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Bear with me on this one, it's going to be a rant of sorts.
Me and Mrs Funkmaster have been together 17 years. She's 34 this time and I'm 40 in a few weeks. We have a 3 year old son. It took me a long time to come around to the idea of having a child. I was uncertain, in the main, due to two factors. My own upbringing and fear of becoming like my Father and the fact that I have suffered with bouts of serious depression since my teens. I know how hard it is to suffer with and live with somebody that suffers with depression.
Funkmaster Jr's start to life was pretty crazy. We almost lost him twice in the first three weeks. Long story short Mrs Funkmaster is still having counselling and CBT and I'm on anti-depressants. Jr has issues with food and sleep still. One of us still has to stay with him. I'm typing this with the little monkey asleep next to me.
I made it clear that I don't want any more kids. I suppose I'm quite selfish and still want some things for myself. Our meagre savings were wiped out when I had to take extended leave from work when Jr was born. We have a modest two bed house, 3k debt (plus mortgage) and I'm the sole earner at the moment. I earn £27k and have no real academic or other qualifications beyond GCSE's. I'm of moderate intelligence and have confidence issues. Therefore I can't see me earning much more than I do now.
We had a broken condom incident a few weeks back. Morning after pill was taken. Fast forward to today and I get a phone call at work from a hysterical Mrs Funkmaster and rush home. We're pregnant. We are definitely having the baby, no issues there. Any other options aren't on the table. I didn't want more children, but that's by the by now.
I think I'm in shock still. I'll definitely love the new arrival and do all I can to support him or her. I'm worried sick about looking after my family though. Mrs F had some physical issues after our first and this will put her at higher risk with the second. Jr is only just beginning to settle with sleep. I've been going through the house tonight trying to see what I can sell.
Mrs F is only just getting better emotionally speaking and is just getting her fitness back and weight down. I've gained two and a half stone. My only outlets used to be cycling and the gym. I can no longer afford the latter and the former will have to go.
I know it's First World problems and whinging so feel free to have a dig. I just needed to get it written down. Going to get the house valued, make sure Mrs F, Jr and Jr Mk 2 are okay and sell everything that's not bolted down. Other than that I don't know what to do. I feel a bit hopeless to be honest. I did not expect this when I got out of bed this morning. We were talking about Mrs F starting work next year and me looking for a different (probably lower paying job) once she was settled. I was hoping to start getting back out on the bike too. That's life though I guess, unpredictable.
If you've read all that, sorry!
Mazeltov !
2's even more fun !
Enjoy
Lots of people on here manage kids and biking, calm down 🙂
It's going to be fine. It might not feel that way at the moment, but it will be.
We were in a worse financial position than you, two almost grown up girls, life almost back to pre kids freedom etc etc, when despite neutering, 3 years ago the latest bundle of fun burst upon the scene...
Que sleepless nights, endless money worries, endless child care nightmare around work etcetera etcetera
I'd never have it any other way!
Get the snip this time.
Every child is as different in their early years as we are as adults compared with our siblings . I hope you both get an easier time of it with this child - sounds like you deserve it!
Lots of people on here manage kids and biking, calm down
😀 been out five times in three years so probably not going to miss it that much. Can I still hang around here though?
I know it's First World problems
It's not even remotely that buddy and don't apologise.
I'm not sure what to tell you to be honest other than to say that you've obviously have a tough run and I can empathise with a lot of what you've been through.
Do what you need to do and don't worry about anyone else judging you.
Sounds like a moment of definition for your family.
You will be in turmoil, but you already know what it's like.
Best enjoy it again.
Try not to panic, no 2 is way easier than no 1.
You'll be okay, keep calm and take one day at a time.
Don't sell your bike.
Anything less than three children is just a hobby family.
Get over yourself already.
Get the snip this time.
That's definitely on the cards.
Best enjoy it again.
The first 18 month weren't that enjoyable to be honest. More of a nightmare. It's brilliant now though. This morning Jr was in our bedroom whilst I was getting ready for work.
