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Just sharing this for the amusement factor, there's a cycling angle - dhobi/jock/bikers' itch. Who knows, might prevent a similar case!
So, 2020, year 1 of covid. Had a bit of an itchy skin discoloration in the let-us-call-it groin area. Ignore it for as long as possible ofc, but its starting to annoy. What can it be, oh Dr Google? Aha, jock itch, case closed but also eeeew - fungus, ringworm, lives in moist places... its basically athlete's foot, for the crotch. Sweet.
OK, no problem, I haz the diagnosis, off to the chemists in Tescos to buy as many tubes of Daktarin Gold as my wallet can handle. I'm not Buying the recommended Canestan thankyou very much, don't want the chemist to think I've got lady problems. Daktarin makes sense if bikers' itch is basically athlete's foot (maybe Dr Google was just making a comparison there rather than an equivalence, but who cares). Gold is sold over the counter as it is stronger than the usual ones, which is why I want it... obviously the stronger the medicine, the more betterer you get, ok? I don't need to go to medical college to figure that out. The chemist questions why I want it and will only sell me two- I feel like a teen told off for trying to buy lighter fluid. But I win, I have the prize, and secretly plan to return tomorrow and buy two more- who knows how much I'll need to spread on the affected area until its cured? Dr Google didn't actually tell me that bit.
So, slap it all over, but with the use of a mirror I realise it spreads buttwards and is worse than I thought. Pretty much need a whole tube. My ass isn't that big surely? Go Daktarin, do you thing. Next day, Sunday, the skin is sore, but that's cool, just the Daktarin Gold doing its thing. Slap some more on, and go for the obvious answer and general cure-all ... bike ride! Off on a 3 hr offroader. Halfway round the usual saddle induced butt ache is increasing alarmingly in intensity. Its starting to sting. Keep going, no choice. Jeez, its now REALLY stinging, like hell. Starting to feel like torture. The ride is now pure hellish punishment. After an eternity of bike ride butt hurt I get back, rush to the mirror to check... it looks like I've been flayed.
I can't sit down and I work in a sedentary job... at least its lock down and I'm WFH, this would be super awkward in the office. 1st thing Monday book to see the GP. In on Wednes. Drop trousers to show off the damage and there's a sharp intake of breath. Ooooh. Ouch. And as well as the flayed flesh, the rash was still there.
Quick course of antibiotics and the rash cleared up in a couple of days. Doc had no idea what it was but its gone.
I've deleted the contact details for Dr Google.
Wire brush and Dettol.
Wire brush and Dettol.
I just want to get the wire brush and Detol before those dirty bastards.
I just want to get the wire brush and Detol before those dirty bastards.
😄👍
You line 'em up...
Doc had no idea what it was
What antibiotics did the doc give you? That'll give you an indication of what s/he thought it was.
How is your chronic gum disease? 😄
Has the OP been getting overly friendly with any simian types? 🤔
The one time I checked myself into the clap clinic, I have always been pretty careful but figured there was an outside chance that I might have got galloping knobrot from a mucky woman. As it turned out, I'd picked up an infection because I wasn't drying myself thoroughly enough after a shower.
For added "you couldn't make this up" lols, I was asked if I minded them bringing in a student doctor. Sure, I thought, all doctors have to learn, right? Then they dragged in this hot as shit 20-year old lass to inspect my mottled penis.
How is your chronic gum disease? 😄
Were they Northerners taking ecstasy?
Has the OP been getting overly friendly with any simian types? 🤔
... not seeing that one, go on?
Wire brush and Dettol could have saved you that embarrassment Cougar.
… not seeing that one, go on?
Monkey Pox
Then they dragged in this hot as shit 20-year old lass to inspect my mottled penis.
They do that on purpose, any sign of knob related discomfort they drag in the hottest female on the premises and say she’s a student! Some kind of sadistic game…
Please submit to Bad Medical Takes twitter. It's a goldmine of stupidity.
https://twitter.com/BadMedicalTakes
They do that on purpose, any sign of knob related discomfort they drag in the hottest female on the premises and say she’s a student! Some kind of sadistic game…
I have also been victim to this game after an unfortunate episode of penis
malady.
They do that on purpose, any sign of knob related discomfort they drag in the hottest female on the premises and say she’s a student! Some kind of sadistic game…
I have also been victim to this game after an unfortunate episode of penis
malady.Posted 23 minutes ago
Aye, went for a scan on my plums after finding a lump. The hottest nurse ever brings in the ultrasound machine and a tube of lube and says pull up your gown and I'll be back in a moment. Was almost a relief when an ancient Mr Burns lookalikey Dr came in instead of the nurse and roughly inspected my two veg.
They do that on purpose, any sign of knob related discomfort they drag in the hottest female on the premises and say she’s a student! Some kind of sadistic game…
Yep - the original excavation of the pilonidal sinus between my arse cheeks was so big the consultant took photos for his students, but then required every student nurse in Sussex to come and admire it and learn to pack an open wound. Thought I might be in with the one who complained that my glutes were so muscalar that if I tensed up she couldn't get the dressing in
And don't get me started on how many nurses needed to check out the before and after when I had the snip. And the mysterious attractive lady who did the pre op check the week before having told me she'd be doing the operation - gave everything down there a very thorough rumnage but was never seen again. I reckon the receptionists took it in turns to cop a feel
What antibiotics did the doc give you? That’ll give you an indication of what s/he thought it was.
No idea. I didn't care, just wanted it to end. I had 3 or 4 courses of antibiotics later in the year for something completely different, was starting to worry they'd stop being effective.
