[Closed] What's the best piece of work related advice you've ever been given?

Don't be afraid to ask the stupid question. Chances are others in the room are thinking it.

"Wash you hands twice after chopping chilli's and heading for a slash"

Is this just an elaborate excuse for you to have a picture of your man crush on your desk 😉

Best advice I was given when I first went freelance/self-employed was

"When you're really really busy.... that's when you need to be looking for more work"

From a senior design consultant. How right he was

'Get yer feet off that table son!'

Go home.

Is this just an elaborate excuse for you to have a picture of your man crush on your desk

NO!, absolutely not. How very dare you. 😳
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'This place is ****ed, get out of here asap'

When training grommets about cashflow modelling, I often use the phrase:

"It's better to be approximately right, than precisely wrong"

People quibbling about 0.001% here or £100 there, but they've made the mistake of hard-coding some £20,000,000 error in the middle of the spreadsheet.

I had a career councillor in one job. I only ever met him once. He said "look, nobody here gives a crap about your career except you so go and manage yourself and don't expect anyone else to look out for you"

Brutal to hear as a naive graduate but very true.

One hand for the company, one hand for you, when working above ground / deck level.

What's the best piece of work related advice you've ever been given?

Never eat yellow snow.

Actually it went something like this...

When planning budgets, think of it as your money. Would you really spend it? If so whats the true Benefit realisation and think about tangible and non tangible RoR.

This came form an old Boss many years ago. When I do my planning, I nearly always see him standing over me with Cigar in hand and scuffed brogues.

"You can do whatever you like as long as you don't get caught doing it"
"Dress for the position you want, not the on you have"
"Never turn down the chance to have beers with the MD/CEO"
"Good, cheap, fast. Pick 2"
"You can con a sucker into committing to an impossible deadline, but you cannot con him into meeting it."
"Fit on the phone, add 3 stone" is the most disappointingly accurate rule in any phone based job. This applies to girls and guys.
"The bitterness of poor quality lasts long after the sweetness of making a date is forgotten."
"No matter how sure you are of the conversation taking place, if it is not in writing, it did not happen"

Say yes to things.

If you haven't got time, don't say 'no', say 'there isn't time to do both' and figure something out.

There's some genuine wisdom there Lunge

"Dress for the position you want, not the on you have"

Tried that.
Didn't go down very well when I trapped up on site dressed like this...
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Always check your rigging. Keep your Shunt high. Wind speed ready readings should always be doubled on a Friday afternoon.

If the drills come down on your hand don't pull away. Wait until they go back up then call for a first aider.

There's some genuine wisdom there Lunge

... somebody is interested in everything, anything you can be interested in, you will find others will. But it’s absolutely stupid to spend your time doing things you don’t like, in order to go on spending things you don’t like, doing things you don’t like and to teach our children to follow in the same track.

See what we are doing, is we’re bringing up children and educating to live the same sort of lifes we are living. In order that they may justify themselves and find satisfaction in life by bringing up their children to bring up their children to do the same thing, so it’s all retch, and no vomit it never gets there.

it gets worse

Lunge - this really strikes a chord
[i]
"You can con a sucker into committing to an impossible deadline, but you cannot con him into meeting it."[/i]

I wish I had a quid for or every dip-shit account handler I've worked with, who's put a couple of weeks worth of work down in front of me, then on being told that it'll take a couple of weeks, says imploringly "but I've promised the client they can have it for Thursday.

Best get on the phone now and un-promise him then, eh? And maybe ask how long it'll [i]actually[/i] take before making any more rash, undeliverable promises next time

Nobody ever gets to the end of their life wishing they'd spent more time at work.

"No-one said it would be easy".

Way back when from my undergraduate dissertation supervisor (and ironically, relatively, it was) but it's something I've reminded myself of often since.

A poor boss will ask the busiest person in the office to complete something he wants doing. That person will do it immediately to get back on track.

There's a way around it. Keep a list of ongoing stuff handy. When the boss asks, show him the list and ask where he wants his piece of work slotted in. IME he never asked again.

if your over 30 you don't have a career, you have a job

If you don't like it **** off and get a new job. This was After I complained my 4 days special leave had been declined after my wifes appendix went pop during premature child birth and I had a toddler to look after. It was he said my fault as I got her pregnant and he had no sympathy as I chose to have kids. He has now retired much to many people's reliefThis was After I complained my 4 days special leave had been declined after my wifes appendix went pop during premature child birth and I had a toddler to look after. It was he said my fault as I got her pregnant and he had no sympathy as I chose to have kids. He has now retired much to many people's relief

The more senior you are, the more you should should make the effort to be respectful and polite to people as the more senior you are, the more of a **** they'll inherently think you are.

In business, 99% solutions usually cost one hell of a lot less than 100% solutions and most people will never notice the difference or didn't need that extra 1% anyway

Anyone can pick fault, only a few can come up with solutions to problems

The last admittedly is a bit of a cliche but very true

Divide and conquer.

