[Closed] What's your greatest teaching your granny how to suck eggs moment?

Long story short, advising a (then) Ferrari F1 driver how to get round Monza 😳

(the redacted version sounds more impressive, the full story involves a video game and is not quite as good)

not me but done to me: spinning up lower cliff (cannock) on friday for the third time that day and a guy with fresher legs than me comes barging past and says 'keep going, you're almost at the top' hahah

I was paddling down a river in canoes, having been asked in as on river leader for just one day to support some (very) senior management training.

I got chatting to a chap who clearly was interested in and knew about building / eco building products etc, which I was in the process of shutting down my old business that did this.

I spoke (rather over enthusiastically) about the trade and how cutthroat it was, and how I was glad to get out (this was also 2008) and anyone else should also get out now.

He asked the name of my company. I told him.

I asked him what he did.

'I run B&Q'

😯 😆 😳

I had to lead [url= http://www.bmg.org.uk/index.php/eng/Members/Guides-A-C/Julie-Ann-Clyma ]Julie Ann Clyma[/url] over steep terrain for my Summer ML assessment. Did feel a bit silly saying 'watch that step' to one of the country's best female climbers.

A friend of mine gave Chrissie Wellington some tips on triathlon about three months before she left work to turn pro and win Ironman Hawaii.

When I spent a very long time in a hotel I used to hook up my xbox in their cinema. I was playing FIFA one evening when one of the staff introduced me to another long term resident who wanted to see the game on the big screen.

I offered him a game and he chose a country which has a rubbish football team. I told him he would be wise to pick a better team because the team he had picked were shit and he kept laughing and saying no because it was "his team". He was foreign so i assumed he had just picked his own country.

It was over a week until I found out that he was a footballer who has staying in the hotel with a load of other new signings and yep...was a international player for the team I'd been slagging off 🙂

(I know absolutely nothing about football, I couldn't even name 3 players on the Scotland squad never mind any other team!)

Was chatting to our lbs manager and asked him if he rode much

Apparently he was 8th in the 1996 Olympics

Whilst working in the Willie Thorne Snooker Club in Malvern as a 12yr old...

One of my jobs was brushing and ironing the tables in the morning to get rid of all the fag ash and cue chalk. Went in one morning an found an elderly (to me) gent in the process of doing this to the #1 table. I sauntered over to see what he was doing and give him some pointers in how to do a proper job. He turned round, yep, it was Willie 😳

I struggled a bit on this - but probably the most appropriate - gentle - moment was on a local mountaineering (hill walking at my level) club, winter outing - over the Drumochter Hills. There was a good party of us out, one by one they headed down the hill (a bus was waiting) until there was just me and this older chap, John.

Chatted a bit, I was quite enthusiastic about hills, winter walking, gear and stuff. "We could crack on to that hill over there" John suggested. I demurred, pointing out it was quite far, bus was waiting, dangers of hills in winter &c. He was a bit, disappointed I think, but we turned to head back the safe, steady route.

It was only later - possibly even weeks or months later - my dad told me this was John Hinde, Outward Bound instructor at Locheil, had been on several Everest expeditions, was then in the Kinloss MRT I think and compiled the accident statistics for the SMC.

😳

Couple of years ago one of my riding mates said he was bringing a 'new guy' along - which I assumed meant he was new to riding.

Being that I'd been riding for 3 years at this point and knew everything and was amazing and all that I was trying to give a few pointers, explaining what the next bit of trail was like etc, one of the other guys said "he's pretty good" again I assumed 'for a beginner' and said he could follow me down this bit of trail for some "experience" which he did, for about 3 corners, before he passed me where frankly there wasn't room to pass, using a line that didn't exist to even the French at a speed that I still don't think is achievable on a bike without an engine before manualling out of the corner like the pros do on Instagram (hashtag Brap).

He didn't utter a word, not a single word bless him, so I shut the **** up and went about my day.

Turns out he worked for Airbus so lived in Toulouse and spent his weekends riding in Andorra or the French or Spanish bits of the Pyrenees.

[quote=footflaps ]I had to lead Julie Ann Clyma

Nominative determinism?

Having just started my final year studying Genetics, I sat next to a chap at one of my parents' dinner parties. I was telling him about genetic fingerprinting and explaining how it works and why it was such an important breakthrough. It transpired that I was talking to [url= https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alec_Jeffreys ]Professor Alec Jeffreys[/url]. At least I was complimentary about his work.

