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Toilet Roll. I seem to have married a phsycopath who has no preference over which way it hangs and will consistently hang it the wrong way without a thought to others. I've even trained our children the correct way and they will now turn it round if it is found to be wrong.
Wife then notices how little I am taking so starts to fill up my bag with her overflow. Every bloody time
Hang on - are we married to the same woman ?
matt_outandabout … a smiling spoon … superb!
Hubby leaves nearly all the drawers and doors slightly ajar. I go around closing/shutting them. One day I lost the plot and slammed a drawer so hard, it bounced back open, which I hadn't noticed, it was in fact further open than before. Sometimes the drawers won't close because he can't actually put his articles properly into the space so a tiny bit (maybe the finger of a riding glove for example) is preventing the complete shutting manoeuvre.
I tidy everything away in their own proper place, then I know where they are, he would like to leave everything out then he can see where they are.
Mugs stacked two high: check
I periodically have a clearout but they keep coming back, every Christmas/birthday/Easter/Mothers Day etc there will be a new "World's Best Mum" mug. It's like having a cupboard of tribbles.
Toothpaste tube must be squeezed and scraped to get the last little dregs out and then out back rather than opening the new tube that’s in the cupboard.
I have the opposite problem. At any given time there will be on the go (all identical) two tubes of toothpaste, four cans of deodorant, seven bottles of shampoo, three cans of air freshener, four squirty bottles of surface cleaner... half of them near death if not actually empty and stuffed back in the cupboard.
She has the same approach to bags of food. Need some pasta, open a new bag, doesn't matter that there's two half-full ones open already. I spend half of my life like a debt management company, consolidating all of our pasta into one easy-to-manage bag.
Edit: compare and contrast.
I like how you've conveniently cropped out the shitpiles on either side. (-:
In the kitchen cupboard, there are 3 piles of dinner plates - organised in such a way that different patterns are together (yes, I know it's a bit sad, but that's not the discussion point here)
Every time I open the cupboard, one pile has a bag of crisps on it, one pile has a bag of wraps, and the third has a cake or whatever on top. The result being that something needs to be moved, no matter which pattern of plate you go for. So, I take all those things, and put them on a different shelf. Next time I open the cupboard.... All. Back. Where. They. Started. FFS.
There's some ugly cutlery on display here. Are folk trying to recreate the ambience of a motorway service station in their own home?
There’s some ugly cutlery on display here. Are folk trying to recreate the ambience of a motorway service station in their own home?
You are Jacob Rees Mogg and ICMFP
I tidy everything away in their own proper place, then I know where they are, he would like to leave everything out then he can see where they are
And you're not ashamed of this man destroying behaviour?!?
Use of casement windows - it was spoken once but now we just silently correct each others approach with me boiling with internal rage......
We were lucky enough to get mates rates on v fine hardwood windows to match our period property a few years back. Smaller windows have a top hinged casements, which is the one you should leave open when required in case it rains. They have weather protection strips and a drip channel.
The bigger ones are side hinged and by opening outwards expose the inner jointing to rain. Slightly warm summer weather is apparently an excuse to jeopardise 10's of thousands of pounds worth of joinery that we'd have no hope of replacing!!!
^^ niche. But valid.
@bunnyhop - do you have a sister? Do you have quite a lot of sisters?
Asking for a whole bunch of friends....
Energy usage, recycling and lights.
I'm the tree hugger in our house when it comes to energy usage, the boiler and rads are optimized, the house is insulated, we're doing pretty well.
My OH though will sit in the dark and turn every (LED) light off whereas I keep trying to point out that every bulb in the house together still costs less than TV she has on and ignores whilst she plays games on her phone. She will also leave the conservatory inner door open all winter which must cost a fortune. And then not open the outer door in summer so the house slowly cooks.
Same with recycling. I'll recycle 90%. She'll fish through the bin to find a discarded yogurt pot which should have been rinsed and recycled. But she won't rinse it, it'll just sit on the side festering until I* do the washing up.
*yes, I. She for as long as I've known her has never actually washed up. She believes that anything non-dishwasher just gets magically cleaned and put away if left on the side long enough.
Closing the window blinds.
Mrs 5390 always closes them so the light shines in from the street light outside, tilting backwards.
Obviously I close them the correct way, tilted forwards, which stops said light from shining in (and prying eyes, should anyone be so inclined)
My other half and I are basically 99% on the same page when it comes to clutter (no thanks), cutlery drawers (tidy please), and mug volume (no double stacking).
HOWEVER
What I fail to comprehend is her use of the hot tap. When wanting some water to say, dampen a sponge or a cloth to wipe down a surface, she will turn the tap to hot, turn the water on, quickly dampen the object in question for a second or two, then turn the tap off.
