[Closed] Wife thinks I have anger issues??

So …….. Do I sound angry or not ??

Nope. Absolutely fine coz some people need telling off.

Crack on , some people need telling.

You've always come across as more confuse to me with all your daft questions on here.

First one maybe. That'd be a eyeroll and English tut for me. Second one, sounds about right. Two incidents in how many years?

So …….. Do I sound angry or not ??

Possibly.

I have a 'pick your battles' approach to life, and as a result have found most of them are not worth battling.

But I am also aroused by the frequency of wife and slot terminology, so maybe I'm not in the best position to advise.

if you are hacked off enough I'd ask the petrol station for the video footage as pass it along to the relevant parties and let then deal with it.

Not angry per se just standing up for what you believe in

Can't see anything wrong with what you've said to be fair. I think you were more than calm with the tit in the car as well... Id have been raging

Trouble is I’m sick of doing that and letting people walk all over me.

That's the most telling sentence for me mate.

Sounds like there are some underlying issues perhaps?

I'm no psychologist though!

Personally, it's about choosing the battles to fight in life. Most importantly, even if you don't have anger issues you need to work out why you wife thinks you might.

The country as a whole feels very angry these days though, so you aren't the only one for sure.

Agreed 1st instance wouldnt bother me, 2nd however soddin liberty,my missus likes me standing my ground, her Ex wouldnt say boo to a goose, even though he is a 6’4” unit, and Im a midget, please make your own conclusions😉

Why does it matter if someone is on their mobile phone? None of your business. The other one is fair play

^^
Legend has it that mobiles cause petrol pumps to explode. Not sure of relevant these days but many stations still frown on it as so many coppers.

Nope..... I don't think you have anger management issues BUT.......

Inflating tyres and filling up with fuel on a weekend....
Doing the weekly shop at 5.45pm on a Saturday evening.....
Trying to get to kids swimming lessons across town at 4.30pm on a Friday.......
Going to the in-laws house at anytime.....
Going to ANY form of kids indoor play area.....
Having a kids "playdate" with my wifes friend Julie and her kids.....
Trying to help a 9 year old with homework BEFORE tea time...

these are all things that can be potentially stressful. My wife and I have learned not to do them...... (or at least to have a jam sandwich on hand to prevent "hangry" levels from reaching divorce point.)

In our house weekends are for heading to the mountains to get away from anger-inducing "other people." Hanging around filling stations and shopping centres is just foolish.

Oh.... and whilst it might be easy for you to "stand-up" to other people....... your wife might have spent a life-time backing down from flash-points and confrontations (either as she is scared of confrontation or has learnt that it is just not worth it.)

Neither of you is wrong..... but your wife might feel more comfortable putting YOU in your place for "embarrassing" her and the kids rather than dealing with the real problem which is phone wielding psychos intent on blowing up the garage and bully-boy drivers who can't queue like proper polite British people.

Either way you don't have anger management issues.... BUT you DO have wife issues! LOL

Why does it matter if someone is on their mobile phone? None of your business

probably would turn out to be your business if the vapour gets ignited

8. Ignition Sources • Smoking : By law you and your passengers are required to extinguish your cigarette, cigar or pipe before entering the petrol station. Petrol sites are defined as hazardous zones and in most instances smoking is not permitted within the boundary of the property. • • Mobile phones : Mobile phones are potentially hazardous when used at a petrol station. Dropping a mobile phone, or turning a mobile phone on or off may cause a spark, which can ignite petrol vapours. Using a mobile phone while refuelling can cause a lapse in concentration. This could result in over filling your petrol tank that may cause dangerous spills. • Static electricity : Static electricity is made by two different surfaces rubbing together and can ignite fuel vapours.This can be a problem if you get in and out of your car repeatedly.

The first one - probably (nothing technically illegal*, and in reality you'd struggle to find many examples of a mobile phone causing a fire in a petrol station).
* unless there was a notice prohibiting it, but even then it's for the petrol station staff to deal with.

The second one - sounds like the other person was being a dick.

If those are the only two examples you can think of, I wouldn't say you have anger issues.

There's far more risk of ignition sources from the rest of the car than a mobile phone. Sodding big battery, starter motor, alternator, flakey coil packs, unsecured earth's. Take your pick.

Ohhhh and to play devils advocate...... It may appear that using a Mobile Phone on a forecourt is actually OK...

https://www.shell.co.uk/motorist/shell-fuels/fill-up-and-go/how-to-use-fill-up-and-go.html

Renton is Ronnie Pickering and I claim my £5

Despite theoretical possibilities a mobile phone won't ignite petrol fumes in the open air environment of a petrol station forecourt, it just won't, so kerp your opinions to yourself on that one. Secondly why did you get out of the car to mess with the air machine before your wife drove into the space ??? A gap was created so someone drove into it. I'm not sure about anger issues but stop being a @#$%&.

