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Following on from my BiL neighbour thread and inspired by one of the comments.
Go for it, weirdest neighbour experiences?
<p>Next door neighbour of ours when I was a little kid killed his wife with the samurai sword he kept above the fire place. I think that qualifies him as weird. I was just a kid but my dad said he was reasonably personable and we got on pretty well with him.</p>
A guy called Phil,complete muppet.
Glad he moved away.
I was going to post about my neighbour who used to hoover 12 times a day but Tomd pretty much shut down the thread with his samurai sword post.
Found this dropped outside
The guy who used to throw cans of food over the fence. I thought he wanted us to make him a pie. Turns out he thought I was boning his wife. He didn't have a wife.
He told me this whilst trying to kck the front door in. I answered it and was struck by how he had painted himself some new eyebrows with two different colours of luminous paint, He had of course shaved them off first.
After we complained to our neighbor about their visiting friends parking across our drive, they knocked on our door & asked us to tell our cat to not go into their garden anymore. We obliged them, but our cat didn't listen.
Next door does Triathlons.
\Thread
Nowhere near as bad as the above but current neighbour is a nutter. Introduced herself by swearing at tree surgeons taking out the walnut tree in the back garden and calling them "tree murders" (garden still has a large oak tree, no room for two large trees in a small garden). Has repeated the same whenever any other neighbour has trees trimmed or cut down.
Her 12 cats made a bit of a mess but at least stopped increasing in number when the vet reported her to the RSPCA and got the cats neutered.
One of the cats then got run over and lost a leg. She accused my wife of doing it by slamming it's leg in our gate and reported her to the police and RSPCA. Unsurprisingly, after investigation they did nothing to my wife.
Oh, and the nutter's a rather unsuccessful faith healer.
Evil Dick was my mentalist neighbour. Did time for chasing his ex wife with a shotgun amongst other things. Once took delivery of a parcel for him, it was Spurs for cock fighting. Lovely guy.
weirdest would be the neighbours that lived above us when we rented in a converted mill. We were there over three years and didn’t see them once in that time.
Growing up our neighbours hammered on their walls. Every night. For 16 years.
When i lived down near Guildford, we used to live next door to a white witch, she used to "gong baths" and yoga outside in the nude despite the fact we lived in a flat with communal gardens around. Went round with a parcel for her that had sat in ours for a week. Her lounge was painted black and purple with a pentagram on the wooden floor.....
Gent behind me where i live now in Norfolk is often seen parading around the village in a pith-helmet and no top on. Seem to attract the weirdos..
The above sounds pretty NFN!
Came home from a biking trip in Scotland to find a copper in the entrance to our block of 5 flats.... turns out this had happened downstairs while we were away...
https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/jesmond-vet-jailed-torturing-man-10829970
Not me but a colleague from back in the day had a flat with Yoko Ono upstairs when she was married to Anthony Cox. Joanne said she had never met anyone so batshit bonkers before or since. Coming from a woman who works in art publishing that is quite the statement.
Had an old neighbour complain that branches from a tree in our garden would shade his lawn and make his house un-sellable.
Didn't like it when I pointed out that his garden was south of ours, and the only shade it gave was into our garden.
belfastflyer - maybe your parents had a good sex life......
There’s a fella down the road from me who is ‘slightly excentric’. Loves to go running in a string vest with a miner’s lamp attached to his head. And he warms down after his exertions by jogging backwards round the block.
There's a guy in my street with a funny shaped head..... that's all I've got 😞
The guy who used to throw cans of food over the fence. I thought he wanted us to make him a pie. Turns out he thought I was boning his wife. He didn’t have a wife.
He told me this whilst trying to kck the front door in. I answered it and was struck by how he had painted himself some new eyebrows with two different colours of luminous paint, He had of course shaved them off first.
Early contender for best in thread
A guy called Phil,complete muppet.
Glad he moved away.
