[Closed] What are your social anxieties...?

+1 for Junky's mean and grumpy bill splitting camp.

We are all veggie and hardly drink, gets a bit annoying that there is an expectation we are happy to pay the same to eat/drink about 1/3 of that consumed by the carnivorous alecarts in our family/friends.

Another reason I have no mates. 😀

MAybe i'm nicer than i thought.

Perhaps my experiences are different to yours. My B&SIL seem to expect it. She'll pick up the bill and say "it's £XX per couple"; them being the only couple with kids (2 off). No asking, no thanks.

Ah, I see, You'll only stay friends with people that can afford you? how much does one have to pay for that privilege?

Don't be silly. I think a point has been missed. It's the well off tight arses I can't abide. The people that argue over a couple of quid on a bill when they clearly have a few quid. It's embarrassing.

As I've already said, If a friend was driving (for example), I'd point out when the bill came that they should pay less.

I think a point has been missed. It's the well off tight arses I can't abide

I know what you mean, but that wasn't made clear at the beginning, people were just griping about split bills without any discussion of the circumstances, however....

when they clearly have a few quid

do they really? or are they all credit carded up to the max trying to look like they can keep up with their mates but actually broke, and in piles of debt and just won't admit it?

seen that on more than one occasion...

Forgetting names
Worrying that casual acquaintances wont remember me
Greeting women I know but not that well. Handshake, kiss, hug?

some people seem to have really tight-wad mates

I'm with Junky on this one, me and the other half are both non-drinkers, a meal out with friends (which we have to save up for BTW and pay attention to what we order to keep in budget) can turn in to a total anxiety fest for us when the bill comes and our friends expect us to pay significantly more than the cost of what we ate because they drank alcohol, yeah sure £2 here or there is nothing, but eating/drinking <£20 worth and then being expected to fork out >£30 each is just not fair.

Speaking as someone who usually orders something expensive and drinks like a fish: you need better friends. I would never expect a non-drinking friend to pay an equal share, especially if I knew they were a bit skint.

Greeting women I know but not that well. Handshake, kiss, hug?

Straight in to the motorboating. It's the only way.

I'd definitely exempt veggie non-drinkers from any bill splitting, as they're clearly just joyless masochists anyway, so would therefore perversely but secretly enjoy the unfairness of it all 😉

amedias - Member
I think a point has been missed. It's the well off tight arses I can't abide
I know what you mean, but that wasn't made clear at the beginning, people were just griping about split bills without any discussion of the circumstances, however....

when they clearly have a few quid
do they really? or are they all credit carded up to the max trying to look like they can keep up with their mates but actually broke, and in piles of debt and just won't admit it?

seen that on more than one occasion..

If they are in serious financial strife, they shouldn't be coming out for meals, and if they keep up the pretence of being well off, then they only have themselves to blame if they're judged for being a tight arse. 🙂

eta: If any of my close mates told me that they were up sh1t creek financially, I would do anything I could to help them, and if they did come out I certainly wouldn't judge them for paying for what they had come bill time.

If you're not drinking at all or have much less than everyone else then it's fine by me if you pay a few quid less. If a person or persons are drinking much more than the rest of the table then they can chuck in a bit more, or pay the tip by themselves, or whatever. But work out what everyone has had individually? No thanks. In the past I have just left my (equal) share and gone to the pub when someone insists on getting the abacus out.

To be honest I prefer cooking for people at home or going round to their houses for dinner rather than eating out, but eating out is a lot more convenient for big groups!

If they are in serious financial strife, they shouldn't be coming out for meals, and if they keep up the pretence of being well off, then they only have themselves to blame if they're judged for being a tight arse.

I'd definitely exempt veggie non-drinkers from any bill splitting, as they're clearly just joyless masochists anyway, so would therefore perversely but secretly enjoy the unfairness of it all

Far easier not to invite them in the first place, old chap. Leave them crying in to their tofu.

🙂

I hate smalltalk, being stuck in a room with a load of strangers and a glass of wine. Feigning interest in other people's jobs, hobbies and children is just too much effort.

Was a bit of a problem as a regional newspaper journalist when I was expected to 'network' with boring local grandees and cultivate them as contacts.

but I hate the idea of 'rounds'...

Me and a mate - fine; I'll get some drinks, you get some drinks...happy..

