[Closed] WWSTW do? Straw yes / no poll.

Sorry for your loss. That's rough when someone is close in some respects but not in others and not conventionally.
Personally I'd say send it, knowing that their father/partner was a valued friend to someone is a welcome message I'd think.

Send it, but include an additional hand written letter to them expressing your thoughts, feelings and memories. All those good memories might help them to remember in a positive way.

Definitely send it. It will mean a lot to them.

I would write to her but not send the original card.

Send it with a letter. These specific memories of your friend are probably even more important than general condolences.

Send it. The quality of a friendship is not related to the frequency of contact. It’s a touching memory of how much he meant to you.

Ah mate, wondered why you didn't reply to my email. That's awful news. The couple days I spent with you and him in Austria were such a good laugh. What a lovely fella he was.
I agree with the send it - it'll be a nice memory, include a letter and it'll be a more personal touch than the usual In Sympathy cards.
Sorry mate, hope you're not too down about it all and this isolation shite. Pop round mine anytime, and we can sit in the garden (I've got masks if you want)
Dez

[edit] just read subject again: Yes.

A few years ago I sent a card with some thoughts and my memories to my terminally ill Venture Scout leader. When I went to the funeral they read out the entire thing.
Receiving these things clearly does matter to the grieving family members and whilst not mitigating their loss gives them varying levels of comfort.

Firstly, my condolences to you & your friend's family.

I'd send it, with a personal letter to her explaining why you almost didn't send it.
She'll understand I'm sure & even if she doesn't right now, it'll probably mean a great deal to her later.
People always focus on the sadness at times like these & rightly so, but on later reflection wish there had been a form of celebration too.
Celebrating a friendship, however sporadic, is a fine way to pay tribute to someone.

Send it.

Also please send one to MrsWCA when the inevitable happens to me. It is amazingly helpful to know just how many people your lost person was. I know that when Dad died my Mum benefited from cards and letters from around the world from people they had met and moved on from over their lives. It can do no harm.

CFH has the right answer I think

When a friends daughter died I didn't know if I should write or not - we hadn't seen each other for a few years. In the end I wrote.

When I saw them a while later they told me how much they appreciated the letter, how things like that helped them through the first few weeks, and how they would keep it forever.

Send the card along with a note telling them how you felt about your friend. They will appreciate the gesture.

Send the card and a note. It will likely mean a great deal more than you can know.

Sorry for your loss. And as above send it, don’t bottle it. After all you loved him enough to write it.

As flashy says - card and hand written note; hand written note will mean more than mass produced card with someone else's words.

Definitely send it, I’d hope my friends would do that for my wife.
Very sorry to hear about your friend, treasure the memories.

Yes + letter/note

Send it with letter.

That 1 week a year will have been a very important part of his life, and you can keep that going for his family and friends.

You're thinking about how you feel about it, think about how they'll feel about it and get it in the post. With a note or a call to say you've sent it. Personally I'd say call, never be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, we constantly hear that one of the things that people who are suffering from the loss of someone struggle most with is other people avoiding wanting to ever to talk about it.

Send it, no question.

I have friends that my wife knows about but has never met, I would expect to do the same in that situation. And I know she would take comfort if she were the one receiving the letter.

Yes.

I lost my Dad in February and we were inundated with In Sympathy / Condolence cards. All were greatly appreciated but the best were those that recounted memories and stories that obviously meant a lot to the sender. My Dad had all sorts of aspects to his life that he just never really talked about with me but to hear how he had an effect on others was heart warming. In the end, writing the eulogy was all the easier for the efforts of so many of his friends taking the time to write to us.

So send the card with a note to explain why you are sending it and any fond memories that you had. No doubt his wife and family will appreciate the effort.

Send it with maybe an extra message in about how sad you are at the news.

As above, condolcences and manhugs, and a recommendation to send it with a note/letter to explain what the freiendship meant to you. Cast-iron guarantee they will treasure notes like that, it will mean a LOT to them

Another +1 for CFH's send it suggestion.

I've always been of the opinion that anyone's passing should be used as a celebration for a life lived not one lost. My dad's side of the family insist on the wake after a funeral being a big party, celebrating the loved one's adventures and stories like it was a birthday party. Sounds strange but is actually incredibly therapeutic and turns a sad time into good memories.

Having a letter like yours to look at will help the family appreciate how much he meant to his friends and can help ease the grieving process along.

Firstly thanks to all who replied , pretty much unanamous decision, just needed to check i was doing the right thing

Ok , so I opened the Thank You card and inserted a hand written note which was difficult to convey without using clichés and empty platitudes. Took a few goes and a few tears but its done

I have been asked to take his ashes to Tignes which is going to be tough, Im thinking a summer trip and a small cairn up near the eye of the neeedle would be fitting