Was relating to IT stuff and the gist is that if you don't understand something, break it down into bits you do understand and then put it back together.

Served me well over and over.

If you don't like it **** off and get a new job.

Divide and conquer.

similar to " How do you eat an Elephant?...One bite at a time"

Learn the difference between "your" and "you're" 😉

Assume every email you send will be forwarded onto someone you don't want it forwarded to and write it accordingly

"You can shear a sheep a dozen times, but you can only skin it once."

A very successful business man told me this when I set up business in the small town in which he'd made his fortune. I think about it every time I raise an invoice or quote.

Be confident with those higher up
Be humble with those lower down

'Don't become your job'

Odd bit of advice I got from nerdy watching of Sci-Fi as a kid. From classic Doctor Who when Tegan leaves, her line..

"My aunt Vanessa said, when I became an air stewardess, [b]if you stop enjoying it, give it up![/b]"

Okay I wasn't planning on being an air stewardess 😆 , but I live by that advice when it comes to jobs. Life is too short to be getting stressed sat around hating what you do.

Don't be tempted to cast aside a perfectly good solution in the search for perfection.

If at first you don't succeed, remove any evidence that you tried.

Assumption is the mother of all **** ups

Under promise, over deliver.

"Never leave a job you're happy in for a promotion"

From an ex-head of department in a school I worked in briefly. He hated the school and missed his old job.

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ****ing big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of ****ing fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the **** you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing ****ing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ****ed-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that?

Actually, sounds okay. Sign me up!

Mine was given to me at university by a tutor who called it reverse Ockham's razor. "Don't unnecessarily duplicate entities". Everyone around you will be trying to do the same things in lots of different ways, try to be the person who can see past that and choose the simple solution.

If a geriatric patient gives you a Malteaser out of the packet don't eat it.

I guess a good one for me at work was.

It takes longer to put your breathing apparatus on than it does to take it off

Which means put it on en route to a job as if you get there and don't need it its no great shakes but if you arrive without it on and someone is screaming at the window you waste time

"Never presume"

"Bury your dead quickly"

8)

Under promise, over deliver.

Whenever I hear that I think

"Aim low, achieve your goals."

from one of the boys on here:

"don't put your finger where you wouldn't put your c*ck"

also

"if you spend more, folk will moan - if you don't deliver, folk will remember"

If you need something from your boss. Ask a fatty after lunch, ask a smoker after a fag, you get the gist

"don't put your finger where you wouldn't put your c*ck"

This could make picking your nose somewhat problematic. 😯

On the subject of getting a new job (needs Scottish accent):
"If you don't arrive when you arrive, you never arrive at all".

"Aim low, achieve your goals."

Totally different.

Mine's about how you deal with others, especially your clients or line manager(s). Yours is about personal achievement (or lack of, in a Homer Simpson kind of way).

The one thing that frustrates those that you work with is being let down. The one thing that delights is getting more that they bargained for. Very often by negotiating the initial expectation the level of delivery you planned all along can go from satisfactory or even unacceptable to exemplary. IMO one of the worst things you can have at work is a boss who is a yes man/woman to their bosses.It means the pressure is piled on try and deliver the unachievable and when you kill yourself to get close your efforts are met with disappointment. A little negotiating at the start by your manager can make their team look like stars.

"never get off the boat!"

Start every project meeting with a reminder that "why we can't" is an unacceptable answer to challenging parts of a project, and "how we can" is the only one that will be accepted.

"Always remember your client pays you and the whole operation's wages so work to meet their needs"

muppetWrangler - Member
Nobody ever gets to the end of their life wishing they'd spent more time at work.

I agree and subscribe to this although I heard it as "no-one ever had 'I wish I had spent more time in the office' on their gravestone." Same difference.

Another good one that has been alluded to already and an ex-line manager of mine told me was that I should leave off replying to some emails for 24 hours/overnight.

This has served me well as i used to just bash out an angry email and send it and this would raise all kinds of sh*tstorms. It's much easier to reply with a cool head.

And finally, one that Dilbert taught me but is a universal truth. If you ignore something long enough it will go away.

The number of times that someone is desperate for some info/response/report etc. You ignore it for 24/48 hours and hey presto, they've resolved it another way.

"Keep moving and always have something in your hand"

Have your "**** you" money.

3 months salary in reserve, so if you don't like it, you say "**** you" and leave.

Plenty of time to get more work before things are tight.

If you look up keep your mouth shut; my father teaching me to milk cows.

And finally, one that Dilbert taught me but is a universal truth. If you ignore something long enough it will go away.

Yep, I live by that one also 😀

1. Write the angry email at the end of the day and save it in your drafts, come back in tomorrow and if you still feel the same way, send it. Or better still, go and have a face to face chat instead

2. It's only a job (from my GP when signing me off with stress - which I'd essentially brought on myself by expecting too much pleasure from work)

3. Why do you stay in Marketing if you don't like it? I've not taken that advice yet, still working on finding the alternative 🙂

[quote="thered"]

If you need something from your boss. Ask a fatty after lunch, ask a smoker after a fag, you get the gist Probably why I never asked my first boss for anything, he was a w***er.

