[Closed] Wife's unexpectedly pregnant. And l'm not happy....

and its a great excuse to hand down your bike stuff to the young 'un

And have you any idea how many bikes they get through in the early years. It's freakin awesome 🙂

Do not, I repeat do not be tempted to take a quick peek at the business end though.

+1. It's like watching your favourite pub go up in flames.

Whilst I broadly agree with those who suggest that the OP has to let things run their course, I wish this trope that 'every parent loves their child unequivocally the second they see it' would die.

It's just not true, is it? There are many, many unhappy families around where one parent or both never reconciles themselves to the new addition(s). These can lead to deeply unhappy parents and screwed up family dynamics.

I'm not saying that the OP will never love his kid but blithly stating that they definitely will strikes me as unhelpful.

Obviously I don't have kids though...

the sooner they arrive, the sooner they leave the house.

4 years early means they will leave 4 years early too. you havent had your time nicked by them, you will get it later.

Also, the cost of stuff is going up all the time, its will be cheaper now than in 4 years time.

😀

Combination of -6 temps, unkempt beard and a camera phone

If you're happy with that excuse I'm not gonna argue 😀

For the record, I hate everyone's kids. And I used to be a teacher

Bullheart in an earlier life 🙂

[img] [/img]

Obviously I don't have kids though...

You'd definitely love them immediately if you did.. 🙂

If you're happy with that excuse I'm not gonna argue

I'd post a fairer pic but I sense nothing good can come of having the STW baying masses judge whether I've had a hard life or not 😛

bullheart, earlier;

I'm not saying that the OP will never love his kid but blithly stating that they definitely will strikes me as unhelpful.

I'm not sure anyone did that. What I've seen in a bunch of example of people who had similar feelings to the OP but were proved wrong, massively. That's not a bad thing and miles away from implying that he is wrong and of course it will be ok. If hope can remove some of the negative anticipation of what coming then good on it

Kids are ace; And I was adamant I didn't want ANY. First time you see him/her you will be lost forever,and completly understand the concept of unconditional love. And that is coming from somebody who's view on having kids makes you look like a Morman fundamentalist 😀

Oh and life is not over by any stretch.

I struggle with long sentences after OP

Very few are really ready for the reality that is children

Whatever happens you will love them to be bits and if i could change one thing i would have had mine earlier - about your age rather than the age i did [ about the age you want to]

You dont wake up one day and feel ready for kids and they make your life complete.

I suspect you have to just MTFU tbh but you will love it IME

"Don't look down the business end"

-1

Get down there and watch, seriously, its an amazing, unbelievable, wonderful sight seeing your childs head pop out. And by the time she lets you near her again you'll have forgotten all about it!

[i]seriously, its an amazing, unbelievable, wonderful sight seeing your childs head pop out[/i]

someone I knew video'd his wifes ceasarian. He could never understand why whe wouldn't watch it.

I'm not sure anyone did that.

Really?

Man up. You'll love it to bits when it arrives.

Just be grateful that you can have children and the first time you pick up your little one the pre-birth emotions will disappear

You will be very happy when it is arrives despite the current feeling.

It'll be the best thing that will have ever happened to you.

you will love him/her no question!

You'll be ok.

The feelings/love you have for your child can't be beaten.

But you'll all be fine.

and you will love the child when he or she arrives.

I remember talking to our center manager about my impending fatherhood and i was stated that i didn't feel ready her, her comment was "that why you get 9 months to prepare"

Life doesn't have to change to the extent that some would have you believe, we still enjoy foreign holidays (In 3 years if my daughters life, she been to France 3/4 times, Italy, Australia, Lanzarote and this year we are off to Italy again followed by Kenya). We still go away at the last minute, this weekend we grabbed a cheap deal on a log cabin in the forest, booked it on the Monday. The cost of having children is exaggerated somewhat, if you insist on having everything new and shiny then it costs, but the reality is babies needs are fairly basic. All our daughters clothes are second/third hand at least. She couldn't care less.

Going out for the odd meal can be a problem, although thanks to the pre and post natal classes we have some great friends who we share babysitting duties with.

