[Closed] Unsolicited hot beverages and other things to be grateful for

It’s posher than that.

Portico innit.

unless you can drive through it, in which case it's a porte-cochère

Cafetiere coffee minimum standard irrespective of how scratchy arse you look (although one geezer clearly turned his nose up at anything other than nescafe instant - I nearly bought him some Mellow Birds). But you'll still get it in a shitty cup

"Cheers mate, that was lovely, but i'm more of a tea man meself, See? It's on me van. Tea daft, I am."

😂
It's got to be the right tea though..

I honestly don't know how you can work for these people

Sister-in-law (who hates fish) went 'ooo lovely' when her mother in law served up smoked salmon - she now has to "enjoy" it every christmas morning. 😀

I presume he’s both astounded by and testing your capacity for rohypnol at the same time, be afraid, be very...

At work I’m often bought a bacon and egg sandwich by a chap who lives on the estate, haven’t the heart to tell him I’m a veggie (I give it to whichever member of staff I see first) I’m also offered plenty of hot drinks by others, but I turn these down due to covid, not wanting to stop and chat, most taste like crap, one person puts booze in it, and I only drink decaf tea now.

I do happily take any chocolate bars I’m offered

Needless to say, a bit after he went away I tipped it away and carried on working. I mean, is that actually classed as a drink?

Bit rich coming from someone who adds sugar to their tea.

I presume he’s both astounded by and testing your capacity for rohypnol at the same time, be afraid, be very

Aye, he'll have you in a heap at the bottom of those ladders, hammering his frozen sausage into your portico quicker than you can say 'but I'm a barista'...

hammering his frozen sausage into your portico

After a few sausages it's a porte-cochère

Bring a stove along and a hand grinder etc and have it neatly placed out and waiting, he might get the gist

My Nan got the idea that Bakewell tart is my favourite pudding (I do love it but it's not my favourite and don't remember telling her that), what this meant was every time I saw her she had specially made me one. Needless to say I didn't put her straight.

Where he got this idea of what combo I’d drink I don’t know. I mean my company is actually called Blackteaonesugar, and it’s written all over my van parked yonder 😂

Well you are bored during lockdown, you see a van with "Black Tea One Sugar" written on it and you think - I wonder what that guy would do if I brought him cheap white coffee with sweetener... ...its the simple things in life.

Blackcurrant cheesecake!
I absolutely hate blackcurrants, but for some reason when my grandad served me one once I didn’t say a thing. Over 10 years later he would still proudly present a blackcurrant cheesecake for desert and proclaim, “look, I got your favourite” 😂

I was a very picky eater as a child and I only just manage as an adult, a lot of things are very difficult for me. This makes for some fun times when I travel for work and my host takes me to the place where the locals go for a local delicacy. So far I've managed, the worst I had to deal with was a fried pancake thing in Tunisia with unknown sauce, veggies and a fried egg (I don't like fried eggs) but I managed it, wasn't actually that bad apart from the egg. I haven't been sent anywhere in Asia yet.

I am also teetotal which confuses and offends a lot of people.

Bit rich coming from someone who adds sugar to their tea.

Fair point.
I actually started taking sugar in black tea as I find that folks who take milk tend to make it stronger than I like, so having a sugar takes the edge off. Got used to it now. Pretty sure I'm coming across as a right ungrateful bugger now, but it's not the case. I'm very grateful but happen to be quite particular about tea is all 😂

Well you are bored during lockdown, you see a van with “Black Tea One Sugar” written on it and you think – I wonder what that guy would do if I brought him cheap white coffee with sweetener… …its the simple things in life.

Good call. Why I oughta!

[i]It’s got to be the right tea though..[/i]

No, as Pierre-Joseph Proudhon said in 1840 - Proper Tea is Theft

You do realise this shouldn't be about you? He sounds like he is probably lonely and you might be the only person he speaks to all day? Just tell him what you like to drink, I reckon you will be surprised at how receptive he is if you are polite about it. He's not going to get upset and ruin the relationship. You get a drink you actually want and he continues to have a bit of human contact. Everyone wins.

