Useless superskillz and antiskillz

I'm expert at cycling a long way to a cafe that's closed.

I can kill a thread dead by just replying to it.

I can kill a thread dead by just replying to it.

And now you can't even do that.... 😁

every packet of tablets I’ve opened in my life has been the instructions end,

Everyone does that. The packets are designed to make the instruction end easier to open.

I can forget someone's name, as they are actually in the process of shaking my hand and telling me it, even though I am desperately focusing on remembering it.

You do realise that the instructions are always at the end with the embossing.

I’ve a technique of getting a duvet into its cover and neatly onto a bed in a few (quite energetic, perhaps even violent) seconds…. The manoeuvre means that I end up in the bed under the duvet and occasionally a light bulb gets broken

I'm a threadkiller, twisted threadkiller

I'm awesome at breaking things. Specifically handles. Ive been known to accidentally snap the handles off mugs full of hot tea, windows, tool boxes and other things with handles, it's a curse. I try to be careful but it happens.

every packet of tablets I’ve opened in my life has been the instructions end

Whilst I empathaise with the endeavour, I feel you are battling the laws of probability.

Plot twist - I always seem to open them upside down too.

I am an expert at trudging round the house in my coat and bike helmet with my rucksack on, looking for my keys or wallet or both (quite possibly while actually holding one of them)

The search will often involve going upstairs at least twice, with swearing

Whilst I empathaise with the endeavour, I feel you are battling the laws of probability.

Plot twist – I always seem to open them upside down too.

The ends of the box will give you a clue if they’re flat: if the box has colour on it, the end that’s coloured will be the end with the instructions, if it is mostly white or a single colour, the end with the product name on will have the instructions.

The trick, obviously, is remembering which is which. I, of course, seldom do. *sigh*

(I’ve just gone and checked the boxes of some prescription medications I picked up earlier today, for that very reason).

I’m amazing at missing my mouth with any beverage. I also have a sneeze that is insanely loud.

First thing I do every morning is put a hoody on that is on my gym bag next to my bed. I do this in the dark at about 4.30

I'd say 80% of the time, I put it on backwards.

SuperSkill - I can solve a Rubik's cube.
SuperUnSkill - In about 2mins World Record is Sub 3.5 secs....

Doing bugger all with a day off.

I have to amazing power of constantly checking my watch to see the time only to have the hands sitting absolutely dead on top of each other...and no I don't just look at it at midnight. No idea when this will ever come in handy.

I can guess the weight of a banana (+/- 5% accuracy) by looking at it.

Superskill: pronouncing Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch

@maccruiskeen
Needs a video...

I cannot wear watches.  They stop.  Mechanical or electronic, pocket or wrist they only work for a few days.

But I have an internal clock in my head that is usually accurate to within 5 mins

When I've booked some time off, and organised a 2 day biking trip, it will not only be inclement, there will in fact be an actual storm warning. The following couple of days - that I will spend cleaning bicycles after the trip in my garden, will be calm warm and sunny.

I can keep a cheap phone in pristine condition for years with no effort.
I can break, or lose, a flashy expensive phone before the battery needs recharging.

I am not allowed nice things.

I don't break them, I temporarily loose them. I will hunt for days trying to find said thing, and I will give up and resolve to buy a new one, where I will invariably find that it's doubled in price or has a ton of features I don't want or will never use, that means it's grown in size. I pay for it, it gets delivered, where upon I will immediately find it's predecessor.

This happens more often that can only be chance, I assume some God finds this amusing, and occasionally it says to one of it's other God friends..."Watch this ..."

Getting to work to realise I can’t log on to most of the services I need because I’ve forgotten my phone and with it the ability to use the Authenticator app.

I am seemingly impervious to local anesthetic. Despite me telling dentists/a&e staff this many times, they never believe me, and then always seem surprised.

Last minor filling took three shots and eventually a nerve block.
Resetting of screwed up nose took 4 shots.

I seem to be able to always get a spoon in the way of the water when I leave stuff in the sink and turn the tap on. I have started pushing myself to get back to the ways I had when I was working in kitchens and not leaving anything in the sink.

I'm a beermat-flipping god. I once played in a "pub olympics" game and not only did I royally destroy all the other teams but they had me keep going, the pub ran out of (flat) coasters before I'd dropped any.

