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Tried to explain where Mom's been the past couple of days, and what's happening.
For about 2 weeks she's been having migraines. Vomiting. Loss of vision. He's five, and been great. Just goes off to the kitchen, get's a bowl. "Here's a sicky bowl, Mom". Lies in bed with her, cuddling.
Last Thursday I sent her to the docs. Doc says he'll do a referral for a head CT which notes a 26mm mass in right ventricle. Still getting headaches, so he thinks a MRI is needed. On Friday night I say she should go to ED, explain the symptoms and get them to organise an MRI, but at the weekends they say it's not possible to get one done, will have to be after the weekend. Check her out, phone consult a neurologist and think she'll be fine for the weekend.
Monday, she keeps the boy off school, takes him with her for the MRI. Results go back to GP who phones and wants to see her pronto.
GP confirms mass, appears to be tumorous. So Monday afternoon we're trying to find a private neurologist to see her ASAP. After a few calls and in some cases "we'll get back to you in a couple of days" we decide it's a good idea if she goes to another hospital where the neuro consultants and professors are based.
She's been in since Monday night. Neuro is 90% sure it's a benign tumour, but will have to be removed, so looks like surgery on Monday. She had another MRI today (a wafer mri) which the surgeons will work from.
I'm optimistic, on the whole. I was a little worried when she told me social workers and welfare officers had been to see her as "you have 2 young kids" which I'm not sure is standard protocol for brain surgery, or damage limitation for the worst case scenario.
Neurologist says might turn out sinister but at this stage doesn't think so. Impossible to be certain though. Might affect speech, sight, memory, movement, can't drive, may have seizures. 6 weeks plus recovery time. Maybe physio.
My boy says "can't they use a special gun and turn her brain inside out and just get it?"
Naturally everyone is shocked, stunned, mortified. First couple of days it didn't sink in for me. I work in mental health, I'm well aware of how this all works. One of the docs / friend from work has been messaging me as I went in to see her yesterday in a sort of "WTF, got any decent neuro mates?" way.
I"m gonna be off work until the end of the week but I'm planning on going back on Sat.
Mental.
Keep having flashbacks of things we've said. Notably early last week when I finally booked a vasectomy (it's our ten year anniversary too) and she jokingly said, "are you sure you want to do this? what if I die and your new wife wants kids"
Well, I think I've waffled enough. If you got this far, thanks. I always see these type of threads and think it's good to just write it all down. Clears things in your head a little.
That's the sort of thing I have nightmares about. I'm really sorry. I hope its benign.
Man, that is awful.
Hope it all turns out OK. Best wishes to you and your family.
Feel free to waffle more OP
Best wishes, hope everything goes ok
Wow, that is awful news. Hope all goes as well as it possibly can.
Wishing you all the very best of luck.
Absolutely my nightmare scenario, and I'm not going to pretend I know what to say that can help you, other than to know that there are a load of on here who will be rooting for you all and will be here to listen at any time of the day or night if you need to off load or brain dump the turmoil.
I hope it's benign as they are suggesting or at least caught in time. Be strong for your wife and your boy, come on here and sob your heart out if you need to.
That's awful - my best wishes for you all and fingers crossed for next week.
Blimey. What a thing to have to deal with. Thoughts with you all. Chin up though, modern medicine is bloody remarkable.
Wishing you and your loved ones all the best of luck mate.
You know you have a great support network here so if there's anything you need just pop up a post, I'm sure whatever the time it is there'll be someone here to give you support.
healing vibes being sent to your Mrs
4130
Very sorry to hear, hopefully the optimistic outlook of the surgeon will be the way it transpires. Try not to think of other avenues as hopefully everything will turn out ok.
Terrible news, but as hard as it can be, stay strong for your wife and lad, they will need an anchor.
Fingers and toes crossed and all the best
Hope enjoy manage to get it all okay and she makes a full recovery. Hang in there and waffle all you like.
Rachel x
really hope everything works out for everyone, fingers crossed here.
Even though your lad sounds strong, it will affect him - make sure he is ok. Good luck to you all - wishing for a positive outcome.