Me too. You don't drink at your pace, its always dictated by someone in the group with 'something' to prove or a raging alcoholic.

Plus I dont like pints of bland-tasting tin-colour stuff so I doubt 'yep mines a Double-rum again' would go down to well.

I hate people talking to me about what I do, how its going etc. Why not just come out ask to see a payslip/my assets from my Accountant?

When I 'get to know someone' the last things I ask is what job/etc. I'm more interested in their hobbies, even if its polar-opposite to mine...

Oh and their car. Worldclassaccident was an interesting conversation in the pub 🙂

If you have an accountant, you shouldn't be mixing with the plebs anyway 😛

I don't but the convo's always seem to feel like that.

Either that or 'how much equity do you have in you in your house'?

In the pub recently I overhead a group talking about nothing but that. From what I gathered they were a BBC crowd fresh up in Salford..

LOL they're not the sort of people i'd end up in a pub with that's for sure 🙂

More likely to be about Torres, Rossi or what parts/motorbikes they've recently fitted. 🙂

I'd definitely exempt veggie non-drinkers from any bill splitting, as they're clearly just joyless masochists anyway, so would therefore perversely but secretly enjoy the unfairness of it all

binners for world president! 😀

I hate people who are happy to accept drinks as part of a round, but when its their turn, they say I'm just nipping to the bog, then don't come back as they've actually sneaked off home.

No names. No pack drill.....

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Its even funnier when they chip in on internet forums with their own opinions on the etiquette of buying rounds. Oh the....

[img] [/img]

😀

When I 'get to know someone' the last things I ask is what job/etc.

Never get this. I know it's considered a social faux-pas. I'm always interested to hear what people do in their jobs. Assuming they're proper jobs and not something with the the word manager or team-leader tacked on, or in marketing, hr, recuitment etc.

I'd definitely exempt veggie non-drinkers from any bill splitting, as they're clearly just joyless masochists anyway, so would therefore perversely but secretly enjoy the unfairness of it all

I once went out for a lunchtime meal at a company, everyone ate and drank like fish (I went back to do some work and said 'pay mine/sort later')- I was asked for an additional 30 ontop of my 'share'. From that day on I ate and drank like a fish

Never get this. I know it's considered a social faux-pas. I'm always interested to hear what people do in their jobs. Assuming they're proper jobs and not something with the the word manager or team-leader tacked on, marketing, hr, recuitment etc.

hi, I'm an Engineer on attack-Subamarine's is only interesting conversation at the title/start. From that point its exactly the same bollocks.

hi, I'm an Engineer on attack-Subamarine's is only interesting conversation at the title/start. From that point its exactly the same bollocks.

I think that sums it up.

I have an irrational fear of asking for help in shops. I'd rather walk round an enormous supermarket 5 times and stare at every shelf looking for something before I ask a member of staff. Clothes shops are a nightmare. Shoe shopping even worse. Thank god for the internet is all I can say.

LOL they're not the sort of people i'd end up in a pub with that's for sure

More likely to be about Torres, Rossi or what parts/motorbikes they've recently fitted.

Do people still talk about Rossi? I call bullsh1t.

When I 'get to know someone' the last things I ask is what job/etc.

Never get this. I know it's considered a social faux-pas. I'm always interested to hear what people do in their jobs. Assuming they're proper jobs and not something with the the word manager or team-leader tacked on, or in marketing, hr, recuitment etc.

I dread this questions. I have an unbeleivable mundane and shitty job. The last thing I want to do on an evening is remember this while I hear about all the amazing jobs other people have!

Interesting to read about bill splitting

The BIL is like this he has no restraint when it comes to family meals in restaurants. Last time we all went out he ordered some sort of chateaubriand/filet mignon burgers for him and his family who just pushed them around on the plate and left most of them.

Nice one

binners - Member

I'd definitely exempt veggie non-drinkers from any bill splitting, as they're clearly just joyless masochists anyway, so would therefore perversely but secretly enjoy the unfairness of it all

If I ever come for a beer with you I'll be sure to wear my best hairshirt to complete the scenario for you. 😀

I struggle to control my anger when people start talking about mind numbing shit including, but certainly not stopping at the follwing...

