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...we don't want to go to this Christening!
It's the for the baby daughter of our friends daughter. We have nothing to do with our friends daughter, we've not seen her in years and we're not particularly fond of her either. It'll be a 'look at meeeee' type event to follow on from the gender reveal and baby shower.
It's a three hour round trip away too and we'd have to put the dog in kennels and get someone to do the wife's horse.
We like our friends though!
We need an excuse - I have no hair that needs washing or cat that needs kicking. Give us your best ones! 🙂
It’s a three hour round trip away too and we’d have to put the dog in kennels and get someone to do the wife’s horse.
Seems reason enough?
The dog ate it?
The horse I mean.
surely the excuse is "can't get anyone to do the horse or regular kennels are full"
Just say thanks but no thanks, life is too short, honestly
Covid. It's the gift that keeps on giving!
Unprecedented times etc
She’s probably not fond of you either !
However perhaps your friends like your company hence why you’ve been asked.
Stop being a look at me on a forum moaning about f. Uck all type of person.
Covid - hmmm, we're due another dose. And we can pretend how gutted we are! 🤣
Stop being a look at me on a forum moaning about f. Uck all type of person.
Meant to be a bit of a jokey thread - but you know, STW and all that.
If they are genuine friends, surely honesty, (without being unnecessary brutal) is the best policy. And send a card by way of at least appearing interested.
You have a horse that needs tending. Is it a 3-hour drive each way or a 3-hour round trip? If a round trip then you can't really claim the distance is an issue as 3 hours round trip still leaves time to fit sorting a horse and taking a dog for a walk around that 3 hours of not being there.
If it is 3-hours each way then that becomes a genuine issue as that'll be at least 6 hours (assuming you arrive and then immediately leave again, so realistically more like 8 hours at best) - a dog will definitely need exercised during that time, the horse can no doubt wait, but I'd consider not going as the animals need tended to during that time.
Or it is easy enough to just say you can't make it...
Tell them you are devil worshippers and can't set foot in a church.
Is it a 3-hour drive each way or a 3-hour round trip? If a round trip then you can’t really claim the distance is an issue as 3 hours round trip still leaves time to fit sorting a horse and taking a dog for a walk around that 3 hours of not being there.
That’s traveling time, which doesn’t include the actual service or the do afterwards, so we’re talking about an all-day event.
I wouldn’t go just for a christening, but if it was also an opportunity to catch up with friends who I hadn’t seen in ages, then I might make the effort if it was an hour and a half each way. Three hours? Not a chance, unless I was also invited to stay over for a weekend.
“Sorry we can’t make it, would love to arrange something with you guys soon though” - job dun.
Tell them you are devil worshippers and can’t set foot in a church.
Just say at the last one you attended you got Grade 3 burns from a splash of holy water....
“Sorry we can’t make it, would love to arrange something with you guys soon though” – job dun.
This doesn't fulfill the jokey remit, but is probably the best suggestion.
Any clues on the buffet/free bar sitch?
Put dog in kennels, find someone to take care of horse, book somewhere to stay overnight and...go!
Eat and drink as much as you both can - assuming, of course, it will be properly catered!
If not properly catered, it's an immediate decline; stuff made by grandma mavis or auntie doris accompanied by uncle albert's rhubarb wine or neighbour geoff's homebrew is miles removed from 'properly catered'.
Take food containers - tupperware or similar - for your take-away and sealable bottles or flasks for booze take-away.
Talk lots with friends.
Go to your accom - eat and drink until you're both nauseous.
Result!
Slightly more seriously, if you concocted a spurious excuse for not attending how could/would that affect relationship with your friends?
How much do you value the relationship with your friends?
Couldn't you ride the horse there? Saves money exercising it.
And eat the dog on the way to save on refueling costs. Just not it's liver or, apparently, you may get a Vit D overdose, especially if it's called George.
“Sorry we can’t make it, would love to arrange something with you guys soon though” – job dun.
This and a nice christening card perhaps.
Tell them it breaches the terms of you bail conditions
(the ones that are a consequence of the last time you had to ‘do the wife’s horse)
Couldn’t you ride the horse there? Saves money exercising it.
And eat the dog on the way to save on refueling costs. Just not it’s liver or, apparently, you may get a Vit D overdose, especially if it’s called George.
Poor poor liverless George. I'm still sad about this 🙁
Christenings (and weddings) are the most tedious events going. Like the OP acknowledges, they do mostly tend to drive at 'look at us' and that sort of thing is not my jam at all. I avoid them at all costs. It's always the same inane conversation; 'do you think you'll ever have children?' 'Nope, i hate them and i love doing what i want' 'you'll regret it when you're older.' 'i doubt it'. The whole experience is nauseating.
1. Get your excuses in early and REMEMBER them in great detail because you WILL be grilled by the wife at a later date.
2. Go slightly overboard with card / gesture as a form of distraction (and it's cheaper than attending!)
3. Don't leave an opening. Your excuse needs to be bulletproof uncancellable
4. Don't do at the last minute as that's just out of order
There is bound to be a Daily Mash article that will offer more help!
we don’t want to go
Don't go, then.
We need an excuse
No you don't. Adult yourselves up already. It's an invite not a mandate, decline thanking them for thinking of you.
When my brother, who is a non-practising christian (never been in a church outside of a christening/wedding/funeral), asked me to be a god-parent to his daughter I politely refused and told him I'd be an enormous hypocrite if I stood in church and promised to bring up his child as a christian in the full knowledge that I was a fully signed up atheist and she'd never see a church before she got married. He wasn't very happy TBH but he never went ahead with the christening so it was all worked out as far as I was concerned.
