Workplace coping strategies

Leaving might not be an option but even just preparing to leave can help mentally.  That means making sure your CV is up to date, looking at other jobs and seeing what skills are needed.  That might then change the way you work or direct you to other courses you can take.  Just feeling like you have a little control can really help

<toughlove>

If you don't think it's bad enough to raise an issue about, and/or you don't think line management (or HR) would do anything about it, then you risk being the frog in the hot water and it'll just get steadily worse and you'll put up with it.

If it's bad, you need to take action, which could be

go and talk to people about it and get it changed

go and get another job

find a means to poke up with it but stop moaning about it* and accept you're in that position because you chose to be by not doing 1 or 2.

You are in control of those choices

On the latter; actual coping strategies. as you're doing - do your work and see it as transactional; they rent your time, not own you, and when you've delivered your half of that get out of the door to enjoy the time they don't rent. Develop a tomorrow, next week, next month, next year filter - how much will I care about [this thing that is currently irking me] in those timeframes. Many won't make it to tomorrow, let alone a week or month away, but if they are then see 1 and 2 again.

You may not control the situation but you do control your response to it.

* not completely - someone safe to vent to and get off your chest from time to time is healthy; I mean spending all day every day drip drip dripping to yourself about how bad it is.

Raising an official grievance only raises your stress levels more, and HR will manoeuvre blame onto you, just before they manoeuvre you out the door.

1st lesson is to know HR are there to cover the employers; no matter how sympathetic they may act .. they do not work for your benefit so avoid at all costs.

Quiet quitting is a good method, until other options present themselves.

Good luck

Years ago when I was in a stressful role I managed to change my mindset to just care less. I still did my job and helped colleagues when I could but I accepted I was there just to earn money to pay the bills and stopped caring about any office bullshit that was going on or worrying about promotions etc. I also left the office when my 7.5 hours was done  each day (apart from rare exceptions when there was an important but unrealistic deadline I accepted was more the client's fault rather than poor planning on my company's side etc.). Helped me a lot but obviously doesn't help with a lot of situations you might end up in.

All I can say is I’m in a similar position and sympathise greatly.

Raising an official grievance only raises your stress levels more, and HR will manoeuvre blame onto you, just before they manoeuvre you out the door

Very, very much this

I raised a grievance against my manager years ago. A demonstrable list of problems and failings on his side. I was told I just had to get on with him

Within 6 months I was given a lot of money to make me go away quietly

I managed to change my mindset to just care less. I still did my job and helped colleagues when I could but I accepted I was there just to earn money to pay the bills and stopped caring about any office bullshit that was going on or worrying about promotions etc.

This.

"quiet quitting" is the fashionable term I believe.

1st lesson is to know HR are there to cover the employers; no matter how sympathetic they may act .. they do not work for your benefit so avoid at all costs.

Sorry, but bollocks.

Sure there are some shit HR people about, just as there are shit employees. I've also worked with some brilliant ones, who absolutely will take seriously grievances, and deal with them properly.

I learned to be content with "this is as good as i can do with the resources i have"  but it was a tough lesson to learn.  I also used to chuck difficult stuff upwards in writing "this situation is unsustainable.   I suggest this.  Could you provide guidance"   make the manager own the problems.   Cover your arse by doing it by email so you have a paper trail and it cannot come back to bite you.

I also walked away for an unsuitable role and felt ten feet tall after i did

Citalopram and counselling. Somewhere between quiet quitting and comfortably numb.

More seriously, be careful this stuff doesn’t get under your skin and undermine your confidence to do the job, which can then knock into other areas of your life and mental health. Trust me on that.

I don't like the term quiet quitting, especially if you work in an area where "things" change rapidly. I think more about work to rule, and concentrate your time on keeping up to date with the changes as they are likely to be the knowledge and skills you need to move on/elsewhere.

HR are ultimately there to ensure the company doesn't break employment legislation. Whether they actually take that role seriously enough to be proactive when situations are like yours will vary. We regularly have our high stress/absence rates raised as an issue, so HR and management can see there's a problem, but finding a solution is currently elusive.

Within 6 months I was given a lot of money to make me go away quietly

Were you implying that was a bad thing?

OP - Are you personally experiencing stress or anxiety from the situation? And is it affecting you to a significant degree?