1)The Valleys
2)The Only Way Is E***x
3)Geordie ****ing Shore
4)Any tv show containing a talentless ****er of a celebrity judging other ****ers
5)The Apprentice (more common sense from my mrs than any of the ****tard contestants on this pile of shite and that is saying something, trust me)
6)The talentless shit surrently in the charts (arrrgghhh the charts)

Other than that I'd be delighted to talk to you if you pop into the institute at any time, although let me know first because I can't ****ing stand unplanned visitors.

Been out on the bike, so just catching up...

... so if I send the price of a decent meal* and a pint to emsz, I get to see her vest?
(* not just chips with a plastic fork...)

Scandal42, perfect timing, I've just had my occasional makrting spam email from The KT Forum, and there's this little beauty of an evening sitting in there. Shall I get you a ticket?

The National Reality Television Academy presents the 3rd annual National Reality TV Awards 2013 at the FORUM

The 3rd annual National Reality Television Awards takes place on the 16th of September 2013. The Televised event will be filmed for broadcast on Sky 191 . With nominees including ; Helen Flanagan, Five (Big Reunion) , Atomic Kitten , I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, The Only Way is Essex, ,Made in Chelsea, Dragon’s Den, The Apprentice, Come Dine With Me, Blue (Big Reunion) , The Luminites, Francine Lewis (Britain’s Got Talent), Rick Edwards, and much more. The nights sure to be one of the hottest events in the UK events calendar.

!!!!!

The National Reality Television Academy presents the 3rd annual National Reality TV Awards 2013 at the FORUM
The 3rd annual National Reality Television Awards takes place on the 16th of September 2013. The Televised event will be filmed for broadcast on Sky 191 . With nominees including ; Helen Flanagan, Five (Big Reunion) , Atomic Kitten , I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, The Only Way is Essex, ,Made in Chelsea, Dragon’s Den, The Apprentice, Come Dine With Me, Blue (Big Reunion) , The Luminites, Francine Lewis (Britain’s Got Talent), Rick Edwards, and much more. The nights sure to be one of the hottest events in the UK events calendar.

Only one thing for it....

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that and talking to people in any environment with background noise - I can't pick out what they're saying from the other noise.

This is me too, I can be sat at a table in a moderately noisy pub with half a dozen other people all managing to hold a conversation between themselves and all I can do is pick up the odd word and try and laugh in the right places (and maybe risk a nod if someone looks inquiringly in my direction).

Ooh, social anxiety, my favourite!

Mine is a someone odd one based around people going home when they visit my house. So basically, I like people coming round for a beer/BBQ/dinner but when it gets to about 11pm when everyone else wants to turn the music up, increase the drinking and talk louder I bloody hate it and just want everyone to leave. Same happens when we go for a night out and my other half utters those dreaded words “shall we go back to ours for a drink?”, I hate it. Doesn’t matter who the people are, how drunk I/they are or even how tired I am, come 11pm ish I want an empty house. I think it’s because ultimately I can be a bit of a grumpy git and I like the option to say “right, I’ve had enough, I’m going to bed” without then having to lie in bed listening to people/music downstairs. This has caused a good few “discussions” with my other half after a few beers I can tell you.

Face’s I am crap at as well, only causes embarrassment at work really, specifically when training new people, “oh hi John, no, Steve, no James, no, what is your name again?”. A good trick I learnt for this is to ask them their name, they will look perturbed that you forget but will give say “it’s Keith of course”, you then retort saying “sorry, I meant your surname” meaning you get the name you forgot and they don’t think you’re too much of a fool. Oh, and how to deal with people I “kind of know”, friends of friends, old work colleagues, guys I played football with 15 years ago. Walk past them in the street, easy, a nod, a quick “hello, how you doing” without braking step, simple, but when you see them in a bar and know you’re going to end up with a real conversation, that is not comfortable at all.

I have many more but these are as good as any.

I'm amazed at how socially retarded some people are. It's a social norm to split the bill when eating out, if you don't understand this then it's *you* with the problem. If you're going to attend a social meal and itemize everything, look just don't bother going, everyone will have a better time.

It's a social norm to split the bill when eating out, if you don't understand this then it's *you* with the problem

This times a big number.
If you want to quibble over a few quid, bugger off and eat on your own. Same with buying rounds, get in, get a round in or bugger off.

