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Mrs K currently works 3 days PW in a job she's beginning to hate. Before this summer holiday, our kids were at breakfast and after school club for those three days, and we shared the a school run around my travelling arrangements.
She's been looking and therefore has been offered a new job with much more scope. pay & prospects. Although the've been flexible, they want her to work 5 days PW 10-4pm, but be in HQ three days every 2 weeks, which means 8-5:30 once the travel is added for 3 days out of 10. Our other problem is school has shut the after school club due to lack of funding, school ends at 3:15.
Now, I think we can make this work as although I travel my job is flexible, and the new job is not far from the school so I think she can negotiate to be there at 8:30, and leave at 3:00 therefore providing the 6hrs per day they want. She's leaning on me to help make the decision.
I feel a bit guilty as this is removing her "free" time on Thursdays and Friday, but also I don't want her to feel she has to be a housewife, that she can entertain a career if she wants plus she'd have more of her own money. I think she'd be busier and happier also.
It is also possible we can use a 3rd party after school provider, theres just a trust barrier to get over with that...
So, other working parents, any thought on this and things we should consider? I'm actually not sure if we are making mountains out of molehills and she should accept this new job and carry on...
A more satisfying career and a happier and more fulfilled Wife - go for it. It appears that you can make it work around your children and there's not much worse than stewing in a job you hate.
All school age kids I take it?
I feel a bit guilty as this is removing her “free” time on Thursdays and Friday
Being blunt about this, is that because you do whatever you like on the weekends, so they're not "free" time for her?
Can't you give up a day or two - cut down to 3 or 4 days per week - to share out the parenting more equally?
Mind you, I don't understand this bit...
she’d have more of her own money
When OH started irking FT again she stopped being so obsessed with stuff she'd decided was important but just really filled in her time.
This means most weekends Jnr and I go cycling (either bad same night or not)
It does help though she's teaching at the same school...
irking FT. That's never good.
My 2p
Unless you want to lose your mind you need a robust childcare plan in place, a ‘make it up as we go along’ plan would drive me crackers. I don’t need that extra stress in my life.
After-school clubs have generally gotten a lot more expensive in the last few years, it’s a shame they’ve cancelled yours rather than charged or charged more for it. Ours have gone from £4.50 a day to £6 to £10 a day in 4 years 😫.
Ultimately it’s all a bit shit isn’t it - I hate the ideal my daughter will be in school from 08:45 to 17:15 everyday, seems a long day for a junior school kid, but we can’t make ends meet on my salary. Do when we have days off in the week we pick her up at 15:30, we still have to pay for the session but so be it.
I went reduced hours and flexie time when our two were small ,so that we could do away with after school care/childminding. It was ace,I loved those years.
what P-Jay said - the most stressful years of my life were the ones where I *had* to be somewhere at 'x' to pick a child up and the world conspired against me. We also used to pay for sessions on the off chance we'd need them (and also kept them in club 2 or 3 days a week in case we needed to use it).
Staying in a job she dislikes is foolish. The negativity will grow and possibly step into home life.
Would you prefer to see lots of a grumpy wife or less of a happy one?
There's always another job after this one if it doesn't work out .
Would you prefer to see lots of a grumpy wife or less of a happy one?
Well, the dichotomy is that I'm trying to convince her to say yes after she initially got excited about the offer, now she's bemoaning the lack of flexibility in the annual leave - currently 17 days spread across 3 days pw, yet would be 19 days across 5 days pw. I think theres more to consider.
Its not really an option for me to reduce my hours, as I'm in a career situation with a very large proportion of the income associated with my job, and it won't offer part time work. I am - within reason - in control of my own diary though. My thoughts are that for 7 days out of 10 she's able to manage the school runs (although I can still help if I'm WFH) and earns 1/3 more salary, and progresses her career in a happier role.
Staying in a job she dislikes is foolish. The negativity will grow and possibly step into home life.
Already does, her boss is a ****er and is very close to discrimination in my view.
Being blunt about this, is that because you do whatever you like on the weekends, so they’re not “free” time for her?
Its a fair comment but no. Although have 1/2 day to "ride", the other 3/4s of the weekend are family time. She goes out socially more than I do.
They're thin on the ground, but what you need, if you go ahead, is a flexible childminder.
If you can find one who is already doing pickups at the school, you have the ideal scenario.