I can stack coins on my elbow and catch them.

I love little stunts like this that take five minutes' practice to be reasonably competent at. And I'm happy with "reasonably competent," I'm reasonably competent at many things as I lack the patience or commitment to be truly good at something like playing guitar or suchlike.

I seem to be able to always get a spoon in the way of the water when I leave stuff in the sink and turn the tap on.

Oh, thank the gods it's not just me. Motherloving teaspoon fountain every sodding time.

It's guaranteed that I'll use the 1st btuun in the second hole when putting on a duvet cover. Then not notice until I'm at the end.
Also applies to buttoning up kids clothes. And don't get me started on baby grow poppers.

The ends of the box will give you a clue if they’re flat: if the box has colour on it, the end that’s coloured will be the end with the instructions, if it is mostly white or a single colour, the end with the product name on will have the instructions

Just tried that on 4 boxes of the same prescription meds; it was 50/50.

When I’ve booked some time off, and organised a 2 day biking trip, it will not only be inclement, there will in fact be an actual storm warning.

Similarly I always seem to be ill/ injured when not at work.
E.g this easter is the first time off since Christmas. I've had headaches, piriformis aggravation which triggered sciatica which has caused a lower back issue.

I can stack coins on my elbow and catch them.

According to my 10yo I’m uncool because I can’t do that (or more accurately I’ve just refused to try).

Skill: I can remember pretty much any three-letter-acronym that I've come across.

Antiskill: I forgot the code to the burglar alarm at home last week at 2am.

I'm not allowed to throw anything inside a park boundary due to the superpower of losing the kid's toys.
My record count is six items in one tree in one park visit.
This was almost as special as buying an Aerobie flying disc at the shop, driving immediately to the park and then demonstrating how "it's done" by throwing it onto the cafe roof.
Saddest trudge back to the car ever.

Incredibly skilled at accidentally kicking footballs at young children, often at their heads.
It's become a family joke now when we go anywhere with a football we have to make sure there are no kids in a 100m radius. I've been told off my angry parents/grandparents several times.

I can forget my work LAN password after a mere 2 week holiday. To negate this superskillz I’ve written it down which is obviously bad security practice so I’ve hidden the written down password thus giving my second superskillz the opportunity to manifest 🙂

I bleed easily. No, really easily and quite a lot. I dived into a swimming pool, swam breaststroke for the 25m to the other end and was asked to leave because halfway along the length of the pool my leg started bleeding enough for the lifeguard to spot the discoloured water.

When I got out there was a one inch cut on my shin. This is not something I was aware of before entering the pool and I wasn't bleeding in the changing rooms. The only explanation that could be thought of was it was a scab over an old cut that dissolved and let the cut bleed.

I can catch my shirt on a door handle, any handle, done it loads of times.

I'm really clumsy. No really!
If there's a door to be walked into, or a cup to be dropped, or table corner to dead your leg on, I will do it. It's a running joke at home and work.

On the other hand, I play guitar and other instruments to high level, am pretty handy on my bike, and still have all my appendages after 15 years as a technology teacher using band saws, table saws, routers, etc.

Go figure!?

Oh, this one is both.

Having spent most of my life living at a house with a kitchen bedecked with earthenware floor tiles forged in the fires of Mordor, I've honed a twitch reaction to catch things with my foot. Great when I open a cupboard and a mug falls out. Less great when it's a Sabatier chef's knife and I'm wearing sandals.

Super skill; My spidey sense tingles if I touch my trouser pocket and I don't immediatley detect the presence of my mobile phone.

Anti skill; I once resorted to using googles 'find my device' service, when in a fit of despair I couldn't find my phone after a few frantic mins, and as I was sat in front of a computer at the time...

My phone dually rang. It was 2 feet away from me.

Im great at buying things. And also at getting a bargain.

Not always the right thing, but i think of it as retail therapy.SoI kind of roll my superskil/antiskil into the one.

Last bargain, other than the new hope pro5 rear wheel which i needed and by mistake i got a 27'5 instead of a 29, which fills both ends of my bargain/not the right thing criteria 😆 though I did just get my Sister a gift of a helly hansen parka at 80% off.

Im great at buying things.