The whole mobile phone sparking vapours thing is bollox - its a circuit board encased in a dust tight box , not a zipper lighter with a flint

the hazard comes from the zombie like state folk exhibit whilst using them that increases several fold the chance of forecourt fuel spills that makes garages prohibit their use when using pumps.

same with ban on using phones during take off & landing on a plane flights - its not cos the digital altimeter works on the same frequency as your galaxy edge , its because the airlines want passengers paying attention at key moments.

As for the anger issues , well I hope you gave the missus a good back-hander for this unfounded allegation.........

*joke*

Renton is Ronnie Pickering and I claim my £5

Who?

same with ban on using phones during take off & landing on a plane flights – its not cos the digital altimeter works on the same frequency as your galaxy edge , its because the airlines want passengers paying attention at key moments.

I was told it was because they make the ground communications go neerrrr nenene neenene neerrrr neerrrr

Ronnie Pickering

Reckon you're giving us the whole story.

I shouted again “oi, there is a queue mate” only to be met with a load of verbal back from him.* In the end he moved

*What happened here?

Yeah the mobile phone and igniting petrol is bullocks.

Ranting and waving your arms as someone thought a space was free is well a bit odd, mind so is driving into said person.

I literally put my hands up to say stop and then pointed at my car that the wife was moving.

Ronnie Pickering

Who the ****'s he?

--------------
Why didn't your wife move the car faster?

What are these slots? Just regular parking bays? Or the bays specifically for the air? I'd be quite irritated if I'd been queuing for the air and some bloke jumps out of a car in a regular parking bay claiming it was his turn actually. Not irritated enough to run into him however, isn't that assault?

There is a row of parking bays with the end one being the air and water bay. Normally if you are queuing for air or water you park in the space next to it. Then once the bay is empty you move into it.

It's quite awkward as the bays are infront if the pumps so you have to wait until people have stopped moving off from them to move into the air and water bay.

Just remember to be careful about what you wear whilst filling up.

#1 There is a sign on most pumps saying dont and it should be the cashier who shouts unintellagbly down the Maplin Tannoy to tell the lady not to use the phone

#2 Fair enough , was your misses on the phone hence the tardiness in no jumping into the bay? As for the other bloke trying to nudge you into submission , I think you did the right thing , he could have accepted you were queueing and he should b prepared to wait BUT .-
He was an entiltled cock bag who thought he could put one over on you by some entheusastic driving manoevere that 9 times out of 10 would have got him 32psi in his tyres 3mins quicker , this time he failed because you stood up for yourself. Then he had to have verbals because he didnt put on over you so had to try to even the score by a string of insults * probably *

... I am still struggling to understand why you would shout at and embarrass a young girl using her mobile. That in itself marks you as quite an unpleasant person in my book.

As for the other incident seems a little sketchy on details.

If you're asking the question then you probably have.

The first instance it sounds like you were out of order, the latter 50/50. Maybe 60/40 to you actually.

Normally if you are queuing for air or water you park in the space next to it. Then once the bay is empty you move into it.

You might others may not.

In order for me to judge fully and completely, please would you ask your wife to write down the sequence of events as she witnessed them. We’ll forego the statements from the mobile phone user and the other motorist, mainly because they’ll no doubt be tricky to trace, however, for the purposes of a balanced account... Ta.

I shouted “oi, get off your phone”.

I reckon you need to wind your neck in.

As I understand it (and this might be the same level of bobbins as causing an explosion), old analogue phones could be used to affect the flow meter on the pump, so you could get charged less if you were on your phone.

Probably not the case these days.

I suspect you’d have to try quite hard to ignite a vapour cloud with a phone...

Interesting replies thanks.

In the first instance I did feel a bit of an arse and guilty afterwards for bellowing at the girl but there are signs all over to not use phones in petrol stations (regardless if you think it's an issue or not ).

The second instance I genuinely think the bloke was trying to bully me out of the way with his car.

there are signs all over to not use phones in petrol stations (regardless if you think it’s an issue or not ).

Maybe there should be ones saying “Please do not shout at people”

Angry? No.

More outspoken than most? Sure. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but can lead to confrontations. These days you just never know what reaction you are going to get, which makes it a bit risky. There are certain things we probably should be a bit more vocal about.
I didn't exactly shout but I told a guy pretty loudly on a petrol station forecourt that he shouldn't be smoking while filling up and neither should his passenger as he could kill us all. That's about the only time though.