I can also report an almost identical experience to Cougar, when I checked in to Slough std clinic after a weekend of sin following a Friday night date. Mind if a student doctor watches? Sure no problem. The doc probing my privates then proceeded to make light conversation by implying I'd visited a prostitute. "I don't know why you guys do it, its disgusting"
Couldn't believe my ears,. I'm not making this up. Hot student female doctor watching and learning. "No no, it wasn't like that, it was a date". "Oh yeah sure, that's what they all say"
Turned out to be thrush. The shaming and embarrassment was slightly made up for by the experience in the waiting room. I'm not much of a people watcher, but 20 mins sat in the Slough STD clinic waiting room was great entertainment value.
For added “you couldn’t make this up” lols, I was asked if I minded them bringing in a student doctor. Sure, I thought, all doctors have to learn, right? Then they dragged in this hot as shit 20-year old lass to inspect my mottled penis.
I've also had that request; fortunately there were no students there that day and I didn't go back
I had it as a 21 year old student, doing a cough and drop for a fairly physical job.
Site doctor must have been 70 and asked if i minded the student nurse watching while he did the medical.
"Watching".
More like learning by doing.
That was not at all embarrassing, what with it being 25 degrees, in an unairconditioned office after i'd sat on a bus for an hour to get there. In a cheap suit.
I've had similar. Though pre surgery not after a debauched night out in Burnley.
a nurse and student nurse painting cold iodine on ones intimate parts...
Wasn't a good look.
That and having a catheter pulled out....
Hhmmm there's a pattern here!
About 25 years ago I had an operation to correct a small hernia - just above and to my right of my 'gentlemans area' I had to shave for the operation :o)
After the Surgeon had had a look he said "do you mind if I bring in a student Doctor?" I obliged and two very young, very attractive, female Student Doctors turned up. Both knelt in front of me and inspected my hernia!!
Had an angiogram several years ago and they went in via my groin. After the procedure (which was very impressive seeing what your veins when they inject the dye!), I got put in a wee corridor and had a Swedish nurse put pressure on my groin for 2.5 hours - it should have been a fantastic experience, but the chat ran out pretty quickly. Once the chat was gone I was doing my best to distract my thoughts...
I then got taken back up the ward and fell asleep, after 7 hours they came round and told me I could sit up a bit - I didn't wait and sat bolt upright - and proceeded to pass out and have an incredibly vivid dream as I was coming to - so vivid I had to ask if I'd been doing anything!
and had a Swedish nurse put pressure on my groin for 2.5 hours – it should have been a fantastic experience
Hmmmm, i had that after a couple of particularly successful tinder dates, it was a fantastic experience...
the mysterious attractive lady who did the pre op check the week before having told me she’d be doing the operation – gave everything down there a very thorough rumnage but was never seen again. I reckon the receptionists took it in turns to cop a feel
My diagnosis here is a particularly severe case of Wishful Thinking. 😁
My diagnosis here is a particularly severe case of Wishful Thinking.
It's all I have left!
I passed blood in urine last week (Tuesday) after the commute in. Lots of calls, blood test and urine sample later I'm on the table in Urology (Saturday). It was a collection of senior nurses and housemen (women) gathered around the Sandwich naked groin whilst the consultant prepared to violate my jap's eye with a cytoscope. You're also invited to watch as the mysteries of the deep are shown on screen.
I quipped that I usually get bought dinner before we get this far which raised a minor titter.
Just a kidney CT scan to go before they can confirm my prostate is a bit big and the blood vessels are prone to rupture as a result. I may ask F&FC if this means I can add a full suss bike to the man-cave to protect my sensitive undercarriage (every cloud. . .).
I had the same procedure as a routine check after a urine infection. I recall that the sewer inspection borescope they used made me wince and swear a bit. No attractive Nurses though.
However when invited to have my over 55 routine colonoscopy it was conducted by 3 attractive young lady nurses. We got chatting, as you do with your knees to your chest and a GoPro up your chuff. Turns out one of them was a mountain biker and we swapped tips on local riding spots for the duration of my 'examination'. All very surreal.
Your dignity is all gone when you have issues down there - ladies have more 'checkups' than us fellas !
A dodgy snip and further corrective surgery has had me dropping pants - went into GP's with a rather large plum, locum doc in at the time, young and attractive. Some follow up treatment was injection's into my nut, twice. Both times there were about five people in the room whilst a big needle went in. First time is was a nurse holding my hand, second time was a male nurse going decidedly green when he saw what was going on.
Never again.
your knees to your chest and a GoPro up your chuff
@blokeuptheroad - if I PM you my bank account details, will you transfer me the cost of a new keyboard, mouse and screen-cleaning kit, please?
Its not just the attractive young doctor staring at your manhood thats the issue. Its the fact that once a swab has been up a place where no thing should go, your manhood is the size of an acorn.
your manhood is the size of an acorn.
This is the default at the start of the procedure for me. The numbing gel is a nice refinement as it stings until about the third pee after leaving the room.
@blokeuptheroad – if I PM you my bank account details, will you transfer me the cost of a new keyboard, mouse and screen-cleaning kit, please?
@thelawman, I am sorry to hear of the issues with your IT equipment. I would love to help, but I have just received the bill for 'de-sweetcorning' the hospital GoPro, so find myself financially embarrassed. I trust you will understand.
What have I started.
Later in 2020 I came down with a urinary infection, weeing blood, fevers, no sleep, weeing every 5 minutes at night, felt like I was passing broken glass... Went on for almost 3 months including xmas, by some miracle we get private medical cover at work as it was peak covid and the NHS was in meltdown. MRI scan, consultants, examinations... and a flexible endoscopy! Tbh having a camera rammed up your old feller and into the bladder isn't quite as bad as it sounds but I wouldn't recommend it. Why it needed 2 extras watching, one female, I've no idea. Once you're home and the anaesthetic gel is wearing off is when the hurt begins......