[Closed] Urinal etiquette

Just drink a gallon of asparagus juice and follow him in once he's been showered with stinky splashback piss turn to him and give him your best 'told you so' face.

Relax, I'm sure he isn't judging you by the size of your penis. He probably didn't even look..

the three pisser sequence is as follows

furthest from door
nearest to door
middle

next time you find him taking the middle urinal out of choice, just stand behind him till he's finished.

I agree with you, outside ones first.

Print a sign and stick it above the middle urinal to remind him he's weird.

poisonspider

There's a guy who always goes to the middle one, which means if someone else comes in they have no option but stand right next to him and potentially get his piss-splash-back down their trousers.

How else is he supposed to admire the wangs of random colleagues ? If it wasn't for the close proximity urinals you describe what option would there be for perfectly hetero penis admirers to cock spot in real life?

I don't care about position per se, but what I do care about is not getting piss - mine or anyone else's - on my strides. So if the urinal type and provision of piss walls is such that there will be no splash back, then I'll use any of them. But if they are badly designed urinals or there is no piss wall then sod that, I'll go and piss in a cubicle - with the door open, obviously, I'm not a scuttler!

No he doesn't look but he does make this incredibly loud foreskin clacking sound when he's shaking the drips off.

Bleurghh!! 🙁

No he doesn't look but he does make this incredibly loud foreskin clacking sound when he's shaking the drips off.

Is he knocking the drips off by banging it on the urinal or maybe your leg?

If you're not supposed to use the middle one then why have 3?

If it really is because of splashback then why not just have two and a bigger gap between them as it would never be possible to safely have more than 2 simultaneous urinators!

Sledgehammer to the middle urinal.

Stick an official looking laminated notice over the middle urinal saying it is for out of hours / emergency use only. To reduce employee wxposure to splashback. By order of the management.

A turd layed in the middle urinal (either fake or real) could also work.

If you're not supposed to use the middle one then why have 3?

I guess it's for emergency situations, for those who are really busting for a pee so don't mind invading peoples personal space, or they think peeing in a sit down cubicle is just weird.

It doesn't help that he stands with his legs so wide apart you can't get central on the one your trying to use without almost rubbing legs with him.

I didn't mention I'm his boss, is it time to pull rank?! (poor choice of words there perhaps)

You always leave a space and dont take the middle one

At mine if you take the nearest to the door you walk in and then just stand about two foot away staring at the pisser who is now sideways on.
Some still take that one and you cannot even get passed them

A turd layed in the middle urinal (either fake or real) could also work.

😆

Always choose the vacant urinal closest to the door.

Or have a sit down pee.

You're all wrong. Its nearest the door first, then furthest from the door, then trap 1, trap 2 etc until all traps are full. Then, and only then do you use the middle urinal. And if its a nightclub and everyone's drunk you have to factor in sinks and bins, and then it gets properly complicated.

Go in early and drop a log in the middle one .

Out of 3, I would always choose the middle one.

Anyway:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

and

http://www.urinalman.com/

then trap 1, trap 2 etc until all traps are full

But you CANNOT shut the door!

A bloke who locks himself in a cubicle just for a pee is not normal. Even worse would be a sit-down-wee-wee type. Freaks!!

tillydog - Member
Out of 3, I would always choose the middle one.

WEIRDO!

I once bumped into Sven Goran Erikkson in a toilet at The Lowrey in Manchester (just before he signed for Citeh). He used the middle urinal.

Maybe put an 'out of order' sign in the middle one? 😕

A bloke who locks himself in a cubicle just for a pee is not normal. Even worse would be a sit-down-wee-wee type. Freaks!!

Do you check?

Is this really about splashback (in which case the urinals shouldn't be so close together - even in emergencies) or is it really about personal space (aka feelings of inadequacy). I think we all know the real answer.

How have your bladder purges become so synchronised that this has become an issue? Just stop following him to the toilet or is he following you?

I once bumped into Sven Goran Erikkson in a toilet at The Lowrey in Manchester (just before he signed for Citeh). He used the middle urinal.

He also used Ulrika, wonder if she was in the middle.