I’m wondering how you were stood holding the air hose before your car got there?  And having read your version of events I’m also wondering how your wife’s description of events would compare?

I'm fairly sure that you are mild mannered by STW standards.

There are a number of us on here that are definitely bigger pricks than you Renton - including me.

People who use mobiles whilst on self-checking machines annoy the shit out of me so much that I am prepared to pay Ocado prices to avoid the ****s entirely.

I go through similar phases, although fewer and further between as I’ve got older. Mrs OTS always lays into me as a result and it often feels as though I’m getting it from all angles, but the reality is that she’s worried that one day I’ll kick off and someone will stab me or similar. She is of course right, and whilst I may feel I have the moral high ground, that isn’t going to keep the kids in data or Nikes if I’m dead. Smile, count to 10 and walk away - that’s what I try to do.

There's nowt to be gained by telling an idiot, they're an idiot. Just leave it. You'll end up with someone wrapping a tyre wrench over your head. For what?

RENTON!! Oh jesus christ Renton.

RENTON!! Oh jesus christ Renton.

Reference?

😀

Can't say I'm seeing anything from the OPs description that is shouting "anger issues". I might have done things differently but I'd say he's in the normal range.

I do think he needs to talk to his wife to try and get to the bottom of her reaction though. Either her description is very different, her previous experiences make her see things very differently, or there's some attempt at undermining and control.

Or the OP’s version is very different.

I’d be more interested in why the bloke in the car tried to run a pedestrian over TBH.
Using vehicles as weapons isn’t clever and plenty of Laws back up that sentiment.

CCTV should help the OP’s position on if if he should decide to take this little matter further with the Police.

Seems you have mememe syndrome.

The second instance I genuinely think the bloke was trying to bully me out of the way with his car.

To be fair, he was being a dick.
However, there was an empty space and he tried to drive into it to be met with some bloke waving his arms around and shouting.
You and your wife should have sorted your shit out and been more organised (was she sat on her phone by any chance?)

The first one does sound like someone who is angry (about something else) and looking for things to rant/criticise complete strangers about for no real reason (sorry)

The first incident is certainly an over reaction. How many of us here have seen people using mobile phones whilst filling up at the petrol station and how many of us have shouted at the person using them to stop? Also did you consider that shouting at her was more dangerous (she could have done something unexpected with the pump) then her using the phone?

Second one. Odd again. There are no clear “queues” in most petrol stations and your wife was sitting in a car on the phone (ironic for the above situation) and the air bay was empty. Instead of a usual UK “sorry” “sorry” you and the other driver were arses.

I think if you have the need to write on here for our opinion you might have an issue but it’s probably more that you just embarrassed your wife as much as anything

Sounds to me like the behaviour is just embarassing and your wife is asking you to consider how you act.
I get it regularly as I am autistic so say things bluntly at best and things other people wouldn't say at all at worst. Luckily my wife points this out so I can at least have a chance in addressing it and realising it is not expected behaviour

Where has it come from that my wife was on her phone ??

She was too busy trying to reverse out of the slot to move into the air and water slot.

The bloke that tried to force in was sat well behind in between all the pumps and had a clear view of me getting out of the car and setting the tyre pressure level on the machine. He blatantly just tried to muscle in.

There isn't any other parts I'm missing out. Genuinely how it happened.

She was too busy trying to reverse out of the slot to move into the air and water slot.

The bloke that tried to force in was sat well behind in between all the pumps and had a clear view of me getting out of the car and setting the tyre pressure level on the machine. He blatantly just tried to muscle in.

If she was parked elsewhere then how could you also be in a "queue"? Think I'm agreeing with the "both were arses" view for that one

If she was parked elsewhere then how could you also be in a “queue”? Think I’m agreeing with the “both were arses” view for that one

This really.

While you 'think' you may have a 'system' this guy may not know your system, the system may only exist in your head anyway. If you're not in a line behind the pump, then IMO you're not in a queue. Simple as that.

Personally i wouldn't have run you over... but i can see why he felt he was in the right.

As for the mobile phone thing, meh, you were an arse.

You’ve come onto STW to ask about anger issues 😳😂

I think one way to look at it is if these 2 incidents are isolated and nothing similar has ever happened before then that’s all they are - isolated incidents.

But...if things like this keep happening to you ie you keep finding yourself in lots of confrontations - well, maybe just maybe it’s something to do with you rather than the rest of the world.

She was too busy trying to reverse out of the slot to move into the air and water slot.

