[Closed] You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is...

Reachout to everyone who is upset by "slaw", "Artisan" and "Pulled Pork" to just chillax.

Anyone who uses a motor vehicle for non-commercial use, for journeys of less than five miles, are to be hit with a new Road/NHS Tax.

Exceptions include people with disabilities, elderly and businesses where using a motor vehicle are essential to make the business viable.

Pollution reduced
Less congestion on the roads
Roads become safer to cycle on
Population becomes healthier by walking/cycling etc.
Burden on NHS reduced while it receives taxation from those who use motor vehicles

"Change the national anthem to on a ragga tip"

I don't need to have ultimate power; I'd be happy with thestabiliser as Supreme Leader. 😀

We seem to be overlooking the most pressing issues facing society at the moment:
People who sniff constantly to have their noses sealed with superglue
(there will be additional punishment for those who commit this crime on public transport - to be confirmed - I can't think of anything bad enough yet)
People with voices or laughs that I deem to be too loud to have their mouths sealed with superglue.
All manufacturers of superglue to be nationalised and profits used to fund a nationwide network of bike parks.
Immediate ban for those jumpers with just the collars of a shirt sewn into them.

Scotland's right to roam legislation to be immediately and irrevocably adopted in England and Wales.

Please stand for the the National Anthem of the United Kingdom.

Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day
Ay um ba day
Ba day ba wadladie day
Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day
Ay um ba da- ay um ba da-da-da-da wadladie day!
GWAN!

surroundedbyhills - Member
Reacharound for everyone who is upset by "slaw", "Artisan" and "Pulled Pork" to just chillax.

You're gonna be busy.....

Take a day off just to think about it.

Then, probably, have all cars fitted with a gadget that sends an electric shock through the driver's seat when a blue flashing light has been visible in the rear view mirror without any reaction from the driver.

I'd have a lie in, maybe take a few days off somewhere nice and relax for a bit.

Then I'd start a review of our laws to see how many could realistically be replaced with a single crime of 'acting like a cock'. Too many people seem to get away with things that are generally cockish and I think that woudl be a useful thing to have on the books.

Then I might have another lie in, possibly with a really nice cup of coffee when I woke up as a treat.

Decree that

a) All men shall tuck their vests into their pants, and

b) All men shall own at least one set of giraffe-print underwear

[img] [/img]

Anyone demanding that other people do this or do that for environment will have their children euthanised, both to protect the world from the spread of stupid and to make a practical difference in improving the environment by reducing the population.

They can't argue against it when it is for the good of the environment, can they ?

Maximum wage, no more than ten times the minimum wage.

Is this power global?

Single global currency.

Ban currency & commodity speculation

Minimum hourly rate global.

Create new religion make it universal based on me of course.

Late edit. execute saxonrider for crimes against male fashion

Destroy all ebikes, then make Pooks floor level 😉

Make any slight driving offence against cyclists (this includes close passes, irritating left hooks, overtaking just before a queue/roundabout, generally being an impatient knob-end, talking in the office how cyclists shouldn't ride "during the rush hour" etcetcetc) punishable by cycling a BSO to work for 2 days a week for one month. I don't care how far it is, or what the weather is like. Offender gets to choose which days they ride.

That is too charitable, DezB.

Get rid of countries. We are one planet we are all, with a few exceptions like Nigel Farage and Donald Trump, humans. We need to stop all this competitive nationalistic bollocks and sort the whole world out

[i]That is too charitable, DezB[/i]

It's cuz I'm a nice leader 🙂

Send all people with beards to a remote island.

Would solve a lot of issues.

Declare war on the Isle of Mann and make all Olympic divers wear arm bands and a rubber in case they sink

Close the Friday Kylie thread. I never said I would be a benevolent ruler. 🙂

/Mark Thomas' line

Prevent anyone who practises Homeopathy from receiving conventional medical treatment, and force them to cure themselves using their sugar pills. Same applies to Faith healers etc.

Also lock up James Corden and force him to watch his own adverts 24/7 for etenity.

Edit: Also remove all health and safety warnings from products for ten years to sort out the gene pool.

[i]We need to stop all this competitive nationalistic bollocks and sort the whole world out[/i]

How shite would the World Cup be if there was only one team?

DezB - Member
We need to stop all this competitive nationalistic bollocks and sort the whole world out

How shite would the World Cup be if there was only one team?

