[Closed] what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Also seems like a reasonable question to me. Sea water would be sensible of course so as not to waste fresh water. It might not be very good for the plumbing though I suppose.

Under the Arc de Triomphe, an American tourist reads aloud from a plaque:

"This plaque is to commemorate the return of Alsace and Lorraine to France after the Second World War.... gee, I wonder who they were...."

When I worked in Waterstone's an American once asked me if the prices were in pounds or dollars.

The fresh or salt water in the toliets question isn't that daft is it?

Oh, and if asked I might have said something about time for the boxing "seconds out" thing 😳

I always assumed 'seconds out' referred to time. Once it's pointed out that that's wrong then it's pretty readily obvious what it means, but it's not something I particularly ever stopped to think about.

My ex enquired about a fly-drive holiday to the US and said she'd be looking forward to taking our car (a 2CV) on the plane to the states!
The same turnip thought that gliders were remote controlled and didn't have a pilot. To her they looked too small, not that they were far far away!
And finally remember the advert for an indigestion table which had the phrase "Suck em and See" at the end of the commercial? She thought it was a new type of vitamin, bit like vitamin C!
Oh and when introduced to the term inter-breed, she thought it was for people who were addicted to bread (they were” in to” bread).

mate of mine asked me

'What are those sausages called on top of Pepperoni Pizzas?'

The fresh or salt water in the toliets question isn't that daft is it?

I have a new one to add, from 5 minutes ago in fact. "This bloody key doesn't work!!" said the missus after having to walk home from the gym (don't go there) because she couldn't open the car. Having just walked down to retrieve it I'm sure the bloke who owned the car she was trying to get into would have been amused to see her clicking her key at his car!! Ours was 100 yards away in a different car park - where she had left it 2 hours earlier...

"This bloody key doesn't work!!"

Years ago now, my grandad once got halfway home from work in his Austin Allegro before realising that he was actually driving a colleague's Allegro that was parked next to his. High security locks back then, it seems.

Has anyone got any that aren't so obviously made up/urban myths off tinternet please? 🙄

Like all the American tourist ones. I've heard them all ages ago, yet people seem to be claiming them as original...

My Mum used to work in a bank and would often have to interview people about their overdrafts. One not exactly with it couple came in to talk to her and were asked about their expenditure, assets etc. They both lived in a bungalow, not far from the sea, and were asked about other property they owned. They duly informed my Mum that they did have a holiday home, which was an absolute God send, where they could get away from it all ... And guess where this holiday home was - 2 miles away from their own home.

I once tried to get in the wrong car and the person caught me - thankfully my identical car was parked behind his and i stopped as he shouted and looked confused as the seatcovers were different
I also once rang the police to report my car stolen from work and then staring at the only car in the car park realised I had come into work in my [ex] wifes car

mate having a girl at work cut his hair, girl cutting it spots a birthmark on his head and asks "what's that?" he says "it's a birthmark", "Oh,how long have you had that then?"...what a biff!

Not said, but definitely the most stupid thing I've witnessed recently.

Last weekend we had a mountain rescue. RN Sea King repeatedly landing and taking off from a very small area right next to the main road taking MRT members up onto the mountain. So there we are, all cowering next to our vehicles as it's coming in to land, when some old gimmer in his Rover stops on the main road for a better look. Stupid place to stop I think but not much I can do with the helicopter only 50 feet above. Not close enough for him evidently, as he then turned into the landing pad, past the No Entry signs, and drove under the Sea King as it came down! Then he looked all offended when he got some blunt and loud corrective advice and drove off in a huff.

Friend of my Mum used to work as a tour guide at Bramhall Hall. When describing the discover of dinosaur bones in the gardens, an American tourist said "gee, they must have been pretty close to the house"......

As funny as these stories are I would still like [s]a bit more detail on[/s] picture of emsz and her friend getting caught out

Female friend at uni (watching Robin Hood: Prince of Theives)

"you know who'd make a good sherrif of Nottingham? That Alan Rickman"

Cue much laughter

I do....

In the pub in wells next to sea the pub is called the bowling green(best pub and grub in wells) there's 5 of us off the survey boat sat there chatting and brazil nuts come up in conversation when Chris the quite surveyor says "brazil nuts are they the ones that come on a whalnut whip" needless to say we pissed are self's laughing for over an hour priceless.

I was doing some fire awareness training on Friday.

Me: right, name me some flammable liquids that we have here at the college

Brian: Wood!
😯

Had a trainee whom always even on the simplest of jobs couldn't even set the simplest
of woodworking machinery and always made an excuse for not being able to set up correctly
and always started with the words But The Point Is !

I got so fed up with his uselessness I then stuck him behind the sanders placing sanding parts
on pallets. He came up to me and asked why I've put him there and replied
The Point Is I've put you where you where your best at.

The Point Is

The sister of an ex whilst watching an article on David Walliams swimming the channel at the point where he was being coated in lard, "Lard? That's what Whales have got on them". Driving through the countryside (I'm veg*n by the way, just for context), "Swamp-Boy, is the country vegan?" How do you answer that!?