Sounds like an absolute monster
Judging by some of the above I've had it very lucky! Our current neighbour is a bit weird; she's a hoarder and the house is so full of crap she can't actually live there. She lives elsewhere with her fella and they just come back every now and then, to either drop crap off or pick some of the crap up. House is a tip, front of it is covered in weeds and rubbish and the back is hemmed in by overgrown bushes/weeds/trees. When she does come back she usually manages to find time to leave me passive/aggressive notes asking if I can trim some of the overhang from my garden as the (equally odd) postie doesn't like it 🙂
The old boy next to me is a bit odd - he regards the road outsie his house as his and goes batshit mental should a car park there. We came to blows over it last year when I had to park my car outside his house for an hour or so and eh accused me of doing it on purpose to wind him up. I told him to jog on (well hurry up and die) and he tried to stab me with a trowel which I got off him and threw down the road. He then tried to punch me telling me that if he 'was 40 years younger he'd put my head through my arse'.
My other half went to get his wife to see if she could talk some sence into him and he threw he (the wife) against a wall and told her to get inside and then kicked my other half. All over a car outside his house, parked courteously as not to block his drive etc. My sister in law makes a point of parking there and being a copper is itching for him to have a pop at her.
My current neighbour - she complained at me for having the temerity to strim the edges on my lawn on a Sunday of all days! She told me it was unacceptable as she was having friends around for dinner and asked me to stop and do it during the week (when I am at work). As she told me off, she was cupping one of her naked breasts in a hand so as not to catch it on the fence as she leaned over.
She also once asked me not to remove a hedge in my garden (as above, we have a dividing fence and the hedge was well inside the border) because she wanted her privacy (she lives in a semi and there are houses all around).
We regularly see her mowing the lawn etc naked. Last week she at least had the decency to put a thong on as she BBQ'd in the garden with her son and his family.
Our two little girls find it very funny and usually move the trampoline over to the fence so they can see what she's up to on any particular day.
Lived in a squat in Kingston on Thames for ten years. 1977-1987.
On one side, a dentist who lived upstairs from his downstairs surgery and on the other, a couple of old ladies.
Years of outrageous behaviour in and outdoors, two drug busts, my band rehearsing in the back room with the volume cranked up and windows open in the summer, loud parties that went on until dawn, one featuring a 1.5k P.A. and live band in the garden and NOT ONE COMPLAINT IN ALL THAT TIME!
Bleedin' weirdos.
Ive been keeping my eye on a couple of our neighbours, the people over the road have 2 tellys, one for football one for soaps and dramas, I think its the husband who watches the football most of the time, the young couple to our rear often go out at the weekend, god knows were they get their money from as they dont appear to be on benefits !!
I used to live next door to a family of raging piss-heads. They were like Biffa Bacons family out of Viz. always having massive drunken arguments that often descended into fights
It made for some quality entertainment!
One night we were woken up about 1am to the 19 year old son, absolutely leathered, trying to kick the front door in as he’d lost his keys.
His dad takes exception to being woken up and comes flying out of the front door, completely bollocko, and decks him. A massive punch up then ensues, until his wife, also bollock naked comes legging out, screaming like a banshee and decks the naked dad. A 3 way naked brawl then erupts, rolling around on the front garden while the whole street, now awake, looked on.
We had “Strange Pete”.
on the day we moved in he wanted to know if I had a pension? Who asks that sort of question on day 1? I ignored the question and it came up later. I pointed out that I had a workplace final salary pension guaranteed by the govt. He still thought he could get me a better deal. I laughed at him.
It then became apparent he was a bit of a bully. He informed me that the fence was rickety and I should replace it. He was wrong, it was his boundary fence. I pointed this out and he went off in a huff. More than once I caught him shouting at the little old ladies in the Close who parked in “his” corner of the close. When I got a work van I made a point of parking it there at every opportunity. His missus then backed into another car avoiding my van. This was my fault. I laughed at him.
TBH he really creeped me out and he’d be taking a walk off the cliff on the first night if I ever had the misfortune to be marooned on a desert island with him.
One night as I took out the rubbish I heard a major domestic in progress, full on throwing plates, c word and screaming. Turned out him and his missus were the ones having the argument. A few years later the police turned up and removed him for a day or so because somebody had called the police hearing them argue.
He tried arguing with another elderly couple who moved in next to him on the other side about where the new fence they were putting up was going onto his land. They we’re using the original posts so he got told to piss off by them.
