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Bumped into an old sort of mate yesterday from back in the day while out on the bike with the dog. Let's call him Pete.
As he starts chatting to me and admiring my dog, I notice out of my periphery that he's got his arm kind of lazily outstretched in my general direction, but not in an overt, take my hand kind of way.
As we exchange pleasantries,I study his hand. It's not fully open, static and rigid, ready to accept mine in mirror, but it's not a closed fist either. At least I don't think it is. Obviously I can't look at it properly at this point.
My inner turmoil about what I'm supposed to do (are we all shaking hands yet anyway?) is preventing me from absorbing what he's saying anyway and so I decide I should make a move, get it out of the way.
I decide that hey, we're both late forties, it's got to be a handshake right?
No.
My tentative hand, cups his embarrassed fist and I start to die inside.
What do I do now?
Shiiiiiit!
As it was, a metamorphosis took place. My open hand became a fist, and his hand, seemingly similarly uncomfortable became an open hand.
He in turn, cupped my fist.
It was horrific.
Luckily my dog at this point started barking his head off at me as if to say, COME ON YOU SLACK-HANDED FOOL!
So I hurriedly made my dog-based excuses and cycled off, mentally the worse for wear.
It's so difficult these days to read folks greeting style. 😂
Anyone else had a painful experience?
Not quite the same but a few years back sat in the hotel lobby at a conference on a big squishy sofa talking to some clients. A female employee of said client who I'd worked with on a pretty intensive project a few years back approaches from behind saying hello to me so I start to stand and turnaround with my hand out to shake hers but she leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek which was not what I expected. Somehow as I twisted around and outstretched my hand to shake hers it all got out of shape. So she kissed my cheek and I ended up placing my hand on her boob.
😂
🤣 I squirmed just reading it. Horrific indeed.
I met one of my hero rappers after a gig and went in for a handshake/fist bump, I can't remember which but my abiding memory of the gig is middle aged white bloke flopping his sweaty hand over cool rappers fist. I felt like contacting him on Facebook to apologise.
Slightly different - went out with my brother last thurs - he contacts me yesterday to say he has tested positive for Covid. Guess how many hands I've shaken since Thursday.... 70! 70 rugby players and their coaches after refereeing 2 matches! Luckily my test was negative, so he must've caught it off his kids. Phew. I think I'll dodge the niceties next weekend.
I ended up placing my hand on her boob.
You are Stanley Johnson and I claim my £5.
I did a similar thing after giving a guy I used to work with a lift to the train station when he was leaving the job.
As he went to get out of the car he turned and put his hand out as I did the same, His though was waiting for a fist bump and mine a hand shake. In the end I just shook his his fist and said somethig like, "ha, ha, how white am I"*. He laughed and off he went.
He was a black guy BTW.
my abiding memory of the gig is middle aged white bloke flopping his sweaty hand over cool rappers fist. I felt like contacting him on Facebook to apologise.
I done a lol 😂
A nice easy get out if your ever in the situation that you go for a hand shake and they go for a fist bump. Simply state that paper beats rock. Situation resolved.
but she leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek
My least favourite form of greeting, I am so clumsy I just worry the whole time that I am going to headbutt them by mistake, it may only be a few seconds but seems to go on for an eternity
I think covid means those of us who don't like the awkwardness of physical greetings can now more easily avoid them.
What's wrong with a smile and a nod? Ok, just a nod.
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What’s wrong with a smile and a nod? Ok, just a nod.
Or just blanking them completely?
@ Argee - Thats a fist bum, not a fist bump....
A nice easy get out if your ever in the situation that you go for a hand shake and they go for a fist bump. Simply state that paper beats rock. Situation resolved.
And in the real world that would be ' Ah, paper beats scissors. Oh no, I mean scissors beat rock, uhhhhh, you know what I mean!'. Just compounding the awkwardness of the initial fistshake.
I was recently at a wedding and got introduced some some dude I'd never met before. I don't think he had any intention of shaking my hand but his arm was at 90 degrees with his hand half open so I just went for it. I think he was more embarrassed by the fact that he thinks that I think that his handshake is more limper than a wet tissue
This has thread of the week written all over it
OP - been there. Blushed red.
