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Diagnosed with Cancer of the lung, lung removed, chemotherapy, and now a year or so later diagnosed with further tumours, possibly inoperable and possibly terminal due to location.
Awaiting further updates.
Tell them you care for them, and if they want a cuppa and a blether.
It is what it is, make sure your a good friend to the end.
I did this with my mum.
Hartd to say without knowing the person in question really. Some need platitudes, while others stoically realise the abyss is ready for them, and are realistic about the situation...gallows humour and all.
As above depends if they're accepting it, denying it, wanting to escape it. My mum never accepted it and it was a barrier to any meaningful conversations from the point of diagnosis. We need to get better at talking about death as a society.
As Jamie says, depends a lot on context, persons age and attitude. Some people are very accepting, some remain in denial...
Iain, cancer survivor, so far...
There's nothing you can say that'll make it much better, but the worst thing you can do is say nothing - in a friend's case some people couldn't deal very well with it and effectively stopped seeing her / them because of worry they didn't know what to say.
Virtually anything would have been preferable than that, and while I'm sure you can think of some terrible things to say I'm assuming you're not daft enough to actually say them.
Tell them to plan a ****ing big party. Release all their savings and go and enjoy themselves as much as possible. Tell them to say their goodbyes and plan their funeral. Suggest they write letters or make videos for their kids/grandkids 18th/wedding/1st born etc.
I've been there twice with each parent of mine, so I speak from experience. Best wishes.
I'm reminded of the recent advert 'what do you say to a person with cancer'... 'the same thing as a person without cancer.' I imagine pretty much everyone will be apologising and saying sorry and making it more real, maybe they'd like you to just act normally.
Sometimes they'll want to talk about it, sometimes they'll want to talk about anything but. It's normally pretty easy to tell the difference because, well, they'll be talking about it! So just natter on as per normal, and I've never met anyone who hasn't appreciate the [i]offer[/i] of a shoulder to cry on, even if they haven't taken you up on it!
I don't know what the answer is, but I regret not spending more time while I could with an old friend who died of liver cancer earlier this year.
It was very rapid. Don't say to yourself "I'll visit next week, that'll be fine."
As above. give them the opportunity to talk if they want. Then just be their friend
Without knowing the person it hard to say what you can say. Again this is my professional world but I usually have built a relationship with the people and in my environment I am expected to talk to them about their illness / prognosis.
I use phrases like "I wish there was something I could say or do to help" " Its an painful / difficult situation ( to a relative of the dying) You want to do something and knowing that there is little you can do is one of the hardest aspects for someone in your position"
A pat on the arm, a hug ( no don't start all that again 😉 ) "I'm here if you need me, if you want to talk, if you want to vent at someone"
YOu are alos in that position of wanting to help but actually there is little you can do. sometimes practical help - take their dogs for a walk, pick their kids up from school etc.
Gallows humour can be appropriate. Even just humour. The worst things you can do is shy away from it or make everything about their illness. To find the line between the two is delicate. I always work hard to make it look like I have all the time in the world for them - even when I don't. Look relaxed, lean on the all, spend some time in companionable silence.
Recognise their pain, acknowledge it. offer support, move the conversation on to less painful things
Everyone is different, you have to try to match what you can offer to what they need.
writing this down I am not sure it really makes sense. I hope you can find something of use in it
Daughter's best friends mum died of lung cancer at 41 just month's before they all went to do junior school prom. My wife was awesome at just being around for her, they (my wife and the other mum) were never really close friends prior to her initial diagnosis of mouth cancer but what with helping look after my daughter's friend they became close. It was and I'll be honest as there's no point beating about the bush very very hard at times, but we vowed to help, be there and make sure her daughter and husband would be looked after. Some five years later the wife is currently helping the daughter get through her dad meeting another woman, she's there as promised, helping and doing as much as is wanted.
Very tough times, but just by being there as a shoulder and a reassurance of what we could do for her in the future gave her a little bit of peace I'm sure.
All the best.
Just tell them you are there for them. And be there.
Little acts of kindness like walking their dog or picking up kids.
I'm afraid it will be tough. Been there. Twice.
Normal things. People in difficult situations crave normality.