He kept asking for num nums (breakfast) then there was rustling, followed by silence. I look over the bed and he's opened a drawer where Mrs F keeps some cards. I asked him what he was doing "num num cards" yep, he was eating a birthday card 🙂
Anything less than three children is just a hobby family.That's cheered me up
My 2 p worth... I NEVER wanted kids, ever.... we have a nearly 9 year old. Then suddenly we had a second who is 2 this year. And they are the best thing to have happened... Both were unplanned. We can't really afford either, but somehow we do. Keep a bike. Buy second hand where you can and don't feel bad about it. Accept hand outs if they are offered. And don't panic
Anybody else on here had a kid at forty?
I like your determination and selflessness, chapeau funkmasterp.
Practically, if you now aren't going to be able to afford gym membership, couldn't you use that time to go out on the bike? It might only be an hour or so at a time, but it has to be good for your health, (physical and mental) to do some excercise, and if you are in good shape, that's also bound to be positive for the rest of the family.
Less of the 'moderate intelligence' rubbish - you can write in grammatically correct sentences, so you're probably in the top 5%. Better than most of the graduates who work with me...
Gave up gym membership three years ago, hence the steady gain of fat. Thanks for the humour and comments. That's why I posted here
I can understand the shock, and the worry about money and health, but it will be ok. We managed two kids for a while on a similar combined income. No savings, no proper holidays, no treats, but we got through it.
And I know about the shock of that kind of news. Snip sorted that problem!
But try and grab little rides to help give you some "me" time. A couple of half hours a week will make you feel a whole lot better. Just make sure your wife gets her time as well
"[i]Anybody else on here had a kid at forty?[/i]"
I was 39 & 4½ months when our first one arrived. We now have another on the way, I'll be just over 43 by then.
First was OK, actually, but I'm dreading the next one.
Sorry to go against the the extremely positive flow of the thread so far 😕
Anybody else on here had a kid at forty?
A colleague of mine had two kids in his late 50s when he started a second marriage. Kids from his first marriage both in their 20s.
He's just retired at 66 to be a house husband. The boys are now 8 and 10!
And stop being so hard on yourself. You are clearly an intelligent, caring and hardworking husband and father.
Mrs Spyderman and I had an awful lot of very emotionally difficult issues in having children. We were then lucky enough, with a lot of medical assistance, to have our [s]second[/s] first child. We moved to a house more appropriate, and loved him to bits and settled in (as much as you do with all that happening around you 🙂 ). We didn't worry about anything else, it'd been so complicated. Fast forward about 14 months and we discover that my aim has improved or something 😆 19 months later I start to turn the office back into a bedroom and some 20 months later my old office has a smaller, better looking, and louder version of me and his big brother in it. It's real difficult - we both work and they're very young (now 3 and a bit and 18 months or so) but the eldest really does start to help and we're now at the age where we actually start to believe that they'll start to play together (ok, when I say play it looks mostly like wrestling right now 🙂 ). It's been tough, but it's been so much fun (now - I'm with you on the first 18 months being rough 🙂 ) with the first that in fact, we're stoked about having all the fun bits a second time. And you know what, you discover resources you never thought you had, and that gets you through the first 18 months 🙂 . It's like the first time around, but with a whole bunch more experience you didn't have the first go,and more to look forward too (I remember at points wondering how many years it'd take - it doesn't, it takes months 🙂 ) Good luck.
yeah your personal situation sounds stressful
I think it may well be worth sitting down and discussing with your wife and possibly a councillor about how tough pregnancy, delivery and those first few months will be
On the plus side, 2nd time round, you are better at it, stricter with routine and more disciplined, means sleep, feeding etc will be easier
Moneywise, chill, those first few years are cheapish
what I also want to say
Thats me being nice, [b]f-you ya big ninny![/b]!
I dont earn much more and living in london it was tough luckily had built up savings and we sold our 2 bed for a bigger house further out so that side we are lucky but
my wife lost her job , we already had 2 kids, we got pregnant with a third that turned out to be twins!!
