[Closed] Wifes Debt - Dont know what to do?

Absolutely roll the debts into your mortgage, and do it right now, don't delay, her debts are eating your money.

Get her to agree to have only a debit card once the other cards are cleared.

"Stewing in her own juices" is eating your money. Don't feed the card companies. Just make sure it can't happen again.

If you don't "help her out" your relationship is over. Full stop.
If you split, she can force you to sell the house, or buy her out.
She'll then pay off her debts, and you'll have no home or equity yourself, shared or otherwise.

If your not as stable as you say keep the debt in her name, reduce her contribution to the household if you want to help out, but don't put your name to it,
25K is a lot with nothing to show for it 😯 it points towards larger issues I reckon..

£25k with nothing to show for it?!

The fact that she's done this shows your relationship is on rocky ground. Think carefully before taking on a debt that she might leave you with!

Not a good situation - I've been there - take care!

I think this would constitute "unreasonable behaviour".

I wouldn't be so keen to roll the debts into the mortgage unless you're very sure that:

a) the underlying emotional / behavioural problem is resolved (her spending)
b) the marriage will last

Otherwise you could end up with a £25k larger mortgage and another £25k of debt on cards in a years time; or divorced and paying off an extra £12.5 of debt you didn't accrue as well as loosing the house etc.....

Khani +1. We obviously don't know the woman, but as you've asked, I'd wonder about the long term future if my wife managed to spend 25k and I didn't have a clue. And if you do bail her out, how do you know that she can change?. If there is no kids involved, I'd consider the stewing option very seriously.

People with emotional / behavioural problems eg comfort eating / spending etc can't just stop doing it. They normally need a lot of help and therapy and slowly get better (or not). There's no quick fix to the spending issue.

£25k is a lot of coke....

This happened to a friend of my wife. Her bloke ran up £25k of debt and she took out a loan in her name to pay off the credit cards only to find out a year later that the **** had been seeing other women (and some of the credit card charges were for hotel rooms and gifts).

They split up and she was left with the debt.

Not saying that is the same as your situation but be careful.

The honourable thing would be to offer to pay for counselling for her spending problem, she has to help herself get better.

If she makes good progress, eg in a year or so, you could then offer to shoulder some of the debt burden.

The best situation, in the short term, would to to leave her so she can't get any more credit, as if she can, she will and will just increase the debts.

The underlying problem is a mental health issue, which has to be resolved first.

Seek out some debt counselling help asap, sounds like there may be other issues - £25k is a huge amount to just spend.

If Mrs Cat had run up £25k I'd be getting quotes for a new patio!!!

I'd only do it if she doesn't have any more credit cards now.

Are they all destroyed?

Do you really want to save the relationship?

What's she spent it on? Clothes and handbags? Or [i]other things[/i] ...

Surely there is only 'us' in a marriage? Perhaps the concepts of 'hers' and 'mine' are the root of the problem?

Its times like this that i'm glad we dont have separate money and account is therefore transparent, having said that my wife doesn't work and so couldn't contribute financially even if she wanted to. but i must say spending that amount without you noticing seems like a pretty rocky relationship and not open and honest. I'd question whether you will stay together before i got myself into more debt, if you are not 100% then i would probably look for her to take the loading on her half of the house equity ie get it in writing that you own technically more than half the house!. I'm pretty sure there is a legal way of doing this which should at least protect you from her debts!

Surely there is only 'us' in a marriage? Perhaps the concepts of 'hers' and 'mine' are the root of the problem?

Thanks for all the comments.

We have one child and communication is our real problem. I reckon if we can communicate better we'll be ok.

£25k is a huge amount and she wishes she had a shiny car in the drive to show for it. My wife struggles with emotional issue and has secretly been going to cognitative behavioural therapy. She struggles with her weight. I think all the money has been spent in Starbucks, M&S and on cocktails.

I'm a saver. I would struggle to buy myself a new hack bike! It's left me flabbergasted.

p.s. sorry for trying to get around the swear filter in the original post!

