[Closed] What are your social anxieties...?

I am basically one big ball of social anxiety.

Mine is getting to a bar with a bunch of students in front of me each only buying their own drink instead of ordering a round and not having the guts to tell them to nob off.

OP, that's not a social anxiety, that's just being tight 😀

[i]I am basically one big ball of social anxiety. [/i]

+1

that and talking to people in any environment with background noise - I can't pick out what they're saying from the other noise.

For some reason i end up getting drunk and buying far more drinks for people than i get back, and end up wondering why my wallet is empty the next morning! 😡

Nah, it's not only about the money, it's the whole concept that makes me uncomfortable.
Plus, TBH spending money on booze is a whopping waste of cash. I'll do it every now and then, but there's a million and one things I'd rather splash out on.
For example, I'd rather take a group out for a meal and treat them to that, than buy endless rounds...

DrP

The only social anxiety I have is other people. Remove them from any social situation and I'm fine.

that and talking to people in any environment with background noise - I can't pick out what they're saying from the other noise.

I live in fear of succumbing to a social anxiety... It's ruining my life.

Hey Yorkshire89, want to go for a pint?

*leaves wallet at home*

Never buy rounds unless it's a Big Night Out.

Personally, I have no social anxieties. Am I normal? I worry and fret about not having anything to worry and fret about, I really do.

For example, I'd rather take a group out for a meal and treat them to that, than buy endless rounds...

You must be going on some serious benders to be buying multiple rounds on a regular basis with a group!

Riding my ridig SS with boingy geardy weirdies - do I overtake them on climbs to keep my momentum and look like an arse only to be passed by them on the flat/decent.

I lose sleep over this and it's why I mostly ride alone (that and having no friends anyway!)

Not being able to hear in clubs is just a sign of age 😀 . It never used to be a problem but now I'm 40 it's just impossible.

The other night in a club I had the most ridiculous conversation with a young lady (ahem) whereby I could only hear about half of what she was saying. I made her shout so loud that my ear went pop and I was beset by tinnitus! We then both agreed it wasn't worth carrying on and she walked off.

Perhaps my wife has secretly implanted something in my ears that trips at the sound of a young female voice 😯

No thanks Jamie, while sober im tigter than a ducks a*se 😛

That's why I put vodka on your cornflakes 😀

Go on then, i'll get the first round in...

Plus, TBH spending money on booze is a whopping waste of cash. I'll do it every now and then, but there's a million and one things I'd rather splash out on.
For example, I'd rather take a group out for a meal and treat them to that, than buy endless rounds...

None I can think of though everyone else seems to have them? E.g. the other week someone was playing videos on their phone on the table next to me in the pub and the noise was p*ssing me off and spoiling my quiet drink. I told them to turn it down or use ear phones. Everyone I told this to seemed amazed that I confronted the offender!

Mine is getting to a bar with a bunch of students in front of me each only buying their own drink instead of ordering a round and not having the guts to tell them to nob off.

I bet they all pay with a cash card too? Boils my p*ss that does.

As for social anxieties, it has been brought to my attention that I can be quite anti-social because I can't be bothered engaging in meaningless smalltalk with people. It's not that I can't do it, I just have no interest in what someone did at the weekend, how their holiday was, how their journey was, whether they're busy at work etc, because I already know that they probably went out with the family at the weekend, that their holiday was great (even though it probably wasn't), that the traffic was bad, and that they're really busy at work.

I hate noisy places too.

I don't mind buying rounds though.

Rounds - I can only drink two pints WTF would i want to do rounds for?
Adds Dr P to friends list
Splitting meals - **** off i am veggie and dont drink so I am not paying for your meat and booze. Once went out with a couple [ not swinging mind] and they drank three bottles of wine they insisted we split the bill. Reasoning with them was complicated for me, the manager and the police.
Greeting- what do you do , grunt and say hello or those faux showbiz kisses?
Low cut tops - they want you to look but you are never meant to be caught looking

[i]that and talking to people in any environment with background noise - I can't pick out what they're saying from the other noise.[/i]

A friend of mine hat a solution to this, but I have not yet seen it implemented. Special dukebox in a pub - pop in some cash and you buy minutes of silence - no music played. Lets say - 20p buys you no music for a minute

Accidentally meeting someone from STW when out and about. Usually have to give a fake name if anyone asks, I'm so worried about it.

Splitting meals - **** off i am veggie and dont drink so I am not paying for your meat and booze. Once went out with a couple [ not swinging mind] and they drank three bottles of wine they insisted we split the bill. Reasoning with them was complicated for me, the manager and the police

Adds Junky to Ignore / unfriend list.

Accidentally meeting someone from STW when out and about. Usually have to give a fake name if anyone asks, I'm so worried about it.

Meeting anyone off a forum is odd - "Hello, I'm Woblywib37". That's why I always just use my name.