Nominative determinism?

Quite possibly 😉

Finbar, she must get pissed off with idiots doing this. I sat next to her at a conference recently and was getting all evangelical about outdoor pursuits, not knowing who she is. i was quite chuffed having ridden there off-road. She was nice and nodded politely and said she'd done a ride that morning too. Got home and googled her off her card, felt a bit of a plum seeing as she'd probably ridden a hundred miles before breakfast.

Climbing a mountain path in Switzerland, met an English couple in their late 60s. Got a bit steep and sketchy so I asked if they were sure they were OK. They laughed. Got chatting and Turns out he was John Whetton, 2 times Olympic finalist and fit as a fiddle. I could hardly keep up.

[quote=stevied said]in the process of doing this to the #1 table.

I did a double take there 🙂

Not mine, but one that made me laugh was on here. I won't name and shame but it was on a thread about bands if anyone can be bothered to look it up:

Poster 1 adds thmselves to a short list of other posters suggesting Royal Blood are nowt special

Poster 2:I noticed someone made a comment about Royal Blood and not getting them. They are a 2 piece. Drums and a guy playing a bass guitar. What? It sounds like a separate bass and lead player. Nope. He just puts his bass through different speakers and also an octave effects pedal and it sounds like a separate bass and lead. Some stunning musicianship IMHO. But each to their own...

Poster 1: I'm aware of that, I've seen them live.

I sort of was on the granny end of this recently. Got told the (local and reasonably regularly ridden/pushed up) route I was on had a dead end by an american sounding tourist...

Probably should've showed him the route up, but didn't think of it until he was a fair way behind us.

Playing a netball match in Malvern in 2004
"You should talk to Tracey-she does a bit of mountain biking
Me in my naivety "Oh, what do you ride"
Tracey "a Kona"
Me later....who knew Tracey Mosley played netball! Doh!

posted this before, but. Climbing at The Castle climbing wall a couple of years ago, I watched a little guy in leggings trying a v5 or 6 problem with what looked like an over-ambitious heel-hook-for-the-sake-of-it. He fell of it a couple of times, then got up.

I said to him that it hadn't really looked the best way forward, but fair play to him, he made it stick. He turned round and told me in the most enthusiastic and friendly way, why the shape of the problem meant it was the best way for him.

While the penny dropped for me that I'd just damned Johnny Dawes with faint praise!

While the penny dropped for me that I'd just damned Johnny Dawes with faint praise!

This sort of thing is almost inevitable at bouldering walls tbh, everyone's climbing the same problems and everyone tends to help each other out. Ty Landman was very nice about it when I pointed out all the holds he was intentionally eliminating on a problem once...

Walking home one early morning, very worse for the booze, up a deserted city main road.
Police car drives past in same direction reaction as me, very slow, checking me out. Goes to end of road, turns round, comes past me again, both police men having a good look at me, past again.
Turns round in side road, past again, and parks up.
I know they are just waiting for me to do something silly, illegal or just collapse.
I am still ambling up the road, stumbling and using all the width of the pavement.
They pull out, drive up to the end of the road again and turn round and come back towards me.

Queue me, waving and gesticulating to the cops, cop car pulls up, winds down window.
Cop. Good evening sir, is everything alright?
Me. Slurring. You want to turn your headlights on mate.

They didn't even offer me a lift for my helpful advice.

If we're getting into climbing anecdotes I once told Dave McLeod that he should reach for the next hold on a problem rather than dynoing it. To be fair, I knew who he was as we were part of the same group.

I had to lead Julie Ann Clyma over steep terrain for my Summer ML assessment. Did feel a bit silly saying 'watch that step' to one of the country's best female climbers.

Similarly, I had to coach this guy on one of my snowboard coaching courses:

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There's only so many times you can say, "So, umm, yeah, that was pretty good...".

He actually rides with quite a weird style (straight legs, bent at the waist), so you can find things to criticise if you're being picky. One of these folk that is jaw-droppingly good at riding somewhat badly...

I had an 'argument' with a A&E consultant on the diagnosis of a patient, he didn't believe me it was an Asthma attack. An hour or so later he rang me to apologise to say I was right and I'd saved their life.

Similar thing with an Anaesthetist who insisted my patient should have been C spine immobilised, I argued the reasons why there was no need, no mean feat, I won. Helped by an A&E consultant who really put them in their place.