Luckily he moved out a few years later but the new neighbour had to put locks on the gates and new locks in the doors as she kept finding him in the garden seeing what changes she had made!
Apart from the old bloke down the road who tried to punch me and had a moan when I raised the alarm that their house was (very) on fire*, mine are all lovely.
*His wife screamed at me becuase I wouldn't help to "rescue" dresses from the spare bedroom and he stil makes a point of ignoring me when we see each other in the street almost two years later.
The one in Sheffield....
- apparently installing windows in a terrace that don't match her fake leaded ones is a crime punishable by fake letters from planning dept and council house maintenance folk...
- apparently it's ok to tear out neighbours fence and move it over 2' if you just fancy more garden...
- parking outside her house (she didn't own car) was not allowed at 9am on a Saturday, as her daughter was due at tea time
- when you approach said parked car and are sworn at by another neighbour, you hold a different neighbour to account for the swearing by sending your crazed adult daughter around to batter and kick the doors and windows so hard that half the street call the police..
- etc
until his wife, also bollock naked
That's no wife...
he regards the road outsie his house as his and goes batshit mental should a car park there.
Not a neighbour fortunately, but I'm reminded of this.
Driving along a few years ago, I wanted to make a phone call. I turned off the road into a cul-de-sac, parked up, and got out of the car to stretch my legs. The entire cul-de-sac had like three other cars parked on it.
Before I'd got managed to start dialling, a woman came out of the house. "Are you going to be long?" she asked. I figured I couldn't be arsed with a "public road" argument for the sake of five minutes so I said no, I was just making a phone call. "Right," she says. "Only, I'm expecting visitors this evening." I looked up and down the near-empty road and resisted the urge to ask if it was the London Philharmonic. I think I've grown as a person.
Luckily he moved out a few years later but the new neighbour had to put locks on the gates and new locks in the doors as she kept finding him in the garden seeing what changes she had made!
Strange Pete is scaring me
old lady lived in house next door to my first flat, she would knock on front door lously to tell me to move my car at 5.00 am because her family where due that day, i didnt actually own a car at the time, but she wouldnt be told.
visiting a mates flat kept finding a scene like Alfred Hitchcock the Birds , on the roof and bonnet of my old cortina, seemed as if an old duffer didnt like people parking outside his flat so would throw bread over it, residents complained, and a visit from a local council member of staff arrived to take statement from residents, she went back to her car and found it covered in bread and birds, she was not amused and old duffer got rehomed quickly.
We had a neighbour who never once in the 2 years she lived next door opened her blinds or windows.
Most nights at 11pm she would start opening and closing the lid of her wheelie bins very loudly for roughly an hour; banging on them whilst laughing hysterically to herself.
She apparently thought the neighbour on the other side to her was spying on her - and sent her threatening letters through the post, and occasionally threw bleach over her garden.
on the odd occasions we did see her she would either be verbally threatening and abusive - or want to be your long lost best friend ... yep she was a beaut!
.. and poisoned our dogs.
Neighbour on one side told me in strictest confidence that the neighbour on my other side is gay.
Rachel
Watch out for the gay lurgy!
This thread makes me thankful for most of the neighbours I've had.
Except the one that would go on the rob. Clothing from washing lines was a favourite. She once stole a rabbit hutch compete with rabbit.
Horrible bitch.
I introduced myself to a new neighbour the other day and when we started talking about what we do for a living he said he works for Thales. I asked specifically what he does (I work in defense too) he said its a secret. I said "well, broadly what is it?" and he got agitated and wide eyed said "IT'S A SECRET!". Personally if I had a job that was secret and made me unable to tell people what I did I would claim to be doing something slightly different. I'm guessing he is the cleaner.
I asked specifically what he does (I work in defense too) he said its a secret.
Should have reassured him by telling him that you have also signed the Official Secrets Act!
I had a mate once who had done some work in some secret stuff and had signed the OSA along with colleagues who were working on the secret project. One of them used to drink a lot at night and tell everyone who was in the pub at the time all that he was working on - his defence was that they were all working at the same place and had all also signed the OSA so he apparently wasn't telling anyone anything they would tell others!
