[Closed] Urine simmering incidents. Stick your rants here.

"Bobbing for chips."

Fantastic imagery, thanks. I'll drop that one into my next (mostly pointless) 5 hour meeting.

Why can Swedes never, ever, ever make a decision?

Not so much a rant, more an overwhelming sadness...

[img] [/img]

Wheres the rest of it,Kayak?

Probably the greatest sandwich combo ever, completely ruined!

They put the toms on the front edge to draw you in. Little did I know the insipid disappointment awaiting 😥

Scandalous.

Probably the greatest sandwich combo ever

Unless there's some bacon I've not spotted that's patently untrue.

They put the toms on the front edge to draw you in

and, yes, well done Cougar with "bobbing for chips" 😀

They put the toms on the front edge to draw you in. Little did I know the insipid disappointment awaiting

I've got a photo somewhere of a pizza from ASDA absolutely loaded with topping. Took it out of the box and it [i]was [/i]absolutely loaded - where the window in the cardboard box was.

And to add to my earlier the lass on the plane who most likely has a powered by fairy dust type sticker on her car with the jumbo box of donuts who has tried to walk through me all the way down the plane as we got off...

And we're about to have the only place to stand is 3" from the baggage conveyor...

Bought myself an old MX5 because there was a thread on here and I'm obviously very impressionable. Anyway after shampoo and conditioning the roof a cat decided to start taking a daily nap on there, leaving hairs all over it. I figured that I am a fairly easy going guy, and it's just a few hairs, I can live with that, that it's probably just enjoying the sun on there and once the weather turns it will stop. Went out yesterday, nope, now its wet there are muddy cat paw prints all over the soft top, this means war.

mrlebowski - Member
BREXIT.

END OF THREAD.

Brexiteers telling remainers to shut up and not understanding that while they "won", still almost half the country (that voted) did not agree with them and thus the country's decision is not representative.

mikewsmith - Member
And to add to my earlier the lass on the plane who most likely has a powered by fairy dust type sticker on her car with the jumbo box of donuts who has tried to walk through me all the way down the plane as we got off...

And we're about to have the only place to stand is 3" from the baggage conveyor...

As my friends says "Powered by Fairydust, driven by Jabba the Hut"!

That would be the one, she didn't need the 2 dozen donuts...

Boss: We really need to get that report done by the 22nd.
Me: No worries, I'm likely of be off on Paternity leave, imminently, but I've already been working on it and if you get me the financial info I need today I can make sure it's done.
Boss: I'll send that over next week.
Me: (Silently) I'm no going to be here next week am I, I'm going to be dealing with a crying, pooping thing, an overtired wife and a highly charged 2 and half year old. You could give me the f** info now, and I can do it this afternoon, but no, you're going to hold on to it for no reason, and then blame me when the report isn't done. f* f wit

C Y A - send the boss an email with read receipt explaining same and when the shit hits, dig out said email saying told you so.

[quote=steve-g ]Bought myself an old MX5 because there was a thread on here and I'm obviously very impressionable. Anyway after shampoo and conditioning the roof

You borrowed supplies from work?

People who whinge when I park in disabled or parent and child spaces.

my sons tablet stopped working last month...with just under a week to go on the warranty. took it back to Currys to get it sorted out by Lenovo. Was told it would take between 5-10 working days....its now been there for 6 weeks with no update. the documents the customer service number on the paperwork is not the store contact number as apparently they are not allowed to give them out to customers. ive rung that number with the job reference number and its not logged on their system. i went in 3 weeks ago to ask what was going on and they said they had no news and that it can actually take up to 28 days!!
my piss has been boiled to the point of evaporation...theyre gonna get it this weekend with both barrels!

idiot drivers who dont park straight in parking bays at work. some overpaid idiot colleague in a range rover did it yesterday so i reversed my car in next to it. my car was in the middle of my bay yet there was less than 6 inches between my passenger door and the drivers door.
same again this morning....some people never ******* learn!!

idiot drivers who dont park straight in parking bays at work.

We've one here. It's always the same car, and it's always parked straddling a white line. I think I've seen it fully in a bay once.

Powered by fairy dust

I passed one of these the other day, some typical beaten-up supermini or other, PBFD sticker on the tailgate and a pink Playboy bunny emblem where the EU badge should be on the registration plate. As I was being quietly judgemental about what the driver probably looked like, I glanced over in passing to find that driver was in fact a huge bald-headed bloke. He looked like a Russan powerlifter with a sideline in cage fighting.