Certain things go by the wayside, i rarely watch TV these days and the garden looks like some psychedelic plastic mushroom farm with all the toys scattered about.

I found that after the second year, things settled down a lot and everything clicked. I ride more now than i did before i had my daughter, i swim a couple of times a week which i didn't do before and i manage to go the gym three times a week. When i look back on my life before, its amazing how much time i wasted.

Then there are those little moments that make it all worth while. I was properly ill over Christmas, vomiting all night. My daughter came downstairs, placed her hand on my stomach and said "Magic hands Daddy, make tummy better" and just sat with me. There was genuine concern in her eyes. Admittedly she then did a passable impression of me being sick to anybody that would listen.

I guess most people don't like the change babies bring, but life has to change in order to thrive i think. If all we do is maintain the status quo, life just becomes stagnant. I don't think anyone is ever truly ready to have children, my sister did child minding for a while before having her son, yet even she wasn't prepared for the affect it would have (both good and bad). I suspect that every expectant parent goes through a stage where they resent the impending loss of their current lifestyle, i know i did. But i talked to friends that were going or had gone through the same thing and i realized that it wasn't me.

Only thing to add, i seem to get a lot more out of the parent/child relationship the more i put in.

Whilst I broadly agree with those who suggest that the OP has to let things run their course, I wish this trope that 'every parent loves their child unequivocally the second they see it' would die.

It's just not true, is it? There are many, many unhappy families around where one parent or both never reconciles themselves to the new addition(s). These can lead to deeply unhappy parents and screwed up family dynamics.

I'm not saying that the OP will never love his kid but blithly stating that they definitely will strikes me as unhelpful.

Obviously I don't have kids though...

I do have kids, and you're right. It took me a few months to bond with my first born, the second was easier though.

I was (and still am) sick of the whole "it's different when they're your own" b*ll*cks. It may be for you, but typecasting me in your role is a bit dense when it comes to something as important as this! Didn't have the nerve to say that to my parents though.

Similar circumstances in our house 9 years ago now (time flies!) When our first was born a few years earlier then planned. Looking back I wouldn't change a thing.

I had difficulty in adjusting at the time. Its a huge change in a lot of ways. But it's not the end of everything you know, more a new beginning. We have great fun doing stuff as a family. Sure it's different, but just as good. Although some people seem to use children as an excuse to never do anything ever again.

one huge positive that I hadn't considered before hand was that because I had less time to train/run/ride bikes I become far more organised - I had to! I became far fitter after having both kids then I ever was before. and achieved way more than I had ever imagined. Example being I only started fell running after the kids were born but did the Bob Graham and Paddy Buckley rounds (both 24 hour fell running challenges)

We are lucky now to share our house with my wife's Mum, she loves spending time with her grandkids - so there is an in house baby sitter, who does a lot of school pick ups etc. I can't emphasise enough the importance of having people around you who can offer support, whether family or friends, that network makes things sooooo much easier.

At the early stages of getting 'the news' it is easier to dwell on the negatives - the stuff you think you will lose, as you can't really imagine all the positives 'cos you've not experienced it yet. All the stuff you still have to experience are essentially abstract concepts and they are hard to understand

As many others have said...

I didn't feel ready for the responsibility of being a parent and 13 years on I feel no different.

Your life changes for sure, but that's not a bad thing - some things are harder to do and some new things come along.

I really didn't want any kids at all - but my wife did and I couldn't imagine not being with her.

The best thing we've ever done is have a daughter - and I know this is hard to believe - but it can be even better than an all day ride in the peaks when the sun is shining and you're a riding god for the day (it's a close call but I give it kids)

To be honest it is a lot to take in. But... you've got nine months to get your head sorted. And once they arrive it's amazing. It can feel overwhelming and often is. A friend of mine mused that the reason women complain about how hard it is being a mum is because they don't want the dads to discover how rewarding it can be - he took time off work. You won't enjoy being a dad if you only think about what you can't do. And having kids late twenties is really ideal. To be honest I have a better career because of it.

Papa_Lazarou - Member
1. your life will not be over when the child arrives, you just need to be a bit more organised.