So weve now got [b]4[/b]
Im writing this with eyes so tired I can barely focus as last night my wife had a flip out due to exhuastion but instigated over me not fixing the fence yet after storm dorris took it out, this was at 1 am
the babies woke at 3 then 5 then the 4 & 6 year olds were up at 6-30
work is very busy and, I had to stand on the train in and out of london
but you know what, kids are great- I love coming home to 4 smiling faces all wanting to be paid attention to, we'll make it work
oh and importantly
buy some lights off ebay and do a night ride once a week, once the kids are in bed, even when its freezing and wet even if its just an hour, make sure your wife gets some time for herself too
and ensure that a grandparent/babysitter gives you and the wife a night out once in a while.
Our second is 18 months, and I'm only just starting back out on the bike.
Congrats on the family news, but don't think it's over!
Up to now I've been running: I'd recommend it. Pedalling is good for my mental health, but there was no time for it with my job, wife's job and the two kids. Running on the other hand (especially to start with, with short distances) takes minutes, with no faff.
Very low expense too, and I found it helped me lose weight more than any amount of riding and still gave me the endorphins I needed! Good all body workout too if you push it.
Went from bimbling for a mile and hating it to a 1hr40 half marathon in a year. Try it!
😆f-you ya big ninny!!
😯turned out to be twins!!
"[i]Less of the 'moderate intelligence' rubbish - you can write in grammatically correct sentences[/i]"
Oooh, can I share something fairly irrelevant from somewhere else, purely because it's bike-related and might make you feel better about how stupid other people are ? Someone sold some Biopace cranks...
[img] 
?oh=bd7195c1f57b8b1a8d599903b4aa64f0&oe=596FFEC5[/img]
Wanna see the <heh> "well crafted" and "damaging" comment they left ?
[img] 
?0310215731[/img]
So you think you're "moderate" intelligence ? When there's weapons like this around, think again, you're a lot better 😀
Dont panic.. its only a child... Youve got one already.. you know whats going to happen if you keep it.
As you already have one id say the decision would be crazy hard to terminate.
Sure.. It will get hard before it gets easier. There will be lots of tiredness, pain, frustration, etc but fortunately there will be these intermittent tiny rays of pure joy / love / tired deliriousness that makes it all worth it... Just. (I have 3 girls.. 4,6,8)
You managed a shag so it cant be that bad?
Exercise with a 3 yr old = bike seat/ trailer
Exercise with a baby = pram and epic walks
Nice for kids to have a sibling I reckon, for now and when they are older.
Congrats 🙂
lol@sunday.
Op. congratulations on the news. Life can be tough sometimes, the health concerns over your wife with pregnancy are worrying, it will be a great physical strain on her body. She should be your number one priority. The money will sort itself out, don't worry. Do you have family support?
DO NOT get rid of all your bikes! turn one into single speed at the very least so there is no maintenance. Cycling, even occasionally will become more & more important to you. Time alone, without any noise, in the countryside without any responsibilities even if for a short time will keep you sane.
Our second was much easier than the first.
Embrace it, it might just sort you all out.
Sack the gym off, but keep one bike at least, your first one will be starting to ride soon.
Chin up, it'll all work out.
2nd is always cheaper and as said b4, you know what you're doing this time.
As the old saying goes - you never get two the same. My own experience, wife had PND which was difficult, but baby was great. 2nd time, wife was great but two years on we still don't get a full night sleep. And I was in my 40's when no.2 came around. It's a bugger on the knees playing with small kids at my age, but hope you find a way to cope with all the pressure. It will eventually pass.
Threads like this bring on the silent majority of STW. The descent ones, not the opinionated judgemental trolls.
I was 39 3/4 when my daughter was born, to be honest the age itself isn't a big thing as it's often a state of mind. A greater thing is that friends had kids much earlier and whilst I adjusted to fit round their family needs its much harder to adjust when you have children if over 5 years different in age.
1) Congratulations!
2) You'll both adore Jnr mk2
3) Stay positive! You are not a bystander in your mental health. The more you fret, the worse it'll be.