Leaving might not be an option but even just preparing to leave can help mentally.  That means making sure your CV is up to date, looking at other jobs and seeing what skills are needed.  That might then change the way you work or direct you to other courses you can take.  Just feeling like you have a little control can really help

This is great advice.

my experience of HR is similar to many of the above.  going through the process of a surprise demotion was a nasty way to find out.

I find myself in a similar boat to the OP.  I am keeping myself very busy doing things that will benefit my family.  I've also been talking to other managers in the company who've worked with me and I trust.  sadly the company is contracting at the moment so it may well be redundancy is coming.  not necessarily a bad outcome jn the long run, but a bucket load of stress in the short term

get your "life boat" ready.  cv up to date, look at roles, even speculative apply for some to get some feedback / interview practise.  who knows you might find something amazing

I realised quite early on in my working life that from the day I start any new job, I should plan for leaving it.

My current job will be ending in the year (it'll be the 8th time I've been laid-off in 40 years of work).

Leaving isn’t an option at present.

You say that, but if they laid you off tomorrow, what would you do?

We watched the first episode of Severance last night.

Anyway, intheborders makes a very wise point. Don’t prepare any exit strategy, and you could be in for a shock if made to move on. Learning that lesson myself at the moment. With all previous work I was diligent enough to look after myself and make sure I was planning my next move no matter how committed to the role I was… learning tools not used at the company but used elsewhere in the industry, etc, but this time I got it wrong and put all into the role, rather than a % of my attention being on possible moves.

Daily dose of serteraline and diligaf seems to work for most situations.
Also keep a record of altercations. A contemporary record of events with witness names and causes and effect will add weight to your compromise agreement or any grievance claims should it come to that

theotherjonvFree Member
1st lesson is to know HR are there to cover the employers; no matter how sympathetic they may act .. they do not work for your benefit so avoid at all costs.
Sorry, but bollocks.

Nah, follow the money. HR are paid by the company, their value is to the company. Helping employees in ways that will disrupt the company is not in their job description, and likely to see them fired.

Were you implying that was a bad thing?

Ultimately no, but it was a shock when it happened and a valuable lesson learned. A truly toxic environment

Since they got rid of me, it's been a disaster for them. Multiple people stepped into my role and they've all failed and never lasted.

A couple of people have approached me over the years with an ask to go back. When my name was floated around they were told in no uncertain terms that the fact I spoke up against a superior was permanent black mark against me

work to rule

treat the work as transactional, if you fulfil your end of the bargain you're golden

make a paper trail to document what you do that demonstrates you comply with the contractual terms of employment

raise a grievance, but as noted that depends on HR being sympathetic, able, and willing

I know people who have done all the above and still essentially been told to shovel it and work harder, which really only then leaves...

leave

HR are ultimately there to ensure the company doesn’t break employment legislation.

Bad HR is there to do that.

Good HR is there to actively improve conditions and provide help.

None of us know how good the HR is at the op's workplace.

We watched the first episode of Severance last night.

Excellent series, but bit of an extreme way to cope with work...

Helping employees in ways that will disrupt the company is not in their job description, and likely to see them fired

Whereas helping employees in ways that prevent multiple employees leaving, and help employees be productive and more valuable, is kind of the remit.

At end of day, if the grievance process determines that the manager is shit, then the manager is disrupting the company, and needs to go, or be trained, or be shuffled off sideways into a place they can do no damage. Etc.

If you are going to quiet quit and regain work life balance... always act positive and enthusiastic in 121s and meetings, do not moan or allow yourself to be seen as a problem, take feedback positively, be a corporate player at all times BUT ALSO learn the rules and stick to them, give no excuse to get fired (its a lot harder to get rid of someone who is very average at best compared to someone who gets caught out taking the pi$$), if you have a union join it, learn how to ensure that whatever additional stuff you are asked to do is better served by someone else, produce very average bear minimum outputs, focus on your core objectives and if you can influence them put time and energy into making them sound stretching whilst being very vague and easy to hit. Write a few emails in work hours, then send then a bit later on so you look like you are doing longer days.

Also, maximise your non work time by getting out and doing stuff. This will stop your brain constantly mulling over stressful work stuff.

Nah, follow the money. HR are paid by the company, their value is to the company. Helping employees in ways that will disrupt the company is not in their job description, and likely to see them fired.