2. It is highly likely you will feel different towards the child when it arrives.

3. Try and be supportive to your mrs as imgine how it feels for her right new expecting her (first i assume) child

I agree with this... never felt any affection for friends and rellie's kids but with your own it's [i]completely [/i] different.

With a bit of planning there is no reason why you can't continue to do what you enjoy now, particularly with support from the wider family.

I was 37 when we had our little boy, both of us having put off starting a family for the usual reasons (work, play etc) for years - wish I'd done it years earlier. Put it this way, you're 29 now, by the time they leave home you'll be what 47? Still plenty of time to enjoy yourselves in your dotage.

OP should your partner have an abortion? Would that make you happy?

When I found out, I'd just comeback from a very long day in the saddle in the Lakes on a hot sunny Sunday. I was handed the test result and just sat on the floor staring at it for an hour.

Two years later...hes an absolute livewire. Wears me out. Wish I'd had him when I was 30 not almost 40 TBH.
[img] [/img]

Dad of a 4 month old.
We go to pub, little one comes, she lives it!
We go on holiday , little one comes,
I go out on my bike/run/swim then cool down run/ride with little one
I train earlier when little one sleeps so I csn spend time with her

Nothing gets worse, nothing needs to stop as people make you think, you just need to plan and improvise.

I'm fitter now with more quality over quantity.
You will wonder why you even asked this..... But it goes through everyone's mind at some point

You know that feeling when hurtling downhill on the edge of your comfort and skill zone? That would be where you are right now. There will be more days like this and some where you look back and think "that wasn't so bad".
Buckle up for the wildest and best ride of your life.

You don't want him/her now but when they start college in 19 years time you won't want him/her to leave and there wll be such a hole. On the plus side you do get to ride more when they go but there's no money for shiney things!

Top work sneaking an Orange 5 into this thread!

Before ours was born I made it clear to Mrs Coolhandluke that I didn't like babies and that I'd help out but probably wouldn't be much of a dad until the baby grew a personality and became someone I could interact with.

I thought I wouldn't like the child until she was 2 or 3 years old. how wrong was I!

OK the first few weeks are a bit of a nightmare but after that its all good.

Just watching their progress is amazing.

It will change you as a person, as it did me, for the better might I add.

Stick with it as a few weeks after the baby is born, you will have no doubt that its the best thing ever.

Oh, don't forget to post a "proud dad" photo on here.

You don't know how lucky you are. For some of us it's not possible to have kid and when it's the one thing you want most in life threads like this are hard to take in.

Edited as my comment was a bit rash.

I struggle with long sentences past the first page, but ignore the mtfu it's your fault brigade. Yes, it may be, but we're not looking to hand out blame here.

It'll work out ok. It won't work out ok as soon as you hear your baby's cry or see its little screwed up face for the first time, but it'll grow on you. Babies aren't much fun tbh, and they can be awful at times.

Life does not always go how we plan it, but we make the best of it. Look for the positives rather than the negatives. They are definitely there in this case. You might not care much about a baby, but after a while you'll be bursting with pride and protective dad feelings and it'll all mean a hell of a lot to you.

Tip for being a Dad - DO NOT let your partner do all the work, even if she feels like it. Gatecrash it, make yourself useful and be a part of the kid's life. Mumsnet is full of stories where the pragmatic mother is getting stuff done, and the Dad feels useless, goes back to doing his own thing and the relationship falls apart. Sometimes women don't realise that fathers need help to be involved, esp if the man is working and the woman is breastfeeding - the man hardly gets a look in then.

I NEVER wanted kids, Mrs Soks wanted six - we compromised and had three. They're all grown up, now.......except the 19yr old son and he's just an idiot like his Dad was at that age 😉
Love 'em all. Hang on a tick and I'll go get the photo albums, certificates.....the eldest (25) is doing a PhD......sit down, I'll make some tea......etc, etc.

We are lucky now to share our house with my wife's Mum,

😯

Babies are only glorified puppies. I like puppies.

[i]Hang on a tick and I'll go get the photo albums[/i]

My boy enjoying bath time with his Dad;

[IMG] [/IMG]

Any man who doesn't cr@p himself when his partner tells him the news is either a robot or a ****less idiot. You are obviously neither of these things, this is good.

