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What the funk do I have here? The two white “pieces” were found next to the hole pointed at by the arrow that seems to have its own "shell". Do I need to ready the flamethrowers:

What the funk do I have here?
hole
Flame throwers are for fox holes and it's not big enough for a fox. Foxes also don't eat poppadoms so it's definitely not one of those.
Quavers. Probably cheese.
Quavers. Probably cheese.
Damn, 12 seconds too late..
The two white bits equate to about 5 inches long.
Now if only Quavers came in that size ....... mmmmmmmm.
Witches fingernails. You’re now cursed!
Sausage skins?
Hmmmm ..... I did have this lady ask to borrow a fiver over the weekend:

<span style="font-size: 0.8rem;">Sausage skins?</span>
Negative ..... the dogs would have found those .....
I don't know but whatever it is, its now awake and looking for vengeance
The two white bits equate to about 5 inches long.
Ah, in which case coupled with the hike in going for a discarded graboid skin. They shed them as they grow like snakes or spiders.

Is it not just a fungi that's broken off?
Edit: might be the erm... shaft of a stinkhorn
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Either that or whatever is it has now hatched and is looking for a host...
Ta11pau1 ..... bingo. I think that is indeed what it is.
No idea there the head is though so perhaps that's the bit now looking for a host.
The two white bits equate to about 5 inches long.
...and don't taste of cheese?
Pour in some petrol and throw a match at it just to be safe.

That's^^ a fantastic gif!!
Is it just me seeing the footwear, the near death, the subsequent pause as he considers doing it again and finds themselves convinced that it's @WorldClassAccident