This gives our boiler/plumbing absolutely no chance of actually providing hot water to the object in question, but it does mean that I hear the combi boiler spinning up and then instantly down again for no benefit whatsoever.
Given the way she does it, the water is going to be cold regardless of where the tap is. So just put it on cold and leave our poor boiler alone, or actually wait for hot water to come out. I don't mind which, just pick one for the love of god!
My wife is a doctor, very highly qualified, expert in her field(s) and very well respected. She is, undoubtedly, very intelligent. But, she is completely unable to understand how a thermostat works. Despite my best efforts over 20 years, she still thinks turning the thermostat up to max will heat the house / car up quicker. So, every winter, we have an unspoken battle that involves her maxing the thermostat and me opening the heating app on my phone to turn it back down to a cosy 19degrees*
*of course there is another unspoken battle about whether a living room should be at the same temperature as the face of the sun or not.
Butter. Or marge, or any other solid spread. I will always take a smooth swipe across the top, akin to spreading it out onto a selected slice/confection/crumpet but in reverse. It leaves the remaining surface intact. This motion is always done with a clean knife.
my 'better' half attacks any spreadable comestible like a knife wielding psychopath, with associated stab wounds often tinged with jam, marmite or crumb shrapnel.
I weep silently for mankind as I smooth and reconstruct a consolidated surface before my next slice of toast.
@franksinatra I think incidence of this have been televised
Packing for holiday. If the airline says bag limit is 23kg, she sees that as a target, not a maximum
I silently object to taking of so much stuff so I then pack as frugally as possible, I could pretty much take hand luggage only.
Wife then notices how little I am taking so starts to fill up my bag with her overflow. Every bloody time.
Yep, this one too. If we're away for a fortnight, mine seemingly loses the ability to count to 14 and just packs everything she owns. She'll also turn the car into a rolling zip-file if we go camping.
SHE STIRS PAINT WITH MY BEST SCREWDRIVERS.
On a related issue, mine considers all paint brushes disposable, just because she can't be bothered to clean them. That said, she doesn't actually dispose of them; just leaves them in a paint-encrusted pile by the kitchen sink.
Lights.
If i am in a room and the light is on, let's just assume its for a reason. At the very least atleast ask before you turn it off and walk back out because you have decided its bright enough...
yes, I. She for as long as I’ve known her has never actually washed up. She believes that anything non-dishwasher just gets magically cleaned and put away if left on the side long enough.
I get told to do the dishes despite being the only one who does the dishes.
I should add that Msvegas is ace in most ways. And i am by far a more problematic house mate.
@franksinatra this is getting weird. If you now tell me that your wife, despite being a generally tidy person, leaves the inside of the car like Glastonbury-the-day-after I’ll be proper suspicious.
If we’re away for a fortnight, mine seemingly loses the ability to count to 14 and just packs everything she owns.
Whenever we or she gets back from a trip, MrsIHN just tips every item of clothing she took with her into the washing basket, regardless of whether it had been worn, never mind whether it actually needs washing (because worn /= dirty, another ongoing 'conversation').
@franksinatra this is getting weird. If you now tell me that your wife, despite being a generally tidy person, leaves the inside of the car like Glastonbury-the-day-after I’ll be proper suspicious.
Not the case here, her car is quite tidy, but do we need to have a chat about recycling waste being left in utility room rather than out in the blue lidded wheelie bin outside of the utility room?
Washing machine load weights.
A) most of the programmes you can choose from have a lower than maximum weight.
B) stuffing in as many clothes as possible does not constitute an accurate measurement of weight
C) if the clothes cannot move, they cannot get washed properly.
Gnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Now I'm on the phone and she's not looking over my shoulder. A model S Tesla, a 2016 with free supercharging for life and a knackered battery. 12 000e for a new battery so about 32 000e total ready to go. Every time I admire them when we're using superchargers she bristles. 🙂
Ediit: our washing machine won that battle Matt. It just stops when it's overloaded so I one day I said that I wouldn't be the one emptying it and mopping up the mess if she did it again, she hasn't.
Another dishwasher quirk: there is nothing on God's Green Earth that my wife will not try to wash in the dishwasher.
Wooden chopping boards that would otherwise last decades? Lets see how you hold up if I dissolve your glue!
Drip tray from a coffee machine? I'm going to turn you into a ****ing Salvador Dali-clock!
Earth covered flower pots? The earth will just magically disappear!
