP's question impossible to answer; a relatively mature nearly-15 year old and an immature 16 year old could well be a perfect match, roles reversed and it's almost predatorial

Yes, there are plenty of 18 who aren't but the question is whether you want to let them have the opportunity to practice on yours?

perchypanther - Member

Yes, 16 is probably old enough to marry or to bear child too but that does not mean you have to.
I'm reasonably sure it's not mandatory.

...unless you're a Scouser.

Or unless you are a 12 year old girl so drunk you got married in the Toon. (recently in my area 12 yr old girls were so drunk I prayed so she could get home safely)

I think Canadians can at 14, but that might just be with fur seals.

[quote="ckewkw"]Or unless you are a 12 year old girl so drunk you got married in the Toon. (recently in my area 12 yr old girls were so drunk I prayed so she could get home safely)

Praying won't help, actually doing something instead might have been better use of your time.

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ghostlymachine - Member

ckewkw » Or unless you are a 12 year old girl so drunk you got married in the Toon. (recently in my area 12 yr old girls were so drunk I prayed so she could get home safely)

Praying won't help, actually doing something instead might have been better use of your time.

Are you kidding you want me to get into trouble? 😯

These are minors and I should not even go anyway near them.

One wrong word etc I would have police knocking at my door.

Unless you give me the assurance that you would take care of the damages to my car, windows, hassle from the system etc ... I ain't intervening because the system will punish me for helping.

I've a few years to go yet, but have played this scenario out in my head many times. The current plan is to just embarrass the hell out of the boyfriends by sitting them down and asking them straight out whether they've managed to get into my daughter's knickers yet, and if not, how long they think/hope it will take. This probably won't happen though, in reality I'll probably just ignore them and leave it to mum to sort out.

Isn't this what is known as dating?
My sister starting dating around that age. As long as they are sensible, then I can't see any harm.
And really, the boy is someone's son too. So I find all the threats of violence (even in jest) to be overthetop.
If you didn't want to see your kids grow up, then why did you have them?

I ain't intervening because the system will punish me for helping.

bullshit.

If you didn't want to see your kids grow up, then why did you have them?

This is true, but then I imagine a situation where some scally scrote has knocked up one of my daughters and I can clearly visualise myself being somewhat less than objective. In fact I'd be interested to know how anyone could restrain themselves in this situation.

^ At the end of the day it's up to you to bring your kids up properly, taking it out on someone elses is not the answer to the horse bolting.

My elder son went to a Girls Grammar School for 6th form, where a 16 year old girl decided he was her BF, and they got together.

I've always been impressed by the common sense of her parents in trusting her and setting this up so that they slept together when he stayed over.

So much better for boys to see a sensible family in action, and not to be having knee-tremblers up against random walls and car bonnets...

Educate your kids, trust them, talk about contraception and STDs, support them and don't punish them when they get it wrong... Cos we all have.

squirrelking - Member

I ain't intervening because the system will punish me for helping.

bullshit.

I ain't taking that risk.

Stoatsbrother - Member
I've always been impressed by the common sense of her parents in trusting her and setting this up so that they slept together when he stayed over.

In the far east culture they are married if that happened.

I ain't intervening because the system will punish me for helping.

ghostlymachine - Member

I ain't intervening because the system will punish me for helping

Ah, a Daily Mail "reader".

Seriously ... you will get into trouble.

Seriously, you're talking bullshit.

This is true, but then I imagine a situation where some scally scrote has knocked up one of my daughters and I can clearly visualise myself being somewhat less than objective.

I agree. The operative word here is "imagine". It's easy to let your imagination get out of control and envisage the worst outcome.

I guess this is why the schools run sex ed classes. Usually the mothers also have a quiet word to ensure everything is safe. Most people in the UK lose their virginity around 16.

At the end of the day it's up to you to bring your kids up properly, taking it out on someone elses is not the answer to the horse bolting.

Totally agree. Not sure that would change anything though.

would you feel the same if it was a girl your daughter was dating?

I remember when dating used to be something only Americans done. When I were a teenager it was called going out with someone.

Courting?

I think courting stopped with my Grandparents generation.

[quote="dazh"]This probably won't happen though, in reality I'll probably just ignore them and leave it to mum to sort out.
I imagine this is how it'll play out in our household too. Daughter is 2 at the moment, so plenty of time yet !

I remember when dating used to be something only Americans done. When I were a teenager it was called going out with someone.

Winchin'

twas a joke km!

The best advice given to me was to get them a horse. Girls get very attached to their horse, and horses need a lot of looking after => very little time left over to mess about with boys. A boy has to be pretty bloody special in order to get their attention then.

What goes on in the horse box, stays in the horse box

[sorry]

squirrelking - Member
Seriously, you're talking bullshit.

Try it next time to see if you get a visit from the cops. 🙄

Try what? Seriously, are you really suggesting that making sure a child who you deem to be incapable of looking after themself gets home okay is going to get you in trouble? You're making a quick call to the police, not flinging a sack over their heads and stuffing them into the boot of your Corolla.