@cubist - A colleague thankfully warned me on our first Erasmus project about the variance in greetings across Europe. She suggested being very cautious and respond *after* the other person went for whatever greeting they felt appropriate.
The first meeting had Slovak's, Germans, Estonians, Danes, Italians and us Brits. Never have I had so many hand-shake kisses, hug's trapping handshake offer arms and people seemingly running away from a smile...chaos.
Although the week of work ended up with us all swimming in an Estonian peat bog after some drinks, so all cultural awareness disappeared.
What sort of a name for a dog is Pete? 😆
I have a friend, also named Pete, who has the limpest handshakes I have ever come across. He puts his hand out to shake, but it's always limp and angled down. A lot of the time it's pretty clammy too. Needless to say I avoid shaking his hand if possible. But there's a kind of auto response to someone offering their hand to shake.
but she leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek
My least favourite form of greeting
Urgh, yeah. I still cringe when I think back when I was about 11 - to the first time one of my mum's friends decided it was a good idea to me with a peck on the cheek. Idiot me had no idea what was going on and somehow ended up kissing this middle-aged woman on the lips. Even a quarter of a century later I can still absolutely feel the mix of mushy lips and awkwardness like it was yesterday!
...On the third attempt, I ended up placing my hand on her boob.
FTFY 🙃
Had one of these in the pub on a lunch break, new guy to the team is obviously way cooler than i am, we both went with an outstretched arm and i shook his fist, or did he fist my handshake? that just sounds wrong.
We laughed at each other agreed it was awkward and swiftly moved on.
I also shook Joe Strummer's hand when he was at a gig once (watching Pulp). Handshake went fine, but what I remember most is that he had tiny little hands.
I find the whole thing uncomfortable if I'm honest. I'd shake hands in a formal setting or if there was some specific reason to do so like an introduction or an apology being accepted. I don't like it, but not to do so would be a snub. Society is weird.
My least favourite form of greeting, I am so clumsy I just worry the whole time that I am going to headbutt them by mistake
One of the features of being left-handed, I always instinctively go the wrong way.
I have friends I see like annually who are huggers. I am not a hugger. So I've got the double whammy of "is it left or right, I think got it wrong last time but did I change my mind or...?" and arghgetoutofmypersonalspace!!
I lived with a couple of moderately wealthy Germans at uni. We had a garden, they had very wealthy German and Scandinavian friends - they often came over for drinks etc, often in their Porsches etc.
Every time they came there seemed to be a different kind of handshake going on. They all knew the score, I got it wrong every time. Grabbing fists, slapping hands, hugging someone while their fist was stuck between our bellies.
I wasn't invited to hang out with them much for long...
Met a pal in the street last week, hadn't seen him for a year due to covid/illness. He proffered his elbow, I fist bumped it, we laughed a lot. Wonder how the masons are identifying each other nowadays?
I also shook Joe Strummer’s hand when he was at a gig once (watching Pulp). Handshake went fine, but what I remember most is that he had tiny little hands.
I once shook ex Irish goalkeeper, Pat Jennings hand. His hand covered mine up to about the elbow.... hands like a hobbits feet!
hugging someone while their fist was stuck between our bellies.
😂😂😂
Oh man. I think I've done that too!
A partner of a female friend of mine is always, always going for the high outstretched curved arm, for the man hug ting.
I wouldn't mind but it doesn't work with us. He's about 6'5 and I'm about 5'7!
Feels wrong nestling my face into his chest 😂
Feels wrong every time but he keeps blummin doing it!
God, it's a minefield.
The company I work for has a cultural policy of greeting everyone with a handshake, everyday.
Over the years I’ve experienced some of the worst handshakes ever limply offered. It’s a weird feeling shaking someone’s hand that’s doing an impression of a dead trout that feels like it’s about to fall off. Especially when it’s board level management.
Thankfully Covid has put an end to it, and it needs to stay ended. Bury it, burn it, kill it to death.
Yeh right superficial bet you stored that in the **** bank...
Got me coat, already on the way out, wont come back until tomorrow
On the third attempt, I ended up placing my hand on her boob.
FTFY 🙃
🤣
I am not a hugger.
My old boss would have punched her way out of a hug from anyone. Again, a minefield when she attended another Erasmus event that had Spanish and Italian guests she had emailed and phoned for many months prior...
