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Before i question my son about my ( & the wife's ) suspicions that he hasn't enrolled for his last year at uni is there any way i can find out for sure ? The uni obviously don't give out that kind of information but we know for a fact that his student loan hasn't gone into his account yet . It's a bit baffling because we've got a great relationship and can usually sort things out (and let's be honest he's going to get found out in the end if he hasn't). It's what he eventually wants to do & even though he's pretty bored with it all most of the time accepts that he'll need his degree to carry on in the future .
Don't know if we're making a mountain out of a molehill , but it's early November now so surely they'd be some kind of coursework he'd be doing ? I'll be kicking myself for being too trusting with him if he hasn't enrolled .
Not without your sons permission. Like you say, the Uni won’t tell you as it’s a data breach. And student loans likewise. You need to speak to him. He should be doing some work, because he is likely to have a final year project of some sort which normally starts at the beginning of the year (if not before). Depends on the subject.
If he has dropped out and passed the first two years, speak with him about talking to the tutor about getting a Diploma (or similar) which at least means he has certification for the years he did complete.
Final year as in third year of a BA/BSc?
I never had to enroll at the start of the second and third year. (I did at the start of the first year, which was mainly so they could take £1400 off you as an up front halls payment; and at the start of the 4th year to confirm I wanted to move onto the masters program.)
My point being that it could be a cock up by the uni or student finance and he's done exactly as he did last year and just kept on turning up, going to lectures and doing the assignments? If the relevent staff recognise him and he's got the right logins and timetables he might be blissfully unaware until he turns up for his exam and finds there's no desk for him?
I never had to enroll at the start of the second and third year.
It is often linked to confirming your module choices - so not as formal as first year but shows you want to progress to the next academic year.
A mate of mine did this. Sacked it off near the end of the 1st year at exam time, got a job and lived the Uni life while his new mates carried on, at one point they paid his rent.
Never told his parents until graduation date, they had no idea.
However, 18 years on he has and is doing well in life.
I think you need to talk to him and not judge him. If he has screwed up, the thing to do is to work through his options in a positive way so that he knows you are trying to help him, not punish him. I did well in my first year at uni, burned out in the second, dropped back to part-time study for a year to get my bearings, then another full-time year to finish. I really needed that break in the third year, trying to tough it out with another full-time year would have been a huge mistake.
Phone up their IT dept & say you can't acccess your account?
But the actual answer is to confront them in a positive manner I guess.
we know for a fact that his student loan hasn’t gone into his account yet
How do you know that? Do you spy on his bank account? He's got to be at least 20 years old to be on the 3rd year of a degree - why would you have access to another adult's bank account?
A few people on my OU course are still waiting for SFE to pay their loans, don’t assume he’s dropped out if lack of loan is only evidence
Thanks for the replies everyone . Don't worry i'm not going to go ballistic with him , ill just be disappointed that he hasn't let us know & hasn't talked it out . He's still living at home so it's not like he's at the other end of the country getting hammered every day ,but with the travel restrictions he's maybe thinking he can get away with it as he won't have to go in .
As regards his student loan he's let his mum know his bank details in the past so if he ever needs to transfer any money over to us she can - so she had a sneaky look to confirm - not great i know .
Time for a chat tonight i think .
Just read what you'd put Houns . I've got to be honest , it might well just be that - he's never stumbled for an answer if i've dropped it into a conversation in the past but he's so laid back he never looks worried about anything !
if he ever needs to transfer any money over to us she can
Wut? Why on earth can he not do it himself?
It might just be me but I think this is all manner of wrong. If my mum started a conversation with "hi son, I was just having a rummage through your bank account and..." then that isn't a conversation that would end any way other than very, very badly.
won't even get mentioned in the conversation
Not really the crux of what I was getting at TBH.
Aside from the monumental breach of trust committed, I find it somewhat weird that a grown adult has given his parents access to his bank account. Not to mention almost certainly being in breach of the account T&Cs if not outright illegal.
I mean, he's presumably agreed to it so it's on his shoulders, but I cannot fathom why he'd need to do that. Phone banking, Internet backing, banking apps are all commonplace now.
Are you completely sure he's not actually enrolled and progressing?
Appreciate you might know more but the evidence you've listed seems circumstantial and kind of presumptuous.
There could be all manner of reasons why some funding hasn't arrived in his bank (especially at the moment) and plenty of students, rightly or wrongly, do nothing until the last minute and then tear through all their work in a frantic rush just before their various deadlines. Sitting around doing nothing for large periods is not uncommon for students at University.
I'd make sure you're sure, first.
That's why i posted originally just to see if there was anyway of finding out OR finding out if others are having the same problems getting their loan money . Like i've said previously that this could just be the case , but i'd have thought that it would've been sorted by November .
Cougar - it's just made life easier in the past tbh , if he makes a transfer there's usually a follow up phone call from the bank ( bit ridiculous for a 20 yr old i know ) .
Cougar
Full MemberNot really the crux of what I was getting at TBH.
Aside from the monumental breach of trust committed, I find it somewhat weird that a grown adult has given his parents access to his bank account. Not to mention almost certainly being in breach of the account T&Cs if not outright illegal.
I mean, he’s presumably agreed to it so it’s on his shoulders, but I cannot fathom why he’d need to do that. Phone banking, Internet backing, banking apps are all commonplace now.
This really isn't the place for it, way to sidetrack from the guys (important) question of his son's potential non-completion of uni.
This really isn’t the place for it, way to sidetrack from the guys (important) question of his son’s potential non-completion of uni.
I have to say I'm with Cougar on this. There's something very weird if the parents of a 20 yr old are operating his bank account for him. But then theres something weird if someone living in your house had quit uni and (1) you've taken a month or more to notice; (2) they've not told you!
I have to say I’m with Cougar on this. There’s something very weird if the parents of a 20 yr old are operating his bank account for him.
Not doubting it, but you two can start a "should i have access to other peoples bank accounts" thread for that.
I've seen people simply switch off from uni, it happens. Unless you know exactly what they should be doing it would be an absolute doddle to hide that you'd dropped out from your folks
1 We're not operating his bank account for him
2 With everything that's happening i can imagine things would need setting up at the uni's end - online classes etc.
3 That's the worrying thing -IF he's quit then why couldn't he tell us ?
Not doubting it, but you two can start a “should i have access to other peoples bank accounts” thread for that.
It was just an aside, was all. I thought it was strange and, well, whatever the reasoning there's probably a better way of achieving whatever they're trying to do. If he's still got a child's account then that's something which needs taking up with the bank.
Relationships vary and this one with their son obviously has enough trust that said son can be fully transparent with his parents on what he spends his (their?) money on.
There also may be an embarrassment issue of not doing as well as first thought in his exams so doesn't know how to approach the subject with his parents.
IF he’s quit then why couldn’t he tell us ?
Because
ill just be disappointed that he hasn’t let us know & hasn’t talked it out
Just ask him eh?
ill just be disappointed that he hasn’t let us know & hasn’t talked it out
Whatever you do don't tell him you are dissapointed.
I will be eternally grateful to my parents for dropping everything to take me out for dinner to talk about why they found out I hadn't sat my third year exams the day i refused to let them open my results over the phone. No judgement from them just support and talking about how to build back up from there.
It is extremely easy to fall behind or give up, missing the odd class turns into not going for a week and before you know it you ****ed it all up and its extremely embarrassing and unbelievablly difficult to admit it to yourself let alone those that care about you.
I’m certainly not going to say I’m disappointed with him , in fact I feel quite the opposite - we’re , as parents just concerned that he’s not making a mistake that will hurt his career down the line .