[Closed] Valentines day...

'Roses are red'
The Hallmark of passion?
Then Poetry's dead.
And 'love' simply fashion.

My buttocks are red,
My scrotum is blue.
As true love my dear,
Is a dungeon for two.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got a knife
Get in the van

Roses are red
29ers are gays
... Cant remember the rest, sorry

Roses are red
Violets are blue
All of my base
Are belong to you.

I can't buy you chocolates,
The cost was too dear.
So please take the gift,
Of raging gonorrhoea.

When I feel cold and lonely,
When all seems out of place.
I picture your lips, your cheeks, your hair,
When you sit on my face.

You may look like a walrus,
and you may be kind of whiffy.
But I'll be yours forever love,
If you'll play with my stiffy.

(yes I'm bored)

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
It isn't very clever
To surprise Oscar Pistorious

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Do these flowers smell
Like chloroform to you?

Roses are red
And green are peas
now I've been nice
can I go out on my bike please?

I can't say that I will love you forever,
To promise would be a lie.
But to help to ensure our romantic longevity,
You'll be pickled as soon as you die.

There once was a bike brand from Halifax,
They’re ridden by people who eat lots of snacks.
Their pivot design is primitive,
Their construction is far from innovate.
Oh why do people buy these gopping things from Halifax?

Fat bike is orange,
Dalby is green,
I'm going to take you there,
And ride you, just us two.

(Yep, it's a poem to my bike)

I like when you laugh,
I like when you're silly,
I like when you ask me to
Play with your Scalextric.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Shit stinks
and so do you...

Give us a kiss. Mwa, mwa etc

Your skin the pale of snowdrops,
and you lips the blush of roses.
Got me banned from the late night petrol station,
For spaffing on the posies.

A weekend away for valentines?
For fun, romance and larks.
Could be that I'll even propose to you there,
If I can take you up Centre Parks.

'The Great Ape and the Fussy Cat' by Edward Lear.

The great ape and his shopping list went to the shop, on a beatiful winters eve.
He took some honey, and shit loads of money, enough to fill a wizards sleeve.

The great ape looked up to the aisle signs above, and sang to a small guitar,
Oh specialty ingredients, for this gluten free Valentine's meal, I don't know where the **** you are.

So he ambled away, for a year and a day, to the aisle where the special foods lie,
And there on a shelf, aiding digestive health, were the things that he needed to buy.

Dear ape are you willing, to buy for one shilling, this food - said the great ape 'I will',
So he took it away, to the place where you pay, and then shitted himself at the till.

For the cashier revealed, the cost of this meal, which was more than he'd spent on his car,
So he drove home quite sad, but felt that he had, at the very least earned a glimpse of her bra.

That's very good indeed!