Stuart

i wouldn't jump to the assumption that running up 25k in debt is a mental health problem.... if somebodies struggling to pay stuff off and keeps moving debt from card to card, incurring overdraft fees, late payment fees etc, it can spiral quite quickly... doesn't mean its definitely a mental health problem.

EDIT - explanation post posted 7 seconds before me!

Divorce is quite cheap, certainly cheaper then the interest on 25k.

Boot her.

My wife struggles with emotional issue and has secretly been going to cognitative behavioural therapy. She struggles with her weight.

I think this is the real issue which needs sorting.

rajboab - Member
She struggles with her weight. I think all the money has been spent in Starbucks, M&S and on cocktails.

Are these linked? Sorry, could resist.

Well if she's sneaking off to therapy and you've no clue she's spent £25k, you clearly have a communication problem. Do you even live in the same house?!

I can't add anything helpful so I'll bugger off.

if somebodies struggling to pay stuff off and keeps moving debt from card to card, incurring overdraft fees, late payment fees etc, it can spiral quite quickly...

That is a symptom of the debt.

The root cause for most of these situations is low self esteem and coping mechanisms of comfort spending.

Very similar to a lot of over weight people who get stuck in the trap of comfort eating because they feel fat which makes them fatter which lowers their self esteem even more, so they comfort eat more etc.

For richer, for poorer.

Really happy to help you. I won't discuss it on here. email me if you want correct advice.
email in profile

It sounds like she is communicating now, must of taken some nerve on her part to admit to this debt after years of hiding it. Roll the debt onto the mortgage, and cut up the cards, if a) you love her, b) you still want to be together, and c) you don't think she will run off as soon as the cards are clear.

Get her to contact Stepchange.

Www.stepchange.org

They will give free advice on managing debt and the best options available to her/you.

They will also deal with the credit card companies on your behalf if you want them to.

Yes, add it onto the mortgage - but, and I say this constructively as a word of caution, please make sure that you have a written agreement that it affects your respective shares in any equity in the house, as you never know what might happen in the future.

Dont know if this helps but was in a simlar situation.
The wifes ex was paying for a debt they had after they split up, till we got married and bought our house. He then stopped paying and the company came after our house for payment for previous debt.

She couldnt get a loan to cover it so i had to sign it onto our house. Ididnt want to its not my debt. but it was made clear one way or the other the only colateral was the house and they were getting their money.

She pays the difference but leaves her with little for herself so i cover everything else. Wich causes alot of arguments when the tight months come along.

Dont know the long term damage but it deffinantly drove a big wedge between us.

If you arnt getting along, the long term drag of it all will wreck what you have now.

Maybe time to sell up, clear debts, walk away.

I would help with debt counselling but their is no way i would put it onto the mortgage. Your wiife will not have learned anything as you have bailed her out,as with any addiction quick fixes don't work.

get her the best help you can now,
personally id suck the debt into the mortgage and make sure she only has a debit card from now on

my aunt had similar spending issues, symptoms of mental health problems that took years to uncover, exposing abuse as a child (not saying thats the case here!) shes in and out of institutions now and my uncle and cousins have been left devastated by her actions

Why all the enthusiasm for remortgaging incorporating the additional 25k?

is there equity, are there any prearranged agreements, how much longer on the mortgage, how much deposit was put down.
Could be really bad to incorporate this debt into the mortgage

has she thought about getting a trust deed (scotland) or an Individual Voluntary Arrangement (england and wales)to handle the debt. CAB should be able to advise

I wouldn't consolodate, that will just extend your problems

The root cause for most of these situations is low self esteem and coping mechanisms of comfort spending.

Dunno about 'most' but it's certainly not all.

I ran up 10k on cards a few years ago, which I'm now very close to clearing completely. On the whole, I don't believe I have mental issues (beyond the well documented ones). It's startlingly easy to do.

