[Closed] When you dread waking up.

Sounds like you're suffering from anxiety, I've had bouts of this and I'd really advise you to do have a chat with your doctor.

If you need someone to talk to or just somewhere to vent people on here will listen. Feel free to pm me if you want

Yep. Dreading going to bed at the minute because I'm not sleeping well 😐

I had it bad a good few years back, my reaction to depression is to sleep, so mornings are often a demoralising start to the day.
Usual advice worked for me, talking, talking therapies, happy tabs.
What also helps me is having something /anything nice planned for the next day, a bike ride, even that first cuppa. If I go to sleep thinking about that I wake up thinking about it too, which is better than scrolling through a list of shoite situations and events.
Good luck fella 🙂

Are you spending enough time out of doors? I find that helps, especially if you have somewhere with lots of trees and maybe water - a canal, river, or lake.

I've never suffered anything like that before but would strongly advise you make an appointment with your doctor, print or write down your words in the first post and look in the right direction for help.

Nobody should suffer like that and although many have been through it on this forum, each individual is different. You need to understand and use what works for you.

Or you could try having a w... walk* before bed 😀

*public forum version.

EDIT. I wasn't going to post this as it can come over a bit wrong in forums.
It does contradict what I say above but it has helped a few close friends over the years.

The immediate and clear observation is that you have a lot of worry.
What are the things causing this worry and how can you help yourself start to address them.

The easy answer is 'Oh everything is shit'. If this is you, take a step back and think - what is everything?

It will be loads of small, some large and some humongous situations you find yourself or others in. Collectively these are massive and nobody can face them alone as one.

Get yourself a pen and 2 bits of paper (no word documents. At the top, write Good and Bad and try to write down all the things individually in your life that cause these emotions.

Every single thing that comes into your head, write it down. Try to split between good and bad. You will immediately think there's no good. You're wrong and you'll see this as you get through it. The first one in good is 'I'm alive'.

When you have a list, look at the items individually and pick one of the bad. Maybe not the first as this will likely be the biggest thing in your mind as it was the first you wrote down and could be too big to address at this stage.

When you've decided on one, pick another bit of paper up and write down the subject. Then break it down further underneath with the fundamentals. All the little bits that are causing you this feeling. You will know when you've broke it down far enough as you'll look at what you've just wrote and know that you can handle that and make a change to address it.

Essentially everything you write down should be looked at with a question 'Why?' in your mind immediately after. When you get to an answer to the why that makes a direct and clear difference for the better to the original thing you wrote down on the first page, you're on your way.

If you struggle with the bad column, start on the good. Same process and break down why things are good and what makes you happy. You'll reach a point where you find out why somethign makes you happy. Your mind will remember this and start seeking the happy out of the bad. This will happen automatically so no need to try and remember it.

By breaking down your life into these small bite size chunks, the tension and anxiety will be lifted slowly.

Speak to your GP and ask to be referred to an outfit like Changes or similar.

Stress , panic attacks, anxiety etc are pretty awful to live with and hit folk of all walks of life and at all ages.
Men in their mid 30's seem to be a big group and yet are more likely to try and wash it off and "be strong"

Total rubbish, get it talked about and just telling someone how you are feeling can be a massive stress reliever.

I’m no help on the emotional side of things, but from other threads I gather you are building a new house.
That is my area of expertise, so if you need any chat about that, I’ll try to help.

Try giving a high dose CBD a go for a week.

Wake up and do Wim Hof Breathing and some good stretching.

Almost life changing.

Do something physically exhausting, preferably in fresh air, then stay up a few hours after you would usually retire.

g-ti, you've expressed similar views a few times just lately. Please keep talking - preferably involve a pro, or whatever else you choose. Here's OK too but you seem to be genuinely struggling. Maybe try that approachable GP of yours for a steer ?

Get a cat or 2. Get the skinny ones from a rescue ue center. Your mouse problems will disappear very quickly.

Manage you build with realistic ecpectations. If your up all night doing f.all you can write detailed plans for a the trades so they know want a 1200mm double radiator in the hallway with white t.r.v s, usb brushef silver double plugs 500mm off the floor 400mm.eithrt side of the bay window.
Have you specced the glass, the lights, the flooring, the kitchen taps, extractor hood, under cupboard led lighting, those up and down bulkhead wall wash lights, with pir or timer circuits or both.. Get busy get detailed

Then work on a sequence of events so the sparky is in before the plasterer

Dont fret about stuff you have no control over and fretting will havr mo effect on that thing

Try the 5;2 breathing technique, so simple and quick and actually works

Mindfulness is toted alot but if you are writing a method statement for a house build with links to screw fix,john Lewis, elctroconnect and plumbase.etc

If you are up all night the look for appliances, check prices, warrenty, noise levels. Design the garden, learn to use 3d room planner software.

At least you should feel back in control.