Give him one of your fancy corporate mugs, logo on the side. Say better for the environment, keeps warmer etc
If he still maked manky coffee them mayne a coaster with black tea on it.
Still get a manky coffee... Kill him and move into his apartment and assume his identity obvs

I can make you a coaster for the mug if you want 🙂

😂👌

I can make you a coaster for the mug if you want

"White Nescafe, Two sweeteners"

I know it sounds like a Vicar of Dibley episode but I once had to eat three Christmas dinners out of a combination of politeness, bad planning and getting caught up in a complicated lie. None of the dinners were small.

I just want to say that your business name is genius!

I just want to say that your business name is genius!

Can't be that clever if a man who's seeing all day every day still hasn't worked it out.

I’m very grateful but happen to be quite particular about tea is all 😂

I saw your van, presumably with you in it, at the roundabout by Morrisons last week. If you were ever to do any work here you would get served a cup of Margarets Hope Darjeeling (from Golden Monkey at the bottom of Smith Street). It wouldn't have milk in because I never put milk in tea.

Actually, you couldn't do any work here, because today I've been making a stand for a tablet or laptop to use for Zwifting (not paying £100 for a TacX one) and the standard of carpentry is so embarrassing I wouldn't be able to let you in in case you saw it.

< No, as Pierre-Joseph Proudhon said in 1840 – Proper Tea is Theft>

@WorldClassAccident I really think you deserve more credit for this - chapeau sir!

As the old joke goes, why do Marxists drink coffee?

Not quite hot beverages but I undeniably like giraffes, I guess most women have an animal of preference but perhaps not a male thing. I even have a tattoo of one such is my appreciation. However, every gift I generally now receive has a giraffe on it, quite frankly its getting absurd now and everywhere you look in my flat you can see a giraffe. Yes I like them but stop!!!!

However, every gift I generally now receive has a giraffe on it

My other half collects sheep (not real ones). She’s never consciously decided to do this, but it’s become something of a vicious cycle.

I undeniably like giraffes

As an enthusiast, where do you stand on the bow tie issue?

If a giraffe were to wear a bow tie, would it be at the top of it's neck or at the bottom?

She’s never consciously decided to do this, but it’s become something of a vicious cycle.

I bought my wife a Steiff teddy in 2001.
I'm currently sitting in a room with about 60 of them.

Anyone who comes to our house gets full bean-to-cup or cafetiere coffee. No exceptions. Next time ask for tea.

No exceptions

Even if they don’t drink coffee? Do you force it down them like some twisted foie gras ceremony?

He's being kind - the styrofoam cups because it won't give you covid and it won't give him covid because you won't give it back. The instant coffee because instant coffee kills everything it touches - taste buds included.

Yes I like them but stop!!!!

How do you feel about Naked Mole Rats?

I saw your van, presumably with you in it, at the roundabout by Morrisons last week.

Ah yes. I saw you too....maybe. 🖐

I just want to say that your business name is genius!

Thanks. It kind of morphed into a business name from a previous job. I go from casually not minding it, to being extremely embarrassed when I have to repeat it loudly in builders merchants 😬
'You what mate, Black tea one sugar? Really?'...'ere's your 2 be 4 bud...'

In fact, it's kind of like the instant coffee issue. I would probably change it so that it at least gives a passing indication of what I do, but oh my, bank accounts, HMRC, van graphics, website, email, business cards etc, etc!
😳

OP you should have taken a sip asked ‘Nescafé?’ and given him the Gareth Hunt handshake

given him the Gareth Hunt handshake

Think that’s what the coffee bearer was after!

I'm liking that Houns chipped in after Captainmorgan!

Was at my friend's parents in Italy - after we had been collected from the airport by his father - he served us home made Gnocchi. I love Gnocchi so was really looking forward to it but it was served with tuna. I really don't like fish but still ate it, it was hard work but I didn't want to seem ungrateful.

I have mild symptoms of being a coffee snob as no instant in my house only beans , Gaggia and milk so you get a flat white that's all I make
What boils my piss is when served an instant from a tea drinker where the cup is stained by tea, why don't they buy new cups or wash them properly
Needless to say I canny drink it

and given him the Gareth Hunt handshake

Can't. Social distancing innit.

No real point to this, except, have you ever persisted pretending to be grateful for something which you don’t like,

My girlfriend did something to help a family in crisis. They thanked her the only way they knew how - the kindest gift you could give to anyone - tickets to go to a Daniel O'Donnell concert with them.

