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Is it the cheese and ham toastie? the cheese and crisp sandwich? The pot noodle? the mars bar?
What do you turn to when you just need that fix of empty calories? when your cat will no longer talk to you what food works for your comfort?
*starts world war 3*
Wow... since when was a cheese and ham toastie... junk food. Its only a dollop of pickle away from being the food of gods.
white bread, cheap supermarket cheese, processed ham!
NOt artisan soda bread, Mellises orkney cheddar finest and ham that looks like it actually came from an animal!
Edit - I thought it would be more than one post before the wars start 🙂
On the run: Dirty processed scotch egg. Preferably in a bag of 2.
At home: white bread, loads of butter, cheap cheese in big chunks, whole tin of beans, Worcester sauce.
or as I like to think of it, Starter and Main.
Dessert would normally be a cold lager or warm ale depending on the season. And, if it's been a massive ride, a MSG-fest of Pringles.
Indvidual Pork Pie from supermarket - you can feel the fat as you eat them.
Crispy coated peanuts smoky BBQ or chilli flavour.
Fatty roasted nuts basically encased in a crisp then doused in MSG.
Pork scratchings.
The god of junk food snacks....
And I've got a pack of the new chorizo ones that I haven't tried yet
*wanders off to the fridge*
Currently have a fetish for mini pork pies. Eating a packet of 6 feels less dirty than eating one big one.
Plus crisps. No point having a multipack and not having one of each.
And you can now get tubs of fun size Tunnocks Caramel Wafers. Don't even need to take the foil off as they come ready to eat.
I like Rachel's rice pudding, warmed in a pot. Happy days. 🙂
Eating a packet of 6 feels less dirty than eating one big one.
See also mini scotch eggs 🙂
A "portion" of jaffa cakes is a packet is it not? My local shop has 20 cakes for £1
I always feel better after a portion of jaffa cakes
One of those snack packs of cocktail sausages and tomato sauce.
Ok, maybe more than one.
When you get to multiples and it being rude not to finish them...

EDIT: just beaten to it by @Kryton57
Great minds, my friend 😀
@kryton57 - Athlete's recovery pack. Most important major food groups represented.
They aren't the, erm, nicest looking food ever tho 😉
Krispy Kreme iced donuts; box of 12. Compress each; one at a time into ball & eat the lot :o)
Whats the best “junkfood” snack?
Dairy Milk and salted Hula Hoops x lots
For fellow mini sausage fans who fancy going a bit upmarket (everything being relative, obviously). these are awesome from M&S