You really are a ****ing idiot.

Easiest way of helping if you are worried is to pick up the phone to the police as you are doing so - so they already know

Life imitates Art. This thread has descended into Chewie attempting to ride the king of the squirrels.....

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squirellking - it's really not worth it. Ya!

Because I was the only one who was watching the kids drunk and smashing bottles all over the road and if I called the police who do you think would come back later to deal with my car windows, car damage and flat windows' smashed? I will only call the police if the kids are in harm's way ...

perchypanther - Member

Life imitates Art. This thread has descended into Chewie riding the king of the squirrels.....

That's very good! Very good art! 😆

Horse +1. Worked for a mate of mine. ****ing expensive though.

And spending time around horses will make anything some lad is offering seem rather inadequate in comparison.

Even by the standards we all know and love, there's some right guff being posted here.

This thread is making zero sense with the STW idiot filter app turned on - who's behaving like it's 1764, THM, ninfan or chewkw?

That pic is hilarious!

would you feel the same if it was a girl your daughter was dating?

Of course not. The last time I looked there was limited capacity for a teenage girl to get another pregnant. Something tells me the turkey baster option ([url= http://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/jan/23/sex-toy-dildo-womens-health-conception-she-convention ]or one of these[/url]) won't be high on the agenda. I can only dream of that happening though. Me and Mrs Daz have often talked about how much easier our lives would be if our daughters decide they prefer girls to boys. Having said that, we live in Calderdale so I suppose there's a higher than average chance 🙂

cinnamon_girl - Member
That pic is hilarious!

Yes, indeed! I nearly have my coffee all over my keyboard! So funny! 😆

dazh - Member
... baster option (or one of these)...

This thread is making zero sense with the STW idiot filter app turned on - who's behaving like it's 1764, THM, ninfan or chewkw?

So how's about adding another post with even less?

What a bizarre one...

I can only dream of that happening though.

Actually, I'm not going there.....

. (not funny as missed the next post)

My brother's step* daughter was pregnant at 14yo...

* would be step if my brother was married

My brother's step* daughter was pregnant at 14yo...

* would be step if my brother was married

is it his lol

Its a difficult one this and i hope i will be mature enough to deal with it when the time comes with my current 8yr old daughter.

I must admit it fills me with dread, however i have put in some groundwork to mitigate things as much as possible.

1) She has an older brother who is 4yrs older. There is also a close cousin who is built like a scrum half and both are very sensible. The hope is that any grief she gets into, these two will be sensible enough to keep an eye on it without me having to be overprotective.

2) I intentionally got her into a sport which IMO attracts a nicer charater trait than others. Honestly, some of the lads involved in climbing are a real credit to their parents. I know its a bit of a presumption, however if i must put up with some spotty oik turning up at my doorstep, i hope it is someone with similar interests to her own.

3) She is a daddies girl. We go to training together, we go to her competitions together. We do just about everything together as we both like the same stuff. When she gets to the age where i need to worry about this, i hope we are friends enough to discuss it, agree on what boundaries there are and the benefits of having me on side.

End of the day some kids go off the rails and get into trouble. You can only lead them in the right direction and hope they are sensible enough to get through it unscathed. However, i must admit that the Bad Boys scene will be running around in my head the first time a boy turns up at my house.

Of course not. The last time I looked there was limited capacity for a teenage girl to get another pregnant.

Whilst I appreciate that you do have a point with this you have to remember that it's not just the physical aftermath you have to consider, there is still an emotional aspect and it can be a problem whether the other person is of the opposite sex or not.

Some of the oinks at the bouldering could do with a lesson in etiquette Hobo.
My youngest soon puts them in their place though 😆
She takes no .... from anyone!

An aunt of mine (bit of a prude /old fashioned) wouldn't let her girls bring boys home and was shocked when one of her nieces was allowed to have lads round (only for dinner,mind).
Said she had no such worries with her daughter as she didn't seem much interested in lads. Was happy to have her daughters "best friend" round for the night, not realising her best friend was more than that... Both quite attractive girls.

There is also a close cousin who is built like a scrum half

So not in any way, shape or form intimidating to fully grown people 🙂

I have not read the thread right through so sorry if this has already been posted.

The Channel 4 European Sex Education programme was called Sex in Class, probably still on 4OD. Definitely worth watching and getting your kids to watch too.

you have to remember that it's not just the physical aftermath you have to consider, there is still an emotional aspect and it can be a problem whether the other person is of the opposite sex or not.

Possibly, but I'm not too bothered about the sex aspect. Teenagers will be teenagers, and it's quite natural for them to explore their sexuality in whatever form. There's a big difference though between that and getting pregnant because some idiot boy thought he was too good to wear a condom.

How many girls told you they were "safe", dazh?

How many girls told you they were "safe"

Ha! I should be so lucky! Not the point though really is it? What makes a teenage boy too good to wear a condom? There's no excuse at all, and it's that which would get my back up.