[Closed] What are your social anxieties...?

Hi Darcy, how's tricks?

Not too bad Joe, and yourself?

Thinking I talk too much and give too much away. Usually the day after I have had a night out...

Why I cant stop using the word **** in company...

The background noise one has always been a problem for me, I'm partially deaf and resort to reading lips in most social situations outside of 2-3 people in a normal room, asking people to repeat what they've said is always a worry, you can only ask once, maybe twice before you start to feel awkward, normally I can read OK and they don't notice but it's surprising how many people talk to you with a glass/hand/phone/whatever in the way or while facing away or to the side, and it's always a bit awkward having to say 'could you please repeat that but so I can see your lips properly'

Not too bad Joe, and yourself?

No bad ta Podraig 😀

Funny thread..

I don't seem to have any social anxieties, certainly not the ones you lot have outlined anyhoos.

*yo Bro underhand handshake, smilie face, nod of the head

Its not all about the ability to pay , its often about the willingness to pay.
I have a few friends who are high earners , and they think nothing of buying 1 or 2 bottles of fizz , and several £20+ bottles of wine.

I've got a few friends who earn significantly more than the rest of us and will order stuff as above, but it is all to share and they always cover what they order and put in a bit more as well. Also usually the first to get rounds in and not necessarily expect it back. I think I'm just pretty lucky with my friends really. The well off tend to share their wealth all the time.

Also, the parties I go to are fun.

This thread has kind of digressed from social anxietes to getting old and grumpy.

Cheer up you lot! It's all a lot more fun if you just embrace it.

Dancing ! no one's mentioned dancing yet, what the hell is that all about ??? 99% of people who dance at parties look ****ing ridiculous to me, which is exactly how I feel whenever I've drunk too much to resist friends' constant nagging to join them. Spoils the whole night for me and makes me just want to go home.
Or maybe it's just me ....

Me too. It does spoil the night. If they left me alone, happily swigging my beer and people watching I'd be fine. It's the constant ccoming up to you and trying to get you to dance, or the beckoning at you from the dancefloor that makes the whole thing so damn uncomfortable, coupled with the assumption that because you're not dancing there's something wrong with you.

coupled with the assumption that because you're not dancing there's something wrong with you.

There is.

Of course not everyone has to dance all the time, and I won't dance to music that doesn't make me want to, or if I'm not in the mood, or the atmosphere doesn't feel right - but having a blanket rule of no dancing ever just means you're a bit of a miserable bugger IMO.

If they left me alone, happily swigging my beer and people watching I'd be fine. It's the constant ccoming up to you and trying to get you to dance, or the beckoning at you from the dancefloor that makes the whole thing so damn uncomfortable

They're all having fun, they can see you're having a shit time being a miserable bugger, and they want you to come and have fun with them instead. The bastards.

I'll only dance if I'm well oiled and ABBA aren't playing.

I suffer with Crowd deafness, I don't suffer with social anxieties as I accept them and am open about them.
I forget names, so I apologise and tell people this when I meet them again.
Its far better in my experience to be open and honest about these things, than worry all night because you cant remember someone's name 😉

If they left me alone, happily swigging my beer and people watching I'd be fine. It's the constant ccoming up to you and trying to get you to dance, or the beckoning at you from the dancefloor that makes the whole thing so damn uncomfortable

New Year's Eve. Just a horrible, uncomfortable experience at the stroke of midnight. Creeps me out being in a room full of people having to give them all a kiss/ hug and a merry message. No idea why, just makes me feel mega uncomfortable. I'm normally massively sociable but NYE is spent on my own or with the wife (at a push)

Apparently like many others on here I hate noisy "venues" as I can't make out what people are saying (when others seem to manage perfectly well). Not a middle aged loss of hearing thing at all - I had the problem in my 20s, possibly in my teens - now I am middle aged I don't feel any need to go to such places.