Football's already been banned

Force the previous world leaders into forming a musical theatre troupe who have to perform on a nightly basis whether I am there to watch or not (which I mostly won't be). There first performance would be the sound of music with Putin playing Maria von Trapp and Theresa May the lead Nazi.

I would slap Cath Kidston, and anything she has ever designed, and (just to be on the safe side), anyone who has ever purchased anything she has ever designed, into a giant hole.

Then I would look upon my work and see that it was good.

[i]Football's already been banned[/i]

Who's talking about football?? 🙂

Rotate France 180 degrees, Alps at the top, all the boring flat shit down the bottom, save about 8 hours each way.

And Rachel Riley, before any of you lot.

Get rid of countries. We are one planet we are all, with a few exceptions like Nigel Farage and Donald Trump, humans. We need to stop all this competitive nationalistic bollocks and sort the whole world out

Also WiFi scroungers, round em' up and place em' inside a faraday cage.

Apply the 80/20 rule - for example get rid of 20% of unacceptable politicians (easy list) and that is likley to fix 80% of the problems and then in a continuous improvement program keep removing 20% of the balance - a self fulfilling fix - actually I think you could apply this to all aspects of society.

Please stand for the the National Anthem of the United Kingdom.

Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day
Ay um ba day
Ba day ba wadladie day
Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day
Ay um ba da- ay um ba da-da-da-da wadladie day!
GWAN!

It's good. Really good. But it's not Oops Upside Your Head by the Gap Band.

(People of a certain generation will know that this is the national anthem you can sit down to.)

Oh and drag us down to somewhere round the bay of biscay. Leaving ireland where it is. Climate and surf.

Bring back Deadly Darcy.

Corporation tax rate in part dependent on number of office seats. Companies would invest in home working infrastructure and practises pretty damn sharpish, which would slash traffic on roads and hence pollution and energy use.

Could I ask whoever gets the gig to make Greggs devise a way of displaying the temprature of their pies without the lady having to put one in a bag for me to feel. It's about the only real issue in my life at the mo.

Oh and we better have a few more Rachel Rileys looks like shes going to be in demand.

rosscore - Member
...

Single global currency.

Weren't you stridently against this kind of idea on the EU thread?

without the lady having to put one in a bag for me to feel.

😯

Could I ask whoever gets the gig to make Greggs devise a way of displaying the temprature of their pies without the lady having to put one in a bag for me to feel. It's about the only real issue in my life at the mo.

Just get some infra-red goggles. Would be available on the NHS to save money treating victims of gravy burns.

Commission the construction of a new B Ark.

Wonder who will clean up the pile of bodies i had to climb over to get here

[quote=dangeourbrain ]Wonder who will clean up the pile of bodies i had to climb over to get here

Rachel Riley?

Leave all brexit voters in the UK with no one able to leave or enter the country. Remain voters are allowed to settle wherever they choose.

Insert a GPS micro ship into every person in the UK. Thus reducing crime to zero as Big Brother wil know who broke into your shed and nicked your bikes as the GPS track will give the name of the perps instantly.

Charge £10 per bhp pollution tax/ RFL on cars. If you want a 520bhp Jag thats £5200 a year to keep it.

Anyone caught using a mobile whilst driving gets banned for a month and fined £1000. Doubles with each offence= becomes self funding within days.

The limit on benefits lowered to £1500 maximum pcm. I dont care if you have 6 kids and no job , why should you get more than the natinal average take home pay for sitting on your arse watching Jeremy Kyle on your 50" tele.

Stop HS2

Ban all adverts that advertise credit cards and replace the wording with debt

I am happy that I will never be in that position of power as the consequences might be a bit too drastic to contemplate

Commission the construction of a new B Ark.

Crap idea we will all get wiped out by a virulent disease contracted from a dirty telephone and depending on where it lands the mice will be furious that their work has been messed up again.

I think I'd appoint some seriously gifted people to help me work important stuff out. I feel maybe that experts might be useful although I understand this may not always be a popular view with those in power around the world.

I'd then have a nice holiday for a year or so while they came up with some answers. It's tiring being the boss after all.

I might also appoint some kind of visible figurehead who is incredibly outrageous who will appear to wield power but whose real job will be to distract people from my exercise of it. Anyone think of someone for the job?