Airport was on at work one day and animal handlers were called to deal with a very narky Ground Hornbill. Bloke goes "Is that a Kestrel?" Recently we've also managed to convince him that they've re-introduced wild haggis to the Staffordshire Moorlands, complete with the old chestnut about them having shorter legs on one side of the body to make it easier to run around the hills...

Girl in Florida: 'So, how long did it take you guys to drive here?'

Me: 'Where from?'

Girl in Florida: 'England'

Me: 'Errr...there's no land bridge'

all the American tourist ones. I've heard them all ages ago, yet people seem to be claiming them as original...

Sorry Elf but I can solemnly testify that the American tourists in Edinburgh ones are definitely true. The reason you've heard them before is most of them happen every day during tourist season.

Stand on the Royal Mile for ten minutes and you'll see some biffa with a camera, complaining that they built the castle on a big hill. 🙄

Was in the US with the folks in the 80s. Parents wanted to ship something to France for my grandparents and went into a post office.

"We want to ship it to France"
"France, where's that?"
"Europe"
"Is that east or west of the mississippi?"

A friend of mine a few years ago in an English class: "How do you spell SECC?"

Next time your car doesn't start bring it into us - Renault main dealer, thanks for the helpful advice and being unable to diagnose why it randomly wouldn't start previously.

More amusing than dumb, but I convinced a friend that the beeping noise made but the parking sensors on my car (also activated when people were crossing the road) was an inbuilt gaydar.

An uber-feminist blogger wrote some time ago on the Guardian website that she was deeply offended when her male friends referred to people in general as mankind. Humankind please, she implored!

Like all the American tourist ones. I've heard them all ages ago, yet people seem to be claiming them as original...

Looking across the lakes at Blenheim Palace, I heard 'Is that the Thames?'

Honest.

Girl at work has her cup in the vending machine and is pressing/stabbing the 'Jug' button.

After a while I asked if everything was ok?

No, I can't get any milk for my coffee.

But you're pressing the 'Jug' button, says I.

Yes, she says, milk comes from a jug, but its not working...

Looking across the lakes at Blenheim Palace, I heard 'Is that the Thames?'

Honest.

I've been asked if the Thames that I live near is the same one as in London. I live inside the M25.

I know a lass that can't, despite numerous explanations, get her head round the fact that the moon she looked up at when on holiday in Spain is the same moon that she can see from her own home in Yorkshire.
"But the one I saw in Spain was much bigger..."

Mum :- "The reason the Bacon isn't very good here (Florida) is that the grass isn't much good for sheep" (possibly a genuine slip up)

Random woman on the cycle line (to her small dog) : "We've had this conversation before"

Me : "Check it out! - a land speed record boat!"

Friend of mine "What's that big bird on Seasame Street called?"

we sat in front of three girls on a coach back to the airport from a tacky package holiday who were discussing their luggage. conversation went:

girl 1: I hope my suitcase isn't over, I aint paying extra, I just chucked it all in, was a right mess an I aint messing around with it in front of everyone.

girl 2: babe if you're worried it's over you're gonna have to get it out an fold it up, just to be sure.

Because obviously the weight of clothes changes dramatically when going from crumpled to neatly folded 🙂

on another forum some kid's engine is running a bit hot...

I've allready got some flexi piping but i want it to look flushish at the front so was gonna cut a perfect hole in one of my vents or into my grill where the fiat badge is straight onto my radiator or whichever bit of my car it is that overheats....

i'm using a metal extractor fan pipe, no change of it melting? it's like thin foil type s**t over metal rings

A few replies later...

...and how do i seem clueless? i wanna stick a ****ing air hole in my car because i know for a fact that if i draw cold air into my engine bay it'll help cool it.

Recently we've also managed to convince him that they've re-introduced wild haggis to the Staffordshire Moorlands

You should take him to visit the treacle mines in Sabden.

I've been asked if the Thames that I live near is the same one as in London

"No, it's the other one."

Because obviously the weight of clothes changes dramatically when going from crumpled to neatly folded

I've been asked more than once whether hard disks full of data are heavier, and heard the explanation that PCs slow down when the disks get full because the the weight of data makes the platters spin more slowly.

If it's a flash drive in a Kindle it is heavier with more data on it

We once had a whole lecture on wether electronic data had a weight. I think the conclusion was that it did, but it was so small it was imeasurable.

Yeah, I've heard that before. Assuming that that's the case though, Conservation of Mass would still apply.

So do Glaswegians - And they will give you directions even if they don't know.

"How far is it to the mall?"

"Oh, about 45 minutes."

"Yes, but how far is it?"

*puzzled looks* "About 45 minutes!"

Absolutely no concept of the actual distance, and utterly perplexed as to why anyone would ever want to know or care. Which makes some sort of sense I guess.

Colleague at work thought aardvarks were fictional creatures.

Do I want to work nights again

Driving drown a country road with a canopy of branches over it one quiet afternoon:

OH: Look at that.
Me: What?
OH: Isn't amazing that the trees know to leave space for the lorries.
Me: Yes Dear 😯

...I've been asked more than once whether hard disks full of data are heavier

Yes they are.