Good luck.
Just to weigh up different options, may not be suitable in your wife's case. My Dad was diagnosed with a benign tumour, about as big as a walnut on his auditory nerve, he was advised against surgery due to his age and had 'Gamma Knife' radiotherapy in Sheffield, where they basically bolt you into a MRI scanner to map out the tumour then use a focal radiotherapy beam to accurately target the tumour.
The professor at Sheffield strongly advised against surgery, but a local junior neuro consultant wanted to operate & Dad thought he seemed a bit to quick to want to get him under the knife.
Might be worth a mention if the Gamma-Knife is a possible alternative, the only issue he had post op which may have been unrelated was temporary Bell's palsy like symptoms.
Hope it all goes well
Don't worry about waffling -if it helps in any way to get it out there then it's all good.
Best of luck to you all.
That's a hell of a lot to deal with. Good luck.
Fingers crossed for a happy outcome.....I'm sure we'll all be thinking of you.
Wishing and praying for a positive outcome! Stay strong fella.
Best wishes, OP. My eyes filled up when I read the bit about your little boy's questions. I hope everything works out well for all of you.
Shit news - fingers crossed that it works out well for all of you. Make sure you find some good stuff to do with the boy to take his mind off it, and rather than just going from and to and then hanging around in hospitals.
Thinking of you. Good luck to you all.
You're right, writing these things down can be very cathartic. We're a good bunch to off-load on.
Shit dude. There's not much more I can add but my very best wishes and hopes for you all.
Blimey, fingers crossed for a speedy recovery to Mrs 2k.
Fingers crossed for a happy ending, my thoughts and best wished to you.
90% is very optimistic, so it should hopefully all be ok.
Fingers crossed for you all.
shit.
What a dreadful situation for all of you.
Hope the surgery goes well and the initial diagnosis/prognosis is confirmed.
Very best of luck OP. A friend has recently gone through something very similar - ironically he's a GP in the forces. He's had surgery and is still walking / talking / riding.
Fingers crossed for you all and sending positive thoughts your way.
Hope everything turns out ok for you and your family. I don't know how i'd cope with that sort of shit.
Best wishes and hope everything turns out okay.
Best wishes to you.
Hoping for you all.
No matter the outcome, you probably won't regret hugging and kissing her and your boy as much as possible right now.
Really sorry to hear this apex. Hope that the surgery goes well and any side effects are limited and short term. Where are you based? If you want someone to have a drink with, talk to etc and you're near me I'd be happy to oblige. I have a demented three year old who could keep your son amused.
sorry to hear OP, wish you and your family all the best.
Stay strong
Well, I think I've waffled enough.
Anything that helps.
Feel free to waffle as much as you need to, plenty of people here to help who have been in similar situations. Or just to offer sympathy if that's what me needed.
Well done for being so strong and for being there for your son and wife, you can be absolutely certain that it is meaning everything to them right now. It sounds like very tough times but you are a very long way from needing to give up hope yet- one step at a time!
As above you are not waffling, if it helps to keep writing then keep writing. You will find nothing but support here.
You are doing all the right things and you will get through this. You'll get through this because you have to, so you [i]will[/i] get through this. Keep at it!!!
****ing hell.
I've just had my issues put back into perspective.
Here's to thinking and wishing for you and your family.
Best wishes.
Best wishes to you your wife and your family.
**** hell.I've just had my issues put back into perspective.
+1
Good luck OP
Best wishes to you and family, especially Mrs.
Feel free to waffle on here any time.
Don't forget to ride a bike - for your well-being.
All the best OP
Shit. Love and positive, supportive thoughts from the BSN clan here.
Hoping all turns out well for your family, mate.
Sorry to hear that. Keep talking. And I've got fingers crossed for you all.
Aphex, I went through the same situation (minus the son) a few years ago. If there's anything I can do then either ask on the thread or my email is in my profile.
The next few weeks are going to be quite the ordeal, there's too much to cope with for any one person but as a unit you'll get through. It's probably impossible for you not to speculate but I'm not going to fuel that by offering any advice at present, unless you ask for it which you can anytime.
