[Closed] Will you be my boyfriend…

Down to Boots for a pckt of 12, a slap on the back and a knowing wink. Your job here is done.

Maybe.

I have no kids/clue. From what I've seen of others, prepare for 15 years of pain then the little cuckoo's eyeing up your ill gotten gains ready for a takeover bid as you get ever more feeble...

Mine is now 13 and has had a girlfirend for 3 months... they've not even held hands yet. It's a term of acceptance within groups rather than an actual physical thing.

We – feeling slightly guilty – checked Snapchat to find a 3 month long but very clean and friendly conversation going on between Jnr and one of the girls at his swimming club.

You did what now!? Jesus, give the lad some privacy

At least she asked. My 8yr old just seems to get told he’s someone’s boyfriend. This normally lasts about 2days until he’s told he’s not any more. Seems some are born fickle and bossy.

You did what now!? Jesus, give the lad some privacy

I think at that age it’s the right side of privacy vs safety from some perv on the internet. Just don’t do it again now you know!

Could be spam.
I get those emails all the time.
😂

Our youngest Daughter (17) brought her friend (16), who happens to be a male, to meet our dogs recently.
Asked her last night if we will see him again and the answer was yes.
What does it mean, are they an item?

It means she's already pregnant, fetch your shotgun and march them to the church

You haven't asked her if they are so why are you expecting us to know? Could just be friends...could be more, but your question was far too vague and very easy to answer. So just ask her a specific question.

weeksy
Full Member

Mine is now 13 and has had a girlfirend for 3 months… they’ve not even held hands yet. It’s a term of acceptance within groups rather than an actual physical thing.

You need to knock that on the head right now - by 14 he could be chasing women and telling you to poke it any time you suggest racing!

Is she called Louise? #runfarfaraway

My eldest is 12 going on 25 and is on his third girlfriend. We can tell when he has one as his behaviour changes - a bit more introspective, a little secretive, and on his phone even more than usual. Even if we suspect he has one we always wait for him to tell us, then play it down and just try to have normal conversations. My wife struggles with this as she feels the need to know everything, IMO this just makes matters worse. He’s a good lad but needs some privacy and support while he works out what’s going on with his emotions.

As above, I don’t think there is anything physical. Certainly with his first girlfriend (year 6) they just met at the park and hung out a bit. He seems quite smitten by this latest one so it’s possible they’re into smooching territory, although his mates probably would have dropped him in it by now if that was the case.

For what it’s worth, my advice would be to wait for him to talk to you about it and stay away from his phone. If he finds out you’ve been snooping he won’t trust you. I can see the thinking about protecting them etc but if they trust you and talk to you about this stuff you can protect them without snooping.

Jesus, give the lad some privacy

Our rule (when my kids were that age) was that we trusted them 100%,  however if we asked, they handed over their phone instantly, no "hang on a minute" or " just let me..."

time to learn how to carefully manage this with a balance of trust, caution and education.

Or just post it on STW for the bantz...

time to learn how to carefully manage this with a balance of trust, caution and education.

Don't worry about that, he has already learned everything he needs to know from internet porn.

Eldest was 14 when he started seeing someone for the first time - they'd got friendly on a music tour with a bigger group of friends who started meeting up when they were back in the UK, then the numbers meeting up reduced to just him and this girl* and eventually he conceded they were a couple.

Lasted about 6 months, never got sexual but was good to see him comfortable and relaxed with someone as he's a bit stand offish usually.

*Couple of years later the pattern of diminishing friendship group repeated itself with a girl he met through Scouts, though she was much keener than him and he used GCSEs as an excuse to call it off, still good friends though.

And same pattern has happened again in the last year with a girl he met at college. He's now at uni, she is living near Birmingham as she is on a degree apprenticeship. I finally asked him if she was "just a friend" after he'd met up with her when they were both home over Christmas, and he said "oh she's much more than a friend". He's playing in a show in Coventry this weekend and she is handily located to give him a base nearby for a long weekend together. I told him if he wasn't being good he needed to be careful.

 he has already learned everything he needs to know from internet porn.