4) Ends meet. Do your maths, budget.
5) you can still exercise. Get a couple of kettlebells, some paralettes and a chin up bar. You can get super strong with only those pieces of equipment. Despite fashionable advice, you don't need deadlifts.
6) Research free things to do. Outdoors stuff is outdoors, it's good for you (all of you) if you're MTBing or not.
7) Buy a tent. Holidays are important, you don't need £k's worth of foreign hols to have fun.
Considering your partner's issues, you need to be the rock. She's carrying, you're not. It might be hard but that's the deal bro.
Threads like this bring on the silent majority of STW. The descent ones, not the opinionated judgemental trolls.
Allow me to spoil that. I don't mean to be a dick but, Aspie, sorry,
17 years together, you don't want more kids and a) you're still using condoms and b) you've somehow managed to split one? How does that even happen? You can blow them up and put them on your head.
And then,
Morning after pill was taken... We are definitely having the baby... Any other options aren't on the table.
Are you sure you -both- don't want more children, or is that just you?
Why aren't other options on the table? I hate to be callous but an obvious solution presents itself when the alternative is an unwanted child.
I've got some suspension trainers. Think it's time to fix them up outside. Mrs F is definitely priority one. Making sure she gets rest, nutrition and exercise. Jr will love it, he's already smitten with babies. Can't wait to try and explain it to him.
Thanks for all the replies. It's reassuring to know other people are in or have been in the same boat. It's going to take a few days to sink in I reckon.
No problem Cougar. Don't know how it split, but it definitely did. Mrs F was scared to death today, hence why I came home from work. She's worried, but definitely wants to keep it. It takes two to tango so I'm definitely with her. I'll come around.
Might be misreading your response, but she most definitely did not do this on purpose. Not a malicious or conniving bone in her body. I'm just a grumpy, selfish sod. I'll melt as soon as she starts showing, more so when the baby arrives.
Lots of positives if you care to look for them. Your son will (eventually) like having a sibling and you both should be more relaxed second time around.
Re. not being able to afford the gym there are lots of great videos on youtube where you can do quick workouts with minimal equipment. I do kettlebell workouts (Bodyfit by Amy :oops:) which last less than half an hour but seem to do me good.
But definitely get the snip now 😀
Bit confused by your last post. Your first post must have been so painful for you to write, it sounds as though it was horrendous for both of you and it's still tough with a little one who's not settled.
Yet you're not 100% sure about this pregnancy but your wife has made up her own mind. Does she realise how you feel? You really need to talk this through and be totally honest.
2 is better than one anyway, my mates with one kid are always having to find stuff for the kid to do, where as we can just leave ours with scissors and matches and they make their own entertainment.
Congratulations. I commend you for just knowing immediately you'll stick with it. From everything I have read you are great parents. Yes its hard and stressful but the good times will make up for it.
Also given you've ridden 3 times and have a tight budget its brilliant to see you are a subscriber. There are a here who should take note.
Yet you're not 100% sure about this pregnancy but your wife has made up her own mind. Does she realise how you feel? You really need to talk this through and be totally honest.
Spent most of today talking it through. She knows how I feel, hence why she was so upset. She's spent most of the day very emotional, worried about how I feel. My only concern now is for her. The more I calm down, the more I'm coming around to actually liking the idea. I'd never ask her to abort. It's not even really crossed my mind to be honest. Just thought our lives were set, so to speak. Out of all the things I thought might happen today, this was not one of them.
Anybody else on here had a kid at forty?
Umm, yes. I had one 39 when one of mine was born, and 42 when the next came along, for a total of 8.
A humungous family was more Mrs SR's desire than mine, but I wouldn't change a thing.
Just try to embrace it now that it is a reality for you, and don't worry about things ahead of time. Sufficient unto the day are the evils thereof.
And besides, you've got the STW gang rooting for you.
Also given you've ridden 3 times and have a tight budget its brilliant to see you are a subscriber. There are a here who should take note.