Oh, mine is seeing people from old workplaces/school/college that I wasn't mates with at the time. If i spot them in the street i pretend I'm looking at something in a shop window etc so I don't have to speak to them!

Another is presenting in front of people, never been a fan of that.

breathes sigh of relief at avoiding a free loader who wants me to pay for some of their meal/drink - I bet it saves us an argument about tipping as well 😉

Junkyard - lazarus

Rounds - I can only drink two pints WTF would i want to do rounds for?

To get your alcohol tolerance up? Ya light weight! 😉

Not splitting meals drives me nuts. If I'm out with friends, we will always split the bill whatever. I cannot stand people who get their phone out and start totting up what they've ordered, I find it cheap and embarrassing. I know that next time I'll have a few glasses of wine or a more expensive dinner than them and it'll even itself up.

Woblywib37

LOL

Junkyard - lazarus
breathes sigh of relief at avoiding a free loader who wants me to pay for some of their meal/drink - I bet it saves us an argument about tipping as well

Mate if you were that ridiculous about the bill and tipping i'd just pay it all and move on.... lifes too short 🙂

I was hasty perhaps we could go for a meal and discuss it 8)

Junkyard - lazarus
I was hasty perhaps we could go for a meal and discuss it

Come over to mine, i've got an Iceberg lettuce here with your name on it.

Mate if you were that ridiculous about the bill and tipping i'd just pay it all and move on.... lifes too short

^This.

I've made up the difference before when someones argued that they only had this or that and shouldn't be paying this much. Funnily enough, I don't go out for dinner with them again.

I have a real problem remembering names and faces. Apparently there is some sort of 'ism' regarding this but its more likely I just can't be bothered subconsciously.

However it is regularly embarrassing as most people I have previously met just think I am ignoring them.

Sometimes it backfires though and I start conversations with people I've never met before.

Other than being socially awkward, it can be a real problem when I have to attend professional functions for work. Thankfully they don't send me to many now, and I generally turn down invites unless there's a really good after dinner speaker (another Phil Tuffnell has just landed on my desk - thats a no then!)

I suspect Hora and Junky going out for a meal and a few drinks would end up as the most painfully prolonged, argumentative, dissection of a bill in the history of mankind 😉

I've made up the difference before when someones argued that they only had this or that and shouldn't be paying this much. Funnily enough, I don't go out for dinner with them again.

Yip. And in my experience Its always the ones on the highest salaries, with the biggest, Germanist cars, dressed head to toe in designer gear, who chip in with "but I didn't have any garlic bread....."

strokers!

40mph - prosopagnosia is the proper term for 'face blindness', but I suspect that your 2nd explanation may be more true.

Loud music/inaudible conversations, over-orderers who then split the bill, inane smalltalk... where do I sign up to the grumpy old man club?

Greeting- what do you do , grunt and say hello or those faux showbiz kisses?

Yeah actually. I thought I didn't have anything to add to this thread but greeting people and leaving can be a bit of a chore/dilemma.

With my wifes family you have to go and give everyone a hug & kiss or handshake every time you go round or leave. Such a bloody palava. Fair enough if it's just whoever opens the door or people you haven't seen for a while but we probably see them at least twice a week and it's the entire room. I swear that with people coming and going, it must be at least 10% of the time spent giving stupid hugs.

Neither if us would have our wallets Binners 😉

I have had £6 meals with no drinks and folk want £20 + as they got pissed and ate steak.

Interesting that you are seen as weird/tight/ stingy for expecting to pay for what you had but expecting others to pay for what you had is fine.

Do you split the travel costs if someone came further than you and their taxi ride is more expensive 😉
FWIW it really depends if its £8 and the bill is a tenner I am not going to get arsed but there is a point where I am not paying for your food/beer.

Meeting anyone off a forum is odd - "Hello, I'm Woblywib37". That's why I always just use my name.

Me too Ben, me too.

I have a real problem remembering names and faces. Apparently there is some sort of 'ism' regarding this but its more likely I just can't be bothered subconsciously.

However it is regularly embarrassing as most people I have previously met just think I am ignoring them.

Sometimes it backfires though and I start conversations with people I've never met before.

Haha I never remember names but everyone remembers me. I just use "man" a lot and assume I have met most people. I've lost count of the number of times that I've introduced myself to people I've met before. Even multiple times!

I have had £6 meals with no drinks and folk want £20 + as they got pissed and ate steak.

Interesting that you are seen as weird/tight/ stingy for expecting to pay for what you had but expecting others to pay for what you had is fine.

But if you came out and ordered a massive steak, drank wine etc, i wouldn't argue with splitting the bill... it's call friendship 🙂

I worry about other people in the group worrying about me not worrying enough.

Me too Ben, me too.

I have a 'not even bothered' climbing face, or at least I have to put on a not even bothered climbing face if I see someone.