It's difficult for these kids not to see it frankly.

Just wait until you lot learn what's happened to the 'bases'.

First base is no longer snogging, cos that's physical. No, a snapchat photo of what's available is the standard first base now because that's less intimate. Obviously.

It's a weird world we are living in.

give the lad some privacy

Whilst I don't disagree, assuming that they are under eighteen (the minimum age at which someone can have a mobile phone contract) and unless it is a PAYG phone, then you are legally responsible for the contents of their phone.

This was pointed out to both pupils and staff (many of whom looked uncomfortable at coming to appreciate this as they had children themselves) by our local community Police Officer at school assemblies three or so years ago. There had been an incident involving someone sharing a very inappropriate photo of themselves on Snapchat, someone saved it and went round not the local community but the entire town - and the Police got involved.

Just wait until you lot learn what’s happened to the ‘bases’.

First base is no longer snogging, cos that’s physical. No, a snapchat photo of what’s available is the standard first base now because that’s less intimate. Obviously.

This is what worries me the most. We have frequent chats to make sure they understand the need to "manage" your internet presence. My youngest (year 6) was recently being hounded by a girl in his class who "liked" him, it was pretty much stalking with borderline abuse! Just an 11 year old trying to work out how to communicate and get someone to like her (and doing a lousy job of it) but she was screenshotting his (polite) replies and sharing with her group of friends. It served as a good example of what not to do and why you shouldn't just blindly share stuff.

We have frequent chats to make sure they understand the need to “manage” your internet presence.

I don't know about British schools, but Spanish schools repeat this lesson most years from age 10-15 or so. As parents we obviously repeated the message too, to the point that we'd get a lot of complaints when we brought it up 🙂

But at the end of the day they're teenagers with their hormones turned up to 11 and however much you try to educate them some, at least, will make mistakes.

If I were OP I'd be over the moon with that result compared to the dramas we had with our Eldest, he's 16 now and was seeing 1 Lad, or they were in a 'Situationship' for a bit, now he's seeing another and everything finally seems pretty 'normal' now. When he was younger and "the only gay in the village" so to speak, he spend too long on the Socials and Internet looking for like minded souls and it's a ****ing sewer of nonses and other wrong 'uns for Gay lads sadly, that said, I doubt straight girls have it much easier.

Youngest is 7, she had a BF, but he moved to another school so she's back with the other one who's a lovely Lad, their courtship is limited to playing football in afterschool club. I have a good vibe about Her, she's far more level headed than her brother and I'm nievely dreaming that her Teenage years will be easier on us...

https://twitter.com/NatlSecCnslrs/status/1512345266820685828

I'm surprised he's managed to find a girl to go out with. Round here all the girls are going out with each other or transitioning to be boys. As my 17 year old said to me, it's not that she's exclusively into girls, it's just that the teenage boys she knows are all idiots who do nothing but smoke weed and watch porn on their phones so why would she want to go out with them?

My son was asked this this week as well.

He said yes because he liked her dress, apparently. I wonder if their relationship will last to a second outfit. I'll update when he's back from nursery on Tuesday.

I think at that age it’s the right side of privacy vs safety from some perv on the internet. Just don’t do it again now you know!

This mainly, and as above as far as I can tell no pictures have been exchanged. Also as above, now we know we'll just keep reinforcing internet security - although he gets a lot of this at (Catholic) school - and watch for signs of homework tailing off etc. FWIW we rarely delve into the details of his phone use, and use the Apple Family environment to see when & what apps are being used to avoid homework distractions. He's pretty good with it to be fair.

Another step on a lifes journey as a parent!

I’ll update when he’s back from nursery on Tuesday.

Your nursery takes them overnight?!!?

whats the number please?

🙂

it’s just that the teenage boys she knows are all idiots who do nothing but smoke weed and watch porn on their phones so why would she want to go out with them?

