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In case somebody had a great idea of what's going on, my VW Golf suddenly reported the following errors, see image below. I've booked my car with my local garagist but he won't be able to have a look before Friday. Thank you! 
This is where a decent ODBC reader is invaluable.
An ABS Fault could certainly trigger all those except the door warning. Some pressure loss systems do it by noting the wheel revolutions and comparing them from when it was last reset - my son's Fabia does that, and a loss of pressure results in a slightly 'smaller' circumference.
The ABS sensor/ring are part of this system, and if the sensor, or ring is faulty, then it will also disable stability, and possibly auto hold.
Did it happen during starting by any chance? Regardless, a low battery can trigger much weirdness. How olds the battery?
You can check the battery status on the dash, there’s some vids on youtube, although I don’t find the indicator particularly accurate.
Just myself had the low tyre pressure warning on my Skoda, after checking the pressures are the same on each axle I did need to reset the system through the infotainment system menu (very easy really).
Why the **** doesn’t it just say low battery or ABS sensor error? On purpose I suppose so you have no choice but to get it into a VW dealer (they hope).
I'd go for battery as first check as well - I found it quite amazing that I could get literally every warning light available apart from 'flat battery'. Think you hold the reset button for about 5 secs whilst turning the key and it gives you the submenu with battery health?
Yep second what fossy says. Sorted by doing what chickenman says (maybe).
It's a wheel speed sensor. The tips seem to wear somehow and lose the signal from the reluctor ring .
Because the tyre pressure monitor is not a tyre pressure monitor but a tyre radius monitor the ECU thinks the tyre is flat as it's not reading the rotation correctly.
Coupled with the abs warning lights, DSC not working.
Fortunately the parts are £10 a corner.
No point in playing parts darts , if you're in the aa then break down somewhere safe and ask the chap to pull the error codes .
my 2011 reg Passat estate came up with something very similar driving along the motorway last week -- warning lights for the parking brake, ESP, ABS and tyre pressure -- all at once, sometimes they all go off, but not for very long, plus brakes at front feel 'gratey' if applied hard, so it's going to the local garage tomorrow and I am hoping it's just the sensor and not the wheel bearing...
Gratey feel might be abs system thinking you are skidding because it's got a mismatch of wheel speeds so it feathers the brakes .
It will be a rear wheel speed sensor , most likely near side.
5 mins with a scanner and 10 mins to fit a new one.
It's a fantastic Christmas tree on the dashboard when they all come on , indicating certain death. The reality is alot less dramatic between you lost hill hold as well?
Ah that's interesting, thanks @singletrackmind, it certainly gave me a bit of a scare last week driving to Dublin when the dashboard lit up! I don't use the hill hold thing, perhaps I should!
Aaaaaaah…. It reminds me of the good old days of Mk4 Golfs. It was invariably an exhaust oxygen sensor
Spent forever cleaning out / replacing the MAF on my mkIV Golf GTi!
More than likely speed sensor ring on one of the rear wheel bearings is breaking up due to corrosion, this can also damage the wheel speed sensor. Easy fix once it is determined which one, normally replacing wheel bearing inc sensor ring and sensor.
Like others have said I'd go for low batery voltage, or an ABS sensor or ring. VAG cars generally use the ABS sensors to identify a speed differential across axles, to identify a loss of tyre pressure, due to the decreased radius of said tyre making it rotate more than the other tyre for a given speed.
I assume the doors/bonnet/boot lid open is because one of them is open.
Gonna guess and say it's a faulty electronic brake unit/module.
From the dash that's a Mk7? Other than the door warning those are exactly what ours showed when the battery needed changing. New battery and no more errors.
I have a theory about these warnings
I'm a Mazda euro 6 diesel owner
The typical problems with a euro 6 diesel would throw up warnings that I reckon a lot of drivers ignore
On the Mazda forums, the amount of warnings thrown up that have nothing to do with the actual problem is unbelievable
For example, tyre pressures or the smart city brake system are common warning messages that actually have nothing to do with the real problem. Literally zero.
My thinking is most people will ignore generic warnings about dpfs, adblue systems etc as long as the car is driving ok
Tell someone their tyres are flat or the brakes aren't going to work and they're more inclined to actually take it to a garage to investigate
Tell them the 2 sensors either side of the outlet manifold and exhaust are throwing up some weird voltages, they couldn't care less
The Mazda forums are full of this exact scenario and I imagine it plays out across other marques. The amount of absolutely 100% ignorant about anything remotely mechanical is quite staggering.
I had the ABS sensors (or possibly the rings ) go on my 2012 Passat a few years ago.
They affect auto-hold, electronic parking brake, ABS, ESC and TPMS as all work off readings from them and the list / warnings looked an awful lot like that.
A few weeks later it happened again (other side of the car).
The door thing I don't remember but it was a while back.
When part of the battery suddenly failed on the SMax about a year ago I also got a very similar list but also engine management light. Different brand but as I understand it the lack of adequate battery/power can put all sorts of electricity dependent stuff out of whack (technical term).
Good morning!
Thanks for all your replies!
And the answer was: faulty ABS sensor and new bearing needed on rear left wheel.
OF course when I took the car to the garage, all the warnings had disappeared! but it looks like the history of issues was stored somehow and they were able to retrieve the info.
For info, the fix cost me £250.
Have a great day.