Trapped in the loo. WWSTD?

That's shit.

Throw a toilet brush under the cubicle wall to allow him to dismantle the dreadnought sufficiently to see it safely off to sea. Then leg it before he exits thus avoiding the awkward situation you describe. A terrible conundrum to face on a Monday morning.for sure.

Stand up.

Shout loudly “oh FFS! Snaky isn’t even a real word!”

Storm out in a huff, slamming all doors as you go and throwing paper towels in disgust.

Job jobbed. So to speak.

Throw a toilet brush under the cubicle wall to allow him to dismantle the dreadnought sufficiently to see it safely off to sea. Then leg it before he exits thus avoiding the awkward situation you describe. A terrible conundrum to face on a Monday morning.for sure

Could throw it over the cubicle like a German WWII "spud masher" grenade I suppose.

I’m really intrigued as to how this will devolve in to a four page argument. Also I’m reading this on the toilet at home.

Just go and if you do have to speak console him on what must have been a stressful time in trap 1.

Of course he's maybe posting to a different forum saying the guy in trap 2 won't leave even after I keep flushing.

"Oh dear, what can the matter be..."

Wrap toilet paper all around yourself like an Egyptian mummy and stumble out of the cubicle and toilet with your arms outstretched, groaning like a reanimated corpse.

If he's left his cubicle it should cause a distraction and he won't recognise you afterwards.

Could throw it over the cubicle like a German WWII “spud masher” grenade I suppose.

Yep. Shout 'Achtung' first and then 'hier ist eine grosse schiesse kaput machen granate'.

'for you tommy, ze vore is over'

Start a pretend phone call. Make it sound like you’re discussing divorce proceedings. He’ll want to leave first.

I had a reverse situation. Went into the loo in a very nice restaurant in Bucharest. Only one trap and some despicable person had left an immovable monster in there.

The dilemma

1. do I do the grown up thing and try to break it up to facilitate its departure and have that horrific image coursing through my brains for the duration of the meal, or
2. nip it in the bud and get out of there sharpish before anyone else came in and thought it was me?

MTFU, de-trap and ablute as normal. If he comes out, just ask if he's offering tours of the submarine today.

indeedy, he already knows your there, your just making it worse for him. Scuttle out asap!

I await the second thread 'I am stuck in Trap 1, I cannot get the James III to flush, and I am sure there is some weirdo in trap 2 listening. How do I exit without making eye contact with the suspect?'....

I'm sending for Pizza. Do I order him one too?

The other option is to offer verbal encouragement. "Show that bad boy who's boss" being the phrase from Stir Crazy which comes to mind.

Maybe he is in need of rescue and his rear is wedged, vacuum-like, in the porcelain, and the repeated flushing is to try and lubricate his extrication from the bowl. It's a better sounding scenario than the thought of theexpulsion from his bowel being the root cause. YMMV 🤷🏼‍♂️

You have to wait for the next person to enter the bogs then you get out instantly and acknowledge their existence.

Thus you have proved it isn't you.

They must see you exit the trap though or there will always be doubt.

“oh FFS! Snaky isn’t even a real word!”

Mrs Sims said exactly the same thing.

she’s not impressed with the ‘contents’ of this thread as I read it to here though.

Have you got a multi tool you could lend the guy in no 1 so that he can deal with his no 2?

We need an update. Is the poor bloke still prodding away with ever weaker efforts at the coiled anaconda with the soggy end of a spent bog roll tube? Whilst it gazes forlornly at him through a glazed sweetcorn eye?

I note with pleasure a big cat sighting on the thread. Welcome back Perchy, the forum desperately needs your input!

FFS. I thought threads with spoilers should put it in the title. It's not a real word though is it.

My knees are getting cold.

blokeuptheroad
Full Member
I note with pleasure a big cat sighting on the thread. Welcome back Perchy, the forum desperately needs your input!

Me too :o)

H_t_S - are you still in there?

when I stand up I could stumble into the door and spark myself out with my pants round my ankles. This is the worst thing that can happen to a middle-aged man in an office loo situation.

The worst thing that could happen is the above but just as he floods his toilet so your passed out lying in his shit and piss!

I've dug a tunnel through the wall like in The Shawshank Redemption. But now I'm stuck in the ladies loos.

Will wait until nightfall and hope that the offices aren't alarmed.

I thought this sounded familiar. I had a very similar experience some *checks* 17 years ago.