Reminds me of this classic.
The whole thing is fraught with anxiety generally because often a handshake feels too formal but a hug might be too familiar, and in between is a whole minefield of potential awkwardness.
I tend to work on the general principle now that everyone does fist bumps.
It's become a thing at the climbing wall these days to do a round of fist bumps when you have managed to do a tricky boulder problem....I just flat out refuse this nonsense and leave them all hanging.
There's also a fella there who loves a hand shake and he's one of these crush the bones in your hand types, I actually grimaced the other day what with my aging rheumatic fingers. I'm definitely not one for hugs or hand shakes.
Not quite a handshake but in a hotel for work and the woman checking in a couple of desks away looks really familiar and I realise I am staring at her trying to remember who she is. She looks over an waves so I smile and nod, still none the wiser as to where I know her from.
Fast forward a few hours and I am sat at the bar when she walks in, waves and shouts "Hiya" as she walks / skips towards me. I step off the bar stool ready with the "I know your face but can't quite place you", move forward to receive the hug she is preparing as she walks towards me...
...she stops, looks at me slightly disgusted, walks around and hugs the guy sat on the stool next to me, the one who was behind me in the check in queue.
I then looked around and the whole bar was staring at me while I waiting for the ground to swallow me up.
often a handshake feels too formal but a hug might be too familiar
A hugshake?
Don’t do that.
No.
often a handshake feels too formal but a hug might be too familiar
^ That’s easy if you’re some kind of Southern European
To me that looks like about as easy and as comfortable as
Don’t you just wave an elbow in their direction like an uncoordinated chicken dance? If you make contact, so much the better.
An ex colleague had a disgustingly limp hand shake, so bad it actually made me feel like boaking. We used to try and avoid him as far as possible into january as the HNY handshake seemed even worse.
I work a lot in Europe where its far more normal to kiss 1, 2, 3 times?
I went to a meeting in Germany and went in for the cheek kiss but my brain was confused over if it was 2 or 3 times, I hesitated after the first kiss and then just lent forward and head-butted her.
I should has said "and that's a Glasgow Kiss" but was too mortified. We are still friends but shake hands these days!
Took my car into the dealers. The ladies on the service desks are great and usually come in with a hug when I visit!
(It's a quiet {posh} dealership so not many people around)
One of the ladies is very attractive and we get on well.
I hadn't been in for a while and this lady came in for a hug and I reciprocated but ended up nibbling her ear 😱
She didn't seem to mind but it's still one of my less impressive moments!!
I did this to Binners when I bumped into him in the pub the other week!
I’d just come out of the loo and the asthmatic hand dryer had left me “moist”. On exiting the khazi there he is, hand outstretched!
So now is the dilemma, do I “dead fish” him, ignore it or go for the elbow bump. I went for the elbow bump with an explanation that my hand was wet.
Awkward.
Shake and leave him wondering.
The company I work for has a cultural policy of greeting everyone with a handshake, everyday.
Half the people I work with can barely manage to grunt 'Morning', never mind extend a limb.
You're best off making the sign of the cross and hissing at people.
Cuts out a raftload of potential social awkwardness, in my experience.
There’s also a fella there who loves a hand shake and he’s one of these crush the bones in your hand types
Sign of a prize arsehole with low self esteem in my experience. Don’t know if these or the limp ones are worse. I used to work with a guy who’s handshake was so long he’d more or less hold you hand for an entire conversation. Got to the point where I’d shove my hands in my pockets to thwart him if I saw him approaching.
I’m a fan of the nod, possibly a raised hand if I’m feeling jaunty.
I’m a fan of the nod
Slight bow of the head, two fingers to the temple and then point. Sort of half-salute, half a doff of a cap I'm not wearing. I have no idea where I've got this from, possibly my grandad.
That’s what I do in the car when someone gives way. Might adopt it as my all round formal greeting
We’ve all been there !!
I used to work with a guy who’s handshake was so long he’d more or less hold you hand for an entire conversation
You are Trudeau and I claim my £5.
It’s Trump prolonging that one. He’s doing the whole “my hand is on top, so I’m the dominant one” crap. Trudeau finished as soon as his hand left Trmup’s shoulder.