These are basic British social etiquette things, they even do it in Yorkshire.

Miserable I know, but I hate the idea of 'rounds'...

I really dislike doing rounds at work. Every time we make a tea or coffee we [b]have[/b] to make everyone else one. It's all well and good until you have people who don't bother washing up and you're faced with bits of someone else's lips stuck to your mug, or 5 sugars. Rounds just don't work in any context.

I have a fear that people judge me to be dull, ignorant or socially inadequate, when really I am just utterly confounded by the inanity of their smalltalk, and too apathetic to say so..

'Rounds' at work? for brewing up?

Behave.

Rounds works perfectly well in the context of a pub, provided everyone plays the game.

Ned

You have succeeded in making me feel sick. Ill have to ride it off this evening 😉

If you're going to attend a social meal and itemize everything, look just don't bother going, everyone will have a better time.

If you're really that hung up about spending 30 seconds adding up a bill - maybe it's you with the problem?

I'm generally quite happy to split, and with most people it probably eventually evens out (or not), but I can understand it's different for those who consistently lose out.

Dancing ! no one's mentioned dancing yet, what the hell is that all about ??? 99% of people who dance at parties look ****ing ridiculous to me, which is exactly how I feel whenever I've drunk too much to resist friends' constant nagging to join them. Spoils the whole night for me and makes me just want to go home.
Or maybe it's just me ....

If you're really that hung up about spending 30 seconds adding up a bill - maybe it's you with the problem?

If the bill is £100 and there are four of you it's £25 each. Make it £30 each to cover the staff tip. If you spend any time itemizing the bill it's *you* with the problem.

There are obvious exceptions to this but I'll point them out anyway, for example:

- If three of you are boozing away merrily all night and one of you is driving - driver doesn't pay
- If one of you eats a tiny salad and the other three have fillet mignon - the woman doesn't pay
- If any of the party are children, they aren't included in the split - the total bill should be evenly split between the adult diners.

I think ultimately if you're looking at a social occasion as a financial transaction then you're missing the point. Also your friends probably secretly loathe you and are embarrassed to dine with you but haven't got the nerve to say anything.

🙂

Every time we make a tea or coffee we have to make everyone else one.

I just opted out. The cantankerous bastard in the office just never made them. He makes his own now.
I had fisticuffs with a friend of a friend (I didn't even know him) over splitting a bill. He and his friends had been in the restaurant drinking for 2 hours before we even got there. Once I spoke out, everyone else decided not to split it and it got a bit out of hand (didn't help that he was pissed up).
On the other hand, I've stuck up for those who haven't had much and pointed out that it's not fair to expect them to subsidise my gluttony.

I also have that thing of finding it quite hard to bond with someone until we've gotten heartily drunk together..

[i]Dancing ! no one's mentioned dancing yet, what the hell is that all about ??? 99% of people who dance at parties look ****ing ridiculous to me, which is exactly how I feel whenever I've drunk too much to resist friends' constant nagging to join them. Spoils the whole night for me and makes me just want to go home.
Or maybe it's just me ....[/i]

No, It's me as well!

Kids. Anywhere where there's kids. I'd rather die of thirst than go to a 'theme' pub or where there's a playground in the garden. Going to Cornwall in the school holidays last year was the most foolish thing I've ever done, place was swarming with the little gits.
I ****in hate kids me.

Dancing is fun and good for the soul you miserable buggers.

I think ultimately if you're looking at a social occasion as a financial transaction then you're missing the point. Also your friends probably secretly loathe you and are embarrassed to dine with you but haven't got the nerve to say anything.

I'm normally quite happy to split as I said, but I don't harbour weird hatred and rage for my friends who prefer not to.

I've never looked cool, nor will I. Once I realised this all my anxieties floated away.

I still double check emails/txts/posts for spel1ing mystakes though.

Dancing is fun and good for the soul you miserable buggers.

On the bill splitting issue... with my friends we each work out what we owe roughly. Everyone rounds up their rough total to the nearest fiver and you've got the bill covered, enough left over for a tip and everyone is happy.
It takes about 30 seconds and we all get to feel good about our (occasionally dodgy thanks to the wine) mental arithmetic skillz.

I have checkout choice problems similar to someone earlier in the thread, I have a little silent celebration in my head when I pick the one that moves the fastest.