Powered by Angle Dust stickers are hard to come by, y'see.

Shelf stackers always stacking shelves in my Sainsbury's Local, which is too small a place to fit more than three people in the shop at any one time anyway.

I say stacking, they're actually just shuffling around trying to look like they're doing something rather than having to attend to a till or deal with booze or "unexpected item in the bagging area" on the self service check outs.

the dirty bagstard who took a steaming dump in the toilet and didnt bother to flush afterwards!!

people who go for a piss and dont wash their hands afterwards...there's a few at work who do this...i wouldnt shake their hands with gloves on!!

Dog walkers that don't pick up after their dogs.
Drivers who ignore me when I'm riding the bike.
People who moan about dogs that are going to kill them - they won't stop and talk to the dog.

lunge - Member

People who think everything was better back in the day. The railways were shite under British Rail and are much, much better now.

Yes, because train and network technology has improved and we've spent a shitload of money on it. We spend over twice as much in real terms now on the railways than we did pre-privatisation, tickets are on average 25% higher in real terms, and the huge majority of investment comes from the public purse (IIRC something like 91% of all investment in the railways is from government, and a chunk of that investment essentially goes directly to shareholders)

I don't remember trains being so inhumanly crowded and consistently late or cancelled back in the BR days.

chakaping - Member 
I don't remember trains being so inhumanly crowded and consistently late or cancelled back in the BR days.

But then there were less people on the roads and less people in the country back then too (and sorry if it makes me sexist for saying it, but sexism kept women at home, not commuting to work 😉 ).

State of the roads has pushed a lot onto the railways too, and they can't cope. Lack of investment in the 70s and 80s has something to do with it. Hell, you can go further back and blame Beeching 😉

DIY nobheads, specifically noisy DIY nobheads.

Just buy the house you want in the first place or if you must make changes get someone in who knows what they're doing and will finish it in an afternoon rather than the month after month you'll drag the job on making a hash with one power tool after another until you finally give in, the wifes left you for someone more intresting and the house is wortth t'pence.

I would take DIY nobheads our with the same 50cal otherwise reserved for speeders, pavement parkers and litterbugs and similar anti social crets.

Better now, thanks.

People who fire into me for being judgemental but fail to realise that they are thus doing the same. If they want freedom for their beliefs then I can have mine.
More importantly, sticks in the compost heap. I mean STICKS. Bloody wife.

people who go for a piss and dont wash their hands afterwards...

Do you piss on your hands?

Do you go for a shower before expecting horatio?

If they want freedom for their beliefs then I can have mine.

Ok, I'll bite. What beliefs?

expecting horatio?

Autocorrect, or is that some new euphemism? Sorry I can't answer the question (if I've interpreted correctly) as it's not something I'd expect 🙁

Upgrading to iOS 10, then finding out that you can't backup phone to your old mac as it's 'obsolete' and doesn't support the version of iTunes required. Apple support say I can't downgrade back to iOs 9 and their solution was to buy a new Mac. 😡

Well firstly, trying to get hold of any help desk... Especially Microsoft or PlayStation etc. I don't want to email I want to rant over the phone but instead I get the inevitable "you are placed no 20'000 in the que". FFS!

then there's my work place... Two employers plus there respective other halves who work there and also sons of the two employers.. So 6 people from 2 house holds and they all drive in... Separately!!! 6 freekin cars. They are taking the piss. And then they have the nerve to moan about me leaving cycling gear in the office or if I have wet clothes. And they refuse to let me leave the bike in our big empty stores forcing me to leave it in the ropey unsecured bike shed.

Do you piss on your hands?

Do you go for a shower before expecting horatio?

The amusing thing is it's purely a psychological issue, as once you leave the bog you're going to be touching door handles, desks and keyboards which typically harbour more potentially dangerous bacteria.

Unless you work with aids ridden junkies.

Autocorrect, or is that some new euphemism?

It's me being "funny."

1. Sandwiches ... so boring ... so boring ... so so boring ...
2. Overpriced items.

Powered by Angle Dust stickers are hard to come by, y'see.

Nice one Si - that is going on the next framebuild 🙂

Bellends who make their way into the two outer lanes of a motorway even though theres sod all in the first lane or 2.