We had a neighbour at our first house who had a samuri sword
Found that out once when we were on holiday - we had a break-in and he slept on the couch in our lounge for 3 nights with sword at the ready. His wife said he was desperate for them to come back !
They were ded nice but he did have a bit of a glint in his eye...
. I asked specifically what he does (I work in defense too) he said its a secret. I said “well, broadly what is it?” and he got agitated and wide eyed said “IT’S A SECRET!”.
My stock answer was I worked in IT. People glaze over and lose interest. If you tell them you work in defence then they get all excited and make crap jokes about having to kill them etc.
There’s a recurring theme of people getting angry about other people parking outside their houses. We saw a lot of that in our previous street.
One bloke used to slash the tyres on any car parked on the street outside his house (happened to me once). One day, a new family were moving in next door and parked a transit van outside his house so they could unload their furniture (as there was no other space in the street) and he was utterly beside himself with rage, shouting, swearing and shaking his fists.
The woman next door but one always parked her car outside our house in preference to her own, for some unknown reason. She would leap out of her house to move her car up a few metres whenever the space outside our house became available.
A toff who used to drive home from work so drunk that when he got home he'd pass out somewhere between opening the car door and the front door of his house - having lost his keys somewhere in the 8 steps between the two. Occasionally just keeling out the car door as he opened it and being left suspended upside down by his seatbelt while he snoozed- or alternatively just sprawled right across the bonnet as if he'd somehow managed to run himself over. He'd be home, that drunk by 5.30pm - christ knows why his employers bothered with him. Sometimes he'd come-to a few hours later, and in the summer with it still being light - see from his watch that it was 8 o'clock and go back to work thinking he'd been asleep open the pavement all night.
He replaced....
A woman who had voices in her head that were so loud we could all here them, even with the windows shut and the telly on. She had a friend in the US who's she'd phone for hours (at suitably unsociable hours) who seemed to just be happy to be on the receiving end of hours of screaming obscene abuse - mostly involving detailed threats about how she was going to shit in her mouth when they next met.
We'd wind the Toff up by saying that she probably still had keys - he suffered from sleep apnea and would wake (when he got to bed) with the sensation of being pinned down. 'Thats probably her' I told him.
A surgeon who was having an affair with an older man who's wife was terminally ill. When the wife finally did succumb my neighbour informed me that she'd 'killed her with her thoughts'
Sounds like ‘hanky’ Joe
living in a Victorian terrace house with single skin brick walls you pretty much hear most things that go on with your neighbours. For 6 months or so i had a homage to the family from shameless living next door (on day one they sent their 5 year old round to “borrow a cigarette for mummy”).
The teenage boy had the bedroom on the opposite side of the wall to me. Pretty much every night you would hear the unmistakable sound of yards of cellatape being peeled off a roll and wrapped around something. Swiftly followed by rubbery squeak of balloons rubbing together. Well you can gues the rest. Although the scream of shock when they burst one night was something to hear!
thing is, if I could hear it, surely the rest of his household could as well!
SamurAI ffs.
single skin brick walls you pretty much hear most things that go on with your neighbours.
I grew up in a 70s semi detached. Next door was an old Austrian man - totally lovely. We suspect he was a former prisoner of war who never wanted to go home. He would give me sage bits of advice as I was growing up:
'Stay in education for as long as your parents will support you. Then retire'
and
'When your parents ask you want you want for your your birthday tell them firmly "Dad, I want your car" '
Anyway - entirely nice. But - for 30 years - we'd frequently hear the sound of gentle hammering on the party wall - sounded like someone hammering in a picture hook - careful and tentative. But in any session there must have been twenty or so picture hooks (or whatever) and it felt like this was happening at least every one two weeks and often quite late in the evening, year in, year out.
We never asked him... but were really curious as to what needs nailing to the wall so regularly and in such large volumes. Maybe a massive etymology collection.
Anyway, eventually he moved out - the house went on the market - bought by a new family. We had the friendly introductory chat, with them not raising the topic we had to come right out and ask - What had the old guy been nailing to the wall all those years? Absolutely nothing - no nails, no nail holes in the walls.
SamurAI ffs.
Well done, have a biscuit for being so clever.
There’s a recurring theme of people getting angry about other people parking outside their houses.