I forget names, so I apologise and tell people this when I meet them again.
Its far better in my experience to be open and honest about these things, than worry all night because you cant remember someone's name

Good theory, but presumably you do manage to remember some people's names, so by apologising you're telling them that they're not important enough for you to remember. I'm another who struggles with names, so make an effort to work on remembering them, and if I can't I tend to try to avoid the issue - though doubtless that is often very transparent. The thing is, it's not at all that people aren't important - I can sometimes completely forget the names of people I know well (and also the word I want to use when in the middle of a sentence, which is presumably related).

I've actually got over a lot of my social anxieties though by realising that things I thought were scary can be quite fun once I'm past the initial hurdle - doesn't mean I don't have a tendency to revert if I don't work at it.

Oh, and I'm with JY on the splitting bills thing - those suggesting why quibble over a few pounds here or there when it evens out over time are so totally missing the point. IMHO those people expecting you to pay for their drinking and expensive meals are the rude ones - with a group of well trained polite people the issue JY has wouldn't arise, as he wouldn't be expected to pay an equal share.

My biggest problem is not remembering folks' names! I could be introduced to someone, told their name, three seconds later it's gone... Permanently... i feel like a total dick because of it too, which in turn makes me even more anxious and makes me even more likely to forget! Sometimes I can't even remember if I've met someone before... Before you ask if it's drink related, it's not. It happens every single day, and is especially bad on the phone! "Hi, is so-and-so there?" "Yes, can I ask who's calling?" "Yeah, it's (whatever)" "Dude, it's the phone for you." "Who is it?" "Dunno 😳 "

Lots of people forget names if introduced straight away. If I'm at a party or wedding where it's likely I'll meet plenty of people I've never met before, and there's that period where a bit of awkward "mingling" is required, I try to get a few sentences of chat in first before doing the "Oh, by the way, I'm... You are?" For those who forget names like this, it's much more likely you'll remember the name half an hour later if you've managed to chat for a few minutes beforehand. I can't remember where I heard or read this years ago, but it does work (nearly all of he time).

Of course not everyone has to dance all the time, and I won't dance to music that doesn't make me want to, or if I'm not in the mood, or the atmosphere doesn't feel right - but having a blanket rule of no dancing ever just means you're a bit of a miserable bugger IMO.

It's one of the simple joys of life which has been part of human existence for at least 9000 years.

[armchair psychoanalysis]
Just out of interest, why don't you enjoy it? I'll wager it's because you feel self-conscious doing it - which is a hangup you'd feel better about getting over.
[/armchair psychoanalysis]

When Bruce Parry did a thing in Africa (can't remember the country) he told them he didn't dance or sing and they didn't get it at all, because obviously everyone dances and sings. They've got the right idea IMO.

[armchair psychoanalysis]
Just out of interest, why don't you enjoy it? I'll wager it's because you feel self-conscious doing it - which is a hangup you'd feel better about getting over.
[/armchair psychoanalysis]

How would you suggest I go about getting over it ?

What you need is The Right Trousers:

[img] [/img]

Yeah, I do feel self-conscious while doing it, and clumsy, and ridiculous. Which are not feelings I enjoy. How would you suggest I go about getting over it ?

I dunno - just stop worrying about what other people think?

now whenever I take to the dancefloor it's like Moses parting the Red Sea as everyone stands back to watch me make a c0ck of myself.

Or get some better mates!

What you need is The Right Trousers

See, that's exactly the problem I have with dancing. You want to dance ? that's absolutely fine. I don't, so please leave me alone, I'm the least miserable person you could ever hope to meet but I don't want to pretend to enjoy dancing and that doesn't give you the right to make me look stupid and **** up my evening.

Exactly. It's like friggin jehovah's witness with rhythm. Just because John Travolta is your lord and master, you don't need to come over and try and convert me.

I dunno - just stop worrying about what other people think?

Or get some better mates!

Easier said than done I guess.

True dat.

Exactly. It's like friggin jehovah's witness with rhythm. Just because John Travolta is your lord and master, you don't need to come over and try and convert me.

I reckon I'm shit at dancing too, but I don't care because it's fun. Once you get used to the idea that you probably look like a bit of a tool quite a lot of the time, but it doesn't really matter, life becomes a lot more fun.

Has anyone said air-kissing?

Which cheek do I go for?
How many times?
How long?
An actual kiss, or just touch cheeks?
When we say hello?
When we say goodbye?
The Mum as well?
Is it okay to use tongues?

