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....because it's two-tired.
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What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
Beehive!
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What's white and flies through the trees?
Tarzan the Fridge.
What do you call a man who's lost his pants?
Nicholas
A Grouse walks into a pub and asks for a whiskey, barman says "Did you know there's a whiskey named after you." Grouse replies "What, Eric"
Penguin walks in to a bar, says to the barman, "Have you seen my brother?"
Barman says, "What does he look like?"
Two parrots sitting on a perch... "Can you smell fish" says one.
What do armies do?
Hold your handies on......
Two nuns sat in the bath, one says "where's the soap?" other one says "yes it does doesn't it".
Two nuns on bikes meet at a crossroads. One says, "Which way did you come?"
The other replies, "Over the cobbles."
I pushed some grapes up my lady's arse lastnight during kinky sex, she didn't scream, just let out a little wine.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Oh you've heard it.
What do you call a monkey with a hand grenade?
A baBOOM!!
I walked into a bar the other day - ouch!
Why did the monkey get lost? Cos the Jungle ist MASSIVE!
What's the fastest thing under water?
A motor pike
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
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what do you call a chicken in a shell suit?....
an egg
what's the fastest cake in the world?.......
scon.......
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.......
Why do Irishmen wear two condoms?
To be sure to be sure.....
Why can't you get asprin in the jungle
Cos the parrots eat em all
What's blue and smells like red paint??
Blue paint!
What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his arse?
Warren....
What goes "RING! RING! RING! RING! [b][i][u]OUCH![/u][/i][/b]"
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
(I'm so sorry, really I am!)
orena45 - MemberWhat's the fastest thing under water?
A motor pike
...and side carp.
Turbot charged ones are the fastest.
what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose.
Full.
What goes round your waist at 50 miles an hour? Honda pants
What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A bee flying backwards
I went round to MC Hammer's house the other night.
It was rubbish. He wouldn't let me touch anything.
Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the piss out of the pants.
tomhoward - Member
What do you call a fly with no wings?A walk.
What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?
A raisin.
My dog's got no dictionary.
How does it spell terrible?
Bloke goes into a Scottish baker's.
"Is that a cake or a meringue?"
"Ye' no rang, a's a cake."
Did you hear about the blacksmith's dog?
It made a bolt for the door.
What do you call a man who sticks his head through your letterbox??
Bill.
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
D[o]ug
Ok, so how about a person (sorry for sexism above) with seagull on their head
No, this isn't going to work in pc
but
anyway
CLIFF! bdum tush!
What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
Douglass
What's big and grey and can't fly?
A car park.
Did you hear the one about the magical tractor?
It turned into a field.
What has six legs and would kill you if if fell out of a tree and landed on you?
A snooker table.
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish
Whats black and very dangerous? A crow with a sub machine gun.
What's orange and sounds a but like a parrot?
A carrot
What do you call an irishman with a pane on glass behind each ear?
Paddy O'doors
What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
5 pints of lager.
What do you call a guy under a pile of leaves???
...Russel
2 cows in a field, one says moooooo, and the other ones goes, I was going to say that!
Sorry
How many bass guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb, ten to sit around afterwards and discuss how Stanley Clarke would have done it...
What's brown & sticky...
Muhammad Ali with a can of coke
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
Two birds sitting on a perch. One says, "Can you smell fish?"
Did you hear the one about the magical tractor?It turned into a field.
There's a film about that tractor - have you seen it?
No but I've seen the trailer
\o/ @ bsb
Two goldfish in a tank.
One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"
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I told my missus I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti.
'Dont be ridiculous' she said 'That'd never work'.
You should have seen her face when I rode pasta....
Where does Noddy keep his Army?
Up his sleevie.
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
<geordie> nee idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ?
still nee idea </geordie>
Why do women paratroopers wear jock straps?
So they don't whistle on the way down.
What do you call a musician with two birds of prey on his head, vaccuming, with the lights off?
Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark.
How do you make a duck sing the blues?
Put it in the microwave til its bill withers.
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
Damn.
What cheese do you use to encourage a bear?
Camembert
What cheese can you use to hide a horse?
Mascapone
What cheese should you serve to a Yorkshireman who likes water retention structures?
Edam.
How should you use cheese jokes?
Caerphilly
What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAA
Knock Knock!
Neutrino
Who's there?
What cheese should you use to hide a horse?
Mascarpone
What sort of cheese makes you taller?
Stilt on
What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror?
"Hallo, me"
What cheese should you use to hide a horse?Mascarpone
I said that four posts ago!
Cheeky bugger.
.
I used to like Massey Fergussons but I've gone off them now. I'm an ex-tractor fan.
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre.
Oops! Ok then, how about...I said that four posts ago!
Cheeky bugger.
I used to like Massey Fergussons but I've gone off them now. I'm an ex-tractor fan.
😛
What's e-commerce?
Business done in Yorkshire.
[url= http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/jokes-about-cheese-please- ]Jokes about cheese...[/url]
"What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese."