[Closed] When the generation before you start fading away

Always was it thus.

When I was a kid most people I knew that made it to retirement age were all gone before they reached anything even close to 80

I’m only a bit older than you but 3 of my grandparents died before I was born. Uncles and aunts and my parents have lived much longer.
Apparently the generation following us lives’ will start to regress.

Life expectancy is reducing in the USA

I have the same thoughts most days as it's only my parents left as a generation before me. Dad's 81 and riddled with cancer and my mum is 63 with a whole host of issues. Neither will be here much longer I fear. Dad's side of the family usually ruck on to mid-90's, mum's tend to pop off around the early 80's mark. Thread I started to help me through it is here. It's horrible to watch but is an inevitable part of life sadly.

There are very few people left from my very social and happy childhood. And I’m only 48.

I'm 39.

I have an aunt and uncle left of 11. It's no fun.

I'll admit since turning 40 a few years ago I've been a bit obsessed with my own mortality.

My Wife sees death, and spends a lot of time with people in the last few days of their lives. Sometimes it's just bad luck, horrible terrible luck. People withering away and dying in their 30s with young kids etc.

Most of the time though lifestyle is the biggest factor in life expectancy and more importantly quality of life in later years.

You've got to stay fit and supple in the Mind and Body, especially once your reach middle age because it's really hard to get things back after middle age, if you decide you can't walk 5 miles at 45, you'l never walk 5 miles again. If you decide you can't learn a new skill at 45, you'll never learn a new skill again - it's a one way street.

I've seen the change in my friends from school. I'm still close with most of my school mates, the differences are stark though. It's not about having a 28" waist at 43 or all that, some of my mates are crossfit nutters who roam around the beach on holiday with a six-pack and all that stuff, it's the guys who've fallen into an easy pattern you have to look out for it's work/sofa/bed/work/sofa/bed. They haven't realised or don't care that their body has adapted to do just that, they think that if decided to run around the park with a football they still could, because they could last time yeah, that wasn't long ago was it? But the sad truth is it was months, or even years ago, it's been a decade a least. Those of us to ride MTB or run, go to the gym or hike whatever are just sharper than the others. When we hang out it's like they're in slow motion. Don't get me wrong, it's us who are making the "old man noises" sitting down, most of us are riddled with injuries both chronic and fresh, but I've seen an "old man shuffle" in the walk of a man in his 40s, the stiff shoulders etc.

I know it was a shock to my Dad, he had a heart op for a dodgy valve a couple of years ago, he was 60. They doctor is telling him to take a 20 walk every day and he's thinking she's mad because he plays squash "all the time". My mum had to break the news she threw his shorts out years ago because they're at least 2 sizes two small. Now he walks every day, but it's taken a year to build up to any sort of distance.

For the record, I'm over weight, and not overly pleasant to look at and don't pretend to be otherwise, but I'm trying at least to keep what I've got.

The chances of you dying doubles every 7 years of life.
The maths is simple on how many people around you will be dying as you get older.

Its weird how it all seems to happen at once.
There was a period in the mid nineties when the obituary pages of the Telegraph were full of the obits of amazing wartime heroes, some of who you'd never heard of and it felt like there was this five year period when they all went together.

For my lot the women go on to a ripe old age. The men die of heart disease before they're 40.
I've lost my dad, kid sister, mum stepdad and my best mate. Somedays I don't know why I bother getting out of bed.

My Mum was getting tired of going to friends funerals a while back and she asked "when does it all end", my answer wasn't the most tactful.

It's the only certainty we all have right, we will all die one day, some sooner, some later. We will likely see the generation that brought us into the world exit it before us, we hope not to see the generation after us leave it before us.

My Mum has 10 siblings, all but one of then still going with the eldest close to 80 and the youngest having just turned 60. I suspect she's going to start seeing more funerals before too long, her partner is also close to 80 although his Mum went well into her 90's doing the shopping for the 'old folk' who lived around her by bike no less.

My Mum was getting tired of going to friends funerals a while back and she asked “when does it all end”, my answer wasn’t the most tactful.

🙂

Fact if life I’m afraid.

I only knew one grandparent, and I’m the youngest of my current family generation.

My nephew threw me into the grandparent generation seven years ago. The only surviving member of the generation above me is now my MIL.

I’m 56, my oldest cousin 64 and BIL approaching 70.

My kids are now 22, and I wonder how long before they see our generation as likely to start petering out?

we hope not to see the generation after us leave it before us.

Brothers in-laws have just lost their son and daughter within the space of two weeks ☹️

Sisters husband died a few months before his dad, zambian inheritance laws meant 30% of estate goes to dad - they were engaged in court proceedings against one another before they died 😕

I was 32 when my Dad died at just 56. I have found as I approach his age ( I'm 53) I am astounded that he was so young, didn't think i realised that the time and granted he was never 100% as he had heart disease but it certainly gives you perspective. Friend of friend died on Friday of a massive heart attack while out on his bike. Makes you think.

Strangely if you look at the statistics properly, then for those who make it to adulthood life expectancy really hasn't increased that much over many generations, it was the infant mortality rate that used to skew the figures.

But I was just thinking the surgery/medical treatments I have had, not available to a generation or 2 before, that would have probably ended my useful life and left me decrepit. I had back surgery in my early 30's, that maybe wouldn't have been available in the 60's, that injury would probably have left me unable to work. I had heart rhythm problems a few years ago, I needed ablations 3 times to permanently fix it, I think that treatment has only been around since the late 90's. And just recently I have had cataracts removed and new lenses put into my eyes, and while they have been doing that for a while now, they previously would expect a person to be nearly blind before operating and would have been a much more serious procedure.