It clearly affected me as I can both remember it now, and at the time committed it to electronic parchment: https://www.pickled-hedgehog.com/toilet-humour/

I hope you don't get discovered before nightfall then. I'm not sure "Yes I am in the ladies, but I can explain everything" is going to be the outcome you were hoping for!

now I’m stuck in the ladies loos.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire there...

Decor is better from what I can make out.

@Alex

A fine piece of work.

The final cistern was being noisily breached by a man who’d clearly had a bowel full of sprouts in his recent digestive history. It put me in mind of The Ride of the Valkyries” arranged for Rectal Oboe and Small Intestinal Trumpet. Think of the kind of sound a horse attempting to play the trombone may well make and you’re right in here with us.

😆

Decor is better from what I can make out.

Don't let your guard down. From what I've been led to believe, the presence of a 'King Kong's finger' blockage is no less likely, hower floral the decor.

You have all the tools you need at your fingertips to make yourself a "lady disguise" and make your escape

[img] [/img]

I am more than disappointed .
I open a shit thread and spy the legend that is 'perchy'.
This is not the way I would have wanted to see his return.
There should be fanfares and ticker tape....not bog paper 😉 🙂

@Alex

A fine piece of work.

Thanks Matt. Made me giggle re-reading it. Don't remember much about that job, but I do remember that 'incident'

This is not the way I would have wanted to see his return.

Au contraire, it’s entirely appropriate.

I’m the wee floater that just won’t flush.

Nice to see a thread that restores my faith in the STW community to deliver important and uplifting commentary on real life issues. Thank you H-T-S.

From my, unfortunately less than sparse, experience, then only answer in this situation is to exit the trap as soon as humanly possible - obviously making sure that you have fully evacuated first. Yes, there is a risk that others may enter the "temple of doom" before you have fully exited but best to get out of there. Guaranteed that the occupier of trap 1 is not going to move first - unless he arrives at "flush too far" point of no return. And if that happens, the last place you want to be is still in trap 2.

That sinking feeling of despair when you happen to have dropped what, at the time felt "sizeable", but in reality turns out to be the mother of all turd burgs and you realise that the trap plumbing is seriously underpowered for the job at hand. And then the dawning horror that your trap doesn't have a plunger on hand....

This is where those tacticool throbbers with their EDC kits get their own back from all the piss taking.  They'd rig something up with paracord and a folding titanium hatchet to remotely dissect the offending dreadnought into flushable pieces.

Whereas I'd end up using my Tesco Clubcard and resigning myself to the subsequent 2 hours with a bleach dipped nail brush.

Yeah I'm you need to be out asap, if there's flush water overflow you don't want to be walking back into the office with wet shoes

Although the alternative exits talk did remind me of this ... A security tester got into a computer room through the khazi maintenance access

https://www.theregister.com/2022/07/07/lock_down_your_piss_corridor/

Guaranteed that the occupier of trap 1 is not going to move first – unless he arrives at “flush too far” point of no return. And if that happens, the last place you want to be is still in trap 2.

Just make sure you have an appropriate line arranged in your head to diffuse the awkwardness.

Something like 'nice day for it' will not cut it.
Something like 'I hear the Moskova was as stubborn to skink' may work.
However, for the avoidance of any awkwardness I would likely resort to "I would tell the building manager that flush doesn't work properly"

One of you obviously needs to leave the country immediately and start a new life abroad where none knows you.

That's the British way of dealing with a mildly awkward situation.

Can you text a friend to set off the fire alarm?

He's still in there. I'm up in the air con ducting like John McClane.

Whatever you do, don't use a lighter like McClane to see where you're going. You'll take out half the building with all that gas.

You have to wait for the next person to enter the bogs then you get out instantly and acknowledge their existence.

Thus you have proved it isn’t you.

They must see you exit the trap though or there will always be doubt.

Extra points if you give them a wink and tell them you've warmed the seat for them.

I think walking out with 'phone to your ear and "get a priest and a jetwasher to trap 3 on the 3rd floor - STAT !" is the only way to go

Yeah I don’t get the issue.
Exit your stall, noisily, but without using your voice or walking so close he can see your shoes. Wash your hands etc and leave making sure the door makes a noise on the way out.
there’s no way he will leave while you are still in the communal/sink area so you will never come face to face.

I realise this ship has sailed but the longer you are absent from your desk the greater the chance a third party will blame the resultant mess on you.

“He’s still in there. I’m up in the air con ducting like John McClane.”
Shirley a reference to Solid Snake is in order here.