This place is definitely worth paying a couple of quid for. The random shit, humour, arguments, characters and of course the bikes have helped keep me sane.
SaxonRider's family portrait looks familiar 🙂
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😆 😳
Ignoring all the other details, I'm finding it really nice having two - one is four, the other 20 months and they're lovely together (when she isn't making her little brother cry, but he is a massive softie!)
Your elder one may really embrace being the big brother - and I'm sure he'll get easier, they change a lot between three and four.
Good luck!
P.S. Despite Kimbers recently added twins to complete his full house I've still managed to bump into him at a Welsh trail centre, hours away from where we both live, so riding is possible! I know it keeps me sane...
P.P.S. You don't have to be subscribed to post here - I had to quit when the mag's whimsical mincing got too much for me. 😛 And then Dirt died which left me nothing real to read...
Good luck funkmasterp. 😀
I'd never ask her to abort. It's not even really crossed my mind to be honest.
You don't need to ask her to do anything, you both need to have an adult conversation as to what you both want to do. Then if you do decide to go ahead with it then you're both doing it confident that you've made a conscious decision, rather than burying your heads in the sand and having sufficient doubts to ask for advice from a bunch of alleged cyclists.
Also given you've ridden 3 times and have a tight budget its brilliant to see you are a subscriber. There are a here who should take note.
Hi!
It was more a way of getting my thoughts down than asking for advice. We've spent all day talking. No burying of heads in sand. More just a bit of WTF and subsequent freaking out. Watching Jr sleep next to me is making me realise how lucky I am. Another one like him and I'll just be doubly so.
Thanks for your input though. It's good to get different views. Posting on here comes with a small degree of anonymity which makes it easier to think aloud and hear from others who have found themselves experiencing similar events in their lives.
How dare your suggest that anybody on here actually rides a bike.
Right, first things first. Calm the **** down.
Are you calm? Probably not, but here goes.
Boy2 came along unexpectedly, but that's how a large percentage of kids do. We managed, you will too. Your better half will need to listen to the advice of the medical staff and you need to help her through this.
Why are you selling everything? I perfectly understand you will need to be careful with money, but the short term gain of an eBay selling purge isn't going to fix anything.
I've had the ups and downs of checkered employment. Mediocre pay when both of my boys were little, then earned a bit more, before being made redundant twice in 15 months. Took a minimum wage job to make ends meet, this was at the same time as The Wife was at college retraining. We lived on value beans on toast, baked potatoes, home made soup from veg grown in the garden. It was bloody hard, but we survived. Things have taken a turn for the better in recent years money wise.
At the same time as all of this we have gone through Boy2 being diagnosed as autistic. He's having a very tough time of it along with hitting adolescence. I've suffered with deep depression at times through all of this, along with having to have spinal surgery. Life certainly has a way of kicking you when you're down. But as a family we've managed and are stronger now than we were when we started out.
You've got baby number two on the way. Life will change, but that doesn't mean it has to change for the worse. It's what you will make it. Riding your bike will help. It sounds like that's impossible but it's just something you have to manage like anything else.
Right, now go and ride your bike. Even for an hour. Everyone has riding from their door, it might not be mountains, trails, or "proper" mountain biking. But you can ride. The most fun rides are the ones where you find something different on the most unsuitable bike. That's why CX bikes and urban downhill are things to be enjoyed.
Thanks bigblackshed (and others) a little perspective goes a long way.
My take on this may sound harsh, sorry if it does, but it is meant as good advice. I would suggest that sooner or later your unborn child will eventually become inquisitive enough to look on the internet about his/ her dad. Kids do that sort of thing. To find that they were unwanted will not be a good thing for them to hear.
Ask the mods to delete the thread, nothing that is on the internet can be hidden.
Shoot me down if I'm wrong, but in years to come baby may not like reading some of the above.
funkmasterp - Member
I earn £27k and have no real academic or other qualifications beyond GCSE's. I'm of moderate intelligence and have confidence issues. Therefore I can't see me earning much more than I do now.