She was pretty horrified at the prospect but gallantly went through with the experience - including participation of the mobbing of Daniel between the stage door and the tourbus - because it meant so much to them and the cost of the ticket would have been a big deal.

That has, of course, lead to more Daniel O'Donnell tickets

Ah well, you'll never go short if a brew at a Daniel O'Donnell concert...

Terrys chocolate orange. I hate orange chocolate but my old mum has it in her head I would be devastated if i didn't have one at Christmas.
I have actually told her but still, every year I get one. Good job one of the kids will eat them.

Good job one of the kids will eat them.

Curses. I was about to offer to 'take one for the team'.

Many many decades ago I drank a cup of tea I thought was made with a teabag ... and wasn't and 11-12 yr old me got put off tea for life.

About 5-6 years later I turned up soaking wet and cold and probably borderline hypothermic in the dark at Black Sail YHA (before they has gas or electricity) and some kind soul* brought me a cup of hot milky tea.

It remains the best cuppa ever .... even tough I still don't drink tea with milk in 45 yrs on.

*she was called Liz and had a brilliant rescue dog.

Why can't people just ask? I wouldn't spontaneously buy a sandwich for the tramp with the dog on a string who sits outside ASDA without asking what he wanted. He could be coeliac or diabetic for all I know. Well meaning and no doubt appreciated of course, but I've little sympathy for anyone who doesn't have the wherewithal to go "fancy a brew? How do you take it?" first.

You 'annuals' here are weird. "Hey granddad, just so you're aware, I've not been well lately so I've been to the doctor and who knew! Seems I'm allergic to blackberries / seafood / fried eggs / cherries / cat food / whatever other crap you're going to foist on me that I don't like next time I visit. Yeah, I'm gutted too, it was my favouritest thing ever but I can't have it any more."

For me, it was jumpers.

I don't - or at least, very very rarely - wear jumpers. For a start, I'm Northern. Secondly, should the weather be sufficiently inclement to merit something woolly I'll wear a technical fleece or similar. My mother sees me knocking about in a tee-shirt in November, concludes that it's because I don't have one and boom, ideal Christmas present year on year. As I got older I had to get ever more firm with her, from out of context exchanges - "you should put a jumper on" / "I don't wear jumpers" - to just outright "please stop buying them."

For me, it was jumpers.

OMG ... I have a drawer FULL of unworn jumpers I need to give away ...I'm guessing you don't want them? Every year OH buys me another jumper or even 2 in some unending battle with my mum. They are all in a drawer in her room along with unworn polo shirts.

My mum buys me and Jnr tech fleeces but OH throws them away before we even get the chance to wear them and I have to keep them in my room or in the car and handwash or they get thrown away.

OMG … I have a drawer FULL of unworn jumpers I need to give away …I’m guessing you don’t want them? Every year OH buys me another jumper or even 2 in some unending battle with my mum. They are all in a drawer in her room along with unworn polo shirts.

My mum buys me and Jnr tech fleeces but OH throws them away before we even get the chance to wear them and I have to keep them in my room or in the car and handwash or they get thrown away

Just start throwing the jumpers away. Although why you would want to wear technical fleece anytime other than in the great outdoors is beyond me. I love a jumper.

Both myself and a work colleague had to abandon our work vans on a posh housings estate due to the nice coffee we where given on a very cold January afternoon. They where not flavoured with a mix of Tia Maria and rum as the home owner claimed but about 40% proof. We caught him dosing them up on the 3rd cup for himself.
Also not had the heart to tell people I'm veggie when they thrust a sausage sandwich under my nose..

Ohhh can I take it for lunch in tin foil.

Every year OH buys me another jumper or even 2 in some unending battle with my mum. They are all in a drawer in her room along with unworn polo shirts.

My mum buys me and Jnr tech fleeces but OH throws them away before we even get the chance to wear them and I have to keep them in my room or in the car and handwash or they get thrown away.

Now that's the weirdest post on this odd thread so far. If there's one person you should be able to have a full and frank discussion about this kind of thing with, it's your other half.

Just start throwing the jumpers away.

Does she genuinely not realise you don't like them, (you know, never wearing them being the most obvious clue) or is she stubborn? If the latter, I would probably be tempted to stare at then a bit then just go and chuck it in the bin*

*more likely take it, unopened to a charity shop when next in town.