There is no 'perfect' time to have kids but there are far less perfect ones than the situation you're in, (Jail, heroin, knocked up someone else's wife etc)

The way your brain re-plumbs itself over the next 9 months will be interesting, the way it will re-plumb itself over the 48 hours following the birth will knock you for six and give you a fierce resolve you never knew you had in you.

Children are only as restrictive as you let them be, ours was swaddled up and asleep on the table at Nandos at less than a week old, and out for very careful rides in the Chariot at 4 months and flew to America for my Wife's best friend's wedding at 7 months, you just need to be organised.

It was your rumpy pumpy that got you into this mess so MTFU, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be fine, you certainly won't be bored and a year from now you'll think it's the best thing you ever did.

[i]you certainly won't be bored.[/i]

although watching Jungle Book on loop for about 14 months can lead to a degree of lassitude.

Besides, OP has to get ready for the moment in 10 weeks or so when the ultrasonographer says...

"Yes, both of their heartbeats are fine..."

That was an interesting moment for me, I'll admit.

We don't do T.V. but Hatter Jr is rather partial to a bit of Gangnam Style.

It's simple:

You've got a new mate coming into your life, it's just that they're a lot smaller than you and will need a lot of your help and guidance for the first few years.

It'll be cool.

mate worry not, kids are mint, you'll love being a Dad, the best thing in the world, it'll likely have your face or eyes or hair and will have your name, it's like a mini you, now go bring yourself up to be a responible adult.

I didn't read past the first page but my thoughts:

1) Ignore all the MTFU bravado nonsense, hopefully most of it is tongue in cheek.
2) Molgrips and hatter speaketh the truth
3) Read the other thread already mentioned (any regrets)

We made a conscious decision at ~37 (me) and ~34 (her) to have kids. When she finally fell pregnant I still shat myself and questioned every aspect of my life and our relationship, wondering if it was the right thing to do. If you love each other and planned to start a family in a few years anyway then you'll be reet.

MTFU - life won't be over when you have a kid. Yes it'll change but We've been away twice every year since the nipper was born, alright they weren't adventure holidays but we had an awesome time.

I'm off for a nice long weekend biking at Glentress with the boys soon 😉

EDIT:

Tip for being a Dad - DO NOT let your partner do all the work, even if she feels like it. Gatecrash it, make yourself useful and be a part of the kid's life. Mumsnet is full of stories where the pragmatic mother is getting stuff done, and the Dad feels useless, goes back to doing his own thing and the relationship falls apart. Sometimes women don't realise that fathers need help to be involved, esp if the man is working and the woman is breastfeeding - the man hardly gets a look in then.

^^ [b]THIS[/b] I spent a lot of time running to/from Tescos trying to be useful

Get over yourself,seriously.

Get over yourself,seriously.

you get over yourself, i'd be petrified if i found out the wife was pregnant, at least he's had the guts to be honest about his feelings.

Is it the baby that's freaking you out or the fact that it means you're really commited to your missus now?

FWIW I felt like you at 29, waited a few more years, wish I hadn't. So I envy you in a way.

Took till my son was about 3 month old till the wave of emotion hit. Life changes but your feelings are normal and they will change.

i would say MTFU but everyone else has said this to you...so i'll put it to you this way...
you're never ready to have kids, when they come along you just get on with it...you knew kids would come along at some point in your life and the fact that this one will arrive sooner than expected should make no difference.
i was 29 when i got hitched, then within 3 months of wifey told me she was up the duff...at first it wasnt what i expected and she sensed that...but it wasnt because i didnt want any kids, but like you it wasnt planned (i think i was in shock because it happened so quickly). the announcement of the pregnancy should have been joyous but it was marred by the death of my mum 1 week before my 30th... both of us then had to deal with a lot but we got through it and when my little boy was born i remember him come swinging out with one hand on the umbilical cord like some sort of naked little action hero!! i cried like a baby for many reasons but i was so glad he was finally here.
if anything i wish he had been born a lot sooner then at my age he would be older and we'd be able to do more fun things together. he's 5 now so i guess i'll have to wait a few more years before i can buy him his first proper MTB. my daughter was born last summer again we both wish we had married sooner and started our family....
you'll see that once your child is born you'll wish you'd done it sooner....
i'm sure everyone else will agree....your kids will be the best thing that ever happen to you and will be the making of you as a person...any fears you have of being a bad parent will disappear the moment they arrive and you'll be left wondering what you were panicking for...
besides, you're on limited time now before bambino arrives so get that bucket list of things you wanted to do before parenthood and get them done!! 😆