Had similar a few weeks back Drac.
On the ward and an SHO is telling me that xyz is abc and perfectly normal for lmn....
Obviously said SHO has read my notes - obviously....
NOT!
Cue when pointed out by my OH that not only was she wrong for this and that reason which if she HAD read my notes (for something that is now 26yrs ago tomorrow) she'd know why it was wrong but to go and get someone who actually knew what I'd been admitted for this time round (query Caudal Equina).
She only made it worse when she argued on the pain side as my OH not only used to perform operations before she moved from the NHS to Private but one of her PHD's is in Pain Management with specialization in Spinal Trauma......
Thankfully the Spinal Surgeon came in at that point wondering why I was pissing myself and changed the proposed treatment straight off.
I'm now at home and almost off the crutches instead of still being in a bed - potentially permanently if the initial treatment had been done.

Supporting someone unknown to me on a leg of the bob graham round. An ultra distance fell running challenge.

Offered him a gel and explained that these ones are good as they've got glucose and fructose in so are absorbed quicker as the stomach has separate absorption routes for these different sugars.

He turns to me and says 'that's right, I did my PhD in selective absorbtion rates of differential sugars in the small intestines*'

At least I was able to ask him if my description was accurate...

*or similar complicated title - full disclosure - I've not read it!

My Grandad reckoned Granny could suck the egg out of the chicken.

Was showing off to my mate's new girlfriend about how to say something in French. She was French. Also, I was wrong.

Giving my new Aunt-in-law my self diagnosis of plantar fasciitis. Nobody mentioned she'd been a physio for the British Olympic team...

Banging on about MTBing in the pub to someone who, it turns out, writes for this very publication.
😐

Working on a software project last year, I asked an Indian colleague to visit some clients several hours away by train. I offered him some help in booking the ticket, but he said he'd be fine. I was more insistent, and explained that thanks to the absurd privatisation structure, it could sometimes be tricky to get a sensible ticket. He assured me he'd be fine, and wondered off.

Another colleague quietly let me know that he'd been responsible for designing most of TheTrainLine.com.

When i was doing a bit of trail guidance/skills coaching stuff (back in 07) i was asked to take out a few folk for a magazine ride n' photoshoot round about Kirroughtree Black and some of the other off-piste areas - Despite the VW van being stickered up with "Dirt" stickers i was quite non the wiser, we rode the first section with myself giving the obligatory "trail report/hazards etc" speel.

something was up though….these folk could ride….I mean seriously [i]where the **** did that line come from[/i] , [i]holy ****…he just launched that stump and cleared two corners[/i] sort of riding, needless to say i quickly found out when we exchanged the usual pleasantries after a photoshoot halt doing the first section - guess who felt pretty dumb eh?, 😳 talk about teaching your granny to suck eggs, - you don't need to tell/explain the track ahead to riders such as Joe Barnes, Liam Moyniham, Stu Thomson and finally Steve Jones " Jonsey" from Dirt mag to take pics.

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[img] [/img]

Late 70's Scottish Six Day Trial, me & my mate were observing at some out of the way sections & this bloke comes up & says, 'where's everyone going? so I says, 'up there, over there, round that & across that'
So he did the opposite & cleaned the section.
Rob Edwards. (you might have to Google him)

Thankfully not me.
Our local gym was used by Chris Boardman during his wind down from his Pro career /Hour record pain fest.

Now I've known Chris since his junior days but his totally dead pan don't phase the gym instructor when he tells Chris about how to use the gym bikes was pure gold.

The fact he output more Watts for 1/2 hour than anyone without even breaking sweat almost went unnoticed till the lad asked if he'd done much cycling.

Fair play to Chris he just said "a bit"

Going to Afan with friend and his girlfriend's bro who was over to the UK for a holiday. Let's call him R.

R has an Orange 5 on top of the car. Asks what Afan is like. I tell him not to worry, it's all rideable, and there's nothing to worry about. We'll always look out for him etc, etc.

Turns out he used to room with Sam Hill on the junior DH circuit.

Still remember his let me "wheelie up to the gate and open it with my front wheel one handed on my bike" trick. Shit.

I may have told the developer of one of the software packages I sell something about how I didn't think it was working right, but I did know who he was and he got caught out by the same thing doing training later in the week...

Ahh, but isn't that story (and Drac's) a "needless to say I had the last laugh" story (where you are awesome) rather than a "suck eggs" story (where you are a pillock)?