Put it this way you are the intelligent one.
Guess what few of me mates, all with PhD, in their early 60s have never earned more than £25k per year until recently (only started earning £25K plus when they reached their late 50s) ... They are all constantly worried about their income whenever some young people join the company.
Therefore, guess who is the dumb one(s). Certainly not you put it this way.
Oh ya congratulation with 2nd mini-me and you don't need to be rich to be happy.
I only have one child, a son aged almost 18 and although we tried, we weren't blessed with another. I do regret not starting sooner and I think my lad would have liked a brother or sister.
Slightly subdued congratulations
The good news is that the first child is the hardest as you have to completely rearrange your lives and that is an incredible upheaval. The second you don't have that nor do you have the panic about if you are doing it right. Its harder but nothing like twice as hard
Losing weight? Don't eat the stuff on your kids plate that they haven't. Its a classic killer for parents.
Ask the mods to delete the thread, nothing that is on the internet can be hidden.Shoot me down if I'm wrong, but in years to come baby may not like reading some of the above.
That's something I didn't think of. Is it possible to do this mods?
FWIW it sounds like you are having a hard time of things, so I can totally understand your predicament.
I have 2 and they are both great and "easy" in comparison. Can you commute to work by bike for exercise? Can you lean on family members to help out with childcare in the short term?
Unless you're absolutely destitute there's a lot of truth in the phrase 'all you need is love', when it comes to families and it sounds like you have plenty of that. It gets easier and then it's fabulous (although I agree that the first 18 months is pretty pump).
And also, I don't want 3 kids. If we had an accident, we'd just cope somehow, but TBH I'd pretty much feel the same way as you do now.
...and +1 for the snip, it's much less stressful when you're gelded.
Can you commute to work by bike for exercise? Can you lean on family members to help out with childcare in the short term?
I'm pretty lucky in that I get to walk to work. It's only about two miles away. We may be moving premises which would open up cycling as an option.
We are very lucky with help. Mrs Funkmaster's parents live a couple of towns away, are semi retired and adore spending time with Jr. We go down there some weekends.
Really appreciate all the feedback, experiences and honest opinions from everyone. Just asked Jr if he'd like a baby in the house, to which he replied "No, my house too cold" 😀
My take on this may sound harsh, sorry if it does, but it is meant as good advice. I would suggest that sooner or later your unborn child will eventually become inquisitive enough to look on the internet about his/ her dad. Kids do that sort of thing. To find that they were unwanted will not be a good thing for them to hear.
You're confusing unwanted with unplanned.
Unwanted is where it grows up to be a little shit that destroys any love you have for it with it's actions. The OP is in the unplanned stage right now, totally different situations.
I don't have any desire whatsoever to have kids but if one decides to show up I would accept it and make the best job of it I could. If you do the deed etc..
OP, don't worry about the stuff you've posted on here. You're still getting used to the shock of no.2 on the horizon so the fact that you're thinking through things properly is a good thing. Depending upon how things work out you can always request the thread be removed at a later date if needs be. The most likely scenario is you end up embracing being a dad of two and you will be able to show the little one how much of a lovely surprise they are, something to be proud of. Kids don't really care whether they were planned or not, it's how you bring them up that counts.
The second will be hard for the first while. You get even less sleep than when you just had the one. Be prepared. The second you think you've finished up the chores and sit down one of them starts crying or demanding attention.
I've found our second really hard for the first 6 weeks, but she's mellowing out now at 8 weeks old (just slept from 9-6, for example).
Melts my heart seeing our nearly 3 year old pat the baby's head and cuddle her to comfort her when she's crying. He'd ran into her room a couple of days ago while she was screaming and when I got in there 3 minutes later his head was resting on her tummy and he had his hand around her foot. She'd stopped crying. Almost draws a tear actually!
Plus, financially, a second kid is a very wise decision... You're more likely to have someone willing to do a bit of looking after YOU when you're old and decrepit.
All-inclusive, you will both be pushed farther into the stress/emotional turmoil zone for a while. This may feel like a disaster in the midst of it all, but as soon as things start to ease slightly you'll be aware of the weight lifting.
