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I agree with your broad point Wrecker but some have been "cured".
They haven't mate. There have been loads of cases where peados haven't re offended (as you say) but they have never got rid of that urge. The most effective way is chemical castration (which is only suitable for repeat offenders really), but still there have been cases where those who have undergone this have re offended. MrsW covered it on her degree.
Seems to be a lot of these about at the moment. A friend / college just went away for child pron on his computer. While I am disgusted I am also concerned that when he comes out of prison the only people who will accept him will be other peadophiles and if his peer group becomes peadofile he may be more like to "progress" in his behavior. Especially as getting a job e.t.c. will be tough. I have not contacted him but I am torn as to. I'd like to so that I can offer support as I feel it must be easier to stay on he wagon so to speak if you are not completely left on your own.
They haven't mate. There have been loads of cases where peados haven't re offended (as you say) but they have never got rid of that urge
I think it like being an alcoholic, once you are an alcoholic you always are, it just depends on how good your coping strategies are.
Here's a chap I went to school with, he went on to do much worse but I can't find a link just now:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2481435.stm
Edit, here he is!
http://www.scotland-judiciary.org.uk/8/713/HMA-v-EWAN-MACKAY
[quote=BadlyWiredDog ]None of my subsequent GPs have turned out to be pathological murderers
Have you not been reading this thread? 😯 How do you know?
@Philby, I have a 21 y/o daughter by a previous relationship. I see her rarely as we've lived in different countries since she was three, but I call her on birthdays and Christmas, and will be going to her Uni graduation in a couple of month's time. I haven't mentioned her existence to my other daughter, now 10, although most of family & friends are well aware of it. I haven't consciously kept it secret from others, I just don't deliberately talk about it as it's a painful part of my life. People can be so judgemental, so I've only really felt comfortable sharing it with people who have been through similar, and can understand the complexities (and a bunch of perfect strangers on a bike forum!!).I don't like having secrets from my daughter, and this is probably the only one, but have told myself (rightly or wrongly) that there hasn't yet been the right time to burst that bubble that she's my one and only child, and let her in on the messiness of adult relationships. It doesn't help that she's always wanted an older sister, but my other daughter doesn't want to see her - as some kind of punishment to me for 'abandoning' her but doting on her sister. I know it'd break her heart to know she has an older sister and then be shunned by her.
So, don't be too hard on your Dad, and I'm sure you did 'know' him in all other respects, and he had his reasons for keeping this one part of his life from you, and probably struggled with it constantly like I do. I have no idea whether I'm doing the right thing 'protecting' my daughter from this, and when would be the right time to tell her, which I definitely intend to at some point.
As someone who's been on the other end of this, and if it's not too awkward for you to share it on a public forum, I'd be interested in your advice. Would you rather your Dad told you? At what age do you think you'd have been able to handle it? Have you since got in touch with your sibling and has it worked out? Thanks.
I would have preferred that he had told me probably when I was a young teenager and I would have had the opportunity to ask questions and understand the reasons why he hadn't told me. My Dad had died and I was in my early 40s when my Mum told me. She told me because she knew that most of my other relatives were aware of the situation and didn't want me to hear about it from my aunt should my Mum have died without telling me. Coincidentally a distant relative in America started doing a family tree of my Dad's family shortly after my Mum had told me, and she sent me the finished version which would have clearly shown that I had a half-sister.
It changed my perception of my Dad a bit and opened up a lot of questions which he obviously can't answer. As the other poster who faced a similar situation to you did, I would also recommend that you find the right time to tell your daughter and she will at least have the full truth and have any of her questions answered by you. I know it will be difficult but it will be better finding out from you rather than someone else if you inadvertently getting knocked down by the proverbial bus.
I haven't contacted my half sister for a number of reasons, partly because of the age difference between us and partly because I was in my 40s when I found out and I didn't want to upset her life.
Good luck!
And here is a chap from the year below me at school, a real wtf discovery when I saw his face in the paper!
There have been a lot of studies on this. Essentially most of us think we can tell when we're being lied to, but in reality none of us can consistently. We tend to believe other people, which makes it easy to trick us. Lying to people is easy, especially for those who do it enough to realise how easy it is to be believed.
Should I be worried that I've never seen anybody I know in the paper on murder, rape or kiddie porn charges? I'm now wondering if I'm the one with something to hide...
Slightly OT but Bob Hare's book on psychopathy (reckoned to be the leading authority on psychopaths) says 1:100 people have traits of a psychopath - that means most of us will know a few...
I can think of 3 people I've worked with who were deeply manipulative and lacking in empathy to a degree which was really quite shocking when you watched them carefully. Some of the lies were so blatant you wanted to laugh and they all had long histories of falling out with people . But there's plenty of people who thought these people were actually quite nice - basically they knew what to say to who to keep their image as a 'good' person.
I think a lot of people would prefer the world to be a nice place so they almost deliberately refuse to see the signs of evil - and this is exactly what the most manipulative people will prey on... paedophiles I suspect are much the same as psychopaths in that respect...
@ Philby & Mostly Balanced - thanks both of you for the advice, what you say makes a lot of sense. I'm hoping my attendance at my older daughter's graduation later this year will provide the impetus for her to 'accept' her half sister, and that in turn will pave the way for me discussing the subject with my younger one. I sense she's getting mature enough about relationships (at the tender age of 10!!) to make sense of it all, but like Mostly Balanced my biggest worry is that it'll make her feel insecure about our current family situation. Still, like Philby I'd rather she hear it from me and gets a chance to ask questions. Thanks.