Holidays, little treats when I've had a shit week, emergency funds to cover disasters, buffer when out of work, work expenses going out on the card and back in to my bank account, baling (now-ex) partners out of the crap when they can't make ends meet, etc etc; even with ten quid here and twenty quid there it racks up surprisingly fast. If your balance is increasing each month, even slightly, it's a slippery slope. Then, woe betide if you get into trouble and start missing payments, it starts to snowball [i]really[/i] fast.

Credit cards are evil, it's too easy to view it as free money. We've got into a culture where we demand things [i]right now,[/i] and so long as you keep up the minimum repayments (all the interest plus about 20p off your actual debt) the card companies are happy to sit there counting the money, increasing your limit unsolicited if you start to approach the bottom. "Oh, it's ok, I'll just put it on the card." Too easy.

I don't envy your decision. Personally, I think I'd be loathe to tie finances together when there's a question mark hanging over the relationship. You need to address that first IMHO; once you're strong as a unit, [i]then[/i] look at joint finances. There's also the possibility that being in an unsatisfying relationship is in part causal.

If she hasn't already, she needs to talk to the bank. My experience (with HSBC) was that they were massively helpful if you communicated with them properly and complete bastards if you didn't. Might also be worth getting professional financial advice; might cost but will be cheaper than making a bad decision.

And, 25 grand at Starbucks? Get a coffee machine.

has she got a canoe?

End it, there are better people to be married to. Its not like she is the only woman on the planet. Life is short as it is, so dont put up with any crap, move on.

Offer the CC companies a full and final settlement of £8K for the debt.

If you get into negotiations with the CC companies they will often take a fraction of the total bill to resolve it. Debt resolution specialists can help with this but will usually charge a fee (which is often rolled into the debt).

End it, there are better people to be married to. Its not like she is the only woman on the planet. Life is short as it is, so dont put up with any crap, move on.

Your wiife will not have learned anything as you have bailed her out,as with any addiction quick fixes don't work.

Anecdotally,

A friend's sister married a wrong 'un. He hemorrhaged money on dodgy deals and god knows what, maxed out all their credit on ephemeral crap. Got to the point where the house was at risk.

My mate isn't short of a bob or two, so he baled them out. Wiped out the credit card debts, covered the mortgage shortfall, got them back on their feet.

First thing the husband did was go out and buy a huge TV on the now empty credit card.

He's baled them out like this two or three times now, and history repeats itself. I think he finally put his foot down, though.

I'd go for one of 2 options:
Option A would be to increase the mortgage but make sure that the increase is her liability if you split/comes out of her share of the equity. It shouldn't be that difficult to set up a legally binding agreement.
Option B would be if you think you can make things work; then reduce the amount she puts into the joint account/mortgage so that she has more money available to pay off the debts - the usual thing of paying off the most expensive debt first, as it's better for both of you that way.

Agree with Stevie750. I know someone in a similar situation but with 10 times that debt. Once the Trust Deed is set up you could be looking at a substantially reduced sum to pay back but you need to get advice from CAB or a reputable compay who manage Trust Deeds.

This is a familiar story to me a very close friend had something very similar.

He bailed her out three times to the tune of over a hundred grand. All ended in divorce.

I would check all the statements to confirm you are not being lied to as drugs could well be involved if alcohol is. If you are happy with what you see and can get the 25k ported over then do it as it's your money paying off the cards but make sure any payoff comes out of her half of the equity..

Obviously no more cards for the missus and you will need to check this regularly especially if she lied to you once. Chances are she will use the pay off to increase her credit limits, take a number of internet serviced cards (no paper trail or statement letters) and smash up the credit again.

It's a knotty one. If it were me I'd hoof her and go for custody to boot.

only you know how your relationship is..... if it were me, I'd tell her to sling her hook. If you do split the equity if you divorce and the house is sold it's better for you if you don't lump the debt on the mortgage.

Also, do you really want to be married to someone who ran up this much debt and kept it a secret? no bones about it, this is deceit.

Cant you get her to go down the IVA route. This will to an extend help the missus whilst protecting you should the worse happen, it would also stop her from being able to obtain further credit until this lot is paid off. Not sure of the knock on effects to you and mortgage renewal time.