I'm the opposite. I have the world record for the most number of online shopping carts that expire due to indecision in a single month. I can spend a week researching which widget to buy, have four separate options lined up across multiple carts to work out which is the cheapest and then can't quite summon up the courage to click buy.

I am however very good at reaching a point where a decision has to be made about whether or not to have "Just one more" and always, always, always, having "just one more."

I have the amazing ability to fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.

My partner tells me that countless times she's asked me something, only for me to make a big exhale of air and be snoring mid-reply, if indeed I make it as far as a reply.

Staying asleep on the other hand...
Usually awake at 3am or so and have to hit up a couple of Desert Island Discs to get back to sleep.

I have the amazing ability to fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.

My partner tells me that countless times she’s asked me something, only for me to make a big exhale of air and be snoring mid-reply, if indeed I make it as far as a reply.

A mate of mine could fall asleep mid-sentence. And then wake up an hour later and continue the sentence as if nothing happened. It was actually quite disturbing.

Tremble before me, mere mortals, for I am Volume Man!

I can tell, from one look at the remaining contents of a pan/casserole dish/slow cooker pot, the correct plastic container(s) that should be used for storing it in the freezer so that they are exactly filled to capacity. Every time.

I'm also, without particularly trying to be, ridiculously, like to the second, punctual

MTB related, i can happily strip and service a suspension fork, but cannot put a saddle on a seatpost without dropping and losing at least one of the bolts.

Or i can happily navigate open moorland or mountains and have a really good sense of direction, yet commonly cannot remember where i have parked car when i've only been in supermarket 20 minutes.

I can spend a week researching which widget to buy, have four separate options lined up across multiple carts to work out which is the cheapest and then can’t quite summon up the courage to click buy.

I should add that when it comes to buying gifts for other people rather than myself, I always seem to happen on exactly the thing that person really really wanted or needed, and I've chosen it within 5 minutes of entering the shop.
Months later they are wearing or using the thing I bought as opposed to anything else they got. Like the nephews, even up until the late teenage years their xmas usually very extensive and expensive prezzies from my sis and bil are cast by the wayside and they play with the thing I got them 😀

Or i can happily navigate open moorland or mountains and have a really good sense of direction, yet commonly cannot remember where i have parked car when i’ve only been in supermarket 20 minutes.

This is me also, I can easily follow a feint track, or navigate across featureless moors, but drop me in the Traffy and there's a good chance I'll die of starvation before I find the Food Hall.

Superskillz? I can sleep sitting upright in a S2/3 landrover front (passengers*) seat, my ability to sleep regardless has infuriated my insomniac partner for years, though my snoring doesn't help her much. She used to get up, make herself a drink, I'd wake ask where mine was? So she took to making me a drink (tea) too, I'd wake up drink it, and go straight back to sleep...I really don't help, when she's suffering.

Antiskillz? I can faff for England.. you wouldn't believe how much I can faff. Need to be ready to leave a 9, yeah no chance,10 maybe...

* I know how pedantic you ppl are.. one of my bosses used to have an american truck, we spent 18month going to London on the M40, with me asleep in the normal UK drivers position

I can tell the difference between Revels. The flat chocolate ones are obviously easy but I can also tell if you're holding a chocolate or orange fondant.

15 years ago I recall some uni mates declining a lift in the shitbox escort and borrowing their oldmans Audi for the drive to Shrewsbury.

Same people also saved a fortune on fuel by having a total break failure between Shrewsbury and the motorway.

We got home mid afternoon. They got home the next day after doing the relay fun and games all the way up the road 2-3 hours per truck plus waiting.

Apparently I have the antiskillz of being in and replying to one thread and it appearing in another.. ..... 3-2-1

I am remarkably adept at going to the shops 'for just one thing' and coming home with several different things and not the one thing I went for in the first place.  Almost guaranteed to happen these days.  Bike related I can never index gears first time out.  It just never works for me.  Then I go away, leave it for a bit, come back and can dial them in in seconds.

Superskill - [s]I can stay logged into the STW forum for more than five minu-[/s] nah, no-one will believe that 😉

I can accurately predict the number of added minutes at the end of a football match.

but drop me in the Traffy and there’s a good chance I’ll die of starvation before I find the Food Hall.

To be honest, if I had to choose between dying of starvation or a visit to the Trafford Centre, I'd have to have a bit of a think.