A bloke who locks himself in a cubicle just for a pee is not normal. Even worse would be a sit-down-wee-wee type. Freaks!!

with the corrollary of ,,,

A bloke who goes into the works toilet just for a slash has wasted an opportunity.
Why go on a day trip when you can treat yourself to an extended china cruise?

furthest from door
nearest to door
middle

Is this really about splashback (in which case the urinals shouldn't be so close together - even in emergencies) or is it really about personal space

Both of these.

feelings of inadequacy

It's really not this, he's tiny. I looked.

Do you check?

Do I check for what?

Cling film. Nice and tight, wrinkle free, on the middle one....

And wait.

No urinals in the gents at my office, just a row of sticky floored cubicles with the remnants of a thousand pisses splashed liberally over them.

I've used the immaculate disabled loo since day 1. Has great arm rests for prolonged CoC play sessions.

Do I check for what?

What you said in you post?!

Was mid flow in a pub loo in Windsor once - when (no lie) Natalie Imbruglia wanders in and stares right at me.

She chose the wrong door (apparently). Best piss ever?

the three pisser sequence is as follows

furthest from door
nearest to door
middle

This...it's the rules!

We don't have any in the new offices so it's not an issue, so its traps only however the staff shower has a toilet sign on it which always catches visitors out...although I din't think anyone has pissed in there...yet.

The urinals in the old place were way too close together and there wasn't room to two side by side if one of the larger chaps was using one of them!

If the room is empty when you go in where do you stand, the one nearest the door, the middle one or the one furthest from the door?

Generally people will choose a urinal where people won't walk behind them, so the one furthest from the door. When you're taking a pish, you're vulnerable to attack - from a psychological perspective although in some pubs this may also be a real life scenario.

Anyway the guy may know this and just wants to mess with your head.

We've only got two in a row in our gents at work. The problem is they are so close together that you have to properly rub shoulders with the guy next to you. There is a 12ft long wall and they put the urinals about 6 inches apart.

Don't forget to repeatedly spit.

Why is it people do that?

Don't forget to repeatedly spit.

Why is it people do that?

Lubrication?

Just stand really close to him when you go in. Literally shoulders touching, if he looks at you just smile and carry on.

Or just relax and go for a sit down wee, you're at work take your time.

Fella at work does same. His logic is that it's the cleanest one. Can't really argue with that. He does also lock trap 2 from outside when he's using trap 1 as he doesn't like company, and when a sign was put up asking not to pre-load the pan knew what it meant. I didn't have the foggiest. He's convinced I'm the one with the problem.

Anyway the guy may know this and just wants to mess with your head.

I feared this may be the case, I'll bring it up in his next appraisal;

"We may need to initiate a formal performance review if you continue to exhibit such poor urinal etiquette."

Or

"Stop splashing your piss and clapping your foreskin in the bogs you freak, or you're sacked!!"

One or the other, not decided my strategy yet.

Was mid flow in a pub loo in Windsor once - when (no lie) Natalie Imbruglia wanders in and stares right at me.

Did you meet her eyes or look away? You must have been torn...

"Stop splashing your piss and clapping your foreskin in the bogs you freak, or you're sacked!!"

In this instance 'sacked' may not be the best word to use 🙂

Also you could 'pull' him up on the old 'more than two shakes is a w8nk'. Masturbating in the workplace is a serious offence

Maybe he's just trying to be as awkward as possible:

[url= https://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/ ]https://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/[/url]

Aside from all the rules above why do strangers feel it's acceptable to talk to other complete strangers whilst at a urinal? I'm trying to get effluent out of my body as quickly as possible, I don't want to discuss the weather.

We have two urinals in our office, we all do the decent thing and if someone is using one we go back out and do our business later or use a trap upstairs.

Aside from all the rules above why do strangers feel it's acceptable to talk to other complete strangers whilst at a urinal?

Why not, you're only doing a pee.

It's a little bit odd as you are basically stood in a strangers comfort zone with your knob out. Maybe some people just make nervous conversation? I prefer total silence apart from a 'nice one mate' if the guy next to me farts.

Fella at work does same. His logic is that it's the cleanest one. Can't really argue with that. He does also lock trap 2 from outside when he's using trap 1 as he doesn't like company, and when a sign was put up asking not to pre-load the pan knew what it meant. I didn't have the foggiest. He's convinced I'm the one with the problem.