This is my 15 year old daughters opinion on boys at the moment, which I think is great. Not aware it's caused to try the alternative, but if she's safe and happy, that's the main thing

Incidentally,

I haven't used it in years so it may have changed significantly, but Snapchat's USP was that it sent photos without permanence. Ie, the recipient gets to view the photo for a few seconds and then it disappears forever.

I'll leave considering what use a teenager may have for such a feature as an exercise for the reader.

time to learn how to carefully manage this with a balance of trust

... by snooping on his phone without his knowledge?

Our rule (when my kids were that age) was that we trusted them 100%, however if we asked, they handed over their phone instantly, no “hang on a minute” or ” just let me…”

Hmm, I think you trusted them maybe 80-90%.

 but Snapchat’s USP was that it sent photos without permanence. Ie, the recipient gets to view the photo for a few seconds and then it disappears forever.

Unless they screenshot it or take a picture of it with another phone 🤦

… by snooping on his phone without his knowledge?

The boy is 13 - at that age they don't get the privilege of privacy. Our girls are 12 and there is not a shred of doubt in their heads that their mum and myself can pick up their phones at any time without warning and check the contents. It is not snooping, it is parenting and ensuring they are staying safe.

The boy is 13 – at that age they don’t get the privilege of privacy. Our girls are 12 and there is not a shred of doubt in their heads that their mum and myself can pick up their phones at any time without warning and check the contents. It is not snooping, it is parenting and ensuring they are staying safe.

A very sensible approach.

It is not snooping, it is parenting and ensuring they are staying safe.

Of course. So long as they're aware that this is something which is likely to happen, as you say. The context was 'balance of trust,' you can't expect them to be trustworthy if you aren't.

Your girls understand that this may happen and that's fine. Someone else posted about "hand it over, no ifs" and that's great too, the kid's aware. But the OP said himself, "... feeling slightly guilty" - so they were snooping on him seemingly without his knowledge and that's a betrayal of trust at a point where he's about to hit his rebellious teenage years.

"Parent" all you like but you've gotta keep it honest if you expect to command any sort of respect.

(Sincerely Yours, Not a Parent)

Unless they screenshot it or take a picture of it with another phone 🤦

I wasn't commenting on its security, simply that (initially at least) this was its raison d'etre.

But the OP said himself, “… feeling slightly guilty” – so they were snooping on him seemingly without his knowledge and that’s a betrayal of trust at a point where he’s about to hit his rebellious teenage years.

If you read it properly, you’d know we were snooping but were alerted to a sensitive situation by an open notification on the front screen of his phone. FYI, it was in front of me on top of his iPad on the kitchen counter as I was pouring a glass of wine. I did not before that and do not scan his phone content.

I “felt guilty” then delving into Snapchat because I reacted fast and despite my immediate concern I acknowledge I’d like to have discussed it with him, and we’ll do that immediately when an obvious chance to do so comes - which hasn’t yet - rather than “I read your messages last night and…” becuase that could cause him to start hiding things from us.

Beyond that, I’m not going to apologise for actions taken to ensure the safety and wellbeing of my children no matter how wrong a keyboard warrior thinks I am. They are still children and they are under my care, the phone and content therein being an extension of my responsibility to them. And, what Jondoh said.

Could be spam.
I get those emails all the time.

I'm still waiting for an answer.

Blimey - the internet, social media and smart phones have well and truly buggered up being young.

Blimey – the internet, social media and smart phones have well and truly buggered up being young.

I'm *just* young enough to have had a mobile at that age. Admittedly that was pre-social media, but thankfully my parents didn't go reading my texts because, well, that would be a fairly shit thing to do.

My daughter wants a phone for her 11th birthday - we've made it very clear that we will retain the right to check its contents, and it will stay downstairs when she's gone to bed. Bullying via social media is absolutely rife at her school.

@Trimix:
"Blimey – the internet, social media and smart phones have well and truly buggered up being young"

Don't worry. They all do "safe" stuff with their phones whilst diddling each other rotten in real life, far from their parent's prying eyes 🙂

None of my three lads have or have had gf. All 16-20 years of age. All lovely lads.
I think we've scared them enough... 😁😉😆

it’s just that the teenage boys she knows are all idiots who do nothing but smoke weed and watch porn on their phones so why would she want to go out with them?