I wish the both of you good luck and strength.
Stay strong.
I know what youre going through. My mrs has a scan tomorrow. We should be in Fort William & now were'e not cos we had to cancel. (1st time wev'e missed the Scottish Six Days Trial in 10 years)
Hope all goes ok & fingers crossed for you.
Like muppetWrangler I went through a similar thing (also without the children) a good number of years ago. The NHS move impressively quickly when they need to. My husband had brain surgery - I remember I had to keep saying that quietly to myself to try to make it compute. It didn't seem to make much sense that he could be having brain surgery.
Anyway, I don't have many words of wisdom but a couple of things which may help. When he was coming round from surgery I was understandably anxious about what was going to happen, whether he'd be the same person whether anything would be changed, personality wise. He was the same guy, same quirky sense of humour (I don't believe it's recommended when the Docs give you the test questions such as What year is it, What is your wife's name etc. to answer the Who is the Prime Minister question with an idiot). The thing which startled me was that Dave was also worried about whether he'd be the same person, and was reliant on me to tell him that he was. Bear in mind it may be a fear of your wife's as well. May not be, we're all different.
The second thing is to remember to laugh. Like a steam valve, but laugh together, because sometimes the entire thing is too bizarre not to.
They let him out quite soon after surgery, less than a week later, and still with the staples in his head. That was pretty cool. They left us with multiple warnings about epilepsy which, for quite some time, made me worry about leaving him alone but needlessly as it turned out.
You'll be in my thoughts. Don't forget to laugh.
Best wishes to you all, OP
Remember, when you do get to talk to a neurosurgeon, tell them you expect it'll be straightforward since it's not exactly rocket science - I imagine they bloody love that
From a family who's had to deal with the non-benign, I do hope all goes well for you. I am happy to say that in spite of terrible tragedy, kids are 1) literal 2) selfish (it's all about them) 3) resilient. Remember they only interpret information within their own context, so can appear very matter of fact and straightforward in their conversations.
Scary times, but hang onto the optimism. Hope the surgery goes well, all the best.
Wife of a friend is going through something similar. 17 tumours in her head. Not malignant but some fast growing. They have taken some out and more soon. Seems to be going ok, and amazing how quickly and well she recovered from the first op.
Everything crossed here for you mate.
I hope all goes well for you and your family.
Speaking as a teacher, maybe tell the school?
I don't normally read these posts, however you, your wifes and your boys outlook seem so absolutely positive. I can only wish you the best that the world can give.
Hope all goes well, wish you the best.
Shitty news, all my best and hope it turns out well. My only advice would be to tell your son the truth, don't try and dress it up as something else - you would be betraying his trust in you, and that won't help either of you.
All the best to you, and to essel as well. Fingers crossed .
Don't think I'd have the minerals to have that talk OP. Top dadding.
My former boss had a golf ball sized benign in the ventricle. He had successful surgery and radiotherapy. Don't think it was an easy process, took about a year to get right but he did it.
The kids conversation will probably be harder for you than them. As others have said, they'll soak up the brutal truth surprisingly easily and come back with something like "what does this mean for XBox time"?
I witnessed my Mum have a stroke when I was 14 and helped nurse her through a long convalescence. Also saw my Dad collapse and die when I was 25. Both situations changed me for the better in the long term.
Be positive, fella.
Best of luck to you and yours.
Wishing your wife all the best and you all the strength.
Wow. 630am here in Oz.
Son just got in to bed with me cos he had a nightmare at 530. Shortly followed by "can I go on the ipad" lol
The school know. One of my wife's friends told them which annoyed me as I'd not spoken to my son and didn't want a teacher asking him if he was OK, hence the chat last night.
Thanks to those who offered a beer. I'm trying not to drink, dreading some kind of call where I'm needed somewhere (school / daycare / hospital). Will see what today brings.
Thanks again.
Got a 3 year old daughter too but she doesn't know what day it is let alone explanations of what's happening!