Thanks guys. Yes I'm struggling like hell. I've been receiving a lot of fantastic support from another forum, even some PMs. I don't want to stretch your kindness and the others are becoming a bit impatient with me now but here's a summary:

Bought a plot 2019
Designed a house I now realise I don't like and feel is terrifyingly too big, bigger than our old house.
Build started in Feb
Corona begins to look worrysome
Pressed on with the build, should have stopped then and put it on ice.
We press on regardless, well into the incident pit by now.
New neighbours arrive and after 16 years of peace suddenly it's a loud party venue in the gareden next door, lockdown or not.
Lovely warm secure fully paid, economical house in Lancashire on the market.
Neighbour noise very bad, four or five cars every night, men shouting and ill-behaved kids screaming.
1 July Mrs GTi reads on twitter that the Scottish border will be closed so we panic and move to temporary near the plot.
End July I retire, a massive emotional wrench after 32 years in a great job with a great firm. I cry on leaving the office.
Local GP tries me on two SSRIs, which are horrible. We try Mirtazapine, which I am tolerating and is working.
I enjoy about 4 nights of sleep.
House build well underway, stress building. Them back to sleeping a couple of hours, up 6-8 times a night to pee.
Local GP agrees to investigate my prostate and says it's enlarged, puts me on Finasteride to shrink it while waiting for urology appt.
All interest in sex disappears.
Pain in left testicle - there's a lump. Dr Google says it's stale semen gone septic.
GP gives me Ciprofloxacin for epididymitis. In the notes I read that only 2 doses of Cipro can destroy your tendons and ligaments esp. over 64 making you prone to breakages for six months.
Swop to doxy but this also destroys tendon tissue. Well into the incident pit now. Stress levels rocket and within 24 hours an old knee injury reasserts itself after 26 years.
Remorse at our bad decisions blossoms out of control as we battle mice in this cottage that stinks of mouse piss. We could have put the build on ice, saved money and kept our heads down.
GtiJunior showing signs of depression at Manchester Met, but he's 4 hours away not 1 hour.
Expenditure on the house is making a serious dent in savings. It has 15 Velux skylights! I realise we haven't controlled the architect or got the design I would have really liked, including s protected private garden courtyard.
Unpleasant comments by local NIMBY mafia and Braveheart types upset us
Another bad decision: we buy an adjoining plot to protect it from building. Not a poor investment because a neighbour wants to buy it for his MIL.
Building continues and sparks now doing second fix. Supply problems aplenty. Two WCs and a sink get smashed. UFH now working and house warming up.
Short local walks cause long-familiar burning sensations in Achilles tendons. Stress levels now stratospheric; how are we going to move if I can't lift and carry?
Old house had everything close by, lots within 20 minutes walk. Here it's a remote rural community with no facilities, GP 20 minutes away, hospital 1 hour. There's no dentist, pub, corner shop, railway station, garage, car spares, DIY store, chemist, dry cleaner, barber. Deer and rabbits eat everything so you need expensive fences all round if you want a garden.
Suddenly my anxiety settles on the two sea containers where our possessions are in storage - will everything be mildewey?
And so on.

The good things?
1gb broadband
World class scenery
Strong village community
Extremely quiet
Er....

Forgive the long rant. If anybody from the other forum sees this they'll know I'm a proper hypochondriac.

So yes, I get about 2 hours sleep tops. Rest of the night I toss and turn listening to BBC Sounds.

Builder assures us we can move in mid December. We left most curtains behind and all blinds so now we've got to start equipping a bigger house. How will we handle getting GTi junior up here when neighbours have already dobbed in another newcomer who has a hire car parked on his drive? Will we have any carpets or curtains? Will everything work? Will we even be allowed to move?

Stress level through the roof, RHR now 88 when it was once 55. I've lost 8kgs of fat and muscle. Last night my higher ribs felt like a tight barrel.

So as you can see it's been a sorry saga of bad decisions. I simply can't believe it's not a bad dream and I'll wake up soon. If we'd stayed in Lancs we could have survived lockdown in warmth, security and clean comfort, a hour from Junior who is now showing signs of stress.

Sorry if you've already followed this saga elsewhere but discussing it does help.

Blimey.....that’s a lot to be stressed about!

I’ve been through divorce and work nightmares in the past and the best advice I can offer is to just try and take it one day at a time. So basically focus on what you can do on that day and push everything else to the back of your mind.

Obviously easier said than done and I’ve been there too, dreading to Wake up. So when you do, imagine you are riding your fave route and if the dark thoughts break in, go back to the start and try again. It helps relax the mind and get you back to sleep.

G, you are over the worst, house nearly built, who cares about curtains? Wear flip flops for a bit. Can you do yoga- maybe slowly start building strength that way. I’ve started to just get up now when I can’t sleep, have a cuppa, cuddle dog, snooze on sofa. If you don’t have a dog, get a dog.
Things will get better, it sounds like you have built an amazing life, and the depression will pass.

Where have you moved to.?

