 You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
Sorry for the poor tone of this post, but where else do you ask?
Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood next to someone at a urinal? I think not but seems to be common practice lately.
If can't let go at the urinal then where can you?
Good point, that is why I am struggling a bit with this one.
Yes, but a mumbled 'scuse me' is considered good manners.
If it the smell that's offending you, you might be in the wrong place 🙂
And if the tone is poor, you need to work on your technique.
It's not only acceptable, it's [i]de rigueur[/i]. You're not in the Ladies frank.
Bloke in the pub did it on Saturday night - he found HILARIOUS but to be fair it was pretty epic.
Suppose it's better there than at the bar.
There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.
This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.
Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
While he played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.
He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!
He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.
Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.
His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.
His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.
One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.
It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.
The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of s---.
His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."
johhners +1
The great ape + 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Rusty Spanner - Member
Yes, but a mumbled 'scuse me' is considered good manners.
You must NEVER talk at the urinal, even in this circumstance.
thegreatape
Outstanding, I might have to memorise that!!!!!!!!!!!!! EPIC
my favourite toilet moment: standing there with the usual eyes forward mind your own business etiquette only to be distracted by the arrival of a very drunk and vociferous chap who then fumbled about and pulled a bollok out and held it over the urinal leaving his gentlemans vegetable in situ and then wee'd down the inside of his jeans. The fact he let out a long satisfied "arhhhhhhhhhh" followed by pause and then "ohmygod" had me in stitches.
The Ancient Romans used to treat going to the toilet as social pastime, sure they wouldn't of been offended by a fart, there should be an LED sound scale by the urinals to measure the loudness of ones fart, make having a wee a bit more entertaining.
Somewhere between franksinatra and flippinheckler theres a happy middle ground
Proud farting in the Gents' rules, only the weak hide theirs.
On a different note! My 90 year old nan is a great farter, you can hear them downstairs,when she lets one go,while sat on the pot.gawd bless her
welcome to the internet, 1997 edition
http://www.purely-games.com/toilet_etiquette_game.html
An oldish bloke I teach lets off the odd trouser trump, completely without noticing it himself it would seem, or perhaps he sees them as no more out of place than a delicate cough to clear ones throat.
Personally, If at all possible, I would much rather not breathe in the excess gas found residing in the human rectal cavity and so would kindly ask that you keep your atmospheric donations to yourself until such a time that you are alone. 😀
Never mind farting, there was a guy in the cinema toilets the other week using his touch screen smartphone [i]two-handed[/i] while stood at the urinal.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
The England & Bath Rugby union prop Victor Ubogu did it next to me in green park station Bath many years ago, never did rate him.....
Starman, so that's how he split those shorts!
APF
Never mind farting, there was a guy in the cinema toilets the other week using his touch screen smartphone two-handed while stood at the urinal.
So he'd only got a very small one then?
passing wind is ok, but I draw the line at onanism
Yes, but a mumbled 'scuse me' is considered good manners.
^ The British way.
For the OP, I have to apologise, that may have been me.
I'm afraid I was too embarrassed to apologise at the time, however straining to lift and hold a heavy object like that does sometimes lead to a little parp sneaking out 😳
'How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you it is the basis of an entire culture.'
😉
Hang on a god-darn cotton pickin minute!
Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood [u][b]next[/b][/u] to someone at a urinal?
😯
Just
😯
And you're complaining about Etiquette!
whats de riguer when a celebrity pulls up next to you? Tom Jones once did a jimmy-riddle next to me and I think he caught me squinting down at his tadger, I'm not gay or nowt- but surely its the done thing if its a famous one?
This no talking at the urinals must be a souther. Thing, is it?
It's perfectly acceptable to talk about the Sunderland back four whilst having a scoit.
Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood [b]next[/b] to someone at a urinal?
Needs must on a busy day.
Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood next to someone at a urinal?
Extra points if you then mutter "oh christ not again" and shuffle awkwardly toward a cubical.
Stood/Standing.
It's important.
I've been known to blow out a large one then shout "who did that?"
It's hilarious I can tell you.
Real men spit whilst pissing and farting.