Don't post on here much but I really wanted to wish you & (more your partner) all the very best with the situation. I really do hope it turns out to be the better of the possibilities you have been given.
Thanks again. Just called her. She's knackered. Puking yesterday which is probably more stress than anything. She's on 2 hour neuro obs which means they have to wake her up every 2 hours, do obs and ask her who the prime minister is.
They are keeping her in and doing the op on Monday.
I'm taking the kids this evening to see her.
Will be spending the day doing some housework and "keeping busy".
Best wishes to you & your family from the USA.
I'm staying off work and planning on going back on shift next Weds. I'm trying not to think about my clients and case load (acute community psych) but I know that my priorities have drastically changed over the last week.
Just spoke to the ward. She's continued to vomit, due to where the tumour is. Consequently, her food and fluid intake is down, and her BP is too. She's on IV fluids right now, reluctantly accepting pain meds, and they are trying to find an anti sickness tablet that suits her.
good luck and keep strong.
Not easy explaining this to adults, let alone kids, but they are resilient. My wife had a very slow growing malignant tumor removed 4 years ago in an emergency op (collapsed one day, knew nothing about it). The surgeon and whole hospital team were amazing. She has recently had gamma knife at Sheffield which hopefully has finally sorted it. It all sounds horrendous but its amazing what doctors can do, and also what the human body can deal with. The kids barely remember it (eldest was 5 at time of op)but had a lot of questions at the time
Thinking of you all. Stay strong for her and the kids mate. Vent here anytime you need to.
Sending manhug.
Not sure words can really portray that i feel a bit sick inside after your plight... i REALLY hope things all go well for you buddy.
Good luck !
Spirits are good. Little things make me chuckle.
The hospital she went to on Friday night with the URGENT referral for MRI sent us a letter today, with an appointment for the MRI on the 26th of July. (She's already had 2 MRI's since Friday - I think we chose the better hospital!)
26th of July for an urgent MRI. Thanks. All being well, she'll be 8 weeks or so post-op by then. I did politely call them and advise she probably won't require.
Gotta laugh ain't ya?
Apart from us who have you in real life to look after you? Best get this in place before all the cutting and pasting starts. As a psych based person you'll know this but as a stressed human being dealing with young children and a very unwell partner it may have slipped you by.
All the best to you and your family. Kick it's backside Mrs Aphex_2K.
Although parents are back in the UK we have a good support network. Local CWA are bringing meals round and popping them in the freezer. Work is fine with me having time off. Our family daycare lady is bending over backwards and advising us of where and how to get financial support. Possibility of carers allowances. I'm genuinely blown away by how everyone has just gone "fark this is bad, we can do xyz"
It's the stupid things like calling the bank and the superannuation people to discuss income protection then realising I'm not "named" on the policy so can't divulge. Despite being told what's happening "oh, if she can pop into the office and sign this and speak to so-and-so".
For me, I'm forgetting to eat. I know this and just had some lunch... Keeps slipping my mind though with everything else I'm sorting.
The phone's going mental, just got the call to our parents tonight - time zone differences. Meh.
Despite being told what's happening "oh, if she can pop into the office and sign this and speak to so-and-so".
Yeah, you realise how poorly thought through these systems are, just when you're stressed you need to present as a calm rational person to get things in order. Thoughts are with you and the family. Look after yourself so you can look after the kids.
We had a similar story partner, had similar, experiencing lots of different symptoms, vomiting, headache, dizziness etc After a year and an MRI was, diagnosed with a 5cm brain tumour.
We have 4yo twins, to explain it we name the tumour Kylie, which made it easier to talk about it with the kids.
Although she was bumped a few times for the op managed to get seen in Sept 2016
The in laws from oz for a couple of months which helped enormously, especially for looking after the kids
The tumour was successfully removed and although the recovery took a few months she is back to full health and symptom free.
Wish you all the best, please feel free to contact by PM.
So sorry to hear this. I work for these guys, set up after my Sister went through similar. We may be able to help. Www.brainstrust.org.uk I hate the word 'benign', the impact is always so far from so.