Can't they see?

Honestly, I make better progress in the inside lane undertaking them all.

I'm generally pretty chilled but 'inconsideration' be it, as CoolhandLuke refers, middle lane twonks, people who stop in doors or bottom of escalators when they don't know where to go - get out of the way fool -, a general lack of manners, dog poo in bags (really, you took the effort to bag it and then you just left it?), arghh, just 'the public' in general a lot of the time...

Mine, all mine 😈
Still annoyed by those bloody sticks.

I hate this whiny little prick

[img] [/img]

Do you piss on your hands?

I hate this whiny little prick

Agreed. This little turd effectively taught my boy, when he was 2, to whine about stuff and not eat banana's with even the slightest hint of brown on (It's too squishy). Fortunately he grew out of watching it in about a fortnight.

your gentleman's sausage doesnt just jump out and back in by itself and therefore youve been touching it at some point during the process

It's OK, I'm assured mine is sterile. 🙂

But this is one of my bugbears at the local climbing wall. Dirty mingers waltz straight out of the khazi and onto the wall, so I have to crimp down on their pubic residue for the rest of the evening.

your gentleman's sausage doesnt just jump out and back in by itself and therefore youve been touching it at some point during the process

Dunno about you, but I wash mine occasionally.

Dunno about you, but I wash mine occasionally.

i wash mine regularly too...but i also know that during the day in a warm office things may get a little sweaty...and besides how d you know they didnt get a bit of piss on their hands and just didnt notice it/couldnt be bothered to wash it but wiped it on their trousers?

And yet you'll presumably happily munch down on your significant others crotch of an evening?

And yet you'll presumably happily munch down on your significant others crotch of an evening?

no

Dunno about you, but I wash mine occasionally.

Me too, but less often than I wash my hands.

Powered by Angle Dust stickers are hard to come by, y'see.

Nice one Si - that is going on the next framebuild

You'd probably be better off being precious about washing your hands after using a computer keyboard than after touching your own cock.

It's what I type with anyway so that's ok.

Well if that's the case you may as well piss all over your hands on purpose.

As long as you don't use your hands at the climbing wall, only your cock.

MrSparkle - Member

Powered by Angle Dust stickers are hard to come by, y'see.

Nice one Si - that is going on the next framebuild

Idiots who type Angle instead of Angel. FFS.

people who go for a piss and dont wash their hands afterwards..

My penis is clean, my urine is sterile, there are probably millions of fecal coliforms on the taps in the toilets.......

Alan Sugar - his face just irritates me. Miserable, grouchy swine. Looks like a live action Oscar the Grouch. Either grow a real beard or shave that crap off of your old testicle looking face. See also Gordon Ramsey. Face like a leather wallet that's been lost at sea for a decade. Both seem to make a living from being a bit angry, just don't get it.

Thomas the Tank Engine. Hope my son never gets in to it. There's an episode where they entomb an engine in a tunnel because he wants to break the Sodor sentient train caste system. WTF is that all about?

My penis is clean, my urine is sterile, there are probably millions of fecal coliforms on the taps in the toilets......

so are mine but i still wash after ive been.
taps are automatic...so no need to touch them

My penis is clean, [b]my urine is sterile[/b], there are probably millions of fecal coliforms on the taps in the toilets.......

No it isn't.

Cycling into town in the sun yesterday at around 5pm I had a pretty convincing punishment pass from a local builder's crew bus.
A short distance further on there was a cycle route that gets me off the road and cuts out about 3/4 mile of heavy traffic. I get into Didcot, stop at a red light and then realise the vehicle behind me is close, very close and still moving uphill towards me. He hits my rear wheel at a couple of MPH and and when I turn around it is the same crew bus that bruised past me.
I wasn't happy but wagged a finger and carried on.
I seethed a lot and finally contacted his employers - Boshers of Cholsey - to explain what had happened. It will be interesting to see their response when the MD i back. Should I mention this to the police as well? They can't really do anything but at least it will be on record. I'm also going to contact local cycle groups on Facebook and Twitter to see if the driver has form. Any other suggestions.
Mt pi55 is starting to cool down 24hrs later.

people who think its acceptable to stop for a chat in the aisles of supermarkets, while stood between their trolleys. Most aisles are wide enough for 4 trolleys abreast, so feel free to chat, just leave room for others to get past.