[i]dadtobe - Member

You'll be able to take that trip to the States while you're both still young enough to enjoy it. Perhaps you'll do it sooner and look at the faces of your kids as their jaws drop on seeing the Grand Canyon or Yosemite for the first time. Life is full of possibilities, even if those possibilities are different ones.

Calm down, and [b]go home and give your wife a hug this evening[/b]

Just the thought of this makes the room go all dusty. Thankyou. I guess a little perspective's in order[/i]

There you go !.
OP has had a little T/L followed up by some great [i]welcome to the club[/i] advise. As only STW can deliver it.

JOB DONE !.
🙂

Congratulations!

I remember absolutely bricking it. Nothing in the world scared me as much as the thought/the responsibility heaped on my shoulders.

The love thing. You can't know this until he or she arrives, but trust us, you will feel different. It may be different for women than men (I don't know, I'm not a woman) but worrying whether you will feel love towards your child is also perfectly normal and actually it shows a degree of maturity and insight that you're thinking this. It says you recognise the importance of being able to love them and you're worried whether you will measure up.

nope, no different for women. ours wsa very much planned and wanted, it took us a year to conceive, so we were starting to look into treatment etc (I was over 35), but my first reaction on finding out was still "oh shit what have we done". It's an utterly terrifying thing. We had a great life, what on earth were we thinking???????

Honestly OP, it's great. Who else would say to me "good boy mummy" when I have been for a wee? 😆

I don't think it's the time to get worried - it's time to get organised - it's time to pull up for financial socks, do the overtime, list the stuff on Ebay and basically try and give yourself some headroom for the busy period when babytobe (Toby?) turns up.

Also you can now have as much unprotected sex as you like (with your missus) - She isn't going to get any more pregnant.

At 29 I had absolutely no desire to have children. Ever.

Our first monster arrived when I was 34. In hindsight I wish I'd had them when I was younger.

They're bloody knackering but they're the best thing in the world. Your life as you know it doesn't suddenly come to an end when you have kids - it just changes. Usually for the better. (I have more bikes now, go away more often, watch more star wars/simpsons/foo fighter videos, eat more ice cream, and generally have more fun).

I do seem to hoover a lot more though so it's not all rosey.

philconsequence - Member

Get over yourself,seriously.

you get over yourself, i'd be petrified if i found out the wife was pregnant, at least he's had the guts to be honest about his feelings.

The OP's post goes on about me,me ,me, me, me like some hackneyed Hollywood movie . Reality check-it ain't about just me anymore so,get over yourself and get on with it.
You will be fine by the way 🙂

list the stuff on Ebay

Is it even legal to put babies on ebay? I knew there was a healthy market for 2nd hand kids but auction sites?

My wife never wanted kids, but ended up pregnant.

We now have 2.

She hated kids, and still does - except ours whom she loves more than life itself.

We were 35 when we had our first, and loved the fact that we had travelled etc. and were "ready for it".

If I had my time again I would change only one thing. I would have had kids earlier - about 30 would be perfect.

Seriously.

Whatever happens - good luck, and make the best of it. If you are trapped on the roller coaster it may be best just to enjoy the ride.

I went through four stages:

A few days of "Oh ****, what have we done?"

9 months of "It's not really happening", even when the lump was getting huge.

A few days of "What the hell do we do with this thing?"

And the rest of my life so far. Which has been different, but also a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

It's normal to be worried - in fact it's normal to be terrified. It's also normal to wonder if you'll love it. It's also normal to mourn your carefree life before kids. But would I go back? Not a chance.

Had to laugh at this post!

Yeah I agree MTFU

But the OP is in shock - bless him

Kids are ace, you cant plan for kids, they cost a fortune, they test your patients, they tire you out but they also make you the person you are today.
When the reality kicks in you will grow to love your GFs bump.... even talk to it - yes you will!