Now many more people can live active useful lives until death due to medical science, so maybe when it does happen it is more sudden and shocking, rather than a long slow decline.

I knew this thread would put a spring in my step, unfortunately I've now tripped in my Cosy Feet and broken my hip.

It's sucks. That's all there is to it.

I'm 50 and have had two mates die in the last 12 months, one 53 and one 49. One a cyclist, the other a marathon runner - heart attacks both. MIL should have been dead many times, but she's still battling on in her mid 80's in HMP Nursing Home (very restricted visits at the moment - not nice).

This thread caused me to look up Psalm 90.

When I go to visit my parent's headstone (died at 69 and 70), I look around and see headstones of several aunts and uncles, an old friend of my dad, an ex client, the dad of someone I used to be good friends with, my ex doctor, a girl I knew from school and the dad of the trumpet player from Simply Red.

🙁

I see this more than I really want to these days. Not only are a lot of my relatives now getting to that age (lost my dad a few years ago, all grandparents, both uncles), but I also skydive, which brings with it a very strange attitude to death and serious injury.

Older people in the sport seem to be better at dealing with it in a sensible way (maybe because they see their friends die year after year), but the way that the youngsters cope with seeing someone go in hard is just to pretend that it will never happen to them, despite wanting to downsize to the smallest canopy they can as quickly as possible.

i think now I just wonder when it will happen, not how or why. Sooner or later I'll roll the dice poorly and come up with snake eyes.

Hmm questionable taste that...

My grandparents all lived into their 80s. My parents' generation (mum was one of four, dad a single child) died between the ages of 40 and 98. My mum died when she was 60, my dad when he was 68.

Of my generation, (one brother, six cousins plus spouses) one cousin died at 66, one spouse at 70. I'm 61, my brother is the youngest of us all at 58.

As @MSP says - once you account for child mortality a lot people in the last couple of hundred years lived to a reasonable, by today's standards, age. From the ONS*:

Whereas a newborn boy was expected to live to age 40.2 in 1841, a one-year-old boy in that same year had a life expectancy of 46.7 years - 6.6 years higher than a newborn.

So just making it to your first birthday meant an increased lifespan.

*taken from here: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/lifeexpectancies/articles/howhaslifeexpectancychangedovertime/2015-09-09

There's definitely something about the last year, and that's completely outwith Covid.

My partner's step dad passed away last night, only 6 months after her dad. My grandmother less than a year ago. Numerous close friends have lost family this year .............must be easily double figures by now. Haven't seen another year like it.

2021 needs to come around bloody soon!

There’s definitely something about the last year, and that’s completely outwith Covid.

My partner’s step dad passed away last night, only 6 months after her dad. My grandmother less than a year ago. Numerous close friends have lost family this year ………….must be easily double figures by now. Haven’t seen another year like it.

2021 needs to come around bloody soon!

A lot of it is indirectly linked to Covid. The level of basic healthcare in the UK and most of the rest of the world has plummeted because of Covid restrictions. For exmaple my Wife's clinics were suspended in March... they reopen next month. Her patients are typically in their last few years / months of their lives and those lives will have been made slightly shorter to varying degrees because of 6 months of lack of care across the board.

As for 2021. Don't take this as a personal thing, but I hear lots of people talking about how horrible 2020 is, and it is. It's not just Covid either, but it's only humans that think that our calendar means anything. '21 could be a bad year, a good year or a great year, it should be better and there will hopefully be some cause for celebration, but we should be careful that everything will be better because it's a new year.

I'm going to take a couter view - I'm 30, so younger than those posting above, my parents, as I remember them as a child are pretty much as they are now.
They've maintained the same haircuts and lack of fashion sense for the last 2+ decades, still live in my childhood home, etc. They've definitely now reached the point of being net NHS takers, a trend that will only continue.
I'v got friends of a variety of ages through cycling and cricket. I can only think of one premature (sub 60) death.
My early memories of my grandparents, they were probably younger then than my parents are now. They don't act like my grandparents did though.

Life's a journey, enjoy it because the destination is grim.

I remember a news article from the last couple of years saying people in the UK are now living shorter lives than previous generations, due to factors such as poorer diet; the motor car and less exercise.

We both appear to have good age genes, with grandparents and great grandparents that lived until their late 80s and early 90s, so reasonable odds we are only just past half way through our lives. But especially on MrsNOTG's side, we now have a number of 67-95 year olds that are hopefully steering well clear of C19.

I lost a close friend in March. He was 43, the same age as me and died of a heart attack. His twin ten year old daughters found him. Utterly heart breaking and makes you think a lot about your own mortality. Between work and family commitments it is just difficult to find the time for yourself.

I was deliberating earlier wether to sack work off for the day and go out for a quick blast on my bike or not while the weather’s still pleasant, this thread has made my mind up for me, going to make the most of what I’ve got while I’ve still got it!

Misread thread title as "farting away", came hoping for some advice for a friend.

When you're in that fading away generation, it's even worse. 🙂

Barely a month goes by without someone I knew in the past slipping away.

The lesson is don't smoke, don't get a beer belly and boobs, keep your weight sensible, exercise regularly, and you have a chance of not being one of the early departers.