The number of times that someone is desperate for some info/response/report etc. You ignore it for 24/48 hours and hey presto, they've resolved it another way.

I swear some people prepare loads of responses in different tabs and then send them all at once. But who would do a thing like that?

90% of customers are thieves so never trust them.

From a former bikeshop owner I used to work for. Not great advice, but helpful insofar as it cemented in my mind what I already knew. He was a retarded c***.

The number of times that someone is desperate for some info/response/report etc. You ignore it for 24/48 hours and hey presto, they've resolved it another way.

This. I used to work for a guy who would ask for all sorts of reports and analysis or other pieces of work and would almost immediately forget that he'd asked for them. It always seemed a great idea to him in the moment.
After working for him for about four years and presenting him with innumerable bits of work to which he would invariably reply "Did I ask you to do that ? I don't really need it", we instituted a rule ( with his agreement) that he needed to ask me three times on three separate occasions before I would actually do any of these things.

i was asked this question in my last job interview funnily enough.

couldn't think of anything, having been self-employed for the 8 years previous.

still got the job. boss later told me that i'd given a crap interview but the practical part of the process made up for it 😆

My grandfather told me to always fight fire with fire.

Perhaps that's why he got thrown out of the fire service...

Baduummm tish!

"Early is on time, on time is late, late is no good to me..."

My parting words to an ex-employee. I got sick of him rolling in at 2-minutes past nine and going to make himself a brew!

My old Contracts Manager;-
"We all have priorities in life, yours aren't necessarily mine!"

The same man;-
"We all make mistakes. When you do, come and tell me straight away, I will respect you for that, take the piss out of you for a week and we will then move on. Try and cover it up and I guarantee it will escalate, cost a fekin fortune to sort out and you will be branded with it for life!"
I didn't listen obviously and there is now a 'famous' incident that follows me around!!

"don't put your finger where you wouldn't put your c*ck"

I bet you have skiddy underpants.

"Only ever work somewhere for as long as you're learning something"

If only I'd realised the importance of this, I'd have bettered myself.

Never say "Umm" "Err" "Aaah" or any other verbal tic which denotes hesitation or uncertainty.
These can completely shatter your projected illusion of competency.

In meetings, always have a strategy to buy yourself 30 seconds thinking time without looking hesitant , uncertain or flustered before answering a difficult, unexpected question.
Used to work with a bloke who would always carry a clean white cotton hankie in his right trouser pocket. When pounced on in the meeting he would always go through the same routine.
"Well..." he would say and then produce the hanky with a flourish, take off his specs, give the lenses a quick polish, hold them up to the light to check for smears, replace them on his face and then answer the question whilst putting the hanky back in his pocket.....having bought himself 20 - 30 seconds to think about the answer which is an eternity in these situations. It was so smooth and well rehearsed that nobody ever challenged him on it.

My version of this is my standard answer of "It depends...."...2 seconds...3 seconds....4 Seconds...."What do you mean it depends? Depends on what?" 9....10...11... "Well, it could be...." Buys me a good 10 seconds of pure thinking time after which I conduct the rest of the thought process verbally whilst seeming to provide an answer without any real hesitation.

I also like Richard Bransons advice:

"Look after your staff first, your customers second, and your share holders last, that way everyone's happy"

Could so easily be applied to the company I work for, and make a massive difference.

I don't think I have received any particularly special wisdom that hasn't been covered above. And there are some excellent pieces of advice here.

There are three that I share if asked:

1. Avoid future surprises - if that means some more effort now, then don't kick the can down the road. Comes from nearly 15 years working as a lawyer (but can still be handy even now).

2. Always go "to" a job, never leave "from" a job - don't wait until you're bitter and hate it. Life's too short and it clouds your judgement.

3. Change doesn't happen to other people - when organisations make changes that affect people, too often we don't notice if it impacts others and not us and, when it impacts us, we act as if it's a surprise. Change is a constant - be prepared to move with it.

Work smart, not hard.

1. Never assume. To assume makes and ass of 'u' and 'me'.

2. It's all just a big game.

I like the last one - just not sure I want to play anymore.

Never say "Umm" "Err" "Aaah" or any other verbal tic which denotes hesitation or uncertainty.

These can completely shatter your projected illusion of competency.

Depends what you do for a living. As a creative I tend to find that I'm half expected to, when asked something, go 'hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, scratch my chin, then stare off into the middle distance. My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives....

In reality I'm probably just thinking about norks. Or pies. 😀

Or squeezing a fart out?

Given by a senior director when he could see how stressed out I was at meeting a deadline for a high-profile project, which he was in charge of, 'Stop worrying, it's only work. Worse things happen in life than not meeting deadlines'. Sadly he's not here now, and seems to have been replaced by people who take the opposite view 🙁

You've only go to know enough to know you know f*** all.