Does she genuinely not realise you don’t like them, (you know, never wearing them being the most obvious clue) or is she stubborn? If the latter, I would probably be tempted to stare at then a bit then just go and chuck it in the bin*

*more likely take it, unopened to a charity shop when next in town.

I hate waste and I think she knows I won't chuck them away.
I've put them in the charity bag countless times and she takes them out and puts them back in her room then throws something of mine away when I'm not there.

Last thing was (coincidentally) my Gaggia Classic. Before that it was my entire CD and DVD collection with the exception of about 10 DVD's and my laptop which wasn't thrown away but thrown into a wall and smashed because I left it in the kitchen.

The bikes all have to be locked all the time #I'm out they've been thrown out onto the pavement before... it's mad but not worth the damage/cost if I try again and they are in her room anyway.

and, does instant coffee kill grass

I expect it will. Or at least stunt its growth, unless its decaf.

I make all workmen a double espresso with amphetamines in, makes them work faster. They don't want any food after either.

Last thing was (coincidentally) my Gaggia Classic. Before that it was my entire CD and DVD collection with the exception of about 10 DVD’s and my laptop which wasn’t thrown away but thrown into a wall and smashed because I left it in the kitchen.

The bikes all have to be locked all the time #I’m out they’ve been thrown out onto the pavement before… it’s mad but not worth the damage/cost if I try again and they are in her room anyway.

What the hell?

You do realise this isn't normal, right? It's abuse.

@stevextc - her room? Sounds all a bit oppressive

@stevextc 😮

You do realise this isn’t normal, right? It’s abuse.

Yep but its basically the price to stop her taking my/our child abroad and preventing me seeing him.

It's a minefield....

I once walked into a customer's kitchen at around 8:45am to start a job, lovely smell of fresh coffee coming from the brews they were enjoying. Shiny Gaggia on the worktop.

Now, normally when offered coffee from a customer, I refuse and accept the safer bet of tea, but in this instance I accepted the offer of a coffee.
About a minute later, I was handed a steaming mug of instant.
Mean. Spirited. ****ers.

Tea usually safe enough, but a huge mug of overly milky lukewarm tea is pure boak.

Having done a bit of paid-for digging I know how grateful you can be for a restorative drink. A few years ago I had blokes working out the front here, made coffee to individual order, from the bean to cup, half of it got left. You forget how conservative some people's tastes are. I had the same in the yard passing a mate (who favours Carling) a lovely tinny from Vocation and he looked at it like it was kryptonite of the green variety. I hate to see people mired in shite food and drink, it reminds me of truck and tommy shops and is very much part of the class system.

Bedmaker - I hope you installed some frozen sausages in her divan (or whatever).

I only offer cups of tea to tradespersons myself. We have instant coffee for when the parents visit (it's their favoured choice), but I'd never presume to offer it unless asked.

Tea usually safe enough, but a huge mug of overly milky lukewarm tea is pure boak.

The sole reason I started drinking coffee in the first place is because I couldn't get a decent cup of tea outside my own house. I think it was a Klix vending machine which finally made me go full Arthur Dent. I have a far higher tolerance for suboptimal coffee than I do tea.

stevextc - you're posting about the same woman who was disinterested in your hospital referral despite your obvious concern?
That is abusive and emotionally destructive behaviour.
It's likely to be impacting on Jnr.
You have to find a way out.
My thoughts are with you.

I would probably change it so that it at least gives a passing indication of what I do,

The thing is "tea white 4 sugars" would be significantly better at identifying you as a trades person and less embarrassing in the BM. The mocking incredulity isn't because you've called your company tea black one sugar but because you've failed something more basic than doing half a job then only turning up every now and again.

Stevextc
I'm really sorry to hear that. Sounds hellish. Good luck.

The sole reason I started drinking coffee in the first place is because I couldn’t get a decent cup of tea outside my own house

I agree. Tea seemingly has many ways of being made to folks taste. It's incredibly rare that it's to mine.
You'd think therefore that coffee is much less easy to make 'wrong', but no. That too.
To be fair, I used to drink instant coffee before I knew that it wasn't made out of coffee. 😂

I couldn’t get a decent cup of tea outside my own house

Did you never try making it yourself?

There was only one other lad in the office I trusted to make me a cuppa, and he's left now anyway.

Milk and sweetener

"Sure it's not Coffeemate?"

It's not coffee, and I'm not your mate.