The place we lived when I was very young (we moved out when I was six) had a grumpy neightbour who was convince the boundary fence between our houses was in the wrong place and if we planted anything within 2ft of the fence he'd come round and dig It out (it was in the wrong place - but in his favour not ours)
Anyway... as we were moving out he had a long and noisy argument with us and the removal men because the removal truck was casting a shadow in his property.
I own two flats next door to each other so I am my own weird neighbour. Who do I complain to?
SamurAI ffs
侍 FFS - why would you use your foreign typography at all ?
When I was a kid I'm sure our elderly neighbours (brother and sister - neither of them ever married.....) sat with a glass against the dividing wall all day/night.
One evening my Dad was in the kitchen hammering a panel pin into some wood with a small hammer, cue knock at the door and said neighbour asking him to stop hammering....... Best part was the kitchen was on the opposite side of the house on the external wall!
Same neighbours and another hammer incident when Dad was doing some work in the bathroom early evening after he'd got home from work. Neighbour came round and said to stop hammering and informed him that his sister was in bed - Dad not being in the best of moods that day replied with "What do you want me to do about it - get in there with her?"
When I was in my late teens I can home from college one day and decided to play my guitar - being the kind considerate person I am I decided to have my amp turned up to 1 (it goes all the way to 10 you know...) as not to disturb the neighbours or my dog. Anyway quite happily quietly jamming away and the door bell rings - louder than my guitar (and waking the dog up).... Neighbour is standing there and says "have you got a guitar?", "yes I have" I replied thinking he was going to offer some pointers or chat guitars with me........ "well turn it down it's too loud...." he proclaims.
I apologised and said I'd be more considerate. Thinking it must be the tone and frequency due to the low volume that meant he could hear it I decided to experiment - I said sorry to the dog and cranked the amp up to 5 and proceeded to belt out Paranoid and a few other select riffs. It must have worked as I didn't hear the door bell after that.......
I don't recall any properly weird neighbours however at my last London flat there was only one other flat that shared the landing with us. The flat would have been worth maybe £1M or so, plus it had 2 parking spaces - one of which contained a BMW M5 and the other a Bentley coupe. We lived in our flat for 2 years and in all that time no-one every actually lived in the other flat, although cleaners visited every week and the cars were taken away to get valeted every couple of weeks. Going by the private number plates on the cars I'm assuming the flat was owned by someone from the Middle East that had enough cash that they owned properties in lots of locations that they never got round to using. Lots of money to have tied up in a place and cars you never use though.
The flat I had before that one was in a nice modern block in Greenwich, with parking in the basement. One of the parking slots had a succession of very expensive cars using it (including the occasional Ferrari or Lambourghini) and I could never work out if it was a pied-a-terre owned by a very rich family and used for brief visits by various family members, owned by a specialist car dealer bringing his work home with him - or whether the apartment was possible owned by a high-end call girl and the parking space used by her various overnight customers.
I think my current neighbour is probably the weirdest. It's a rented properly, tiny little 2 bedroom cottage, in which she lives with her mother & got know how many dogs. They have a tiny land locked rear garden, which looks like a rubbish dump if I can be bothered to peep over the fence & it smells like a dog sh*t bin in the summer. They sit out there in it, having a BBQ and smoking weed. It's one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen.
I'm not 100% sure she works, as she's very nocturnal. I know the mother does, but no idea doing what.
About 4 months go now I had to call the police, and the letting agent. Because she's a tramp, and has no respect for others, occasionally they get a bit rowdy with parties - for the most part I don't mind & let it slide as i'm asleep, but we were woken up at about 2am on a Monday morning to what I can only assume was the sound of her chopping wood in the bedroom. This went on for 30 minutes. So we banged on the wall. At this point, she literally lost her sh*t, on an epic scale. Started screaming, threatening to kill my girlfriend and me, throwing glasses and plates at the wall - this went on for about 45 minutes. Called the police, called her letting agents, all logged. She had a visit the next day from both & she's been like a church mouse since.
She's almost as mad as the last woman who was there before, who smashed a bar stool over her partner whilst he was asleep in bed one night. She also had the loudest, worst sex I think I've ever heard.
I want a detached house next.