16” Tandoori munchie box.
PP - I'm happy to say that they've now made it south of the border
Praise the lord for cultural appropriation 😀
It’s all part of the Scottish invasion plan.
Peace through superior fryer power
Well that's the Internet won by Perchy today.
I've just googled "16” Tandoori munchie box" and I get a few options. All of them look fantastic.
I was eating some of those Posh Dogs just yesterday. You know they have some infused with mustard, and some infused with branstons pickle also?
Heinz baked beans with pork sausages. On buttered toast. And lots of HP sauce.
And you can now get tubs of fun size Tunnocks Caramel Wafers. Don’t even need to take the foil off as they come ready to eat.
Oh Lordy, what a time to be alive.
Post ride munchies for me is salted nuts and a cold beer. Or if I need sugar it’s Soreen malt loaf, Jaffa cakes, or fig rolls. All of which come in a handy portion sized pack. I.E: the whole pack.
Junk food doesn’t really get my attention. Unless the new burrito place in the local market hall counts?
OMG - thats my attempt at a healthy diet gone now
Mini cocktail sausages - I forgot them.
I shall ponder this while demolishing a 200g bag of chocolate raisins after work, with a strong coffee.
Indvidual Pork Pie from supermarket – you can feel the fat as you eat them.
I've literally just eaten one (sliced in half, buttered with mustard and put back together)!!
Krispy Kreme iced donuts; box of 12. Compress each; one at a time into ball & eat the lot
Lordy...
Am I the only person that "sprinkles" (ahem) bombay mix onto a fresh made cheese toastie?
A quick and dirty snack for me is toast absolutely slathered in Aldi's (proper, just peanuts, no added crap) peanut butter.
Mini cocktail sausages – I forgot them.
It is astonishing how versatile the sausage is, whether being made into a cocktail snack; a full sausage dinner, or sausage, egg and chips; enrobed in pastry to make my perfect snack; deconstructed from sausage shape to egg shape to produce a work of edible genius as a scotch egg. Sausages are possibly The Best Thing!
i like hotdog sausages, on folded slice of white warbies, buttered. generous splodges of ketchup and mustard, and a sprinkle of crushed cheese & onion crisps (coz nobody has real crispy onions innit)
starts world war 3
People like different stuff.
I like a cheese and onion sandwich, bag of crisps and some homemade pickled onions. It’s certainly not health food..
Could eat my bodyweight in all manner of microwaved or instant junk-foods but no one particular offender springs to mind.
Was raised addicted to pork and bread and pastry but those are past options I now avoid
Chicken and Mushroom Pot Noodles used to hit the spot but they seem tame of late.
Nowadays a fried, split Beyond Brat sausage on burger bun with ketchup and mustard really hits the spot. Cauldron Lincolnshire also.
Add fried onions if have the time. Mmm.
Or reheated chips and fried egg butty with brown sauce 😋
*edit oh yeh if desperate on the hoof then a family bag of Beef Space Raiders will send me into a happy MSG coma.
If any left over then a Space Raiders butty!
Hot a homecooked bacon and cheese burger, preferably with brioche roll and BigMac style sauce (I have a seasoning you can add to mayo for that).
Cold(ish), toast, peanut butter, jam - if going all out add a banana too!
A “portion” of jaffa cakes is a packet is it not?
Correct.
For more ideas look up The Rock cheat day - he knows how to eat o_O
Having not really had a proper lunch I feel this thread is going to lead me astray in the next half hour
Ice cream & cake. I eat it most days... apart from those bleak times when we have no cake in the house. Then I just make do with ice cream and a little cry.
Foxes cookies, the big ones, the ones that have choc chips and then half covered in more chocolate - otherwise known as this morning's breakfast, with a pint of milk...
This thread has reminded me how utterly joyless my life has become, most of this makes me feel ill. 😥
Month and a half, one bottle of tequila and I'll be back on the straight and level.
Actually, no, Pick Me Up biscuits. Like a sandwich version of a Liebniz. Awesome!
Tube of Pringles, packet of plastic cheese, quarter a slice and make into a 5 crisp stack. Awesome!
Polish sausage dipped in mustard/mayo/whatever is in the fridge door. Awesome!
Think I found my mojo again, now I'm hungry 😀
For trowelling onto butties (crap white bread, obvs) and definitely falling into the 'I don't really want to know whats in it' category...

with sliced, pickled beetroot for maximum filth and guaranteed acid reflux
BigMac style sauce (I have a seasoning you can add to mayo for that).
So do I, it's called ketchup.
Too healthy binners! That has actual vegetable matter in it!
BigMac style sauce (I have a seasoning you can add to mayo for that).
Aldi chunky burger relish is where its at for that Big Mac taste