Im sure all will be well!

I went through this - I was 33, part way through a part time degree and working full time to try and restart my career after we had relocated with a view to providing for a family at some point in the future....though I wasn't fussed either way abput the family bit.

MrsMC fell pregnant at the start of my second year at uni. I went through all the emotions you are going through, probably worse, went through some very dark times personally and as a couple.

MCv2.1 arrived in the summer after Year 2 - fell instantly in love with him and have never (genuinely) wanted to turn the clock back and do it "my way".

Admitedly, my grades went from a first to just missing out on a 2:1, the career never got rebuilt and there is now a MCv2.2, but being a poor and happy parent makes up for all the business success nonsense I thought would make me happy.

Mind you, if anyone wants to pop out into the gale force sleet and pick them up from school in half an hour, feel free.....

And in case you have thought about walking away from them all, a wise solicitor pointed out to me that I would still have to pay for the little one, and if I wasn't properly part of their life I would always regret it. Best piece of "first hour free" legal advice I ever got.

IHNRAT - but at 29 you will still be young enough to do the stuff you want when the kids are older. Starting at 35 - then your life would basically be over!

- All the stuff you want to do is even better when you get to introduce kids to it too
- All the stuff you take for granted becomes special when you get to show it to your kids for the first time
- By the time you are 35 life will begin to go back to normal. You may have another in which case you'll probably be late 30's when they both start to become independent enough to give you freedom.
- By the time you are 40 they will be largely disinterested in you other than as a source of food and money.
- They should have moved out before you are 50... and you can do all the stuff you really want to again. If you wait till you are 35 to start then a second one comes along you might be 60 before you get the freedom...

You have 3 clear choices

Adopt, Abort, Keep

I think you already know the answer

Just fast track yourself along this now

[img] ?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1350201827381[/img]

im sorry not trying to wind you up but it always makes me laugh we people say..

" It was unplanned "

Don't rub it in poly!

monkey_boy - Member
im sorry not trying to wind you up but it always makes me laugh we people say..

" It was unplanned "

I agree!

you are BOTH responsible for contraception are you not!

Flipping heck - 5 pages !

Glad Ive had the snip.

I was in the same boat - ish at 29.

Had been studying hard for my professional exams for a couple of years and had a year left to go, and whilst we'd discussed children I'd always wanted to get my studying finished and we both wanted a couple of big holidays; USA / Canada and Australia first.

Then the wife starts nagging about not wanting to be too old, there's never going to be a 'perfect time' etc etc, so I said ok, whatever.

Got my last professional exam done a few months before my eldest (nearly 7) was born, also have a 3yr old, still not got to USA / Canada or Australia (still plan to & as someone above said the trip will be so much better with the little ones & having them experience it all - just we will now wait until they are old enough to remember it in future) but I would never change a single day of the last 7 yrs.

Nothing beats coming home from a crap day at work to hugs & laughter.

We recently moved to the edge of the New Forest - one of the many highlights of the last year was doing the 5 mile singletrack route through Moors Valley park with my 6 yr old Son on his first proper MTB (gears & suspension forks), boardwalks and all - struggled to keep up at times 🙂

Starting at 35 - then your life would basically be over!

Tell that to my 78 year old dad! He was 40 when I was born and since he retired at 60 he’s married a woman 10 years his junior and travelled all over the world – Uzbekistan, Mongolia, Ethiopia, Jordan, etc as well as the more “normal” destinations like Sri Lanka, Egypt, Europe etc.

A long time ago, I got an unexpected call from a girl I'd been seeing, and it started out pretty alarmingly- she'd been to the doctor and had an unexpected surprise. Full on shock from me, I absolutely didn't want to be a dad, not with anyone, and we weren't a great couple anyway. Felt like the world falling away.

Luckily it turned out I just had to go and get tested for the clap.

[i]Flipping heck - 5 pages ![/i]

Yeah, slow day, innit.
😉

Sorry I haven't read it all

facts

You said you wanted children!