I once let go a real beauty in Edinburgh airport. The airport was pretty quiet and the only people in earshot were a mother and her son who must have been 7 or 8 years old. The lad and myself were trying to suppress laughter but I could tell the mother was not impressed. The look I got when I turned back to my wife could have cut steel. I thought I was going to get a smacked bottom. I was 30 years old at the time.
Tom Jones once did a jimmy-riddle next to me and I think he caught me squinting down at his tadger, I'm not gay or nowt- but surely its the done thing if its a famous one?
lobby dosser, it's not unusual.
b'dum piss. 😉
as i share an office the urinal is the only place to release one.
paulosoxo - Member
This no talking at the urinals must be a souther. Thing, is it?It's perfectly acceptable to talk about the Sunderland back four whilst having a scoit.
That's because they are toilet.
igmc
Well done sir!
[img] 
[/img]
I was on a treadmill with my iPod on and let rip, I could tell by the blast that it had been heard, just looked along at the other folk running and shook my head as if it was the bird next to me.
Last year stavro junior went to the bog at Manchester airport after a flight back from Sydney. The force of the one he let go made the guys either side of him jump. He said it was a good job his tackle was out or he'd have p*ssed hisself.
Saw this last night, and thought of you lot:
[img] 
[/img]
"1st Class" being at each end of the bank of pissoirs.
I once let go a real beauty in Edinburgh airport. The airport was pretty quiet and the only people in earshot were a mother and her son who must have been 7 or 8 years old. The lad and myself were trying to suppress laughter but I could tell the mother was not impressed. The look I got when I turned back to my wife could have cut steel. I thought I was going to get a smacked bottom. I was 30 years old at the time.
Hahaha. On a conf. call trying not to laugh...
I had a similar moment at Charles de Gaul airport. Leather seat, echo prone gate area (the echo stopped people pinpointing the sound). I did the only decent thing; looked over at an old lady near to me tutted loudly and moved.
Also had a comical urinal moment. In the pub over the road from my local train station, in the loo and a bloke runs in at full speed. Clearly drunk but obviously busting. Having made it from the station, across the road, down the stairs in time, he unzips and pisses in the corner of the room not in the urinal. Never worked that one out.
Top thread!
Thanks and a doffed cap to the great ape for the superb poem and to Wordnumb for making me collapse in fits of giggles. 😀
[img] 
[/img]
doffed cap to the great ape
+1. You sir are a legend 😀
[img] 
[/img]
(Isnt Google search wonderful?)
😆
Ah- here we go Part 2:
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
[/img]
1. Face Forward
2. Don't Laugh
I had a friend who loved to fart. Whenever he did he always got this really satisfied look on his face.
One day I was sitting across from him when I heard him let one rip. His look of satisfaction suddenly changed to a wide eyed look of shock.
Me: "Followed through?"
Him: "Yup"
I was at the Goodwood Festival of Speed, several sheets to the wind, I was at the urinal when mediocre Formula 1 driver Olivier Panis stood next to me.
I glanced at him, looked down and suppressed a giggle
The infantile panis/penis scenario tickled my humour. He thought I was laughing at his undertray.
Tricky.
I was kept in hospital overnight on tuesday , the farting in the overnight ward between 2 and 3 am sounded like a recital of Paul Mcartneys Frog chorus. Awesome.
I'm suddenly reminded of a mate who had a phobia of being assaulted whilst pissing, he felt very vulnerable, so would always leave his belt and top button done up and just undo his fly, so he could defend himself without his trousers falling down. I can't get the crying bald man out without undoing everything..
You must NEVER talk at the urinal, even in this circumstance.
Talking is fine as long as you're on an even footing, i.e. speeking in the que is fine, and speeking at the pulpit is fine, and while washing your hands, but never between them.
Used to work in a well known outdoor shop in Newcastle. One of my mates was serving a well to do lady and her teenage daughter (recently collected from public school and still in posh uniform). They were trying on walking boots and my mate returned with a different size and sat down on one of those little wooden trying-on stools with the slopey front that you only get in shoe shops. You can guess the rest - he let one slip in error, a right window rattler... Hard wooden surface emphasised matters. He went beetroot, we just about wet ourselves and dived for various store rooms and stock cupboards to recover. She never did buy any boots...
I can't get the crying bald man out without undoing everything..
Hard to locate, is he?
Of course it is you fud.