[Closed] You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is...

Ban religion

Bust Flashy back down to Corporal. 😈

I dunno, my first act would probably be to stand flexing my new power in the mirror for a while.

Pour one self a stiff drink.

Bomb Russia. Unless Vlad says he likes me.

Prosecute restaurants who sell 'slaw'.

Put that washing machine and Belfast sink in my garage

No use banning religion completely, you need the population to worship you and only you.

Prosecute restaurants who sell 'slaw'.

If you add "mac 'n cheese" to that list, you have another loyal voter.

Whole life term for litterbugs

Ban people from saying 'an istoric' instead of 'a historic'

Rachel Riley, twice.

Then use my power to make my wife forgive me 😉

People that don't indicate to be dragged out of their cars and shot down like the vermin that they are. Bodies to be left as a warning to others.

See also: people that can't tidy up after themselves in fast food outlets. Dead.

People that "reach out" will be chemically castrated

Provide cake for all

maybe get a new bike

(is "slaw" coleslaw for busy middle-mangers whose time is LITERALLY money ?)

Get a decent email server that can't be hacked by the Russians again.

And steak bakes as a savoury option

Require all imported good to be made at or above the environmental standards that would be required if the same goods were produced in the uk. If not possible then a tax on the imported goods.

Or simplify the tax system by removing tax thresholds creating steps and walls of tax by have continuous tax functions that take on different shape (probably sigmoidal curves) depending on the tax suspect matter.

Make the STW forum remember I'm logged in.

I like your first option flashy

~for me - shoot the rich and crush all cars

Make the Sussex Alps real, with a big volcano as well.

Open a naughty kids school....

Maths Teacher - Gove
Dinner Lady - Johnson
Lollipop Lady - May
Geography Teacher - Corbyn

Dirty Old Man in the Caretaker's Cupboard - Farage

Force Jambalaya to tell the truth and apologise for the lies he has told.

How ultimate is this power?

Full English. Followed by a nice nap.

Require all imported good to be made at or above the environmental standards that would be required if the same goods were produced in the uk.

Public and brutal execution for people how let their dogs shite and not pick it up

Cancel Brexit, and declare a national holiday marking the day. On that day, everyone will have to find at least one immigrant and say something nice to them.

Belt fed Greggs steak bakes.

And Rachel Riley

Mandate that when your organisation, be it public or private, has been reorganised 4 times you can retire on full pension. Then the muppets might leve us to get on with the job. 😈

Grab Trump by the balls just to see how he likes it. Woof!

Or make football punishable by death.

If you add "mac 'n cheese" to that list, you have another loyal voter.

Belt fed Greggs steak bakes.

And Rachel Riley

These. The other suggestions are silly.

Get hold of an uncut copy of 'Caligula' and make notes.

Ban capitalism.

Admittedly, that's la-la land, but it's a lovely land if you think about it.

Anybody who misuses the term "literally" in normal conversation shall be beaten in public with a wet kipper.

Repeat offenders will be hit in the face with a haddock.

Upon every third Thursday of the month the entire population shall affect a Sean Connery accent when speaking, except for Sean Connery himself , who will instead have to talk like Roger Moore.

Upon every third Thursday of the month the entire population shall affect a Sean Connery accent when speaking, except for Sean Connery himself , who will instead have to talk like Roger Moore.

YESH! YESH, YESH, YESH!

Anybody who misuses the term "literally" in normal conversation shall literally be beaten in public with a wet kipper.

Repeat offenders will literally be hit in the face with an actual haddock.

Personally I'd really **** sh1t up. Some ideas:

- dismantle the nhs and sell off the remnants
- destroy the welfare state, targeting the poorest the hardest
- hammer the education system with a bizarre mix of forced academisation and new grammar schools
- abandon the renewable energy industry and put our energy security in the hands of an outdated, expensive technology and with a massive subsidy for the next 40 years
- hold a referendum without telling anyone what it really means or what the rules are, but use the result to justify whatever right-wing crazy sh1t I wanted (maybe start off making ominous lists of foreigners and such like)

You know, real reckless evil stuff like that. Mwahahahah

Meh, or maybe just buy myself a T6 out of public funds.

Changed my mind, put the kettle on. Then bomb Russia. Last brew before Armageddon - check!

Make stock markets illegal whilst simultaneously making marijuana and MDMA a legal part of the recommended 5 a day.

And I'd make Kurt Russell foreign secretary.

Execute anyone with skin wall tyres.

Execute anyone with skin wall tyres.

[img] [/img]

End the EU before we trigger article 50 so the remoaners can finally move on and get on with their lives.
😆

Go on holiday.

Lunch.

Castrate the current generation of ****less scum

semi serious answer - I shall adopt flashys one on no gambling advertising.

citizens income / positive and negative income tax and sharply rising income tax so the poorest are better off, the average the same and the rich worse off. simplifies tax and national insurance and benefits.

vastly increased powers for tax fraud. give companies the option of tax on turnover or profits to stop them exporting all the profits like starbucks.

End all the internal market nonsense in the english NHS

Set up a proper federal system of government.

Base indirect taxation on carbon costs

Legalise all drugs bar cocaine and make it a healthcare issue not a criminal justice one - this would halve crime overnight as junkies don't have to go out robbing and given the experience elsewhere would end heroin addiction over a generation

Introduce strict liability for road users to protect the vulnerable

Introduce mandatory retesting for driving licence every 3 years.

E bike owners will have to charge their batteries on a dynamo!

Tax retired baby boomers for every empty bedroom in their houses. See how they like it.

Outlaw the global arms industry, reform taxation and the public sector to make it a lot more Robin Hood. Put measures in place to reduce the human population.

