You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
I have just received a strange text message from my wife.
"I have just found a fishnet glove in our bedroom".
I pause. I panic, reflexively. Then I relax again, realising I have nothing to panic about (no, really - even those of you thinking unworthy thoughts are wrong).
"Where?" I reply.
"On top of our chest of drawers" she responds.
So I call her, and she has found a small, left-handed full-fingered fishnet glove on top of a pile of washing she had deposited there this morning.
It's not hers. It's certainly not mine. Our 8 y/o son has denied any knowledge.
We haven't had friends over to stay recently, and none of our friends or family dress like mid-80s Toyah. Our bedroom is 1st floor, at the front of the house - quite high.
We have just returned from holiday, so is it possible someone burgled our house, but instead of taking anything, instead left a single fishnet glove?
I am truly mystified.
on top of a pile of washing she had deposited there this morning
the glove got picked up somewhere on holiday and mixed in with your clothes, went through the wash and ended up in a pile of washing.
next.
Tim Curry made a mistake on Air BNB.
Aliens, I reckon ET was in there prancing around in your Mother-In-Laws Pants too,,
Thread title should read:
BUSTED at C+H! Help me think of a plausible cover story
the glove got picked up somewhere on holiday and mixed in with your clothes, went through the wash and ended up in a pile of washing.
We stayed in a self-catered cottage with just the three of us. Cleaners in every couple of days, no sign of a glove when we moved in...
BUSTED at C+H! Help me think of a plausible cover story
Chance'd be a fine thing!
no sign of a glove when we moved in
"NO ONE UNPACK BEFORE I CARRY OUT A GLOVE CHECK!!!!"
Cleaners in every couple of days
Tell your wife to check the wardrobe or under the bed.
Bufallo Bill might be hiding there.
BUSTED at C+H! Help me think of a plausible cover story
Other way around, the wife was entertaining in some new lingerie her lover bought her. She's now laying the groundwork in case the other glove turns up.
80s goth bands used your room to change in when you had that gig in the lounge?
Clever use of the forum to quell suspicion later when your wife confronts you.
could be her girlfriends...
[shaggy] Hmmmmmmm......... Missed a glove, a glove-a.....Hmmmmmm [/shaggy]
Now seen the offending item. It's not like a decorative, lacy number (in my admittedly limited experience with these sorts of things. Ahem).
It looks, to me at least, more like a liner or inner to something. The mesh is sort of the type you get when helmet pads separate, or that Dainese used to use on their body armour.
Any more ideas?
L
O
U
I
S
E
Octopus tights?
Octopus tights?
I thunk you need to recount your fingers...
Louise
Thankfully don't know any Louises....
I thunk you need to recount your fingers…
No , I think you need to brush up on your cephalopod sexual techniques.
Your actual octopus needs it's third from the right tentacle, a special one called the Hectocotylus, to actually do the deed.
Two free arms for a bit of foreplay and the other five to look all sexy like in the fancy tights.
Everyone knows a Louise. They are omnipresent. Even if you don't think there are any, they're there. Watching...waiting...drawing their plans...
Thankfully don’t know any Louises
Given they've snuck into your house, stealthily located your bedroom, deposited a trophy then slipped quietly into the [s] night [/s] afternoon leaving no trace but the glove. What makes you think you would..?
Watching…waiting…drawing their plans…
The chance of the glove being Louise's were a million to one they said and yet...
Mossad surveillance team.
Have you been going to any Waffen S.....I mean Labour party conferences recently?
Do you know Max Mosley?
No , I think you need to brush up on your cephalopod sexual techniques.
I thought you used them like gerbils but with less gaffer tape?
#SexyCephalopodTrackWorld
Interesting octopus-related true story.
We were in Greece last week, staying on one of the smaller islands. We were on the beach, and there was this fella with his family a little way up the beach. He went into the sea with his son - probably about ten feet or so. Each of them had snorkelling masks on. He bobbed about a bit, then dived down and immediately came back up, having caught an octopus by hand.
He let his lad play with it (amusing seeing the boy try to detach it as the unfortunate cephalopod kept wrapping its tentacles around his arm). The dad then wandered off killed it and proceeded to tenderise it by bashing it against the rocks, skinned and gutted it and then ate it raw as a snack.
Never seen that before.
I used a well know web site to Google "Mesh glove" and the most prominent answer was
"Ultra Glam DRAG WORLD | eBay Stores
https://www.ebay.co.uk/str/ultraglamdragworl d"
(erm, I didn't mean for that to be a link. I wouldn't recommend clicking on it)
Never seen that before
Heathen Europeans. Everyone knows octopie need pastry.
Never seen that before.
Interesting. Did he take its fishnet tights off first?
I wouldn’t recommend clicking on it
*everyone clicks on it*
But have you found the batteries yet......
Everyone knows octopie need pastry.
Octopodes
Octopodes
Well not really no, that's no more correct than octupi. Octopuses is the correct plural as octopus is a genuinely English word despite looking Latin (octopi) or being based on the Greek (octopode) it's actually derived from neither so should pluralise in an English form as octopuses.
But in any event none of this matters - only octupi worked for my crap food joke.
only octupi worked for my crap food joke.
It was easily the best joke I've seen on STW. 😀
It was easily the best joke I’ve seen on STW
As bars go that one's got a flat roof, a land person who would rather have sweary customers than occasional ones and probably serves beer in jam jars.