My main grind is smartphones.
They have their place but when I'm talking to you please don't look at your facebook or twitter.No manners whatsoever.
Even answering a call whilst I'm talking to them is just rude. They can call back later.

I hate parties, get togethers, gatherings of most sorts, basically anything that involves a group of larger than 8 has me a all melancholy for the preceding 24 hours.

I guess it's just my age but they're either full of other middle aged people that stopped listening to new music about 20 years ago so all the tunes are from the early nineties at best or they are the sort where everyone stands around boring each other shitless with stories about their work/car/mortgage/holiday whilst clutching a drink to their chest.

Therefore I tend to be the bloke standing in the corner looking thoroughly miserable whilst everyone else seemingly has a great time making small talk and dancing to abba and wham!

I feel your pain regarding phones! We have a dining rule; anyone caught checking their cellphone automatically pays for the entire meal as a forfeit!

I feel your pain regarding phones! We have a dining rule; anyone caught checking their cellphone automatically pays for the entire meal as a forfeit!

If two people use their phones do they split it equally?

Self obsessed/Take themselves seriously or stupid* people. I'm not better than you, but shit me I can't help but mentally and physically glaze over. I might actually just walk away.

Quite career limiting. Wish I could see past it.

*Defined by those that pretend they know stuff, yet don't. Not a comment on people that can't do maths.

Self obsessed/Take themselves seriously or stupid* people. I'm not better than you, but shit me I can't help but mentally and physically glaze over. I might actually just walk away.

A life skill I am gradually learning is to appreciate that in many roles, [b]everyone is winging it, all the time.[/b]

It came to my attention when I asked someone who told them to do something a certain way, and was given the name of a very senior person. I realised that the very senior person had basically made it up because they assumed that by doing so they would appear to be as knowledgeable as they should be.
Unfortunately it was a load of bollocks.

Learn to appreciate the 'winging it' thing, and use it to your advantage...

Winging it is perfectly acceptable, sadly. I'm referring to the bores that won't admit it!

I can understand it's different for those who consistently lose out.

THis basically you are asking me to pay for you to drink and eat at every meal I go to. Why is that reasonable ? If you wantr me to pay for your meal I probably wont want to be your friend anyway as you are selfish and a freeloader. It not a big deal to me if you get upset.Like i said earlier scale matters - I have salad and no drinks 10 folk eat steak and get pissed - why should we be splitting it?

If two people use their phones do they split it equally?

THis basically you are asking me to pay for you to drink and eat meat at every meal I go to

Nah.

We're suggesting that you don't come... 😉

😆 I walked into that one didn't I

On a more serious/less abusive note, most of the restaurants I end up in (which aren't that many, and aren't visited that often) seem to sell the vegetarian dishes at the same price as meat options. I agree with you on the cost of drinks, but again, me/we/us tend not to get drunk when eating.

Its not all about the ability to pay , its often about the willingness to pay.
I have a few friends who are high earners , and they think nothing of buying 1 or 2 bottles of fizz , and several £20+ bottles of wine.
They will also order starter, main course and a pudding and a liquer coffee or a port.
Its perfectly normal to fund them £20 each to go out for a meal with them. I always drive and have a zero alcohol driving policy . Even turned up 30 mins late ( riding ) and missed the starters , had a Lasagne and water and was asked for £25. I had to say no on that occaision.

Its always the same, and these people earn maybe 5 or 6 times what I do , so its almost always an expensive evening. Yes I can pay , and have the money in the bank, but it does seem slightly unfair as its everytime and I tend to drive maybe 80 miles for the privelidge.

As for social anxieties... Speaking to women and trying not to look like Im somewhere on the autism scale , then instantly forgetting their name.

Same price as for veggies dont get me started on restaurants like that 😉

I referred to the examples as given by wrecker [ I used a similar one]etc where someone massively over indulges and then expects everyone else to sub it.

If a group go out have a meal and its roughly the same then you split and live with it. Obviously to insist if it is 50 p is pointless
If someone is taking the piss though I will say something and wont split.

Having to make small-talk to ITV/daily mail/football/shopping mall/desk bound/NEXT/BMW/Superdry/soap opera/office job/coldplay/britains got talent/sunbed/rosé/lager/bland people.