I have 9, 6 and 3 year old boys but am still a year off 40. All good here - wouldn't change a thing at home. Work is stressful, not sure i can sustain it for ever, but we don't worry about money and can cope with our pretty hefty overheads. I do have to accept though that i can't always have new toys!
Anyway,back to the kids. No1 was unplanned - we jumped the gun on our marriage by a couple of weeks! Luckily he has been a breeze. No2 was planned. He was hospitalised with meningitis at 3 weeks old and although he was fine, has been higher maintenance ever since.
When No2 was just over a year old, we found that unplanned No2.5 was on the way. That sent me into a similar meltdown to you. I really felt like i had nothing left to give, was worried about money, physically and emotionally exhausted and really didn't want any more. I used to wake up each morning for 2-3 months with a feeling of dread and worry. I would have aborted if it was purely my decision. Nature took that decision out of our hands in the end and the pregnancy miscarried. Then I had to deal with the emotional impact of getting what I'd been wishing for.
Fast forward another year. No2 sleeping properly, starting to look less like a baby and guess what happened? Yep no3 on the way. Felt completely different this time round. This time we've really been able to enjoy our parenting and the little hooligan has brought so much joy to everyone in the family.
What am i trying to say? I guess that its normal for circumstances and timing to give you feeling of dread and worry. But it's generally ok. You know what you're doing now, it should be easier. You don't have to sacrifice the small amount of time and toys you take for yourself - they're probably more important than ever.
Make sure you're claiming whatever help you can.
Oh, and get the snip! My GP agreed to book me in before no3 was even born!
We had our fourth when i was 39 and the Mrs was 38. As mentioned above they are all different and at least with the second one you've had some practice and it's not such a big shock.
Try and have it so that once every so often you both get a little me time, even if its just for a couple of hours it makes a big difference.
Anybody else on here had a kid at forty?
Yes - 7 year gap between the middle boy and the youngest.Came out of the blue (so to speak), I was close to 42, wife close to 43 when we had the youngest. We'd sold all the baby stuff, had got into a good routine and then BOOM, along he came. We are constantly tired, it is hard work..... but wouldn't change it for the world.
Unwanted is where it grows up to be a little shit that destroys any love you have for it with it's actions. The OP is in the unplanned stage right now, totally different situations.
Thanks for that. I was going to post something about this last night. I want to be clear that this child will unequivocally never be unwanted. Unplanned, definitely, but he or she will have all the love and support I am capable of giving. It's just that neither of us had planned for this, but we are fully committed.
We'd sold all the baby stuff
Sold the cot and the steriliser last month. Luckily we've still got everything else though.
I realise this is rather morbid but I'm terrified of losing my family (which I'm sure stems from my Dad dying when I was 20). I just saw that one of my schoolfriend's two year old twins died suddenly overnight. I can't imagine the devastation of such a loss but I can see it being easier to cope with if it isn't your only child.
For the same reason I'm a bit scared of vasectomies - I feel like if I had one my family would then be wiped out in a car crash or something. Totally illogical but there you go...
If you rewrote your first post so that all the negatives were a positive then it would be a great tale of love and family winning out. Exactly the same facts, different attitude. Humans are AWFUL at seeing the positive.
"Shy guy gets decent job in stable safe country despite not doing well at school. Meets younger woman, falls in love and manage to secure a house against the odds. They then have a beautiful child and despite a series of serious issues they stay together and a family begins. Then, fate deals a card neither could foresee and the family gets another member, they agree it will be a challenge but ultimately worthwhile to stretch that little bit further and let 3 become 4. A few years pass and they wouldn't have it any other way."
Thanks pictonroad, just read your post to my wife and it's suddenly become very dusty in here.
I'll definitely love the new arrival and do all I can to support him or her. I'm worried sick about looking after my family though.
This is one of the most important bits in your OP, I reckon. It'll be fine, and you're prepared for it to be tough, which may just result in it being less tough than you think.