If you must go however cross your fingers behind your back and marvel at the sheer performative lunacy of it all. Then drink all the free booze. 🙂
Put dog in kennels, find someone to take care of horse, book somewhere to stay overnight and…go!
Very much this. Treat it as a dirty weekend away with free food and booze (assuming that's on offer).
do you think you’ll ever have children?’ ‘Nope, i hate them
Ok Herod.
I let my missus worry about this sort of shit. She knows there's no hope in hell of me ever attending a christening so I leave the option of her going solo, or concocting an appropriate excuse/lie for me/both of us not attending.
The one time I made an exception was for a really good friend but I stood outside the church for the actual ceremony (I wasn't the only one! IIRC, even my mates father was outside the church having a crafty fag during the ceremony...)
My take on this is I am openly anti-religious (of ANY flavour) and I'm not a hypocrite so if anyone gets offended by my "non-appearance", then it's them being insensitive about my feelings so not my problem 😄😄
What? Oh no, we can't make that date I'm afraid it conincides with the {lookup date online and find suitable major event somewhere else that you're going to go to}.
'Sorry but we don't believe in fictional deity indoctrination naming ceremonies.
Frankly I have much less respect for you knowing that you do. I'm not sure we can be friends any longer. See you around.'
Honestly have you been to a christening. They make the congregation say stuff like 'we turn to christ' I'm like wtf. 😂 ****ing God is bs
You need to be less British about it. Tell them honestly, are they your friends or not? They should understand. "Thank you very much for the invitation we appreciate being included. We don't really know your daughter and are not active church goers so we are won't be attending. I hope it goes well and you have a lovely day, lets catch up soon! How about the weekend of XX are you free? Love Muffin Man and Woman." Then send her daughter a nice card or something.
Tell them that you don't agree with paedobaptism, I'm sure that'll go down well 🫣
Ooh, sorry, it's International Plumbing Awareness Day that day...
Polite card in joined up adult writing with an apology for not attending.
“Sorry we can’t make it, would love to arrange something with you guys soon though"
Very much this ^^
Include 20quid for the baby to go in a starter bank account which is the amount for petrol you didn't buy. And some tomatoes as they are pretty scarce right now...
Job jobbed.
Send them a link to this thread. That'll do it.
You say you like them but you are looking for an excuse I don't get it. They probably are inviting you because they can't stand their daughters mates and want someone to talk to. As for the christening, look on it as a social ceremony rather than a Christian one. Go and enjoy yourself.
Or else just say you can't make it, no need fora reason.
excuse...
'i would love to come, but unfortunately i have an entire jar of wasps that i need to shove up my arse on that day, therefore regrettably, i wont be able to attend'.
The horse and the dog are washing their hair and need you both to supervise.
Meant to be a bit of a jokey thread – but you know, STW and all that.
Yep sure do ... I laughed at
Stop being a look at me on a forum moaning about f. Uck all type of person.
Just say thanks, that will be lovely, life is too short, honestly, not to go to PARTIES.
It’s a three hour round trip away too and we’d have to put the dog in kennels and get someone to do the wife’s horse.
Does "three hour round trip" mean something different to you than the rest of us?
I'm not seeing the kennels issue TBH, nor the horse.
Walk dog
9:15 am departure.
11am christening
12:00 lunch & chat
14:00 depart
15:30 sort dog and horse
Who the **** still has Christenings. Naming Days are where it's at.
Everyone goes to a big room and starts getting drunk while the kids run around like the little savages they are, hopped up on sugary drinks.
At some point, a parent picks up the baby and says, 'Hey, this is a baby. It's ours. It's name is Chanalese*.' Everyone goes 'Hi, Chanalese!' and then the drinking and running around carries on.
As far as excuses go, have a check in the paper to see what the latest Church related controversy is and then say, 'I'm afraid I can't support any events organised by the Church due to the xxxx controversy.' It is very very very important that you make sure you match the right controversy with the right sect. It shouldn't matter but apparently it does.
*or whatever a current popular reality TV star's name is.
Three hour drive for something you don't want to do? Decline on environmental reasons.
If you do go, just take out cost of kennels and horse mucker-outer from the basket of free money that gets handed out at the end of the ceremony.
Quids in!
(at a wedding once I emptied my pockets of sweet wrappers and put them in the basket. I thought it was funny. The guests next to me were raging.)
why do you need an excuse? you dont need to prove that youre required elsewhere, just say you cant make it.
This has made me wonder if my niece has had her toddler christened and not invited me because I refused to go to my other niece's (her sister) christening. I didn't need an excuse, I just said, I'm not going, I'll meet you all after for the party. I'll be gutted if I missed this one, cos I'm all born again an that now. 😆
You don't need an excuse - as alluded to above; your presence has not been demanded, you've been invited to a doo. it's optional.
Your time and free time doubly so is the most important commodity you have and (assuming you work full time) is in preciously limited supply. Guard it politely yet firmly and spend it in the way that gives you most happiness.
why do you need an excuse?
Nobody needs an excuse of course, but I suppose some people have this annoying habit of considering the feelings of others and going a bit out of their way to make them happy by attending an event that feels special to them. 😉
Having said all that, sod going to a christening. It's not like the baby gives a toss.
The watching the horse excuse sounds the best.