Err... It probably is....

I sometimes wash before a wazz, who wants dirty hands all over their john thomas.

All I could hear in the adjacent office this morning:

"and I was like.... yeah, and he was like.... no, and I was like.... whatever, and I was like..... shocked.......like get over it...."

Since when has the word [b]like[/b] been used every other word to describe a conversation.....

GRRRRR......

I sometimes wash before a wazz, who wants dirty hands all over their john thomas.

I suspect you mean before a wee, but wazz meant something else when I was at school.

wazz = wee, see also whizz.

Another thing...

Otherwise great smartphones that will only charge from one particular lead in the whole sodding world.

people who think its acceptable to stop for a chat in the aisles of supermarkets, while stood between their trolleys. Most aisles are wide enough for 4 trolleys abreast, so feel free to chat, just leave room for others to get past.

It never ceases to amaze me how one person can single-handedly block off an entire eight-foot aisle, or how often it happens.

All I could hear in the adjacent office this morning:

"and I was like.... yeah, and he was like.... no, and I was like.... whatever, and I was like..... shocked.......like get over it...."

I've a mate who tells tales thus, "so I turned around and said... so he turned around and said... so then I turned around and did this..." I have a mental image him and his accomplice conducting a conversation, both continually revolving on the spot.

Divorcee next door was lonely, despite have three kids at home, and being out with her mates most nights of the week. Sooo... she decides to get a dog, a springer. On the whole it's well looked after, but as soon as it's left on its own, all lonely like, and is able to get into the living room where it can see the street and people, it starts barking until someone is home.

Tad annoying and f***ing selfish to be lonely and leave an attention needy breed all alone all day when she and the kids are out.

Tad=massively, in this case.

This victim blaming press release from the Road Haulage Association https://www.rha.uk.net/news/press-releases/2016-09-september/rha-reservations-over-mayor’s-plan-to-cut-cycling

I sometimes wash before a wazz, who wants dirty hands all over their john thomas.

Thats the difference between the working class (wash hands before a wee) and the middle class (wash hands after a wee).

The upper class pay a call-girl to wee on them 😯

But this is one of my bugbears at the local climbing wall. Dirty mingers waltz straight out of the khazi and onto the wall, so I have to crimp down on their pubic residue for the rest of the evening.

F***ers who bleed on the wall but don't tell anyone who works there so the next poor bugger along has to crimp on their bloodstains. That's a bit more disgusting that a miniscule amount of pubic residue

I've caught one one shirt-off-w**ker at Rokt doing this a couple of times now and the gormless moron doesn't seem to understand why I was calling him out on it

The dozy old shit in the blue bmw 5 series who near enough took the skin off my elbow in a close pass today.

Arrrggggggh!

[img] [/img]

Think I just waved my arms in a disgusted fashion though.

Assorted pricks that display behaviour related to this image. I love arguing with this **** as well. "IF I WANT TO PARK HERE I ****ING WILL. STOP PHOTOGRAPHING MY CAR YOU PERVERT.**** OFF" trolololol.

[IMG] [/IMG]

Edit: Taken adjacent to 3 full size, vacant parking spaces.Disgraceful spunknugget.

Stevet1 - Member
wazz = wee, see also whizz

wazz = stroke (non-medical kind)
whizz = amphetamines

HTH

Pavement clutter. On the rare stretch of pavement not obstructed by cars and vans, there are sandwich boards. Why do places with a huge shop window and more often than not a sign hanging above the door see the need to block 3/5ths of the pavement?!!
Also, bicycles with signs on them for some shop or other, locked up at a cycle rack - argh!

Likewise on the irresponsible dog purchases. People who buy a dog but can't be bothered to walk them and never take them with them when going out, so guess what, the dog is whining and barking all day long while they're out. Of course they claim the dog is happy and never does this, because they are not home to witness it.

When a prisoner comes to the office on the wing & starts his sentence (see what I did there) with either, 'are you listening?' or, 'obviously'.

spunknugget

That is going to be used by me at work from now on. 😈

Power cuts! Haven't had em for decades, now 2 today. It really is rather irritating and doesn't do my NAS much good.

people that order deliveries,with no house number you can see.
So you have to walk up to every door in the street at night, and are always late for the rest of your customers
They can afford 200k for a house, but cant afford a number sign

And nights when you cant sleep