Not by much, but they are heavier.

Also a fully charged battery is heavier than one that's run flat !

Random woman on the cycle line (to her small dog) : "We've had this conversation before"

That is a truly wonderful thing to have heard. I love it 🙂

And a hot cup of tea is (slightly) heavier than a cold one.

When we worked in a ski resort in Colorado, our name tags had our hometown and either state or country as appropriate.

Customer to my wife; So where in Australia is Adelaide?
Wife; South Australia
Customer; Yeah but where? Australia is a big country, right? (looking smug)
Wife; South Australia is the state. You know, like you guys have North Dakota...
Customer: right... but where is it?
Wife; ...near the beach.
Customer; oh, nice...

Loading the chairlift with a Kiwi lass,
Customer; You're from New Zealand?
Kiwi; Yep.
Customer; Cool. I've always wanted to go to Europe...

You've got to love the septics and their geography.

At US immigration:

"Where are you from ?"
"Wales"
"That's in England right ?"
"No, it's next to England"
(looking alarmed) "But you've got an English passport"
"I've got a UK passport - the United Kingdom"
(looking angry) "I reckon you're English - you got a problem with that ?"
(sigh) "No"
"Have a nice visit sir"

Whilst doing a McDonalds trip for everyone at work I ordered 23 cheeseburgers. The guy behind the counter asked if I was eating in. 😯

I started doing some mountain biking last year.
A mate said "you should have a look at the Singletrackworld web forum"!? 🙄

Yes they are.

Not by much, but they are heavier.

Can't be if it's a closed system, unless Physics broke when I wasn't looking.

unless Physics broke when I wasn't looking

Think it depends what Physics you're talking about...

(looking angry) "I reckon you're English - you got a problem with that ?"

Jeebus.

I can usually forgive the poor geography ones. My own geography isn't fantastic and if I lived in a country that had more states than I could memorise then I suspect I'd struggle to bother with the rest of the world too.

BUT... you would [i]hope[/i] that someone [i]working on immigration[/i] would have a basic working knowledge of the globe and passports!

I suppose you are lucky you had the sense to agree with him.
Otherwise you probably be being waterboarded in Gitmo by now.

American tourists are in a league of their own.

Working in Falmouth on a clear day and the satellite station at Goonhilly was visible on the horizon. American tourist comes over and asks what it is on the horizon. Before I get a chance to say, one of the lads pipes up "they're the cement mixers for the Cornish space project, they're building a massive runway" American says thanks and went off to tell his wife.

A few years ago in my geography class one of the guys asked the question 'Do you remember the Christmas that was on Friday the 13th?' to the class in general. The stereotypical dumb blonde pipes up with 'Oh yeah, that was a couple of years ago wasn't it?' The whole class burst out laughing at her and I don't think she figured out why 😀

"more, better capitalism"

Heard someone say they thought a goose was a baby swan today, although that shouldn't surprise me, as the guy who said it seems to be pretty lacking on the common sense/general knowledge front...

would a frozen cup of tea be heavier than a hot one?

would a frozen cup of tea be heavier than a hot one?

Yes, that is well stupid. It would be lighter.

You've got to love the septics and their geography.

Well if you mean Yank, and if you are talking about Americans in general, then that is pretty ironic 🙂

Well if you mean Yank, and if you are talking about Americans in general, then that is pretty ironic

Yankees are people from New England. Doesn't matter how many of us get it wrong, that doesn't change.

But the point is it's exactly the same as Americans calling Welsh people English.

I thought yankees were one side in the civil war? No?

is it possible that we and the yanks use the same words but they have different meaning to us both ...not that radical a thought. However Wales is is not in England.
Molly your talking out your fanny for example 😛

to bum a fag has a rather different meaning on the two sides of the atlantic

Yes they are.

Not by much, but they are heavier.

Really? How so? I thought the data was stored in the alignment of themagnetic medium

So in American 'England' means 'the UK' - is that allowed then? So you can't correct them for calling Welsh people English, can you?

TJ, I don't think they use the term 'bum' for anal sex...

is it possible that we and the yanks use the same words but they have different meaning to us both ...not that radical a thought. However Wales is is not in England.

Still, the irony stands

Fair point Dr

Holland/The Netherlands? Seem to fairly interchangeable here, just as England/Britain is in the States.

US immigration is a lot of fun when you're flying in to any airports in Massachusetts and you're place of birth is Boston (linconshire).

I went there about 8 times one year on business and more often than not I'd get into a debate over a) - why I had a UK passport when I was born in the US then b) which Boston came first and finally c) a little history lesson about how the area which they live in is called 'New England'

I usually then proceeded to freak them out even more by telling them I lived in Cambridge (which I then had to follow up with no, not that one, the original one, you know, that's in England).

I will pretty much believe any stupid quotes that have come from an american, especially where geography (and anything that's not american in general) is concerned

"What bird is it that makes that cuckoo sound?"

My partner's mother asked me if wind turbines have a motor in them to keep them going when there's no wind...

...bless.