Ironing, Mrs dB loves ironing, so everything that gets washed has to go in the ironing pile until it gets neatly ironed before being put away, if I sneak a tee shirt that got washed a week ago & dare put to put it on without ironing I'm literally put on the naughty step all because she thinks it reflects badly on her caring for husband skills..
an excuse to jeopardise 10’s of thousands of pounds worth of joinery that we’d have no hope of replacing!!!
Oh yes.
Run a hot bath, turn off the extractor fan, close the door. Pick any two, I can't afford a new bathroom.
every bulb in the house together still costs less than TV she has on and ignores whilst she plays games on her phone.
I 'did the math.' The main TV is broadly equivalent to every bulb in the house. We have a lot of bulbs, one of the first things I did when we moved in was replace all the halogens with LEDs. I'll do a count.
I’ll do a count.
79. There are 79 ceiling bulbs in this house.
She believes that anything non-dishwasher just gets magically cleaned and put away if left on the side long enough.
Well, it demonstrably does.
I have the opposite problem here, on holiday with 'the fam' she won't stop fussing around and just relax because "if I don't do it, it won't get done." Well, it won't get done then, will it. No-one died.
If i am in a room and the light is on, let’s just assume its for a reason. At the very least atleast ask before you turn it off and walk back out because you have decided its bright enough…
Again, opposite problem, as she wafts through the house leaving a trail of illumination in her wake. Did I mention, seventy nine?
I get told to do the dishes despite being the only one who does the dishes.
Yeah, my ex was the same. I've been away for a couple of days, pile of stuff in the sink, starting to smell. "Why haven't you done the dishes?"
FFS woman, i've been 300 km away for the last 72 hours, and i left the sink empty, draining board clear and dishwasher empty.
If you now tell me that your wife, despite being a generally tidy person, leaves the inside of the car like Glastonbury-the-day-after I’ll be proper suspicious.
My girlfriend is meticulously clean, tidy and clutter free, almost a hygiene freak. Yet Glastonbury-the-day-after would be a massive improvement for her car though. First time i went in it, i found some weeds growing in the rear passenger footwell, under a bag of rubbish from a road trip her and daughter took two years ago. The boot has 4 pairs of football boots of decreasing size, at least two still in the plastic bags they went in after the last game they were usable in.
I'm quite glad i'm not married to my ex anymore, and that i don't have to get in the GFs car very often...
(Recycling is all my fault, usually gets to the point i need to put the back seats of the car down before i finally capitulate and go to the centre.)
My wife is a doctor, very highly qualified, expert in her field(s) and very well respected. She is, undoubtedly, very intelligent. But, she is completely unable to understand how a thermostat works. Despite my best efforts over 20 years, she still thinks turning the thermostat up to max will heat the house / car up quicker.
Put her in an open-plan office. Bring popcorn.
We used to have this at work. Someone would come in going "I'm cold" and turn the thermostat up to 30'. The next person in would go "Jesus H Corbett it's hot in here" and knock it down to 16'. Then the rest of the office throws open all the windows and I'm phoning Maintenance because the aircon is trying to climate-control the whole of East Lancashire and has shat itself.
They put a key-operated perspex lock box over the controls in the end. The fact that such a thing even exists makes me think that this is not a unique situation.
Where the hell should those drainer plug things be? Not in the bloody plug hole as nothing goes down and away. Flaming nuisance I reckon. I take them out every day. Why do mugs have to all point the same way when hanging? Why do we need a spare bog roll out just in case when we can reach the cupboard where they live whilst sitting on the bog? Doesn't she anticipate and think "oh dear, I'll need more than the two sheets left on the roll".
That bloody mug with a bit of kitchen roll and orange peel in it. Left every night by the sofa where she has been sitting. Take it to the kitchen when go to make the Ovaltine!
I ‘did the math.’ The main TV is broadly equivalent to every bulb in the house. We have a lot of bulbs, one of the first things I did when we moved in was replace all the halogens with LEDs. I’ll do a count.
79. There are 79 ceiling bulbs in this house.
Think i counted about 130, including all the outside ones. And the garage.
They use about as much energy as the 6 halogens that i can't swap because the LED equivalents don't fit in the housing.
Most of the LEDs are on timers or smart, so they switch themselves off if no one is in the vicinity as well.
Think i counted about 130, including all the outside ones. And the garage.
Oh, I forgot outside. That makes 80.
That bloody mug with a bit of kitchen roll and orange peel in it.
Oh, this boils my piss. What's the progression here? "Can you wash up for me?" Sure, right after I've fished around in your slop to retrieve whatever you've stuffed in there which needs to go in the bin.
I don't understand it. It just creates unnecessary work. Put your shit next to the mug / bowl / whatever, it's one less step to deal with. Two less in fact, because shoving it in is a step in itself.