Most childminders hate a runaround as much as parents though, so you may struggle to find someone. Back in my IT trainer days, I was lucky enough to find someone who I would guarantee 2 days a week with, but able to take it up to 5 when I was on a full time contract, worth her weight in gold, she was.
Edit: do you have room for an au-pair? Might be too middle class even for STW?
Well, the dichotomy is that I’m trying to convince her to say yes after she initially got excited about the offer, now she’s bemoaning the lack of flexibility in the annual leave – currently 17 days spread across 3 days pw, yet would be 19 days across 5 days pw. I think theres more to consider.
Is it possible that she's simply got cold feet, worried about the change etc? Happens to the best of us - initial excitement then the fear 🙂
Could be that it's simply some reassurance of her own capabilities that's required.
In a similar situation here. My better half has been working 3 days a week for about 3 years now, but has signed her new contract to go full time at the start of October. She has started to question her choice as the weeks go by, but for me it's a no brainer. She can drop the kids at school everyday as she starts at 9 and I work shifts ( Nights,Afternoons, Mornings) so I can pick the kids up for 2 weeks out of 3, only need after school club for 1 week. The financial gain makes it impossible to say no as far as I'm concerned.
As long as you have a backup of some sort it should be ok. We had 3 families in similar situations all close to each other so we could pick up each others kids when necessary. Without that it would have been a mess and hugely stressful.
Never underestimate the value of having some spare capacity/time. My job isn't the best but it leaves me free to do lots of stuff around the family and that is worth a fortune.
I personally would keep looking. Part time hours five days a week is a really inefficient way to work ime. You loose in money but don't gain much in usuable time. Make drop off / pickup easier but you still have to squeeze it in 5 days a week rather than 3. You end up having to pay for child care for five days as well.
yet would be 19 days across 5 days pw. I think theres more to consider.
This is wrong. thats below stat minimums.
yet would be 19 days across 5 days pw. I think theres more to consider
This is wrong. thats below stat minimums.
Unless the holiday is quoted at 19 days @ FT hours. Assuming 7.5 hours a day that gives 142.5 hours holiday per year. Which (assuming she will still get half an hour lunch) is 25.9 equivalent.
Either way BHs must be on top of that figure.
From when I was looking recently isn't the best practice where an employee works reduced hours to quote holiday in hours.
Morning!
The hols is 25 days pro rata’d down to her working hours.
I personally would keep looking. Part time hours five days a week is a really inefficient way to work ime. You loose in money but don’t gain much in usuable time. Make drop off / pickup easier but you still have to squeeze it in 5 days a week rather than 3. You end up having to pay for child care for five days as well.
...is pretty much where she is thinking. We are quite active with the kids as weekends so that’s 7 days full on, and not having them around Thursdays and Fridays allows her to do other things for us / herself. Right now she’s likely to say thanks but no thanks, and as she got uptight with me last night I’ve backed away and let her think about it.
So its that, or she crafts her ideal working week and goes back to them with that proposal and see if they accept. They have tried really hard to get her on board so she is wanted, you never know.
When MrsMC wanted to go full time, I dropped to part time/term time - she earns nearly double what I do so a no brainer. One day a week kids went to grandparents after school for tea, other three days we used a childminder for the hour or two till I was back from work.
It's the school holidays that will kill you, in terms of time and cost. I took the jump to term time as we'd reached a point where the grandparents were too old to have them and we tried splitting holidays between us and only managed to get one complete week together as a family. **** that for a lifestyle!
Of course it will work, but it will mean things will need to change to factor it all in. Get a childminder and get over the trust issues...speak to kid's friend's parents and see where they go and try to get the same, that way kid knows people and is happy and you get less stress.
There shouldn't be a stay-at-home-as-there-is-a-child solution if you both want to work. It just means changes/sacrifices to make it all work...shouldn't be too hard to plan, but initially it will be hard to work with.
You'll find a way, it just might not be the easiest way for all of you.
I'm a single parent for half the year and the holidays are the killer!
Of course it will work, but it will mean things will need to change to factor it all in. Get a childminder and get over the trust issues…speak to kid’s friend’s parents and see where they go and try to get the same, that way kid knows people and is happy and you get less stress.
Too right... life will go on.
A lot of the slack for us outside of after school club etc. was taken up with other parents