Thanks again for all your input.
Many and varied solutions and thoughts. All useful in a way to getting me to a decision.

I think debt management with a view to getting a fixed payment plan set-up or some of the debt wiped off is preferrable to getting the debt stuck on the mortgage.

My wife runs her own business and seems to manage that better than her personal finances.

I do love her and she's not a nasty person. She admits that she's rubbish with money. I think this is the tool to get her to address her relationship with money.

Stuart

Both of you should go for debt counselling, and your wife should continue with the cbt ask the therapist for advice is the cbt working as it should? Your wife could d go to her gp and ask what help is available on the nhs

think debt management with a view to getting a fixed payment plan set-up or some of the debt wiped off is preferrable to getting the debt stuck on the mortgage

No need to pay a debt management company to do this for you as the CAB will do it for free. They deal with this sort of thing all the time and creditors respect their involvement.

word of warning for IVA's, I work in the mortgage and credit industry. How IVA's work is that they default all the debts, default is normally when you can't make payments and the credit companies send the debt to a collection agency. Once all your debts are defaulted the IVA companies step in to negiotate lower payments. This means that her (& yours) credit score will get a lot worse. She will be turned down for any and all credit and so you will you. As you're married and living in the same property in credit companies eyes you are a joint liability, regardless of who applies for the credit. So if you do have to remortgage or move house you will struggle. Like I say even if you apply for the morgage in your name alone, you will be turned away.

My ex had £75k in debt which i suddenly found out about, fortunately house was in my name and there was documentation to show that I had paid her money to keep afloat and she had contributed nothing to the mortgage.
Actually at the end of the day the fact I was paying her summed her up nicely.

(Oooo i feel better after that)

Do I 'let her stew in her own juices'

Do you love her? If you can't forgive her **** ups and help her get back on track, then it seems not.

EDIT and after reading the thread...

I do love her and she's not a nasty person. She admits that she's rubbish with money. I think this is the tool to get her to address her relationship with money.

This is good thinking 🙂

has she got a canoe?

Loved the canoe comment as well.
Good job we can still smile 😀

You're married, its [b]your[/b] debt now too.

Two things, make sure it can't go higher and look at how it can be serviced as cheaply as possible.

Where you have separate finances it can be a problem if one person earns far less and/or has a 'lean' time - but as others have said, communication is needed.

Wish you luck.

[i]You're married, its your debt now too.[/i]

+1

Deal with it, but my advice would be keep it away from the mortgage.

And if you can't cope, well, there's always some garden remodellng you can do.

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This means that her (& yours) credit score will get a lot worse. She will be turned down for any and all credit and so you will you

This is not the case for a trust dead. Her credit score will get wrecked but yours will not. she will not be able to get credit.

Are you in Scotland or england / Wales

I ran up 10k on cards a few years ago, which I'm now very close to clearing completely. On the whole, I don't believe I have mental issues (beyond the well documented ones). It's startlingly easy to do.
Holidays, little treats when I've had a shit week, emergency funds to cover disasters, buffer when out of work, work expenses going out on the card and back in to my bank account, baling (now-ex) partners out of the crap when they can't make ends meet, etc etc; even with ten quid here and twenty quid there it racks up surprisingly fast. If your balance is increasing each month, even slightly, it's a slippery slope. Then, woe betide if you get into trouble and start missing payments, it starts to snowball really fast.

Sadly I couldn't agree more. Racked up about £8k myself in surprisingly short space of time, not much to show for it either. The killer was always when money was tight, that it was all too easy to just use the credit card to pay for shopping or petrol or a bill to "tide me over", when actually I really needed to sit down and work out what I could and couldn't afford to spend each month. £25k will have taken this woman longer, but people can't rightly judge without knowing the full facts, or even having experienced a similar situation themselves I'd say.