This might be a 'me' issue, I don't know. Stacking dirty plates without rinsing I think "great, that's just doubled the required cleaning effort."
my ‘better’ half attacks any spreadable comestible like a knife wielding psychopath, with associated stab wounds often tinged with jam, marmite or crumb shrapnel.
^ this is known as conjaminating the butter in our house (it’s *always f’in jam and I hate jam!) and is punishable
Ironing, Mrs dB loves ironing, so everything that gets washed has to go in the ironing pile until it gets neatly ironed before being put away, if I sneak a tee shirt that got washed a week ago & dare put to put it on without ironing I’m literally put on the naughty step all because she thinks it reflects badly on her caring for husband skills..
^^Needs to be posted on Mumsnet to attract more rage. 🙂
Take it to the kitchen when go to make the Ovaltine!
I think that we have found this week's "Living Life to the Max" winner.
Mrs BWD is perfect in pretty much every way.
She also occasionally reads this forum...
Lids on jars that are half screwed-on but you don’t find out until the jam jar lands on the tiled kitchen floor.
Anyone else have to put up with this?
Er, see my previous post, however it may, possibly, happen, all the time.
A few people have mentioned toilet paper... If Mr Inbetween is anything to go by, it's perhaps best that these things remain unspoken!
(Caution: may have naughty words)
MoreCashThanDashFull Member
@bunnyhop – do you have a sister? Do you have quite a lot of sisters?
Asking for a whole bunch of friends….
I can't work out if this is a good thing or not :O)
Yes I have a sister, who also puts everything in the correct place and knows where it is when needed.
Just realised hubby is definitely reading this thread, but he's too nice to put up any of my bad habits.
Oh dear 
You keep his nipple clamps in the kitchen drawer? Euuw....
I kid you not. This is how our cutlery looks in the draw (not my actual draw because I'm on the other side of the world currently.
Our cutlery once looked like that, just before we opened it as a wedding gift. ?
Loving how this is descending into a 'show us your cutlery drawer' thread of Eternal Judgement....
This is how our cutlery looks in the draw
Prompted by your earlier pedantry in this thread, I must point out that the word is 'drawer', as Cougar somewhat excitedly told us in his thread of disproportionate annoyances.
T.J - loving the ivory handles.
Prompted by your earlier pedantry in this thread, I must point out that the word is ‘drawer’, as Cougar somewhat excitedly told us in his thread of disproportionate annoyances.
It's Strayan English - everything is shorten. 😉
If anyone was wondering why the NHS is on its knees, it's cos Teej has nicked all the teaspoons
Bone not ivory I think
Two sections of spoons? Do you have a lot of carbon forks to repair?
Or are you on a liquid diet these days?
If pedantry is coming to the fore.
I would argue that all examples so far are infact flatware drawers with a few bits of cutlery thrown in.
Definitely bone TJ don't panic.
Definitely bone TJ don’t panic.
Well, if I was tj I'd be panicking [insert shocked smilie here]
Apparently, carrier bags can be a filing system when tidying up. In our household, I’m absolutely methodical but an intermittent filer, my spouse is the opposite.
surely the heroin spoon is a bad sign ?
This one? 😮
Run!! Save yourself!!
Mine
think that pic will have the globalistas twitching
Wasn't expecting this to turn into Readers Spoons.
I'm going down to my Mum's in a couple of weeks, I might resurrect this thread with a picture of her cutlery drawer (not a euphemism) and you'll all be revealed as rank amateurs
I'm ****ing dreading it to be honest, the house gets worse with each visit... 🙁
Wasn’t expecting this to turn into Readers Spoons.
Pure filth...
Pure filth…
It's taken a tine for the worse.
It’s taken a tine for the worse.
Forking hell, that's a bad joke.
Mrsmidlife, a saint, goddess and Captain of Industry is almost without fault.
As is tradition, we have a plastic washing up bowl in the stainless steel sink. When she has finished with the scummy water and odds and sods of food waste therein, she tips the bowl so it rests on its side, thus removing 85% of the contents. I have suggested more than once over the last 39 or so years that it might be worth the effort of tipping it all the way until it’s empty. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get the hang of it soon.
Audio cassettes. She refuses to throw them out. We have no device for playing them. We haven't had one in all the time we've been together. We'll never own a device that can play them. Regardless, I'm forbidden from throwing them out so they live in the kitchen junk drawer. I live with the vain hope that some day in the future Erotica by Madonna, Circle In The Sand by Belinda Carlisle and the Philadelphia movie soundtrack suddenly become hugely valuable and we can retire early off the proceeds
Lids on jars that are half screwed-on but you don’t find out until the jam jar lands on the tiled kitchen floor.