So not in this queue you told us about.

OP - are these 2 instances the only examples of you getting overly vexed?

Well there was the wheelie-bin incident.....

OP - it doesn't matter what we think or what you think - your wife thinks you're being 'angry man' in public spaces.

If you continue to behave in the ways that make her think that she will continue to think that, however justified you believe you are in your behaviours.

You have a choice - behave differently and earn her approval or continue with the behaviour and accept her criticisms.

fwiw my pov: the first incident I'd have kept schtum or asked the station staff to intervene. The second was all a bit of willy waving on both sides but using the car as a weapon to try and move you put you on the moral high ground.

Try swopping places with my brother in the USA if you want to know about anger management - he's married to an absolute fruitcake of a women who is a cross between Native American and Lebanese and came fully equipped with the emotional baggage of her first marriage to an abusive man and two sons who are off the rails. Everything he says and does is subject to scrutiny and hours of analysis and discussion and when he does lose his rag with it all he's told he has psychological issues and needs to go to anger management sessions. She and her buddies all take tranquillisers and visit their therapists every week. I wish the poor lad could get out of there as he's wondering how much longer he can stand it.

I don't feel angry as in want to fight someone for the slightest thing. I was quite calm in both instances and only raised my voice to get the point across.

Whichever way I explain the second occasion to you it makes me sound in the wrong. There is a system where if you want to use the air and water but the space is in use then you park in the space next to it. Then when it becomes free you move your car into it. Simple as that.

Thats a pretty stupid "system". If I was to rock up to that petrol station today would I have any idea that your system was in place?

Sounds like the cones system from Daddy’s Home.

There is a system where if you want to use the air and water but the space is in use then you park in the space next to it. Then when it becomes free you move your car into it. Simple as that.

I got that in your original post, but as your wife didn't move as soon as the place became clear the driver just looked to pull in and use the airline, there's every chance he was unaware of the unofficial qeuing system. You standing there without a car becomes irrelevant, he's there with his car first.
David Attenborough didn't need to go to S.Georgia to film Elephant seals, the same behaviour could be observed at his local petrol station 😂😂

I can probably understand your reaction on the Air pump incident but the phone one is bit odd. Mention it to the staff if you are really concerned about safety - although I think that the dangers are largely unproven. You are also shouting at a woman which could be seen as bullying behaviour.

Invest in a compressor

Sorry - misread the phone part.

There is a system where if you want to use the air and water but the space is in use then you park in the space next to it.

The “system” at most garages is to hang back allowing the current user space to get out of the air area, looking like you’re waiting to use it, not park in a space near it.

He probably didn’t know you were waiting. He shouldn’t have driven in to you though.

If I was to rock up to that petrol station today would I have any idea that your system was in place?

Absolutely you would - the red-faced angry man waving his arms at you as you pull forwards would tell you about it. But only if you ask nicely.

There is a system where if you want to use the air and water but the space is in use then you park in the space next to it.

This might explain your frustration.
This isn’t a “system” it’s just a parking space that’s next to the reserved space for the air and water machine.
Anyone can park there, regardless of wether they want to use the air machine or not.

The other guy may have been a dick for driving into you, but he doesn’t know about the imaginary system you’ve invented 👍

Like bees to pollen, bravo.

Maybe he thought it was your job to pump up the tyres. Like you know 1960s America where a team of attendants would fuel your car, do windscreen clean and tyres all at the same time.
If he saw you there waving the air hose around like budgie the heli cock ter its possible he thought you would pump up his tyres

Clearly it's not just these two instances that would make her say you have anger issues.

These are two easy situations that highlight something she clearly thinks regardless.

I don't have anger issues; I just need everyone to stop p***ing me off.

Could be worse, you could have wanger management issues.

It's not worth arguing with anyone nowadays just incase they have weapons or knives. There are stories you see on the news of deaths due to arguing.

There is a system where if you want to use the air and water but the space is in use then you park in the space next to it. Then when it becomes free you move your car into it. Simple as that.

Is there a sign letting users know about the system? If not, it’s not a system. We have a Tesco garage near us with the last parking bay also having the air/water pump next to it. There are no signs, and often people will park there and do their shopping...it’s just the way it is.

In the years I’ve been driving I have never heard of a system like the one you describe, and I would have assumed the bay was free if there was no car in it.

Maybe it's just me then. I thought it would be pretty obvious that if he's watched me get out of the car and walk over to the air machine and start setting it and my wife outs the car into reverse and starts moving back then we are going to use the machine ??

Anyway cheers for the replies. It's been interesting.