Of course, there may well be much bigger issues behind that need resolving, but I'd say the OP's first call should be to reassure her that he loves her, and that they can make it work out together. That is not to say he just bails her out, but I think in this case it sounds like she had actually been crying for help for a long time, just that poor communication has stopped her actually communicating with him, and the CC became an easy fixer of pain.

If you've ever suffered from mental health issues, or depression, you will know that sometimes, even if on the face of things it's not financially the best thing you could do, you need to give yourself a little pickup. I'm not saying retail therapy is the right course of action, far from it, but managing to treat yourself once in a while can and will make you feel better about yourself... THE KEY to doing this successfully is managing to ration it to affordable levels. When you set yourself a limit, its surprising how far you can make a mere £10 a week go on "frivolous" purchases, and your tastes quickly adapt to much more meagre levels. And then you make if pay for itself, by cutting out other things... The £40 a month phone bill can easily be trimmed freeing up a few quid, the "necessary" Starbucks coffees go into the frivolous purchases fund, walking/riding to work (if close enough) saves fuel expenditure, shop for the basics at ALDI/LIDL instead of buying everything from Sainsbury's/Waitrose/M&S etc etc. Also use the "one in one out" tactic. If she wants a new handbag, she's got to sell an existing one first and the new one is only allowed to cost £20 more than what she sells the old one for, for example...

There's several ways to skin a cat, but firstly getting control of her spending and at least bringing it to easily manageable proportions (and cutting her credit cards up) is a good start. If you use shock tactics, and she's literally never allowed to spend another penny without your express permission, it would be too strong, and you'd have a whole other problem on your hands I expect! She needs to be weaned off her expensive habit first.

Anyway... Good idea above too about ringing CC companies. Forget the debt management agencies, they only exist to make money out of people not clued up enough to manage debts themselves and they make a lot of money doing it! Ring a credit card company, plead hardship, say you're going to struggle to even make the minimum payment in the future and you think you're going to start defaulting, but then say "my dad has offered to lend me exactly half what I owe you, can you make a settlement agreement?" Or something to that effect, and you'd be surprised where it will get you... £25k of CC debt doesn't necessarily mean you will be paying them back £25k if you get me. Leave it on the cards, and keep paying the minimum each month, and it could cost you twice that (as it could rolling into the mortgage too), but if you can free some cash up to pay them off tomorrow, you could end up paying only half what you owe.

Get her down the Citizens Advice Bureau ASAP too. They'll know the best way to deal with your exact situation when you explain it to them.

With any luck, something good may come out of this, and you and your wife may actually significantly improve your communication with each other and end up with a stronger relationship as a result.

You're married, its your debt now too.

+1

If you're not there to share her problem (and it is most definitely a problem, both financially and in terms of how she ended up where you are now), then what's the point of marriage?

She's screwed up, presumably as a direct/indirect result of some other issue, finally come to you and you have a chance to fix the problem together and help her get past whatever it is that's led to this. Maybe i'm missing something, but isn't that what being in a committed relationship is all about?

Sorry OP, just realised that made it sound like I was suggesting you were not there for her! My post was directed at those suggesting you should ditch her

Could she have used it to help the business?

Seriously take Steve-Austins offer and contact him.

Don't put the debt on the mortgage. Or if you do then get £25k taken off her cut of the house.

For me runnning up £25k debt on CC would be enough to end the relationship on, but if it's already shakey then definitely bin it.

Are you sure that 25K is the total of the debt ?

There's a child involved so do your best to stay together .

Few people seem to have remembered that there is a CHILD involved here who needs a Mum and Dad. When I was a child and my parents used to row, the prospect of them separating was the most terrifying thing ever for me.

If the OP wants to save his family and he loves his child, there's no question of separating and ditching the problem. He has to take positive steps to resolve his wife's spending because a marriage is supposed to be an economic partnership and if one half of it isn't playing the game, they must be made to address their problem. If he fails, well he's tried at least but if he succeeds, his wife might just get her life back on track and a stronger realtionship might emerge from it.

They stood up in front of their families and friends and took the oath "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health".