You have your head screwed on, sir, and that's sometimes all it takes.
Be kind and gentle to yourself and your family, and it'll work out. In 10 years time, they'll want to come out on their bikes with you, and you'll be posting wonderful pictures on here.
And yes, I became a father at 42, skipped biking for a few years. Now, 10 years later, fadda jnr and me are off to the FoD this afternoon... 😆
How about getting a kiddie trailer for Junior? (I'll let you know how I get on with my doggy one ;))
That'd let you get out on your bike. Might not be the most exciting riding but something at least.
And it'd get you two out of the house to let your wife concentrate on the baby when he/she arrives.
Best of luck whatever you decide.
Anybody else on here had a kid at forty?
Had our surprise third at forty, we were devastated at the news at the time, but now couldn't imagine life without him.
Having three kids is great, it makes a lot of decisions for you. For example cars as aspirational objects ends completely and they become beasts of burden where space and economy are your main priorities, which makes them also useful for cycling, your house is also forever full of clutter and crap, and trying to pretend otherwise is futile. It's quite liberating.
The main thing is that house is also filled with noise, craziness, love, laughter and joy. I'm typing this whilst I half listen to two boys deciding how much of the eggshell around their boiled eggs they would need to eat before they are sick.
They've also just decided that the best name for a baby duck should really be quackling
Fwiw OP if your second is ever old enough to find and read this thread all they'll take from it is a lesson in dealing with life's unplanned events from the very start and that the moment you knew of their existence you wanted them DESPITE the obvious risks/obstacles. Pretty awesome read to my mind.
Good luck, you will manage (but you always knew that) and definitely second the running, great for clearing the mind, getting perspective and restoring some positivity/can do attitude.
You've a lot on your plate so it's ok and only right you recognise that hence give yourself a break over the tumultuous feelings right now. Fingers crossed for you all.
Generally speaking I can't stand kids.
Woke up the other week in a cold sweat after having dreamt that the GF (should really be saying partner, 15 years together) told me she was pregnant and me telling her I don't want the baby. Didn't speak to her till the afternoon and didn't want sex again till after her period, just to be sure, like.
Friend of mine, 49, accidently got his missus pregnant and turned out to be twins! They manage.
My sister has one, but due to a hospital screw up during his birth is having trouble to conceive a second time round.
@Picton.... Beautiful, mate.
They've also just decided that the best name for a baby duck should really be quackling
That's inspired.
OP, you come across as a level headed, loving father. You'll be 'right....
Thanks pictonroad, just read your post to my wife and it's suddenly become very dusty in here.
Good lad. I'm 39, got a 5 and 2yr old, they're little arseholes, I'm always knackered and skint. But, if I had money I'd only waste it on holidays and nice cars...
Hang on a sec... 😆
42 when no3 came along, came as a bit of a shock at first, then I remembered my wedding night a few weeks earlier. 😆
So 3 boys later, 9,7 and 3, I'm constantly knackered, I never get out on the bike anymore due to house renovations, but wouldn't have it any other way.
There's nothing better than coming home after a long day to be attacked by 3 mini me's, think along the lines of a pack of hyenas bringing down a gazelle. 😆
Anyhow for what it's worth we didn't notice a massive difference between 1 and 2 kids as we still had most of the stuff knocking around from no'1.
3 kids? Now that's a different story!
Also every one of them has been a different experience, so what happened with your first won't necessarily be the same with your second.
Finally,enjoy every moment with them as babies, because it's scary just how quick they grow up!!
that the best name for a baby duck should really be quackling
That is excellent
That's something I didn't think of. Is it possible to do this mods?
It is. I'd suggest perhaps letting the thread run until the advice runs out, then if you want to report-post it I'll have it taken round the back and shot. Humanely of course, I'm not a monster.
Thanks Cougar. There has been some great advice so far. Makes me remember why I hang around here. It really is a great community. Took Jr for a big walk earlier, hey helped clear my head. The more I think about the new arrival, the more I'm starting to like the idea of it.
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