You clearly care

You will be a great dad

This year 4 years time it makes no odds. Sooner you start the sooner all the good bits will come

I was so scared becoming a dad. Infact planning it is in some ways harder

The dice is thrown. Dad it is!!! Go for it.

Biology will take care of feelings

Do I hear the patter of mini legend feet?

[i] mini legend feet[/i]

aren't all feet at a leg end?

igmc.

The dice is thrown. Dad it is!!! Go for it.

Biology will take care of feelings

End of thread.

Your OP reads like I could have written it myself when our first was conceived. And it's all true, too, kiss those spontaneous meals out, cheap holidays in term-time (in a few years) and freedom to do what you like, when you like goodbye.

It's bloody brilliant though, when it happens. It's a life changer, not a life ender. Some stuff stops (see above), other stuff starts. I'm an immature bugger myself, and since kids arrived, I can legitimately go and play on a beach again. Not cool and sexy stuff like kite surfing, but the stuff you did when you were little, paddling in the sea, building sandcastles, going in the water a little bit deeper until a wave soaks you. You've forgotten how much fun that stuff is cos you probably haven't done it for 20 years, but trust me, parenting brings tons of laughs, they're just in a different form.

And if you have kids a few years earlier, they'll be out of your hair and away a few years earlier too, so you'll be well pleased when you're still in your forties and you can go out on a whim, or buy a campervan and f-off round the states when you're still young enough to enjoy it to the max.

I felt the same but at the time took comfort from knowing that as a young dad I would still be young enough to enjoy life once the kids have left home.

The other thing that really helped was eventually realising that I should not expect to live my old life anymore. For example, I used to get frustrated every weekend that I could not ride my bike. Now I don't expect to go out and therefore regard it as a bonus when I do go. A kind of reverse psychology.

You will be fine, homestly!

I sympathise in some aspects. I am 35 now and am expecting a kid in May (or at least my wife is). I have also just built up a new mountain bike, first full suspension. Timing was not great. I am also a bit immature (not saying that the OP is though!) in that I still am holding onto a cupboard full of N64 games from a distant time. WTF am I going to use all that for, god knows, but I still find it hard to let it go...

I am slightly panicking, not due to anything in particular, although how we will manage with child are does concern me. (We both have ok jobs, but my wife travels 1hr 40 mins to work, me about 1 hr, but I travel a bit too). Stuff like this will get figured out though.

I think the biggest thing I will miss is the decent holidays away and doing outdoors type stuff, like biking or hiking etc. thing is, I think I just need to learn to do it in a different way, appreciate that I am lucky to be able to have a kid at all (ours was IVF) and be open minded. Lots of people say negative things like 'you won't be doing much of that with a baby' , but on the flip side I see plenty of people going against the rule books and enjoying stuff as a family.

I know some friends who have kids make the effort to do stuff early doors - cycling for example on a Sunday morning before the nipper awakes, taking turns to do stuff individually so that the one parent can get out of the house whilst the other does the parenting bit. Compromise word does have to be used though, which will take a bit of getting used to from me.

Basically, we found out about a months ago that my wife's expecting. It was unplanned

Ummmmm......unplanned on your side, but maybe not on hers??!

Did she accidentally on purpose forget to take her pill 🙂

In four years you will have left this world and will be enjoying your new (slightly more tiring) new world. Our first was planned, but the day I was told she was expecting I bricked it and really wondered wat the f£%# we had done. Life is so much ritcher (but less cash and occasionally rather restricted) . u just need to mtfu a bit, you will be fine, loads of folk done this before, not like its new.

(I've not read any of the other four pages).

Not something ill ever relate to and gut instinct was to reply with a 'MTFU' but ..... it probably is scary but kids aren't the end of your life, there are worse things that could happen and although its not the adventure you originally had planned with your wife, it's a different adventure that you will probably enjoy just as much. I've only ever met 1 or 2 people that regretted having their children an they have some other very serious issues. Talk to your wife, she's probably bricking it as much as you.

This is a lesson. Always pull out and 'machine-gun the room whilst shouting -aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr' as youre battle-cry.

You will be fine. I was scared when we first found out we are having a baby. Now my son is 3months old and I can't imagine my life without him.

Is that the technique that has saved the world of many mini horas then?