He's got some serious toilet issues...locking T2 to ensure no 'company' is taking it a bit far.

a 'nice one mate' if the guy next to me farts.

Oooh that's another thread entirely!!

Best I heard was an old boy who let out a massive fart and said "Good hole Jack!"

I did laugh!

Why not, you're only doing a pee.

I wouldn't want to talk to them outside the bathroom. Why would I want to inside?

tillydog - Member
Out of 3, I would always choose the middle one.

Same here. It's the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it.

Others apparently also find it irritating, which provides for further encouragement.

Same here. It's the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it.

ffs are you pissing in it or eating your lunch off it - its a urinal, you're not supposed to touch it.

Same here. It's the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it

But your pissing in it not eating your dinner out of it?? Why would you even need to touch it?

Unless you're expecting the bacteria to swim up your stream and infect your bell end?

Damn I need to type faster, that's just happened in another thread 😕

poisonspider - Member
a 'nice one mate' if the guy next to me farts.
Oooh that's another thread entirely!!

Best I heard was an old boy who let out a massive fart and said "Good hole Jack!"

I did laugh!

Ha! The 80-year-old owner of the company I work for farted loudly in the gents and said "better here than on the bus". I chuckled for an inappropriately long time.

Same here. It's the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it.

I pished up against a tree in the woods once.
It was absoluteley filthy. Fortunately I didn't actually touch it with my hands or my tadger so I managed to survive.

The ground was really dirty too.....but luckily I was wearing shoes.

Damn I need to type faster, that's just happened in another thread

If you're not fast you're last 🙂

Others apparently also find it irritating, which provides for further encouragement.

Or you simply like the idea of forcing other blokes to get their todge out right next to you 😉

Wee in his shoes.

CaptainFlashheart - Member

Wee in his shoes.

Would that make them Ortho-pee-dick shoes.

Like yours.

The ground was really dirty too.....but luckily I was wearing shoes.

Which you no-doubt removed before going into your house. Do you do this (remove shoes) when you go back to your desk, or are you happy to have someone elses wee underneath it?

Do you do this (remove shoes) when you go back to your desk,

Yep. I'm the Zola Budd of the Quantity Surving world.

and when a sign was put up asking not to pre-load the pan knew what it meant.

am I the only one still in the dark about this.. is it similar to the signs that say no pokemon here?

Knock yourselves out:

http://www.urinalman.com/

If the room is empty when you go in where do you stand

In the cubicle. If you've ever worn cream linen trousers, you wouldn't use a urinal.

If you've ever worn cream linen trousers,

There is other people in here to talk to other than CaptainFlashheart don't you know....

I was referring to splashing, of course 😳 , not errrrr. Well let's not go there 😉

Masturbating in the workplace is a serious offence

It is? Damn, that explains a lot!

Dirty Protest is the only option. They made you do it, guilt was invented by idiots.

Whichever hand he is supporting himself with check if its his watch arm, and loudly ask what time is it please, and stand well clear as he hoses all in the near area, while checking the time.

Dosent work if hes going no hands mum

Would that make them Ortho-pee-dick shoes.

Like yours.

I was already chuckling before I got to this, but then - aptly - I had to go and do a piss.

Poisonspider - yes, your colleague broke an unwritten rule, but by informing him of this you broke a far more serious unwritten rule.

Made the mistake of peeing next to a guy when I was wearing shorts - someone else's splash back in not pleasant. Also had a guy hit my shoe recently. 😯

When you're taking a pish, you're vulnerable to attack

Reminded me of a guy I know who was attacked and given a bit of a beating in a pub toilet mid pee. Another guy found him on the floor battered and bleeding, helped him up and checked he was OK. They walked out of the gents together and were half way across the pub before the good Samaritan turned to Darren and said....'mate, your cock's still hanging out'

I nearly wet myself even thinking about it 🙂

Oh right, this is where the toileteers went from the other thread 🙂

Whilst you're all here, what's the deal with with placing one hand flat against the wall at shoulder height, breathing heavily, face fixed into a grimace? A stance seemingly preferred by folk with huge bellies, you know the type, who amble around the supermarket half shut, using the trolley to support 2/3 of their body weight.

Go in MTF up and grab his hardware , whilst there may be an element of risk In in this approach , I bet he doesnt go near a toilet if your heading in there after this