If I'm riding on the road, up a hill and maybe struggling a bit, but then a car starts coming down the other way, I seem to have to temporarily hold my breath and make it seem like I'm not knackered until they pass and I can then gasp for breath and nearly collapse again like normal.

The same is true out on the trail. If some riders are stopped halfway up the hill, I can't seem to not try to pretend that I'm not in the least bit bothered by the hill...

Apart from that, I also have millions of other weird social anxieties. Don't we all?
🙂

With my wifes family you have to go and give everyone a hug & kiss or handshake every time you go round or leave

snap!
does my head in. I can tell people don't want to do it too, so why does everyone bother?
plus I sometimes go into automatic pilot and end up giving Uncle Patrick a kiss on the cheek...

Social anxiety's wow I'm bipolar so my whole life is social anxiety!
Except the manic days, then not only have I bought everyone a drink, I know their name, occupation, bar staffs name, managers name, phoned the owner up and bought his pub! Manic days can be great, unanxious but usually rather costly.

Will talk to anyone, but used to worry what they thought of me.

Junky, your not really for the meal your paying for the night with your friends, split the bill equally

40mph - prosopagnosia is the proper term for 'face blindness', but I suspect that your 2nd explanation may be more true.

As a result, I often have women come up to me asking where they recognise me from - it's great fun, I haven't got a clue whether they're my mate's girlfriend's friend who was at that party the other night, my old mate's sister in law, or whether they're tring to chat me up.
I always assume they're a complete stranger who thought I looked attractive enough to start a conversation with, it makes the conversation more fun and memorable, although I still wouldn't recognise them if I saw them again week later!

It doesn't work so well for blokes though.

So if we went to the funfair and we all had different rides and someone did not go on any we should all still split the bill as its the day out with friends?

I should have just said that argument you get when you refuse to split a bill 😉

Not splitting meals drives me nuts. If I'm out with friends, we will always split the bill whatever. I cannot stand people who get their phone out and start totting up what they've ordered, I find it cheap and embarrassing. I know that next time I'll have a few glasses of wine or a more expensive dinner than them and it'll even itself up.

It must be nice to be in a position where the cost of a meal out is so trivial to you.

I'm with Junky on this one, me and the other half are both non-drinkers, a meal out with friends (which we have to save up for BTW and pay attention to what we order to keep in budget) can turn in to a total anxiety fest for us when the bill comes and our friends expect us to pay significantly more than the cost of what we ate because they drank alcohol, yeah sure £2 here or there is nothing, but eating/drinking <£20 worth and then being expected to fork out >£30 each is just not fair.

You might think it's OK once in a while too, and so would I, but when it's almost EVERY time you go out it starts to grate when you're seeing other people drink your next weeks worth of food...

Fortunately for us our real friends appreciate the above and don't seem to have a problem with it.

also...needing to use a phone to add up cost of a meal? really?

You don't pay for a night out with your friends!

with funfairs you either pay for entry to the fair, or pay per ride.
you don't pay as you leave do you?

I have had £6 meals with no drinks and folk want £20 + as they got pissed and ate steak.

Interesting that you are seen as weird/tight/ stingy for expecting to pay for what you had but expecting others to pay for what you had is fine.

In this case, I'd not expect you to pay the full amount. If a mate's driving for example, and we're all getting stuck into the red wine, we'd probably just cover his meal, or he'd chip in a token amount.

I have a 'not even bothered' climbing face, or at least I have to put on a not even bothered climbing face if I see someone.

Me too.... 😳

is that anxiety or pride?

40mpg - Member

I have a real problem remembering names and faces.

Working with a lady earlier this week:

Me: So, how long have you worked with the company?
Her: About 7 years.
Me: Odd that I've not met you before.
Her: I interviewed you and offered you the job.
Me: 😳

Ok, if I've asked you out for a meal and I know you can afford it, but you don't wanna split it just "because" then that's the last time you get to look at my tits* in a low cut top

If you can't afford it, so we're each paying our own, that's different

* good luck with that

It must be nice to be in a position where the cost of a meal out is so trivial to you.

I'm sorry you're poor... but it's not my fault 🙁

I think I could easily make your disastrous dates list 😉
Fair deal emsz but you are a student I would probably pay anyway.
Its not really an issue with two folk eating though it is with a large group you tend to have probs.
Its weird that I have to pay for their booze or else I look bad yet in most other scenarios you pay for what you have. 😥

I'm sorry you're poor... but it's not my fault

You can empathise though.

My main one is greeting people/saying goodbyes.

Shaking hands with blokes seems slightly formal and crap with people you are friends with, but I would only really man-hug really good mates. Embarrassing 'cool dude' handshakes are generally cringey too. What to do?