Call me old-fashioned but marriage isn't supposed to be something you just ditch if it's not going well.

Make sure you take a good look at yourself too.

Does your frugal nature become controlling where money is concerned. Perhaps you need to change your ways to help your wife.
My parents had a similar problem. Chalk and cheese where money was concerned, too much budgeting can drive a care free personality to start hiding things and the viscious circle continues.

Will take time and effort to sort it all out but hopefully you both will benefit from the experience.

You're married, its your debt now too.

Not in the eyes of the law.

If you can somehow manage it in her name to begin with that's the best course of action. Then if it proves too much and bankruptcy becomes an option the receivers are only entitled to her half of any assets (this was a massive advantage to our family when I had to close my business 4 years ago).

Only put it on the mortgage as a last resort.

For better advice ask on here...
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=619fa009ac8cd18e9f1dd49b93dad53d&f=136

Ignore that fact its the bankruptcy section - you'll get some great advice.

And call CAB or StepChange (formerly CCCS) - DO NOT GO TO A DEBT MANAGEMENT COMPANY!

Its really time to get to the bottom of the relationship and find out what future there is. After all its only money and yours, hers and your childs future happiness is so much more important especially if you both want to stay together.
You may be having relationship problems because of this debt which has obviously been worrying her.
Of course you can add it to the mortgage but will you always be looking at the monthly mortgage statement and being annoyed by it?
Probably better to get her to contact a debt management company who will negotiate payments plans for her with the companies as they will accept a payment plan much lower than the total amount of the debt and certainly wont be charging any interest. This will help her to manage the debt effectively and she will not be able to get any more credit for a while which is obviously a good thing.
This is obviously a bit you and her but she has been spending it on herself so although you are married she has been secretly storing up this debt which isn't very open and sharing.
Hope you can sort it out in a way that is best for you both.
p.s. All though the government wont admit it we are in a depression, not a recession, and this is going on all over the place and is not uncommon.

This could be positive and you could build on the opportunity that this presents in addressing both the issues in your relationship and her low self esteem. Together you can resolve this but you need to make a pact to beat it and avoid the instances when she blows cash unnecessarily. But this is serious change to save your relationship and rescue your finances and it will be difficult. Divided you fall united you stand etc etc.

So apart from addressing it together with lots of communication, particularly when she is at the moment/place of blowing cash - that is when she phones you for support and a chat. Get rid of all the credit cards. Find a solution to the debt, there are plenty of people or organisations that can help you decide how to achieve this.

I'd be off!!

You never know, coming clean about her total debt (and other issues maybe) could be the turning point in your relationship and might unblock the communication problem. It can be a very cathartic experience.

If you add up everything you've got as well as counting your debts you will realise that in overall terms you're better off than about 5 billion other people on the planet. maybe not as well off as you were a year ago - but who is?

You could even try a sort of celebration, maybe a weekend away as a sort of "end of year audit" once it's all out in the open.

Mate of mine got married and after a year found his wife had racked up debts of £180,000 on online bingo and the like. He was not skint but it completely wiped him out and he ended up with a loan of £25k to finish it off.

She went back to gambling after promising to go to gamblers anonymous and he's now single again...

OP - I'd gently enquire where the money went. Make sure it wasn't anything like this.

To all those saying make sure she's only got a debit card now, that's not the answer either.

My mate was exactly like this, he'd spend on loans, cards, whatever as long as he had a way to move the problem on when someone came calling. It all got too much and he just stopped paying. There were no assets there as he'd consolidated all car loans etc into a bank loan so nothing could be repossesed.

Once he got married his wife took all cards off him. It absolutely had to be done. Money was dished out at an agreed rate and anything above and beyond that had to be discussed and agreed. He was removed from all joint cards and bank accounts.

As crazy as this sounds, you're the only one in the relationship who can manage money. You have to make a stand on this one (if you're taking on the debt) and get agreement that the spending stops unless you agree it. It will cause arguments BUT you have to get her on a budget and stick to it or this problem will not end until you've lost her and possibly your house - even if you split she's the mother of your child who I'm sure you won't want to see homeless and up the creek.