Too much to think about.

It's like friggin jehovah's witness with rhythm

When you say 'friggin'......

I reckon I'm shit at dancing too, but I don't care because it's fun. Once you get used to the idea that you probably look like a bit of a tool quite a lot of the time, but it doesn't really matter, life becomes a lot more fun.

Yeah but I don't even like doing it at home without an audience.

Really? My best moves are executed in front of an audience.

everyone dances and sings

There's nothing more embarassing than someone who tries to look cool dancing.

There's nothing more embarassing than someone who tries to look cool dancing.

Some of us don't have to try.

^^^ 😀

i am a really poor dancer but who cares so are lots of others up there dancing.
Like Grum I do enjoy it and think it is a fun thing to do so I have no qualms about dancing. If someone wants to laugh then excellent as that is two of us having fun.
That said i dont like being dragged up to dance - when I want to dance I will dance thanks

grum - Member

coupled with the assumption that because you're not dancing there's something wrong with you.

There is.

Of course not everyone has to dance all the time, and I won't dance to music that doesn't make me want to, or if I'm not in the mood, or the atmosphere doesn't feel right - but having a blanket rule of no dancing ever just means you're a bit of a miserable bugger IMO.

If they left me alone, happily swigging my beer and people watching I'd be fine. It's the constant ccoming up to you and trying to get you to dance, or the beckoning at you from the dancefloor that makes the whole thing so damn uncomfortable

They're all having fun, they can see you're having a shit time being a miserable bugger, and they want you to come and have fun with them instead. The bastards.

Not sure there's anything wrong with me, just don't particulalry like dancing.

You're also assuming that I never dance. I do sometimes, rarely but sometimes.

That is all.

deadlydarcy - Member

There's nothing more embarassing than someone who tries to look cool dancing.

Some of us don't have to try.

😀

On the bill splitting issue... with my friends we each work out what we owe roughly. Everyone rounds up their rough total to the nearest fiver and you've got the bill covered, enough left over for a tip and everyone is happy.

Best way to do it imho.........

Immagonna take JY out for a bit of dinner and a bit of dancing next time I'm oop north. 🙂

IanMunro - Member
The only social anxiety I have is other people. Remove them from any social situation and I'm fine.

+1

Has anyone said air-kissing?

Clearly you don't get anxious about needing to read the whole thread before making your point...

Nope. That'd be boring.

I'm far more interested in what I have to say.

I don't mind bill splitting as long as everyone is in the same ballpark, but if anyone doesn't want to thats fine as long as they do the maths. If its obvious that someone is paying more than they should i'll raise it on their behalf. I'd hate anyone to feel anxious or uncomfortable because they were being forced outside their budget.
I cant understand why people would expect kids to be exempt though.

Leaving my flies undone.

Once, in a garden center at age 15, I stood in the middle of the greenhouse staring into space. A cute girl comes up [Sat. job I guess] and opens her mouth to start talking to me. As she's doing this she looks down and a look of consternation crosses her face - she turn around and walks away.

Turns out, that if you stand with your hands in your pockets in a warm room with no breeze, it's impossible to notice that both your jeans and boxxer flies are open due to the humidity etc. 😆

EDIT - oh and rounds. It's stupid - why does everyone need to buy drinks at the same time? Why does, for example the guy who doesn't drink much has to buy rounds for those that do? What if some asshat [me] is very keen on, for example Amaretto or Ouzo and wants doubles - usually costing far more that a pint of [s]piss[/s] lager?

Buy your own drinks whenever you want. Perhaps buy the person you came with one. Why complicate matters?

Or get some better mates!

Immagonna take JY out for a bit of dinner and a bit of dancing next time I'm oop north.

Hold on a minute how we paying for dinner 😛

Hold on a minute how we paying for dinner

If it's [b]that[/b] club, I'm paying. 😀

Dancing—especially at interviews

😆

You win

Turns out, that if you stand with your hands in your pockets in a warm room with no breeze, it's impossible to notice that both your jeans and boxxer flies are open due to the humidity etc.

At least it was a warm day....