If you raise a grievance that is justifiable and HR don't follow it up appropriately then it will cost them way more in time and money than if they had. Sure, they won't help employees to 'disrupt the company' if that is not justified, but (to the Original Post) 'the boss is a bit shit' is not a grievance. 'The boss is a bit shit and it makes my work harder/less pleasant' is not a grievance. 'The boss is a bit shit and so's their boss so they won't fix it' isn't a grievance. They're all performance issues.

The boss lies to cover his tracks - that's getting into grievance territory.

So as I said - either deal with it or not, but you must accept that choosing not to deal with it is exactly what it says, an active choice to make. And then if you choose not to broach it via proper channels then you can find DILLIGAF type strategies to deal with that choice if you so wish.

Also keep a record of altercations. A contemporary record of events with witness names and causes and effect will add weight to your compromise agreement or any grievance claims should it come to that

A former colleague has discovered the benefits to that. Got what appeared to be an excellent promotion but it turned out to be a cess pit of bullying, misogyny and harassment.

Her raising a properly documented grievance has led to the (few) women working in that area to speak up in support.

Genuinely felt embarrassed that men were still behaving like that in the 21st century.  She's a tough woman - former pub landlord - they picked the wrong one to pick on.

Sounds very similar to my work place though I'm in a gang of tradies on the tools as they say. We just bypass our manager and ignore the office as much as possible, it works for us and still mainly have a laugh at work.

Same situation here. Some great advice above. You can never fix a toxic workplace culture and need to get out ASAP, regardless of the fact that you think this isn´t an immediate option.

What is working for me:

1. Brush up CV / Linkedin, actively apply for other jobs, even if only peripherally.
2. Set a hard end date, even if you don't stick to it. Just having an end date on the horizon has had a surprisingly positive effect.
3. Do the bare minimum, within your remit.

I tried quiet quitting in a previous role, but between the role/company being very good at making me accountable for anything I hadn't done (our roles made us all first point of contact for clients, I actually welcomed it when they raised an issue further up the chain) and also just genuinely liking my immediate co-workers meant this didn't really work.

Next step was raising it with managers in a constructive way but this got turned back on to me in a relatively professional way, i.e. YOU need to get better at what you do, but we'll help. This definitely didn't work.

Sertraline was the next step, but by the time it started helping I had already moved on to a MUCH better role because I followed leffeboy's advice

Leaving might not be an option but even just preparing to leave can help mentally.  That means making sure your CV is up to date, looking at other jobs and seeing what skills are needed.  That might then change the way you work or direct you to other courses you can take.  Just feeling like you have a little control can really help

I discussed with my wife, we agreed what sort of possible salary cut was sustainable to get out of my immediate industry, and I 'made myself available' 😎 In almost not time the perfect job found me, and only by being open to slightly left-field options did I entertain it through to interviewing etc. The pay cut was offset against renegotiated WFH arrangements etc and now all is good. I'm even wondering if I ever needed the Sertraline.

If it helps provide perspective (I had long forgotten this) apparently it is possible to be good at a job and enjoy it without having to bust your balls working long stressful hours. I almost feel guilty about it!

Leaving isn’t an option at present.

Is preparing to leave an option? The best time to look for a job is when you already have one.

Sure there are some shit HR people about, just as there are shit employees. I’ve also worked with some brilliant ones, who absolutely will take seriously grievances, and deal with them properly.

I learned this one the hard way.

I worked for the same company for 16 years. I worked closely with HR and they were fantastic. I had apprentices under me, one was a Problem and I sat in meetings working with HR trying to find loopholes to help her out.

I was TUPEd as a department a couple of years back, I made the mistake of thinking that previous experience was the norm despite friends going "HR are not on your side," and got royally stitched up.

I also used to chuck difficult stuff upwards in writing “this situation is unsustainable. I suggest this. Could you provide guidance” make the manager own the problems.

This.

It's called assertiveness. You get given a task, you have three options. Passive, "oh, I'm already overworked but I suppose I'll have to do this or it won't get done"; aggressive, "are you ****ing kidding me, I'm already snowed under"; or assertive, "well, OK, I can do this but I've got these other tasks so which one do you want me to drop?"

The OP seems to imply that there is a team of lovely colleagues who are being ground down by a line manager who is out of their depth.

Having worked in several UK companies (never as a line manager, so this suggestion isn't based on any loyalty to the species) I've seen countless cases of people being promoted without any training, or even explanation of expectations, for the new role. And the typical result is all their worst personality traits come out.

So why not get the team together, take the manager out of the office and suggest to them that you form a proper support team?