If you don't stop her spending it won't stop - about 8 years on my mate has just come out of debt, it was hard on them, but I'm fairly sure he still won't have any kind of free reign on cash.

And sorry to add but make sure you go through everything - if this has just come out it's fairly likely she hasn't told you everything yet...

I went out last night but just had to come back to this thread this morning to see where it ended up.

There's some really excellent advice on here and I applaud the posters on this forum for their good sense and obvious experience! They say web fora are the virtual equivalent of having a pint down the pub with your mates and with threads like this I wish we still drank at pubs with mates every evening and belonged to pally social clubs because despite the internet I think we actually lead increasingly socially isolated lives.

To the OP: what are you going to do, now you've slept on all this advice?

A friend of a friend went through something similar. His wife ran up a lot of debt, he knew nothing til she was up to her neck. They consolidated, and for five years he worked all the hours he could to get it paid off. A matter of weeks after they finally get it paid off (well, he did, she didn't work) she turns round and says 'this marriage isn't working' 👿

As mentioned previously no need to pay a debt management company. I used to work for an IVA company and when they couldn't 'help' (i.e. setup an agreement and extract fees) they referred to CCCS who now appear to be called stepchange who are a debt charity:- [url= http://www.stepchange.org/ ]http://www.stepchange.org/[/url]

I have not read all the replies but the debt advice is always don't turn unsecured debt into secured as that can put the roof over your head at risk, my ex wife did the same as we we divorcing..I refused to help her and she ended up loosing lots of her divorce settlement to pay back what she owed.
If I had helped her out that debt would have also become my problem...sound like she needs to go to one of the debt charities for a repayment plan, it will stuff her credit rating but that should be a good thing as that's what's got her into this situation

You mentioned she also ran a business. Do you know if the debt is all personal or whether she's been using her credit card to prop up the business? That is quite common at the moment.

TBH in the same situation I wouldn't let myself fall into the hands of some parasite like a debt management company; they are only in it for the money and why thrown good money after bad? I would contact the lenders and arrange to meet to discuss the repayments; most are reasonable people and will appreciate your efforts to resolve the issue and not run away.

A lot of very good advice above.

A few points: OP the way you are talking about your wife is as though she has her life, you have yours. You have already said you don't communicate. So you do need to sort your marriage out. Do you want to be part of her life or not?

Re debt, it sounds like the mortgage is in joint names? If so not only her credit rating is screwed but yours too, so it would be VERY unlikely the mortgage co would let you add £25k of debt.

If you don't have a joint mortgage or currently any joint financial association make sure you leave it that way, its the only way you will manage to get credit as a couple, or if you split.

Bad credit will stay on your file for 3 years after debt paid off.

Personally I can not understand a marriage where you don't have shared accounts etc..

I don't think I can add much to the advice above, but if it was me, I'd want assurance that she was taking steps to change her ways, and come clean on what she's spent it on. Otherwise that person would lose my trust. £25k might be a "small debt" to some, and I understand how credit card fees can spiral. But, it sounds quite big to me. It amounts to about everything I have financially, and I have never been in debt. I can see 5-10 K being racked up on nothing in particular if you buy bits and bobs for yourself beyond your means, but 25K?

debt is a terrible thing, easy to say that people should know better but it's also very easy to find yourself in a spiral of debt that out can't get out of. It's very easy to point the finger of blame, but it would seem that the OP and his missus are going through some marriage problems......people cope differently, some drink, some take drugs, some spend money.

I've been there (the debt part, lost job etc) and am currently working on getting myself out of it. Depending on the area the OP lives, there are options other than trying to extend the mortgage, Trust Deed for Scotland, IVA for England (i believe.....Google for more info) where the issue is down to the person, not the couple losing the house.

It's not the end of the world, but I wouldn't be taking on any debt for yourself as your marriage doesn't exactly sound solid and you don't want to be saddled with her debt if it all goes tits up