I hit the Borders regularly, why not get out for a ride and chillax for a day ?
I'll buy the coffees if you like 🙂

@ OP (and indeed anyone else in this situation), every single day. Different reasons but same effect.
All the best and good luck with getting over/solving it.

As above, getting up and doing something is way better than lying in bed stressing, IME.

2mg diazipam (the smallest) will help considerably, and if in hospital and unable to sleep, its their go to solution.
Obviously you only want a short supply(ask doc) and this will at least get you into stage 3 or 4 deep sleep.
Sleep deprivation will be playing a part, and maybe a few nights of good rest will help you deal with whatever ti is is worrying you.
Though one should ask your age. Middle age can bring on these feelings.
If i waken up after only 3 or 4 hours, i wake up very depressed, nearly suicidal. The feeling doesnt last, maybe 2 or 3 hours, but apparently its to do with not getting enough sleep.

I'd say avoid antidepressants. I found it can make changes to your thinking process, which i noticed and stopped taking them. This can lead to feelings of lowered self worth, uselessness and suicidal.

I actually dealt with it all by carving myself up, though i certainly dont recommend that course of action. I think I felt at the time the pain of it made me reconnect 😕

I've got some diazepam but not sure if I can take them with Mirtazapine. Best not I think.

Have just been over to the plot and explained gently to Mrs GTi why the size of it depresses me. Firstly it's a townhouse in a country setting and secondly I don't think it will ever feel cosy and intimate.

I desperately regret that we didn't go for a more modest size and a more protective hunkered-down look with a well protected yard and garden.

Globalti..... I've sent you a PM.

Jesus, are those sodding mice not all departed (in either sense)? You poor sod.

Yes I haven't heard mice now for about a week. By poison,traps, sprinkling used kitty litter and blocking some very obvious entrances with silver foil (which they've been gnawing at) I seem to have got rid. We've had the smells and the flies. Now there's bait outside as well.

Easy to say I know but I'd try not to worry about the size of the rooms and it feeling cosy.

You have a good problem and can divide rooms up or furnish them to give the feeling you want.
Imagine if it was too small with no room to expand !

If you don't want to hassle the build progress now, let it go up and move in. Give it six months to see how you feel and play from there.

I suspect it is adding to the negative thoughts at the moment and you are in the 'everything's shit' stage. Even if the house was perfect you'd likely still feel this way as it isn't a house yet.

Thanks for your thoughts. My worry is that it's a 4 bed executive house not a retirement house. But then I guess as an investment 4 bed executive must be better as people seek country homes with fast broadband.

Bloody ironic really that I'm bleating like a lamb yet I've got a lovely house that I worry is too big.

We all have our crosses to bare mate. Just take it day at a time, some good advice on this thread so far so I have nothing of significance to add. I have been through anxiety and depression in the last 2 years and it’s awful. I still have bad days but they are few and far between now.

I get lots of joint pain which drains me physically and mentally, my job contributes to a lot of this so I think I’ll have to find something less physical once all this blows over, but what? No real qualifications and spent the last 15 years driving lorries so no real transferable skills.

On a really bad run of days I consider disappearing but it’s an improvement on where my head was maybe 2 years ago so I accept it’s just a passing thought.

Anyway, I feel better for getting that off my chest and I hope you do aswell for posting your situation. This place can be a great support network so just keep posting when your feeling overwhelmed.

Globalti - why not start a thread about the house, the plot, it’s development etc - pictures as it progresses and the community here can be more part of it with you ?

Hmmmm nice idea but I don't think it would be long before somebody here found it as there are cyclists in the area. One I know knows my nearest neighbour.

^^^^ I wasn’t suggesting we all turn up for a party... 😁

If it helps I promise never to come and see you 🙂
But I would be very interested in seeing the process/progress of your build.

It sounds like you really do have a lot on your plate and you get why you're in a bad place. I don't think anyone would be able to just float through your life at the moment.

I've got a lot less going on have periods that I dread the day.

It really does sound like there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Keep trying to do the things that aren't chemical to help .. getting outside, talking, trying to grow the parts of your life that give you a lift.

Stay strong fella.

But I would be very interested in seeing the process/progress of your build.

Me too.

It sounds to me like you have a nice little investment for the future there. Once it’s complete, if you don’t like it, odds on you’ll be able to sell it for more than it cost to build.

globalti you certainly sound like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders - when we bought our wreck and did it up it was certainly one of the most stressful things. We ended up in a full on arbitration with the builder!

I am probably oversimplifying things but when did you last go out on your bike ? You are in beautiful part of the world take time to enjoy it - it will help clear your mind, you will get some fresh air and you will be physically tired - this should help you sleep.

Ps Don't old people dread not waking up?

A couple of replies have already mentioned breathing exercises.

I was very sceptical, about this time last year stressed out of my face, but needed to try something and really found taking a couple of minutes when I was able to, to just focus on deep breathing and nothing else.

It really helped, I managed to stop needing to pee all through the night, and started to sleep properly again.