Thanks for all the input folks. I'll read through it and have a think.

We all used to meet up for a complete sappuchino, started with 2 then 4.  Be v careful there aren't any traitors.  We all left and did v well after.

Good luck, just get a plan for change in place you can take anything as so focused on the future.

Black flag is on the money regarding Quiet quitting.

It appears that some here don't understand the term, or maybe not understand how it's correctly done.

The old fashioned work 2 rule doesn't really work. It often makes problems worse in fact. Quiet quitting is playing the solid employee and agreeing with seniors .. but not contributing anything additional, being that guy at the back who's face isn't really noticeable in the team photograph.

Lower level managers are typically pedantic control freaks positioned because they are process driven; they are often the lifers, or potential lifers, who personify the Peter Principle. They rely on those 'under' them for innovating, picking up the slack, and most definitely holding responsibility .. so avoid doing any of those things.

Taking control will do wonders for your stress levels.

Isn't quite quitting just doing your job and not going 'the extra mile' basically doing what you're paid to do in the first place? I honestly don't get it as a concept.

Quiet quitting is more subtle - but same outcome I guess.

Just getting a better perspective of the work life balance. Understanding the work place games etc and just removing yourself subtly from them.

Most put it with the blatant 'work 2 rule' idea, but as said, that's often too obvious and just leads to more problems.

At some point we got to a place whereby doing your job isn't enough and people are almost expected to be available all the time. It is madness! Unless you're working in a critical field where somebody might die or something utterly disastrous might happen as a result of inaction, then just go to work, do job to best of ability and go home.

I do more than my job description, mainly because I've been at the company for a long time, know the owner as a friend and I'm vested in the company doing well as a result. There's still a line though.

Plodders are the backbone of any business. Those that come in, do the job, don't complain and then piss off home at the end of the day. If everyone went above and beyond and was ambitious, who'd do the boring menial stuff? To call it quitting, quiet or otherwise, is a bit daft in my opinion. Where did the phrase start, anybody know?

Plodders are the backbone of any business. Those that come in, do the job, don’t complain and then piss off home at the end of the day.

Too many businesses don’t allow those people to exist. I have worked in many places where the plodders are harassed and hassled by management and colleagues to do more than just the job they are supposed to be.

You've just described workplace bullying and those businesses will eventually fail as a result. The plodders are far and away the best workers in any business. Don't get involved in bullshit and just crack on. If you're being harassed by management and colleagues to outperform KPI's or similar then you're working for a shit company.

To call it quitting, quiet or otherwise, is a bit daft in my opinion. Where did the phrase start, anybody know

No idea. Doesn't really describe what most people seem to mean by it.

What I understood 'work to rule' to mean seems to be what is meant by 'quiet quitting' now.

Come in, get on with it, document when you need to push back against unreasonable demands, cover backside with evidence of what you're doing, then go home. No poor attitude on display, not taking the piss, not total disengagement, simply 'doing the job you were hired to do'.

But also, no shooting-for-promotion, no extra curricular stuff, no giving 101% (110% ? 150%? I don't know what the current number-du-jour from The Apprentice is these days), no starting initiatives, etc etc.

To call that quitting is mad. That's what the majority of people should be doing at work. Not everyone needs to be ambitious. Doing a bit extra every now and then is normal. Honestly, I don't understand the world anymore. Labels for everything. Insert laughter emoji here.

You’ve just described workplace bullying and those businesses will eventually fail as a result. The plodders are far and away the best workers in any business. Don’t get involved in bullshit and just crack on. If you’re being harassed by management and colleagues to outperform KPI’s or similar then you’re working for a shit company.

I completely agree by the way, but employers that don't do this are few and far between so there will unfortunately always be people forced to work for them and put up with it due to supply and demand. Sadly many of these companies do not eventually fail, and that doesn't help the employee anyway.

Regarding KPIs, lots of people don't even work for a company where they can demonstrate they've performed their job adequately by meeting a KPI as many don't use them, preferring to keep the target suitably vague as an underhand way of telling people they're underperforming. Manipulation, social engineering and gaslighting is all too common and not everyone has the ability to brush that off.

We're on the same page, i'm not arguing with you, just adding my thoughts to the narrative!

Plodders are not quiet quitters - Its two different things.

Quiet quitters are looking to significantly reduce their outputs and engagement over time "Quietly" i.e. without further stress so avoiding confrontation.