Ha! On a mountain biking holiday in France, one lass had a regular phrase, “boys are yuck, and they smell!”

which everyone thought was funny, and we all started using it, male and female. She was in her twenties, at a guess. It might be a useful thing for her to adopt.

Is her mum fit?

we’ve made it very clear that we will retain the right to check its contents, and it will stay downstairs when she’s gone to bed

Very important on the bed time rule. Still applies to our youngest at 15. Was ridiculous the number of her friends messaging her really late at night after she'd gone to bed.

+1 on phones etc downstairs and all in same place. Ours haven't had pC or similar in room until 16/17, and aged 17 we noticeable backed off on our controls over bedtime, phones etc.

It seems to have worked well - two of ours still leave phones are the downstairs charging station overnight.

Blimey – the internet, social media and smart phones have well and truly buggered up being young.

Not really, just changed it. Kids are more social now than ever - they're permanently chatting with their friends. And that doesn't mean they don't meet up, far from it. They meet up just as much as we did, "back in the day", it's just that the time when they would previously disconnect is massively reduced. Whether that's good or bad is arguable, obviously if a kid is a target of bullying it's going to make it worse, but for the majority of teenagers personally I think they've got it better than us.

I “felt guilty” then delving into Snapchat because I reacted fast and despite my immediate concern I acknowledge I’d like to have discussed it with him, and we’ll do that immediately when an obvious chance to do so comes – which hasn’t yet – rather than “I read your messages last night and…” becuase that could cause him to start hiding things from us.

What do you mean by "reacted fast"? You thought something might change in the next five seconds, or you reacted without thinking and then regretted it?

"I read your messages and..." is exactly where I'm coming from. What was stopping you from "reacting" once you'd retrieved the boy first?

Beyond that, I’m not going to apologise for actions taken to ensure the safety and wellbeing of my children no matter how wrong a keyboard warrior thinks I am. They are still children and they are under my care, the phone and content therein being an extension of my responsibility to them. And, what Jondoh said.

/shrug

Trust works both ways. If I were 13 and were 'trusted' with a phone, and then I found out that for whatever reason my parents had been going through my phone behind my back, it'd be the last time there'd be any risk of them finding anything and I almost certainly would know more about hiding things than they would about finding them.

As I said, if they know and understand that this is your policy then that's perfectly fine, that's good parenting. If they don't then it's the 21st Century equivalent of your parents reading your diary, "oh, I just found this old book under your bed and started reading". It's a betrayal.

Give the personal criticism a rest please Cougar.

Sincerely Yours, Not a Parent

In which case, please don't judge those that are.

Give the personal criticism a rest please Cougar.

Well, point the first, I didn't. Point the second, you started it in calling me a keyboard warrior.

I'm not judging you. I don't care sufficiently to be judgemental. Maybe that's your own guilt talking. 😁

What was the point of starting a discussion if you don't want to discuss it?

(In seriousness, in case it's not clear, I'm _really_ not having a pop. Rather just trying to convey how I'd have felt at 13. I've no idea how to raise children, which is why I didn't, but I was one once.)

Didn't you just reply 'no' 🤫 ?

calling me a keyboard warrior.

No, I didn't aim it at you specifically, maybe thats YOUR guilt talking. I'm happy to discuss it with those that are parents and therefore have valid experienced opinions. As you are not a parent, your wading in to something you have no experience of and likely you cannot comprehend the other emotions & tendency's that go with it.

Feel free to crack on, but please don't direct your advice and comments at me which you seem to want to do - it isn't necessary.

(I edited my post whilst you posted that.)

My 5 year old lad seems to be beating them away with a sh*tty stick at the minute. He was having a playdate with one of his many "girlfriends" and she proposed to him. So sweet. He blanked ger though as he was busy counting to 1000.