Govenment expenditure < 20% of GDP

Not sure the libertarian sympathies that lie behind my choice fit well with the premise of the thread or of Cpn's suggestion, but I would say that the tag line "and I bet responsibility" is a great oxymoron and disturbing to hear

You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is...

Everyone must learn the manner to bow to me or face me girl Kimber 6S, unless I exclude you from such manner.

I'd get all you plebs to tidy all your shit up and put the world back to how it was a couple of thousand years ago then dig a bloody massive hole and launch yourselves into it and leave me behind in peace and quiet with only Rachel Riley for company.

So many things I think I need a bigger wall, but first I'd make them read out their 3 best* forum posts on live TV before entering the hunger games - which in this case turns out to be a fenced off essex with no TV cameras (I'd probably leave the indigenous population in there)

When my absolute power ends I think I would want to go out in style
[img] [/img]

*best - well you know what I mean

Move everyone to North America and Europe and leave the rest of the earth fallow for 10 years to recover, then rotate the earths population between continents every 10 years so we will get to enjoy the planet and us the resources available without screwing all of it up at the same time.

People who fail to indicate would get a bright yellow LED's installed onto their foreheads which would flash continually for the rest of their natural life.

Ban plastic packaging. Can't be that expensive to wrap stuff in paper/glass/other reusable or recyclable material.

Then I'd commission lots of these, programmed to take out anyone dropping litter out of car windows, or anyone just generally being a nob.
[img] [/img]

Ban all money and all national forces then put all those people employed in those industries into providing food and healthcare for every single person on the planet. Get rid of all oppression and everyone only has to work only 3 days a week.

Force teachers to do teacher training days during the ample holidays already allocated
Amputation for people who drop litter
7 days in prison practising with HubbaBubba for people who can't eat with their mouth closed
Exportation for needlessly cheerful people

Christ, I'm going to need a second term...

There would only be one law when I am in charge. Don't take the piss. Your jury of 12 can decide if you are and also decide your punishment.

Delegate power.

Can we add "pulled pork", "artisan", "pop up", "edit" (as in video), "barista" to the list too?

Struggling to disagree with most of all of the above if I'm honest

Commission a large scorpion pit
First caravaners, then mime artists

Appoint a head of cheese

Dissapear on my bike.

I'd just like to remind folk that use mtb forums that as nice as the new Countdown mathematician-ess is, Kylie is still lovely.

- Execute anyone who uses the word "remoaners".
- Remove all subsidies for fossil fuels and apply them to renewables.
- Make a pledge to implement efficient grid energy storage within 3 years.
- publicly flog anyone who fails to indicate and those who indicate right, when going straight on at roundabouts.
- Ban EastEnders and Coronation Street.
- Ban the Daily Mail.
- Ban reality TV shows.
- Cancel Brexit.
- Ban all dog breeds with inbred breathing difficulties (pugs, boxers, bull dogs etc)

Change the national anthem to on a ragga tip

I could do with a nap.

Change the national anthem to on a ragga tip

P-Jay - Member
Rachel Riley, twice.
The iWife twice
Rachel Riley [b]AND[/b] the iWife twice
Then use my power to make my wife forgive me

FTFY P-Jay

- Execute anyone who uses the word "remoaners".
- Remove all subsidies for fossil fuels and apply them to renewables.
- Make a pledge to implement efficient grid energy storage within 3 years.
- publicly flog anyone who fails to indicate and those who indicate right, when going straight on at roundabouts.
- Ban EastEnders and Coronation Street.
- Ban the Daily Mail.
- Ban reality TV shows.
- Cancel Brexit.
- Ban all dog breeds with inbred breathing difficulties (pugs, boxers, bull dogs etc)

+1
And..

Internet bullshit, all who spout nasty bullshit and hateful posts will be electrocuted through thier keyboard/devices.
People who use exsesive speed driving country lanes, for this a helicopter will pick them up with a huge magnet and drop them into a landfill pit full of Brexiters.
People who fail to listen to others in the conversation loop, those who just interrupt and take over, well these folk should have thier tongues pulled whilst being shouted at in each ear by angry children.
Kids TV advertising, banned completely, so too "product placement" infringements will be dealt with by taking the infringer into the stocks and flour and egg thrown at them.

I have more, but I have to go to work..

Enforce a global currency, no more nations being shitty to each other for no good reason using natural resources as proxy

You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is...

Everyone will have Wednesday afternoon off for sports.

Surgically graft snow shoes on to bike and car thieves

People who drop litter will be required to eat what they have dropped. This includes unpicked up dog eggs and the stuff that's been fly-tipped.

All new 'standards' in cycling equipment will have to be signed off by me before they are allowed to be released onto the market*

[I]*They will all be rejected. You're welcome[/I]

The reform of German grammar - scrapping the 95.74% that exists just to annoy people who need to learn the language.

Once the really important stuff is taken care of....

All bicycles to be fitted with lasers that extend 1.5m beyond the bars.

Anyone that thinks nice/tasty/ real beer, has to be artisan or craft, shall be forced to drink nothing but Fosters through a straw.

The population shall be whittled down by dosing every page of the Daily Mail and Daily Express with huge quantities of LSD, so that we can spot those talking constantly about "immigrant pink elephants" and shoot them..

Anyone found watching TOWIE, the only way is Marbs, Big Brother or similar shall be shipped to a "colony of stupid" built by erecting a 40ft high wall round the Isle of Wight and made to fight to the death.

Any female (and the odd male) who thinks they need to use make up to make themselves orange, shall have the colour permanently tattoo'ed and "TANGO" put on their foreheads.

I could go on...