Nachos. But has to be with that liquid salsa from the Old El Paso kit.
Bombay Bad Boy (King size of course).
Two Greggs pasties and a 4-pack of doughnuts for £2.20, from the local Greggs outlet shop
Oh! I'm now missing a Ginsters pasty and pork pies! used to love a pork pie with some pickle or a Ginsters pasty with mayo. I guess importing to Portugal is going to be a non starter......
Pork scratchings.
Winner, preferably in a plain plastic bag from a butcher
Munchy box….. hmmm, some good stuff going on there, but while my lad was on a student placement on the Isle of Bute we ordered a Hoagie out of curiosity from one of the Syrian takeaways. Dear God that’s a junk food snack to be reckoned with! IIRC it contained donner kebab meat, chicken kebab, pakoras, chips, cheese, garlic and chilli sauce all wrapped in a roti, or naan if you went large.
Greggs cheese and onion pasty with a sausage roll chaser
For more ideas look up The Rock cheat day – he knows how to eat o_O
Oh damn I forgot about Rock Toast! Twisted that one to rum "infused" (actually just mixed in) whipped cream on toasted waffles. Definitely qualifies as junk food.
Peace through superior fryer power
Excellent work 👏
Greggs outlet shop
Wait, wait. STOP.
What the **** is a Greggs outlet?!
Has to be a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle with a spoon of quality curry powder, spoon of garam masala, a good few birds eye chillies and finished off with fresh coriander and chopped spring onion, eaten with warm popadoms.
That’s my occasional guilty food secret.
@Rona shop rice pudding doesn’t need warming.
Och, I'm not so keen on it cold!
Now, your name reminds me … the other day I finally gave in and tried a cheese and jam sandwich for the first time … michty me, it was fabulous … but, on the theme of a preference for warm rather than cold food ... has anyone tried a cheese toastie (grilled, not toastie-makered) with butter and jam spread on the top? Seems like something I should try.
Is there no love here for chips and curry sauce? Best eaten after closing time whilst slaloming home. Though sadly all the chippies close before the pubs do now. Someone needs to have a word.
On the subject of Sandwiches…. Sausage and marmalade with the bread lightly toasted. Essentially it’s sweet and sour pork, bizarrely so.
I like a cream egg at night to alleviate the stress of lambing. Lambing usually lasts about 4-5 weeks. Mrs WF came back from town the other day with 5 boxes of 10 creme eggs. No idea what the cumulative wasted calories will be but I will enjoy every bite.
Corned beef toastie - simple and such a tasty snack, especially with lots of butter on the bread before it goes onto the plate.
Is there no love here for chips and curry sauce?
Isn’t that the ‘what do you like from the chip shop’ thread? 😉
Prawn crackers if they are available.
I like pork scratchings too but the last time I had them, they cost me £68 with a broken tooth.
Corned beef toastie – simple and such a tasty snack
Corned beef soaks up Worcester sauce like a sponge.
Corned beef, mature cheddar and red onions all drowned in Worcester sauce is the king of toasties
Crisps.
Other crisps.
Kudos to nachos for synergising crisps and melted cheese. And jalapenos.
Just remembered 30 second nachos!
Fill a big microwaveable bowl with half a bag of regular plain salted tortilla chips (not Doritos) and hastily carve a few handfuls of random small chunks of cheddar on top, then add few handfuls of pickled green jalapeños (dry them in paper towel first)
Stir all around with hand until all mixed up in layers and sprinkle some Encona Carolina Reaper sauce (or your favourite hot sauce - I like plain habanero) all over the top before nuking the bowl on high for 30 seconds.
Now add a few dollops of cream, creme fraiche or Oatly oat fraiche if you have some
Demolish the entire mess noisily with combination of fingers and gob.
Now to cook the best chilli for serving later with yet more 30 sec nachos because you have half a bag of tortilla chips left! 😋
Greggs sossy roll, flaming hot monster munch and a bottle of full fat coke. Proper year 9 dinner. Glorious
Mind them mini posh dogs mentioned up thread are absolute **** dynamite. Can dust a box of those delicious little bastards without blinking. Gonna be hunting out those mustard ones next time I’m in too. Sound great

I need to try those!!
And while we’re on the subject of addictive snacks from M&S, you could inhale a packet or 3 of these just as easily

Corned beef without pickle is just a waste
I’ve had those binders, and also this:

Just tell anyone that “perfect for sharing” is a misprint…. I think Sunday night with those, the honey and mustard sausages and some red wine will occur this weekend.
Crisp & ketchup sandwich. Any crisps, any bread. Always good.
Corned beef without pickle is just a waste
What? what?
corned beef is the only time red sauce ( ketchup to southerners) is allowed and the only thing permissible on corned beef.
Jeepers!
Monster Munch
Also, and I'm not saying it's the best, far from it. But I will occasionally partake of a Rustler's microwave cheeseburger. I know they have no redeeming features but maybe twice a year, I get a craving for one.
Rachel's rice pudding, cold from the fridge. I'd call it an addiction.
What? what?
corned beef is the only time red sauce ( ketchup to southerners) is allowed and the only thing permissible on corned beef.
KETCHUP ON CORNED BEEF?!!
You absolute deviant! It’s HP sauce at least, or branston pickle.
Or this stuff…

What the **** is a Greggs outlet?!
There's one in South Shields. I assume they backhaul all the shit that hasn't sold/is short-dated and they sell it off cheap. 4 doughnuts for a quid - the proper ones like the caramel banana thing none of this ring doughnut shite here.
Anyway, no-one has mentioned chocolate brownie Hobnobs which are possible the best biscuit ever. One packet = one portion.
Houns - you filthy filthy boy
Corned beef, mature cheddar and
red onions all drowned in Worcester saucesweet chilli sauce is the king of toasties
Been my WFH treat - whoever suggested corned beef on the toastie thread deserves a share of TiRed's OBE for services to the pandemic.
Dear God, Houns! I can feel my arteries furring up just looking at that!!