Plodders will be producing steady outputs throughout and have consistent engagement.

@airvent apologies if it comes across as argumentative, it isn't meant to be. I just find the whole concept weird tbh. If people are that unhappy in their work then try and find something else. This whole quiet quitting thing just doesn't sound very grown up to me. Have a conversation with your supervisor or whatever and if that doesn't work, just crack on until you can find something else.

Just all seems a bit childish. I've worked in some proper shit holes in my time so know how bad it can be. I've always been one to speak up though so coming at it from a different perspective. I lost my first ever full time job because the useless manager asked me what I thought of him, so I told him ?

Black flag is on the money again - and explaining quiet quitting better than myself.

Whilst companies need the quiet consistent 'plodders' mopping up the work in their unspectacular methodical way, companies also need the over enthusiastic ones who will put in that bit extra when it's needed or shoulder responsibilities, the term for these is usually 'the useful idiots' who do this to put 'leader, senior, deputy etc' in their job title .. and hopefully £50 extra a week.

Yes, quiet quitting may be a rewording work to rule; I guess it's how we interpret each term.

To call it quitting, quiet or otherwise, is a bit daft in my opinion

I take the point but in any real world situation there's normally a bit of give and take in the employment relationship, if you're not getting to "take" enough to feel satisfied then cut back on the giving.

I certainly agree with trying to find something else, but protect yourself in the meantime. My wife and I "quietly quit" in our jobs in Japan where we had an obligation that we couldn't reasonably walk away from but were otherwise treading water waiting to leave. About 6 months in all. We would have certainly resigned quicker but for that obligation (which was to someone outside of the company who was booked to visit us for a month while we were there).

I lost my first ever full time job because the useless manager asked me what I thought of him, so I told him ?

I guess it depends on what industry you work in. I know of a similar situation where a former colleague has been pretty much black balled and despite vast knowledge and experience she will never get to be a consultant .. or if she does it's in the hospitals back of beyond where nobody else wants to work; or she jumps and becomes a GP.

@funkmasterp its fine, i was more worried i was coming across as argumentative than you.

companies also need the over enthusiastic ones who will put in that bit extra when it’s needed or shoulder responsibilities, the term for these is usually ‘the useful idiots’ who do this to put ‘leader, senior, deputy etc’ in their job title .. and hopefully £50

There's a balance. You need to play the game. Doing a little bit more over the last 20years has got me considerably more than £50 a week extra. Also being in a job where you aren't occasionally enthusiastic sounds like hell. That's definitely a point to start thinking about a move. Work is work and never going to be fun all the time, but it needs not being torture.

I would consider a grievance at some point. Consider your options. I agree that it will probably not solve the problem and you will eventually leave. However, it can make that process a little smoother financially if your company and you mutually agree to part company rather than you just resigning.

As said, some industries are small where reputation proceeds you. Medicine and law for example.

I do appreciate there are places where you can move jobs and start afresh. But of course - that's assuming leaving is an option. Sometimes to leave means an unaffordable financial hit too

Had a similar experience, so I did it all by the numbers, got my affairs in order in preparation to leave, then followed internal processes for grievance.

As expected I got chinned off at every turn, HR were as much use as tits in a fish, a standard I've come to expect if anyone who works in a HR space. Management were Tue to themselves in being weak and spineless, so when that was process was exhausted I resigned, then went down the ET route for constructive dismissal.

Document everything!

In the end I had a new job, which I enjoyed (now left to do other things) and £26k of their money and a very smug sense of satisfaction.

Either way, get out. Life's too short and it's only a job. I know money can be a concern, but what price do you put in your me Tal wellbeing and if you a bloke of a certain age, your ongoing presence on the planet? No joke, work bullshit can grind you to dust, don't let it and make the right choice to preserve your peace.

• very smug sense of satisfaction.

Takes all sorts I guess. Not an outcome a normal person would be happy about though.

Takes all sorts I guess. Not an outcome a normal person would be happy about though.

What? You mean having a positive outcome of an ET ruling in your favour and agreeing that the organisation behaved abysmally and being compensated for said poor behaviour?

As well as finding another job in a organisation that in comparison was very good and makes efforts to look after it's people?

Every reason to be smug, but clearly you're some kind of higher zen being that can rise above. Considering your others posts in threads you've outed yourself as a bit of a prat so I'll take your snide comment as such.