It's only an inbuilt politeness that stops me from telling you how dull you are despite the obvious false smile and nodding that really should be enough to let you know.

The concept of "friends".

And groups of men with an ego each.

crowds mainly!

So how was your weekend?

I like a neat snap-shot in one paragraph or maybe one well told tale about an unusual event.

What I actually get is a chronological breakdown abit like the series "24".

People who ask "You paid how much for your bike? Your 41, you shouldn't be playing with bikes"

Having to read attention seeking posts from people who use the word "trendy", paint a picture of how interesting their freshly roasted life is, and stop myself telling them what a cock they must be in real life. It's like American Psycho...without the class...but with added bedwetting.

Blimey, I could write a book. 😳

Your 41

Tsk tsk... [b]You're[/b]

When I walk down a long street and make eye contact with someone I know.

The weather is nice so I want to look at the clouds. But if I break eye contact it feels rude, so what happens is an awkward march holding eye contact until they are within earshot when I say "alright", smile and carry on.

I used to have anxieties about the kiss thing with women. Everyone gets a handshake now. Men I know well get a kiss.

The missus' mum insists on a hug and a kiss though. Her Dad (ex-Navy) is satisfied with a firm handshake and a look which I know means "hurt my daughter and I will kill you with my bare hands".

Tsk tsk... You're

Pedantic people 😆

+1

that and talking to people in any environment with background noise - I can't pick out what they're saying from the other noise.

Yep, that's one of mine too. My hearing is poor unfortunately so I hate using the phone or having conversations in busy places and I feel terrible having to constantly say excuse me or 'sorry, can you say that again' so often find myself guessing what they have said and responding in as vague a way as possible which makes me seem uninterested.

I agree with the greeting kisses thing. I thought I had it sorted; someone you don’t know = handshake. Someone you know = pretend kiss on cheek. Someone you know well = kiss on the cheek and a hug. Then you throw in the French, 2 kisses, that’s fine. And the Dutch, 3 kisses, that’s fine as well unless you’ve misread it and they’re German in which case 3 kisses is way too familiar. Even that gets confusing though because what if the French person is thinking, ah the English only like one kiss, so they pull out just as you’re going in for the second. And what happens when you greet a French man married to a British woman? Kissing the bloke more than the woman seems wrong. Or what do you do when a good friend comes over with someone you don’t know very well? Do you give one a handshake and one a kiss with a squeeze? It’s a minefield.

On the whole bill splitting thing, I’m a splitter. I would speak up if I thought someone should pay less or would chuck in a few more quid if I thought I needed to though. Friends that we eat out with regularly all know that the bill will be split and seem happy with it. If we were going out with people for the first time then I would ask up front if splitting the bill was OK with them.

Knowing when to challenge xenophobic/sexist/racist opinions and comments and when not to. Always have a bit of a moral struggle in my head when I bite my tongue on the basis that the knucklehead spouting the sh*t is likely to resort to fists rather than enter into a discussion about the dynamics of human group behaviour.

When a group of people seem to be doing everything in their power not to communicate about basic things, instead they insist on all the usual gossip cr*p. all I want to know is when we are eating, and maybe which direction most people would like to go in search of a food outlet!
However when I take control and ask direct questions, I'm told its rude!

When a group of people seem to be doing everything in their power not to communicate about basic things, instead they insist on all the usual gossip cr*p. all I want to know is when we are eating, and maybe which direction most people would like to go in search of a food outlet!
However when I take control and ask direct questions, I'm told its rude!

Failing to remember people's names in the split second between recognising them and saying hello. Or simply not recognising people, even after I've asked them to take their sun glasses and helmet off.

Good one edukator. I do this all the time!
The other day I met a chap in the gym who introduced himself as Matt. My brain must have decided that he looked like a Sam, as that's what I've called him every time I've met him since. In the same gym, there's a chap called Kev who I call Jeff and a Charlie who I call Adam. 😐
I find team sports a struggle (calling for the ball etc).

A chap I used to meet a lot at the park walking dogs called me Tom for around a year. I just went along with it. It was nice having a different name some days. 🙂

The old chap who used to fix my car just called me some random Irish name whenever I went there - could be anything but varied mainly between Seamus, Pat and Conor. Again, it was easier to go along with it instead of correcting him all the time.