Anyone else have to put up with this?
Ah I see you’re married to my MiL
Me "We haven't used it for twenty years"
Her "It may come in handy, put it in the shed"
Me "There's no room "
Her "Throw some rubbish out!"
Me "It's all your stuff "
Her " I don't ride bikes"
Oh, I remembered another.
Carrier bags. She can't throw them out. Our cupboard under the stairs is full of them.
Back when we met, she had a flat and in her bedroom was an absolutely enormous wardrobe. At least 3 x the size of a normal double wardrobe. Behind the wardrobe is where she kept plastic carrier bags. She'd jam them in the gap between the wardrobe and the wall.
Eventually she was selling her flat so we decided to decorate it and that involved moving the huge wardrobe. I started pulling out the plastic bags. Got all that I could reach but there were clearly more pushed way deeper behind the wardrobe. I managed to get the wardrobe moved and able to get properly in behind it where I discover that for the entire 10 years she's lived there, she's been constantly stuffing plastic carrier bags behind it. The entire back of this triple wardrobe is filled with plastic bags. The deepest stuffed ones have been in there so long they've actually started to decompose. How long does a plastic bag have to be in existence before it decomposes!?!? I must've filled 20+ black bin bags with smaller plastic bags.
Nowadays the plastic bags are gone but she hordes reusable bags under the stairs. The loft is also full of them.
I'm not allowed to throw them out.
"Ovaltine"
I think that sums up where 20 years of STW has brought us. Thanks for the insight Matt.
That's not a patina, thats a heroin spoon.
In the interst of transparency, feel free to rate my cuttlery tray...
I'm aware it needs work, but it's pretty decent compared to some of the atrocity on here.
I think mines a solid six out of ten.
@tracey ...
Youv'e put knives into a tray in a drawer... on this basis, we can never be friends.
But let it be known, I don't hold it against you. It's not your fault.
In the interst of transparency, feel free to rate my cuttlery tray…
I’m aware it needs work, but it’s pretty decent compared to some of the atrocity on here.
I think mines a solid six out of ten.
I can't give you that!
Spoons and forks are back to front! Who wants to pick them up by the business end, rather than the handle?
Same for the spatlier*.
And as any fule kno: The order should be K F S, not S K F.
2/10 and count yourself lucky 😉
*I know
If you open a tub of marg…take the tin foil bit off and put it in the recycling, it’s not needed, how **** hard can this be?
Scoop out the contents and throw them in the bin, then put the container in the recycling.
The toilet roll thing though – it really, really doesn’t matter. For anyone who thinks it does, the problem is entirely yours.
Actually, it does. Tho original patent for a paper toilet roll and holder show it was designed specifically for the free end of the roll to hang over the front, so that in the event of feces accidentally getting onto a person’s fingers, it wouldn’t transfer onto the wall, thus risking further contamination of other people’s finger touching the wall.
Also, the loose end is further away and touching the wall, so not so easy to get hold of, without scraping your fingernails across the wall.
It should be so blindingly obvious that a loose piece of paper hanging down several inches nearer than the bloody wall is just so much easier to grab hold of! Why is this so difficult to comprehend?
In the interst of transparency, feel free to rate my cuttlery tray…
I couldn't rate that.
That's a DNF. Your spoons and forks are in the wrong way around AND in completely nonsensical order. That's utter lunacy right there.
Please hand yourself in to the authorities.
The draining board is the battleground in our house. We have a little wire rack on there with slots that are clearly for resting plates in, then a flat bit on the side for cups and cutlery etc. If you load it properly you can probably get 15 to 20 plates and bowls etc all lined up, a few mugs, all the cutlery in the house, all drying properly and easily accessible. Mrs-g, and her mum when she is round both seem to approach the drying rack with the aim of covering up as much of its surface area as possible with as few things as possible, and then from there building a jenga tower of stuff. Because the plate holder bits are at the back of the rack, this tower will always slope towards the edge of the worktop so any sort of slippage will have things sliding off onto the floor and breaking. Bonus points for constructing a tower so precariously balanced that it can collapse and fall just by being breathed on.
Because in the past I've complained about this a million times it's no secret that it winds me up, so now when I'm attempting to surgically remove the item I need from the pile, in a rush cos whatever I'm cooking is burning, needs a stir, or whatever and something falls this is now taken as some sort of violent protest on my part where I'm dropping things on the floor on purpose.
Then having retrieved whatever it was I needed from the draining rack I give it a little wash cos it's never actually cleaned properly anyway.