With women - do you still shake hands when first meeting? Then do they get a kiss on the cheek, or do you have to be actual friends first? Kiss plus little hug or just a kiss (or sometimes just the hug)? Which cheek? Both?

It's a bloody minefield! 😳

I've made up the difference before when someones argued that they only had this or that and shouldn't be paying this much. Funnily enough, I don't go out for dinner with them again.

Yip. And in my experience Its always the ones on the highest salaries, with the biggest, Germanist cars, dressed head to toe in designer gear, who chip in with "but I didn't have any garlic bread....."

strokers!

There's definitely the opposite in nobbishness though where people order steaks and loads of expensive wine and expect everyone to split the bill, ignoring how skint/teetotal they might be.

It must be nice to be in a position where the cost of a meal out is so trivial to you.
I'm sorry you're poor... but it's not my fault

That wasn't my point at all, it was about lack of understanding and empathy for your friends circumstances rather than sympathy.

If you had a mate who was hard up and you knew would struggle to split a bill like that on a meal out would you just not invite them? expect them to pay for a chunk of your food/drink when you knwo they are currently struggling? or just agree to pay for what you each had?

I'm not good in big crowds of people. I don't like being shoulder to shoulder at all. I don't know why, perhaps because I've spent a large period being in open spaces. It took my wife quite a while to figure it out but she's used to it now and makes allowances for me.

I've made up the difference before when someones argued that they only had this or that and shouldn't be paying this much. Funnily enough, I don't go out for dinner with them again.

Ah, I see, You'll only stay friends with people that can afford you? how much does one have to pay for that privilege?

😉

Food and drink get treated separately. Everyone who's eaten splits the food bill, everyone who had drinks splits the drinks bill. Simple.

Embarrassing 'cool dude' handshakes are generally cringey too. What to do?

AAAAAAARGH! This seems to be something that's very much de rigeur for your average middle class white chap these days, all calling each other "Bro" and doing those stupid handshakes.

Hateful.

Edit.

I misconstrued your candid approach. 🙂

If you had a mate who was hard up and you knew would struggle to split a bill like that on a meal out would you just not invite them? expect them to pay for a chunk of your food/drink when you knwo they are currently struggling? or just agree to pay for what you each had?

If they're a mate and are skint, they're paying none of the bill.

Although i don't actually have a friend who would A. Admit it.... or B. come out if they were skint.

I'd rather they just tell me "can't afford it...." i can then talk them into coming out and it being my treat and they'll get the next one when they're more flush.

I get pissed off having to pay for other peoples kids to eat and drink.

I'm not good in big crowds of people. I don't like being shoulder to shoulder at all. I don't know why,

It's an evolutionary thing - we evolved in small groups, where everyone knew everyone. Anyone you didn't know was an enemy.

if they are mates id expect them to offer to pay the right amount

that aside I fear choosing the wrong checkout at the supermarket
the checkout operator may look fast but then they may turn out to be slow or chatty or the customer infront is awkward in someway

and if the other checkout I chose not to go for has 3 people get served while im still waiting im filled with a white hot rage

wrecker - Member
I get pissed off having to pay for other peoples kids to eat and drink.

MAybe i'm nicer than i thought.

When i go out with my family and my sisters family it's 3 against 7.... however the bill still gets split 50-50. Her 'kids' are all mid teen/old teen.

Now you sound more reasonable weeksy, looking after your mates is what real friends do, but it's a tricky situation especially when it's not necessarily a short term thing...

For example, how many times would you offer to pay for them before you got tired of 'treating'?

And how many times would they accept before feeling bad?

That's why it leads to points A and B...

Financial disparity among friends can be a source of much angst over time, a lot depends on the specifics of the relationships obviously but it can be a very thorny issue and reluctance to discuss it makes it so much worse!

I get very nervous talking to people I dont know and end up talking utter shite. Consequently a lot of people's first impression is that I'm a bit odd.

emsz - Member

Ok, if I've asked you out for a meal and I know you can afford it, but you don't wanna split it just "because" then that's the last time you get to look at my tits* in a low cut top

If you can't afford it, so we're each paying our own, that's different

* good luck with that

What if they paid full whack? Do they get to cop a feel?

Or, if you kept a cardy on, then they'd be able to afford a starter or dessert aswell. But would you be prepared to sit there and watch them eat it?

All this is proving is that some people seem to have really tight-wad mates. And that couldn't possibly be the case! Could it......?

[img] [/img]

For example, how many times would you offer to pay for them before you got tired of 'treating'?

And how many times would they accept before feeling bad?

There's no limit with me.... simple as that. A friend is just that... therefore gets anything and everything within my power.

How many times would they accept... IME not many.... but i am quite pushy.

Over the years i've had mates move in with me into my flats, they've paid £0 in rent/bills as they were struggling lots at the time.... they've stated up to a year... which admittedly was an inconvenience to me... but i never questioned it.